I passed my exam.
This past year, and last year, has been extremely difficult for me. My family has been pulled apart, we have grieved for those who are still alive but who we cannot touch, who we cannot hold, who we cannot comfort. And we have grieved the loss of my grandfather. We have cried so many tears.
Due to external factors my mental health has suffered, so very very much. I have struggled so greatly in trying to find a reason to keep going. I asked the world why am I here, why do I hurt so greatly, why is my mind against me. I got angry with my husband. I hid away. I stopped living, I merely existed.
Even the day before my exam I was thinking of ways to put it off. It seemed utterly impossible. I didn’t want to be around people, I didn’t want to be faced with an exam which I was so sure I would fail. I didn’t need yet more proof of my failings.
However, I went. I sat the exam. I passed. Throughout these passed two years I fought with myself every day. I got some studying done. I did my best. It never felt good enough but I did what I could. I tried. I got out of bed and I tried to do something for my future, even though my mind was screaming “this is useless, you are useless, stop wasting your time”.
I did my best. I tried. Throughout everything, I tried. I argued with myself and I read the books and wrote the notes. I didn’t pass with amazing marks, but I passed. I’m proud of myself for that. My best was good enough, it always is.
One more year to go.