Critfail Gaydar

Context: Our rogue (male) is engaged in a conversation with a male NPC (played by DM) who has been flirting heavily with the oblivious rogue. 

Rogue: Well, I had better get to bed. 

NPC: Do you want me to join you? 

Rogue (OOC): Can I tell how gay this is?

DM: Roll a perception check. 

Rogue (OOC): *rolls a 1* Dammit!

DM: As far as you can tell, this is the most heterosexual interaction you have ever had. 

Beginners Luck

I was Dm'ing for the first time for my little brothers first game of D&D. They were a Dwarven Cleric, a Half-Orc Fighter, and a Black Dragonborn Paladin. We were using the intro kit’s pregenerated story, Lost Mines of Phandelver. The Cleric and Fighter were with the ox-cart, while the Paladin scouted far ahead. He found two dead horse in the path. He decides to just toss them off the path so the cart can get through, and keep going. As soon as he picks up the horse, 4 goblins ambush him. Due to how far ahead of the others he was, he had to fight the goblins alone for 4 turns. In that time, he used the dead horse as a meatshield, and when the Goblins closed in, he scored a critical hit by dropping it on one, and killed the goblin with it. By the end of that encounter, he had taken no damage whatsoever. He then lost 11 of his twelve HP trying to escape a rope snare that he accidently triggered while trying to disable it.

I guess they did the right thing?

We had started a new easy game to allow our three new first time players  a chance to get familiar with how it works. So we all choose our classes; I was a human bard and the leader, one of my new friends was an elf ranger/hunter, and my sister another new player was a warlock. We decided (since we only had one map at the time), to have this all take place in a single town. The DM gave us one direction to win this trial-like map, “stop the dark sorcerer”. 

Mayor (DM)- welcome adventurers, may I ask what a large band of such mighty warriors are doing in my humble town?

Me (Bard)- Hello good mayor, we have heard rumors of…

Ranger- *Is making narrow eyes at the DM and the map, then locks eyes with warlock irl*

Ranger suddenly yells out-  I use my daily and elf special (rolls 20 and 6)

Warlock- I use feifire! (rolls 2)

DM-  Ranger, you kill the mayor instantly. Warlock, you miss with your spell lighting a near by hay house on fire. The mayor turns into a tiger, then snow, then melts. Lizard men jump out of the flaming building and start attacking nearby houses while on fire, lighting the entire town on fire; people are running everywhere screaming. 

*After a minute of just starting at each other in horror*

Bard- I guess we start killing the lizard men? I use song of valor (rolls 1).

DM- The guards mistake your singing for an enemies and begins assaulting your team, the lizardmen also take notice and begin moving towards you. You are now titled Leo, Nero of Rome. 

Bard- WE RETREAT and hide.

DM-You run across the bridge and the guards and lizardmen become distracted by each other. After a couple of hours the entire town lays burned and dead, no survivors. 

Warlock- Did we win?

DM-Actually… since you killed everyone except the dark sorcerer… Well… you did stop his plans from taking the town? Ya… I guess you win? Ranger gets (whtever half a level was) and Warlock, you get (whtever 10 levels is) since you technically tapped everything with your faefire. 

We decided to continue the story as is, which lead us to go on a bloodthirsty looting spree with our overpowered warlock and lucky ranger, the DM hated us so much after that 1 week game that we haven’t played since. 

Most Embarrassing Death

I was playing an elven ranger in a D&D 3.5 campaign. We found a trap door in the floor of one of the tunnels we had been investigating. There was a rusty-looking ladder in the trap door. The gnome mage cast light on my pants. Then, I began my descent. I rolled a 1 on my climb check, failed a generous reflex save to grab the ladder, and proceeded to fall 100 feet to the bottom of the tunnel. But, I wasn’t alone.

There were SIX MUMMIES in the tunnel, and they all bore down on me. The mage, once again, had a BRILLIANT IDEA. She used levitation and began to raise me up. WELL, that allowed all six mummies to get an attack of opportunity on me. Because of all the damage I’d taken in the fall and the first round of attacks, I was dead after the first hit. AND THEN, because of mummy rot, I turned into dust. That character lived for all of three hours.

Our fighter was going over the plan to raid a mansion full of bandits in his inn room.

Warlock: I roll to fart in his room. *rolls a 6*

DM: You fart, but it’s so weak nobody can smell it.

Me, our cleric, and also playing as a 9-year-old prince: I roll to fart, too. *roll a 1*

DM: You crap your pants. While you’re walking back to your rooms, everyone in the bar below can smell it.

Me: I roll to blame it on the Paladin. *rolls miserably*

DM: Everyone still knows it was you.

Me: I go outside, sleep on the roof, and wait for a thunderstorm.

DM: Roll for dignity damage.

Community Homebrewing

Hello People,

You seemed to be rather positive about the homebrewing as a community thing I suggested yesterday.

This means we’ll do it. So before we can start I have two questions I want you to answer in the comments:

Edit: Also it is the easiest for everyone if you just comment with a number from 1-8 and a yes or no. We will get into the specifics later on.

What would you like to create as a community?

       1. A setting

       2. A weapon

       3. A race

       4. A subclass

       5. A monster

       6. A class

       7. A prestige class

       8. A background

Would you like to see this on a seperate blog?

anonymous asked:

Do you have any good sources of 5e modern or post apocalyptic content? I'm building a 5e world set in a post apocalyptic version of our world with magic, dragons, elves, dwarves, etc.

Try the #modern tag for anything remotely modern. But post apocalyptic depends on the apocalypse, is it zombie apocalypse try the #Undead tag, if it’s by radiation try #Aberration, #Monstrosity or #Ooze

Resources - A Thorough-bred, Quality, Top-of-the-Shelf RPG Map Maker to Drool Over

throughout my day, I must use about five to six social media websites within a 2 minuite loop of eachother. A constant stream of digestible information, updates, and news to keep me convinced of my sentience. It was while drudging through the chaotically uncoordinated, battle-scared waste of my Facebook feed that I came across a post from one of my favourite D&D / tabletop orientated pages, Gaming Geeks Etc. It promised me a “pretty good” online map-creation tool, and so I quickly signed up for the beta with my email and hopped in.


Holy hell this is an incredible piece of kit, easily the most functional, intuitive, and versatile of its kind that I have come across. It was immediately impressive with its collection of tools and the customisation within, which allowed for massive detail and effort to not be put to waste. As of currently, I have already updated my personal Pathfinder world, the continent of Maurol, with this wonderful little kit and I am looking to use it even further in the future.

How it works is very simple and ingenious. 

The primary functions are structured around a simple, independent layer system: First layer for shaping land and water, second for the detail added on top. This means that when you are ticking through the various categories of cartographical information to drop onto your sculpted landscape you are never accidentally interfering with different types, like deleting the treeline behind the incorrectly spelled name of the mountain range. Each tool has options to edit its output, such as resizing text, colour of the land, type of mountain, style of city marker, etc.

The only gripes I have currently are low resolutions, few options for text, and the inability to resize the map markers. But they have an open suggestions and feedback menu at the bottom so you can provide your feedback and hopefully see it implemented to everyone’s happiness and joy.

Overall, I cannot recommend this tool enough if you are looking for a priceless alternative to Photoshop or an efficient alternative to Paint.


Pixie x


Also Happy Birthday to me. And you, If it was your birthday.