Severe Dissocation @ Therapy

Me: I have a fear of losing myself to the point I won’t even be present enough to be able to respond to treatment by my next appointment.

Therapist: Oh no feeling like that is a common symptom! it’s pretty much irrational so don’t worry about it! :).

Me: Oh thank goodness! I'll try not to think about it too much then :).

~the time of appointment arrives ~

Therapist: your dissociation appears to of become so severe that we don’t know how to treat you, you are so deeply removed that we know your brain won't respond to any type of therapy or modern treatment plans we have.

Me: …

Originally posted by zebrascream

there is pretty much no one that is as demonized in the form of being portrayed as serial murderers and rapists as traumatized boys and men. like, men with some form of trauma or dissocative disorders are so common as murderous villanains that its near impossible to see any other scenariou, ever.


Tw: crying, angst, dissocating, mention abuse

Roman heard whimpering as he woke up. He sat up, ready to save his prince from whatever, Only to see his sleeping shirtless boyfriend (wearing only his underwear) curling up in a ball sobbing.


“I’m sorry.” Morality was shaking.

“Babe?” Prince was hesitant. All the studies he read told him that he shouldn’t intervene unless he was thrashing about. He hated seeing Morlaity like this though.

“No no no, please no.” Morality was curling smaller than Prince thought possible. Did this count as thrashing?

“No No stop please stop. No!” Morality imidiately uncurled him self and started hitting the air, sobbing and screaming as he thrashed around.

“Morality.” Roman sat up and leanded forward, trying to gently touch Morlaity’s lower leg.

He did not expext getting Morlaity’s knee in his stomach.

 He let out an “Oof,” wondering how that happened.

He managed to touch Morality before he got hit so Morality was awake; sitting and breathing heavy. He was shaking and had tears in his eyes.

“You okay?” Roman asked already feeling better from his pains.
Morality sobbed.

“Hey, hey, its okay.” Roman said pulling Morality closer. He hoped he wouldn’t get a bruise. If he did, Morality would hate himself.

He put his right hand around Moralitys body and let his left hand stroke Morality’s hair as he continued talking.

“She-she was trying to-” Morality was sobbing leaning closer to Roman.

“Shh, its okay I’m here right now. It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything.”

Morality clenched tighter to Romans shirt, trying to forgrt the screaming he heard; grabbing tighter to Roman’s arm every time he thought he heard her.

“I’m here, I wont let her hurt you, you got that? I wont let her come back for you.” He whispered. Morlaity’s sobbing had died down to whimpering.

Prince tried to lay down a little bit, slowly pulling Morality down. Morality Immidiate tried to pull back, his eyes wide with fear.

“Its okay, you don’t have to do anything you dont want to. Do you want me to snuggle you while sitting?” Prince asked. Morality was quivering. Prince had an idea.

“Do you want to go to the coms room?” Prince asked softly. Morality was still quivering, and he stayed like that so long Roman thought he didn’t hear him but Morlaity slowly started nodding.

“Okay, is it okay if I touch your arm?” Roman asked softly. Morality shook his head so hard, Roman was scared it would hurt.

“Hey, hey its okay. Can I lead you with your hand?” Roman asked softly. Morlaity stayed quiet before lifing his hand toward Roman, almost robotically.

 Crap he was dissocating.

“We’re going to get off the bed now.” Roman lead him towards the coms room, giving him encouraging words. Morality didnt seem to hear any of them but he reacted accordingly. Roman kept repeating instructions ans encouraging Morality.

Once they got to the coms he was hesitant.

“Did you want to snuggle on top of me?” Roman asked. He knew Morality was more comfortable on top, although he liked snuggling on the side as well, but he wasnt sure if Morality was in the mood. Morality nodded.

“Okay, I’ll sit down and then you can, sit in front. Is that okay?” Roman asked. Morlaity nooded. He had tears in his eyes.

“If you dont want to you dont have to-”

Morality shook his head.

“You dont want to?” Roman asked. Morality shook his bead as he took a step towards Roman and wrapped his arms around him.

Roman was suprised but put his arms slowly around Morality, ready to let go at any signs of discomfort. Morality didnt react for a while. Roman started humming into Morality’s ear.

They stayed like this even after Morality started sniffling. Roman had tried to pull away but Morality just held on tighter, almost crying.

“Its okay, I’m here as long as you need and want me.” Roman said in Morlaitys ear. Morality sniffled before pulling back looking confused.

