Severe Dissocation @ Therapy

Me: I have a fear of losing myself to the point I won’t even be present enough to be able to respond to treatment by my next appointment.

Therapist: Oh no feeling like that is a common symptom! it’s pretty much irrational so don’t worry about it! :).

Me: Oh thank goodness! I'll try not to think about it too much then :).

~the time of appointment arrives ~

Therapist: your dissociation appears to of become so severe that we don’t know how to treat you, you are so deeply removed that we know your brain won't respond to any type of therapy or modern treatment plans we have.

Me: …

Originally posted by zebrascream

my/ BODY* is a vessel/ vessel as in hollow object/ hollow object as in my/ BODY is a crime scene/ as in place where a crime happened/ crime as in an illegal act like my/ BODY is a conspiracy/ and it’s always trying to kill me but in defense of my/ BODY does not know it has not been my BODY for a long time/ BODY realizes BODY belongs to another GIRL* so BODY swears to carve its own name into GIRLS flesh again and again and again/ BODY wonders why does BODY always make promises BODY knows it can’t keep so/ BODY asks / GIRL what makes a body a body and GIRL answers/ maybe there is no/BODY/ and BODY wonders if it no longer wants to be called a/ BODY undone.
  • Me: uuuunnnnnggghhh i'm so dysphoric i feel like i'm dying, i actually wish i was dissociating right now
  • BPD: sorry, you have *0* dissociation credits remaining
  • Me, 2 hours later: y'know what...i actually feel ok! this is awesome!
How to Battle Dissociation

Hi my friend had a spiritual awakening which was followed by pretty server depression and suicidal thoughts, she explains this due to being her loosing her connection. Have you got any information on similar experiences or any advice? Thank you

— olivias-universe

Dissociation is very common during Awakening because it is the ripping away of the old shell of the psyche. This is actually something i’ve been writing about in the book because it’s a rough topic that many experience and struggle with during their awakening experience. 

The two huge symptoms that go with Dissociation are the Dark night of the soul and the identity crisis. We must think of it as if you are straddling two different worlds or conflicting realities at once. In a normal human who isn’t awakened this can lead to insanity which is often misunderstood however during Kundalini awakening we must find the connection between the two worlds, merging them together as one. Here is a written summary of what I’ve written for my book: 

Feeling Lost/Confused/having an Identity Crisis - This is not only just a feeling of loneliness, it is a feeling of confusion about what is truth and what is real. It becomes not only hard to relate to others but there is a deep sadness when everyone around you no longer understands you. It is as if you are speaking chinese when everyone around you is speaking English. An isolation builds where you can no longer understand yourself, who you are, what is your path or reality itself. It is the essence of Dissociation, where you feel completely disconnected from reality and those around you. It also may even bring up the thought that your entire life is not real or that the entirety of existence is a fabrication. There becomes a deep fear that you cannot deal with material reality as everyone around you is still in illusion. A dark time that is positive in form, this is where the Ego starts losing it’s bearings over your consciousness 

Dark Night of the soul - This connects into the above, Identity Crisis. The Dark night of the Soul is a natural part of awakening, it is the shedding away of our old skin. It’s the ripping apart of the old soul to be reborn into the New evolved consciousness. There appears to be more chaos that enters into your life as the old you encounters the resistance of Letting go. A desire to hold onto the old you, building a resistance of Letting go which causes more and more entropy within your daily life. A Dark night of the soul creates an isolation with those around us, everything begins to rip apart within our reality, our friends, our family, and those we love most we feel we can’t connect anymore. We feel an inability to connect because the universe is asking us to look more inward and question ourselves,our reality and what is our purpose here. It is usually triggered by a dark event surrounding Loss such as death, a bad breakup, loss of a job, loss of a house, rape, illness, etc. A cataclysm that triggers the destruction of the Ego as our subconscious breaks through. It gives us a look behind our own face into our worst fears and insecurities. It is about facing our dark night of the soul to get to the infinite light of our being.“

