ok but no one talks about how bad dissociation really is. there is nothing worse than taking a look out of your window and feeling like you are stuck in a fake reality. you don’t know where you are and you can’t get out of it. it’s like things are fading away, it’s like you are disappearing. people are robots. you are dreaming. you are stuck. you are not a prisoner in a fake world.
when you look at your body, you hope to feel something, but those are not your hands, those are not your legs, not your face, not you. who are you? look at the details in your face, your mouth, your eyes, who created all of these things? because it’s not you, it’s not real. you are not a person, you are something, a thought.
there is nothing worse than feeling like you don’t belong anywhere, not even your own body or your own place.
Dissociating is a lot like being high or drunk, except you get none of the happy giddy feelings, but all of the “what the fuck is going on” and “where the fuck am I” feelings. And you don’t get to decide when it happens, or when it starts, or when it stops, and you get no say in how intense it’ll be. You could be at work, or doing homework, or driving, and you it will just hit you and won’t go away, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
people saying “it’s okay, I understand you have problems, it’s fine” and then getting uncomfortable and saying “jesus wtf is wrong with you??” when you show symptoms are the reason why i don’t trust anyone