I’ve been learning things about myself lately (you’re shocked, I know). I can see just how much baggage I’ve been carrying around with me; all I needed was a little distance from the situations and to move a little bit closer to myself. Today I learned that running is a hit or miss stress reliever with me. I’ve been running for stress/general fitness purposes for about five years now, pretty regularly I would say (but I’ve definitely had lulls in the regularity from time to time), and today I noticed something I’ve never noticed before because I’ve never been so calm in general before– running stresses me out. What? Really?
I don’t think it happens every time, but I’ve been treating it as a “one size fits all” solution to every stressful situation. This morning I woke up feeling better than yesterday, but since I don’t have a car anymore and missed my chance to get a ride to SD last night because I didn’t feel well, I can’t go to my friend Derek’s funeral. And I definitely don’t have any money for the train. I also realized that I’ve been carrying some baggage from past relationships that, in accumulation, make me feel used up, worn out, and, well, kind of jaded (even though I absolutely despise the word “jaded” deep down to my very core), and it affects how I see myself now…My last serious relationship left me feeling like I had been sucked dry, and it was a constant source of humiliation, fear, and rejection. It wasn’t like that the ENTIRE time, but that’s the impression it left me with. So, these two things on my mind today have been sort of stressful, and I wanted to go run out the icky feelings they gave me. Lo and behold, running made me WAY more amped up than I had planned, and the only peace I felt was on my walk home.
Thank god I’m getting more in touch with what feels good and what doesn’t, because I’ve been walking around like a numbed out bag of shit for so long, but it’s hard to learn these things and not get a little bit frustrated with myself for not knowing myself a little bit sooner. But that’s life, eh? I need another walk already.
I was never good at Soulja Boy’s dance “Crank That (Soulja Boy)”, and as time passes the only part of the dance I can really remember was the need to snap your fingers. “Walk It Out” by DJ Unk came out before “Crank That”, but in the fuzzy memory of late middle school and early high school it was just another song that sparked too many people to stop whatever dances they were doing and try to “Walk It Out”. So, they’d clear out enough space to either prove very much how dancing is in their blood or that they needed to watch the video on BET a few more times.
But, the surprising thing about “Walk It Out” is that I cannot remember the last time I’ve heard the original version of the song, as radio stations and parties seem to gravitate toward the remix. And not without good reason, it was one of the early Andre 3000 surprise guest verses that stole the song from its original owner. That’s not to say Big Boi’s verse is not good, but this is a time when it is okay to say 3000 was leagues ahead of Big Boi, while Jim Jones appears to be still riding high off his “We Fly High” prime. I do not actually know if the remix charted on its own, but it is the only version of the song I think about, which is kind of sad as this was DJ Unk’s only real hit but I guess that is a consequence when a remix is commissioned with one of rap’s greatest groups and a rapper with the hype of one of the biggest mid-2000s rap songs.