The good news is this will pass in time, for some it can take years to come to grips with this connection while for others it can take only months. An Awakening is different for every person, although many symptoms are similar the subjective experience it is different as each soul has a different path to take. I’ve went through my own period of dissocation when i first awakening, it took a lot of time and conscious effort to really help me. Honestly psychedelics probably helped the most, no lie but what it really came down to was seeing that no one is left behind in this experience. It Is the connection of the ALL. We are all one, some may be asleep, others may be drifting and some are sunbathing on the sand already completely awakened to the point of encountering ascension and understanding the holy guardian angel of the higher self. It is the connection. We may think we’re alone in this journey but we aren’t, we are anything but alone, heck even when we want to be alone on this journey we’re not lol. Your guides, angels, star family, your friends, even your parents  are all pieces of the puzzle that helped form and shape you into your own Awakening experience. It is all connected because there is an intricate design formulated around our reality that is woven within an intellectual mathematical design. Everything has a purpose. 

The only way to really battle dissociation is by realizing when you are looking into the eyes of your friend, your child or your lover you are seeing the connection of the reflection of your mirror relationship within yourself. Just as you are their mirror in return, everyone’s mirrors lives within eachother in an infinite web of creation that is fueled by the collective consciousness of humanity. In this way, no matter how awakened you are, you are still connected eternally to the people around you whether in life or after death, we are still eternally alive and connected through the energy. 

It is this connection that keeps us alive and this connection that lives within everyone. Think about it who would you be if it wasn’t for the people around you? Without your friends, you probably wouldn’t of developed your quirks and the influence of your personality, without animals or children or kindness of others,you wouldn’t be able to see empathy nor compassion of individuals, without your parents you wouldn’t even exist at all. So it goes to show you it really is about finding the connection again. Sometimes the universe wants us to unplug to find ourselves but we cannot do this alone, we must do this together. It is the only way to truly find salvation, because what is salvation if you cannot share the love with another? 

It is everything. 

Namaste <3

Dissocation common symptoms:

-Memory loss (amnesia) of certain time periods, events and people
-Mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts and attempts
-A sense of being detached from yourself
-A perception of the people and things around you as distorted and unreal
-A blurred sense of identity
-Significant stress or problems in your relationships, work or other important areas of your life

—  Mayo Clinic

when i lose myself, i find it hard to think with my own brain. my thoughts become hers, and she crafts them into such beautiful formations. it comes natural to her, like stalactites and moeraki boulders and underwater caves. i want to harvest her innate ability to live so freely, like a seagull laughing above waves. i wish i could follow her down through the rabbit hole, to see what she sees and to feel what she feels. but when i am not myself, i am in the darkest, deepest parts of her, lost in the labyrinthian catacombs of her being. i have no choice but to allow her life, until she can find me and slay me back into the land of the living. when the thread runs out, it is eaten up by little mice and i cannot remember.

                    i do not exist when she wakes up,
                          just as she does not exist when i am dreaming.

I was tagged by @pretentiouspansexual (sorry if it doesn’t tag u) so thank you.

<p>You can tell a lot about someone by the type of music they listen to. Hit shuffle on your ipod, phone, itunes, media player, etc. and write down the first 10 songs. Then pass this on to 10 people. One rule: no skipping.</p>

<p>1. Nicotine - Panic! At The Disco<br/>
2. Noel&#8217;s Theme (The Last Travel) - Final Fantasy XIII-2 OST<br/>
3. Future - Paramore<br/>
4. Living Dead - Marina and the Diamonds<br/>
5. Night Vision - Lindsey Stirling<br/>
6. We Are Giants (ft. Dia Frampton) - Lindsey Stirling<br/>
7. I Wanna Be Free - Panic! At a The Disco<br/>
8. Cherry Bonbon - Kyary Pamyu Pamyu<br/>
9. Hate To See Your Heart Break - Paramore<br/>
10. Battle 1 - Final Fantasy IX OST

I don’t feel like passing this on to 10 people but I tag beyonception dissocative febreezusjesus feeling-superr-suicidal nymphqueene petewentzforpresident thunder-vajunder

EDIT: I’m sorry it turned out looking so weird?? I don’t feel like fixing it either so sorry if it looks a little whacky