OK, so I was doing @morshmalliver ’s b-day present and I realized the image was gone (like, shit, first the contracture now this) and as you can see the universe wants to kill me, so I was sketching again and I just couldn’t do it right and somehow it ended up in sad shit.
It’s that hour again, so it seems. The sentimental hour. The hour where thoughts seem to get… a bit depressing. It happens to all of us, sometimes it hurts, sometimes it causes confusion, and sometimes it creates more questions than answers.
Zack looked at his phone, no one was on. It wasn’t like he really needed to talk right now. Not to people but…
Zack has entered the chatroom
>: You know… I don’t feel right sometimes.
>: It’s like I’m depressed but I’m not.
>: I’m not sad but then again I’m not exactly happy either.
>: I can laugh and joke around and smile. I can cry and feel angry. But at night it feels empty.
>: You see, it feels like people are moving and growing and striving for something and I’m… just here.
>: Like I want to follow and move and grow but I’ve fallen into a hole and no matter how hard I try I can’t get out.
>: But I’m not naive. I know I am not the only one who feels this way. Even the people who I perceive as moving may feel stagnant in their eyes. But I just can’t help it.
>: I understand that it’s normal to feel this way, even though it feels so abnormal.
>: heh, why even bring it up?
>: You can all say, “Same” “I feel this a lot” “I feel this everyday” but what does that do for me?
>: Selfish isn’t it? But can’t help it.
<: Well it lets you know you’re not alone.
>: I already know this. But it feels like I am alone.
<: Because you are.
<: In a sense. <: Sure you have this as some form of social interaction but out there you’re alone.
<: And in here you can only go so far. <: You can make a few steps and go here and there but then what? <: … <:Well? Then what?
>: I’m trying to figure that out.
<: For how long? Hmm?
>: Until I have an answer.
<: and that answer is in your little safe bubble? <: It’s only in there? No where else?
>: I have places where I get out of my safe bubble.
<: They’re not really “places”. It’s just another location where a safe bubble is waiting for you.
>: I want to… get out. But it’s
<: So you’ll never move? You’re always going to be stuck here? <: Waiting for an answer that’s out there? <: Out there where there’s no one. No one you can really talk to.
>: I have people who I can talk to out there.
<: No, the out there you’re talking about is still in here. I’m talking about OUT there.
>: It’s intimidating.
<: That’s the way it goes. <: But you have to try.
>: I am
<: Not hard enough. <: You want to know why everyone is moving and you’re still just here? <: Because they face what they fear, and even if it’s hard, they go OUT there. <: and you? You stay in here. <: Where it’s safe <: Where you’re sure no one will hurt you. <: Where you’re sure you will never fail. <: Where you can’t even grow. Not enough at least. <: You’re a plant whose roots are all tangled, trying to prosper but has no where to go.
>: I will, one day.
<: one day? <: maybe one week? <: One year?
>: I’m trying.
<: Not hard enough. <: So when? <: When will you let your roots spread and grow?
Zack has left the chatroom
**I’ll delete this later. since it has nothing to do with the story. He’s just a good way for me to say what I want to say to myself.
Oh my gosh, imagine Zelda on the Speed Boost Elixir though.
She already talks a mile a minute when she sees something she likes… she’d ramp up to chimpunk speed and just… be zooming everywhere, poking her nose into ALL of the things, running a million experiments at once…
…she’d probably wear herself out double-time and fall asleep at her desk.