Barney & Robin’s breakup!

I had this on my mind for a few days now and I thought it made sense so I wanted to post this before I forget it or don’t write it. So, I had this idea, it could be a theory so I’ll go by that and say that this theory could be a meaningful one for their relationship. 

 Barney and Robin’s breakup (I’m not counting the “divorce” here but I will mention it) anyway I have this theory that Barney and Robin both regretted their breakup in season 5. They, both had said that they regret giving up so fast, at different times they expressed/admitted that they regret their breakup and how quickly it had ended. So, here’s what I think happened once they reunited and got engaged. They, weren’t ready for that big commitment in season 5 but they were still in love and even admitted that when they broke up, they broke up while still being in love and that expressed their feelings on the breakup at later times in the show. I think when Barney and Robin got back together, that was IT for them being single and unhappy. They, admitted that they weren’t happy after their breakup and in the following years as well, Robin seemed to be really depressed and emotionally hurting over their breakup and for months after they broke up she was in a lot of pain and clearly wasn’t over the way things had ended with Barney. 

She, was hurting so much so that she didn’t date or even sleep with anyone after her breakup with Barney (character development started here for Robin and I will never believe anything else). So, after their breakup she was in a lot of misery, in pain, not happy, not sleeping or dating anyone and was crying a lot in the aftermath of that breakup. Robin, of old (the one you know who didn’t love Barney enough to stick it out in their marriage *sarcastic eyeroll* of earlier seasons) would have began to date other people or sleep with them but she didn’t after Barney. 

It’s clear that Robin was not over her breakup with Barney and it took her months to even start dating again and even then she was still in mourning over the breakup with Barney. Nobody, I mean nobody that Robin had seen in the past, not Ted, not Gael, not anyone she slept with or pretended to like enough to date or sleep with (because this is Robin and it’s what she does after breaking up with someone). Every, guy even after their breakup Don, Kevin, Nick were all rebounds from Barney. Robin, was clearly not over Barney after their breakup and because of the character development, her feelings for Barney never went away and it was even more clear at the end of season 6 when she realized why she hasn’t truly moved on… It’s because of Barney, because he is still very much in her heart, he is still the guy she’s in love with and that’s why none of her other relationships worked out. Barney, is the one she never got over or will ever be over because she knows that he’s the ONE for her. The one who has her heart, I’ve meantioned this before but the reason it never worked or will ever work with Ted is because she’s NOT in love with him. She, constantly chose Barney over these other guys in her life. Robin, always seemed to want safe (but, that is the writers thinking for her) she doesn’t want safe or reliable or someone who steals things for her. She, wants the emotion, she wants the crazy, she wants the fun, she wants to feel free and not constantly thinking she’s not good enough. She, wants to be happy and these guys she knows don’t make her happy, because safe doesn’t make her happy. In, fact safe makes her miserable. So, what I think is that the reason her other relationships failed was because after the start of her character development (season 5) she knew that Barney was the one for her. 

She, knew that he is the man she really wanted to be with and I think Robin was waiting for Barney to come around to giving her the commitment she’s always wanted from him to give to her. Robin, she doesn’t want safe, she wants feeling, she wants happiness, she wants not to feel suffocated in a relationship, she doesn’t want to feel sheltered, she’s not the type of person to live in a house in suburbia and raise 2.0 kids. She, wants complicated, she wants the push and pull of heartstrings, she wants to have fun and live her life on the edge. She, wants to feel like she is always going to come first above all else, and she wants someone who supports her and wants her to achieve the things she wants to achieve. Robin, was never the type to settle down, she was never the type to settle, it’s why she never stayed in a relationship for long. But, the character development changed that for her, she was still Robin, still her normal self and she wanted someone who loves her for the woman she is. 

But, this post isn’t about perfection it’s about what Robin and Barney wanted. They, wanted each other, they were holding out for each other. Every, other relationship Barney and Robin had were as I saw someone say here placeholders because they were never going to be happy with other people. The other placeholders weren’t the ONE for them, they were the ONE(s) for each other. As, for Barney it’s the same. his relationships, the more serious ones Nora and Quinn were his placeholders for Robin because she was always the only ONE for him. He, might have had feelings for these other women but none of them compare to Robin and neither had his heart. Robin will always be his soulmate, his true love, his ONE and nobody and nothing else will ever compare to her.

