• Me: uuuunnnnnggghhh i'm so dysphoric i feel like i'm dying, i actually wish i was dissociating right now
  • BPD: sorry, you have *0* dissociation credits remaining
  • Me, 2 hours later: y'know what...i actually feel ok! this is awesome!
How to Battle Dissociation

Hi my friend had a spiritual awakening which was followed by pretty server depression and suicidal thoughts, she explains this due to being her loosing her connection. Have you got any information on similar experiences or any advice? Thank you

— olivias-universe

Dissociation is very common during Awakening because it is the ripping away of the old shell of the psyche. This is actually something i’ve been writing about in the book because it’s a rough topic that many experience and struggle with during their awakening experience. 

The two huge symptoms that go with Dissociation are the Dark night of the soul and the identity crisis. We must think of it as if you are straddling two different worlds or conflicting realities at once. In a normal human who isn’t awakened this can lead to insanity which is often misunderstood however during Kundalini awakening we must find the connection between the two worlds, merging them together as one. Here is a written summary of what I’ve written for my book: 

Feeling Lost/Confused/having an Identity Crisis - This is not only just a feeling of loneliness, it is a feeling of confusion about what is truth and what is real. It becomes not only hard to relate to others but there is a deep sadness when everyone around you no longer understands you. It is as if you are speaking chinese when everyone around you is speaking English. An isolation builds where you can no longer understand yourself, who you are, what is your path or reality itself. It is the essence of Dissociation, where you feel completely disconnected from reality and those around you. It also may even bring up the thought that your entire life is not real or that the entirety of existence is a fabrication. There becomes a deep fear that you cannot deal with material reality as everyone around you is still in illusion. A dark time that is positive in form, this is where the Ego starts losing it’s bearings over your consciousness 

Dark Night of the soul - This connects into the above, Identity Crisis. The Dark night of the Soul is a natural part of awakening, it is the shedding away of our old skin. It’s the ripping apart of the old soul to be reborn into the New evolved consciousness. There appears to be more chaos that enters into your life as the old you encounters the resistance of Letting go. A desire to hold onto the old you, building a resistance of Letting go which causes more and more entropy within your daily life. A Dark night of the soul creates an isolation with those around us, everything begins to rip apart within our reality, our friends, our family, and those we love most we feel we can’t connect anymore. We feel an inability to connect because the universe is asking us to look more inward and question ourselves,our reality and what is our purpose here. It is usually triggered by a dark event surrounding Loss such as death, a bad breakup, loss of a job, loss of a house, rape, illness, etc. A cataclysm that triggers the destruction of the Ego as our subconscious breaks through. It gives us a look behind our own face into our worst fears and insecurities. It is about facing our dark night of the soul to get to the infinite light of our being.“

The good news is this will pass in time, for some it can take years to come to grips with this connection while for others it can take only months. An Awakening is different for every person, although many symptoms are similar the subjective experience it is different as each soul has a different path to take. I’ve went through my own period of dissocation when i first awakening, it took a lot of time and conscious effort to really help me. Honestly psychedelics probably helped the most, no lie but what it really came down to was seeing that no one is left behind in this experience. It Is the connection of the ALL. We are all one, some may be asleep, others may be drifting and some are sunbathing on the sand already completely awakened to the point of encountering ascension and understanding the holy guardian angel of the higher self. It is the connection. We may think we’re alone in this journey but we aren’t, we are anything but alone, heck even when we want to be alone on this journey we’re not lol. Your guides, angels, star family, your friends, even your parents  are all pieces of the puzzle that helped form and shape you into your own Awakening experience. It is all connected because there is an intricate design formulated around our reality that is woven within an intellectual mathematical design. Everything has a purpose. 

The only way to really battle dissociation is by realizing when you are looking into the eyes of your friend, your child or your lover you are seeing the connection of the reflection of your mirror relationship within yourself. Just as you are their mirror in return, everyone’s mirrors lives within eachother in an infinite web of creation that is fueled by the collective consciousness of humanity. In this way, no matter how awakened you are, you are still connected eternally to the people around you whether in life or after death, we are still eternally alive and connected through the energy. 

It is this connection that keeps us alive and this connection that lives within everyone. Think about it who would you be if it wasn’t for the people around you? Without your friends, you probably wouldn’t of developed your quirks and the influence of your personality, without animals or children or kindness of others,you wouldn’t be able to see empathy nor compassion of individuals, without your parents you wouldn’t even exist at all. So it goes to show you it really is about finding the connection again. Sometimes the universe wants us to unplug to find ourselves but we cannot do this alone, we must do this together. It is the only way to truly find salvation, because what is salvation if you cannot share the love with another? 

It is everything. 

Namaste <3

Under representation of elements can transpire in two ways

The first way is that the lacking of the skills associated with the element are pronounced. So with a real deficit of water, two water planets at most, there are  emotions, but there is an intense difficulty when trying to relate these to experiences and understanding what they are. It is difficult to control or sit with emotions, the individual has outbursts of rage followed by dissocation. In the broad spectrum, how they feel about things bears a tiny weight. These people are forced to learn from others, and their own mindfulness how to remedy their low emotional intelligence, or else they tend to carry around a sense of displacement and emptiness. These people tend to latch onto watery types as a release valve. They may also need to be around large bodies of water. Ask them how they feel about a situation and you may get a blank stare as response. A lot of talents and energies are poured into specialised fields while other subjects of life are neglected entirely.

The second way is that some people overcompensate for what they lack. So someone who has no earth in their chart (instead of being unstable, and not grounded) you become overly practical, security conscious and very analytical. They become pedantic about safety and get compulsive, because they tremble between every variable. Maybe they even work in banking or make systematic calculation a strong focus of life. The individual constantly tries to restore the missing qualities and fears looking ‘too airy’ or 'too emotional’. An individual lacking earth may require open, aloe areas, fresh natural air and ache for the feeling of grass under their feet. They have to return to Earth for sustenance rather than garner it from within. They try to replenish themselves through what they do.

Lacking elements, can make people feel unstable. But, these can be compensated for in houses, and planets in their home sign/mutual reception, or powerful aspects made to a large watery body like Neptune, the Moon, or Pluto. If you lack water you may have a full 12th house. The 12th is house full of emotions and spirituality, so you are not so dry afterall.

when i lose myself, i find it hard to think with my own brain. my thoughts become hers, and she crafts them into such beautiful formations. it comes natural to her, like stalactites and moeraki boulders and underwater caves. i want to harvest her innate ability to live so freely, like a seagull laughing above waves. i wish i could follow her down through the rabbit hole, to see what she sees and to feel what she feels. but when i am not myself, i am in the darkest, deepest parts of her, lost in the labyrinthian catacombs of her being. i have no choice but to allow her life, until she can find me and slay me back into the land of the living. when the thread runs out, it is eaten up by little mice and i cannot remember.

                    i do not exist when she wakes up,
                          just as she does not exist when i am dreaming.

this body is at war with itself,
a cave that houses an angry beast.
it roars, requires repentance and sorrow.

this body turns its head, dizzy,
full of too many people,
crowded with ghosts,

I curl up somewhere inside, lost.
pretend I’m better,
pretend I’m happy,
pretend I’m not afraid.

but this body is not me.
I cannot recognize this person;
I am not myself.
I don’t know where I went.
I don’t know where to find me.

—  Peach, dissocation