So, Barney said that he regrets the way their breakup ended saying that he thinks they gave up too soon and I agree with this. When, Robin tells Barney after they dance at Punchy’s wedding is what she has been feelings for along time, a whole year to be exact. She, is basically saying that she regrets their breakup, that she wishes that they had done things differently, that they gave up too soon. Everything, she felt was poured out in this moment and it wasn’t something that is fleeting, it’s not something that she didn’t mean in that moment, it was something she was holding onto for along time and this was a perfect moment to tell Barney how she was truly feeling. Her, real and true feelings came out from this speech, it’s kind of parallels Barney’s speech to her when he’s breaking up Robin and Nick’s relationship. In, the heat of these moments Barney and Robin both shared their true feelings for each other and for some reason I think Barney knew that Robin was in love with him, probably for a while which leads me to another theory of Barney knowing that what Robin told him to tell Nora at Punchy’s wedding was actually not for Nora but from Robin to Barney. Barney, isn’t stupid, naive or in denial I think he fully knew that Robin was telling him that she was in love with him and that’s why he figured that she wanted to be with him after they slept together. I, also think that’s why Barney believed she wasn’t in love with him, since she chose Kevin over him. But, I will say this again if I haven’t already…

Robin Scherbatsky, chose Barney NOT Kevin she chose to breakup with Kevin to be with Barney and she wasn’t happy about choosing to stay with Kevin. Throughout, the rest of that relationship she was not ever happy and stalled on saying yes to Kevin’s proposal unlike the quickness and sureness of saying yes to Barney’s proposal. She, didn’t need a minute to think about saying yes to him because she was already in love with him and wanted to chose him after they agreed, yes agreed that they wanted to be together. So, my initial theory is that their first breakup was so badly done that their feelings never went away. When, they got engaged that was their endgame, that was their final destination, it was their destiny. Getting, married was the biggest leap of sureness that both ever took and being together made them both happy and neither felt like they were settling, rather than they were just married and happy. Those, other people would have been settling for them, but once they got engaged it was final. Barney and Robin get married and a divorce would have killed them, their first breakup was so awful that they never got over it or each other, what would a divorce truly do to them? Robin would end up just like the failnale bitter, sad, regretful but just like their first breakup she would still be in love with Barney and would have never truly moved on and I think that’s honestly the most devastating thing to ever go through again. Breaking up would have destroyed them internally, they would never ever recover from losing each other and I will say that with the development in tact neither would be happy, and neither would have moved on because they were the loves of each others lives.

Without, divorcing or even coming to that Barney and Robin are incredibly happy with each other and after they married they wouldn’t be traveling because Robin moved beyond that in her life by the time she married Barney. So, if her job had her traveling, she might not have done it, meaning she wouldn’t have taken that job since I know she was happy and settled in NY and her job was at a place where she’s happy with it and doesn’t need to travel. 

Sorry, for the long rant I didn’t think this was going to be this long but I just want to get this off my mind and write it here.

One day someone will walk into your life and get it right where everyone else got it wrong. One day you won’t have to wait for a call or a text back. One day you won’t be the only one giving your all. One day you’ll finally meet someone who wants to help you grow in life. One day you’ll finally meet someone who isn’t afraid to give “love” another chance. One day you’ll finally meet someone you can trust with everything. One day you’ll have your best friend, your biggest supporter and your teammate all wrapped up into one person.
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The hardest part about dealing with toxic family members is that they are family and we feel we have to treat them differently, or put up with their behavior because we are related. Remember, family can just mean that they are blood related to us, and THAT’S IT! Giving yourself permission to only keep positive and supportive people in your life is the first step in managing those toxic family members.

Now let’s get into some hopefully helpful tips on keeping healthy boundaries with toxic family members!

1. Figuring out when you know your boundaries have been crossed. Usually our body gives us signals, like feeling anxious or wanting to avoid certain people. We may feel angry all of a sudden or even sad. Whatever it is, it’s usually our body’s way of telling us that this isn’t right or we don’t really like that person. Listen to it!

2. Pretending that their behavior is okay, is not okay! It only ends up hurting you. If we don’t tell them that speaking to us that way isn’t acceptable, they may not know. That’s why communication is so important in setting up and maintaining healthy boundaries.  

3. Give yourself permission to not have a relationship with them. I know I talked about this a bit at the beginning, but it’s an important point. Permission is at times all that we need, but we can struggle to give it to ourselves. I think this is what should be worked on in therapy most :)

4. Toxic people are toxic. It doesn’t matter if we happen to be related to them. When it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. The only way that a toxic relationship can become healthy is if both parties are willing to work through it and better manage the way they interact with each other. If one or both don’t want to, it’s not going to get better.

5. Passive aggressive behavior is what they thrive in. Not communicating things to you, and instead saying it behind your back, or any other time when they do something hurtful instead of expressing what’s going on, it’s all passive aggressive behavior. And it’s NOT OKAY! Communicating directly to them and calling them out on it will stop the behavior. They may not respond well to it, but then again, they aren’t really being nice to you, and that’s not okay.

I hope this is helpful as we go into this holiday season. We all deserve to be respected and enjoy our holiday, and I hope these tips help you do just that. Please share! You never know who may need this information. xoxo