“Its Monday. We’re in the com’s room. You had a nightmare and you wanted to snuggle but you didnt want to sit down yet.” Roman said. Morality nodded sniffling.

“Can- can we?” Morality pointed to the couch.

“Of course my love.” Roman said sitting on the couch and bringing his leg up. He let Morality crawl on top of him leaning on his side, but it was a bit awkward for Roman.

“Oof, can you please move to the right a bit, yup thats good. You comfortable?” Morality shook his head before turning his back to Princes stomach, his head above Romans left shoulder.

“This okay?” Morality croaked.

“Just move your butt up a little, yeah thats good thank you. You comfortable?” Roman asked feeling slightly uncomfortable, but it was just comfortable enough that he could manage it. Morality nodded.

“Can I kiss your shoulder?” Roman asked. He waited till Morality nodded his head before letting him giving Morlaity’s shoulder some Kisses.

“Morality, I love you .” Roman said.

“I love you too Ro.” Morlaity said, he was obviously falling asleep.

Roman smiled a little and reached for the blanket on the couch besides them. Roman had to reach awkwardly behind him, but he managed to grab it.

He threw the blanket on Morality. He was suprised to see Morality unfold the blanket and wrap it around himself.

Roman sighed knowing he wasnt going to have most of the blankets even though he was litterally under Morality. He slowly wrapped his arms around Morlaity’s hip, smiling before he kissed his shoulder again. He loved his boyfriend so much.

Roman hated that his boyfriend was suffering and that he couldnt stop it, but he was glad Morality was his now.

@chaste-waifu, I’ve decided to reply like you in this manner because for some reason my computer gets ridiculously slow when I try to reblog from your blog.

First of all, I have never dismissed that there are women in the sex industry who are not unhappy (If you read my reply you would’ve seen that I said the complete opposite.) I’m starting to get a bit tired of you implying that sex work being dangerous is my personal opinion. It is not. I feel like this discussion is dishonest because right now it seems like we are having a back and forth based on personal opinions, when in reality everything I’ve said is in fact based on research. I’ve compiled a list of studies supporting my claims which you can read (or you can just check the stats/conclusions I’ve mentioned, if you don’t have time/ability to read.)

Show me another industry, legal or not, that has such high number of traumatised and abused women in it. Show me another industry where women are subjected to the same cruel treatment and risk of murder. Show me another industry where the “customers” have such low opinions of the people serving them. To deny that there is something seriously wrong with the sex industry and that there are a lot of women in it who are in dire need of help is not only disgusting but also extremly ignorant.

Finally, you seem to imply that I am against any sort of decriminalization of sex work. I am not. I support the Nordic Model, which means that the act of prostitution is legalized while the act of buying sex remains a criminal offense. I believe this is the most effective way of assuring that people being taken advantage of in the industry are able to reach for help while simultaneously punish those who would inflict harm on them.

Regarding the girls and women who enter the sex industry

A study survering 859 prositutes across five continents found that 59% of them had been physically abused as children, 63% had been sexually abused, 75% had been/was homeless and 47% entered the industry before the age of 18.
Source: “Farley, Melissa, Cotton, Ann, Lynne, Jacqueline, Zumbeck, Sybille, Spiwak, Frida, Reyes, Maria E., Alvarez, Dinorah, & Sezgin, Ufuk (2003). Prostitution and Trafficking in Nine Countries: An Update on Violence and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder”

Another study which  survied 200 juvenlies and adult women in San Franciso found that 78% had entered the industry before they turned 18 and 62% before the age of 16. 60% of them had experienced child abuse from the ages of 3 to 16 and 70% of those reported that sexual abuse was a factor in their decision to do sex work.
Source: “Silbert, Mimi H., &  Pines, Ayala M. (1981a). Sexual Child Abuse as an Antecedent to Prostitution. Child Abuse & Neglect"

A study from 1993 found that 85% of 123 survivors from the sex industry had been victims of incests as children. 90% had been physically abused and 98% had been emotionally abused.
Source: “Hunter, Susan Kay (1993). Prostitution is Cruelty and Abuse to Women and Children. Michigan Journal of Gender and Law”

The organisation WHISPER conducted interviews with formely prosituted women in Minneapolis and found that 90% had been battered and 74% had been subjected to sexual abuse between the ages of 3 and 154.  
Source: “Giobbe, Evelina (1994). Confronting the liberal lies about prostitution. In Alison M. Jaggar (Ed.), Living with contradictions"

A study by Simons and Whitbeck from 1991 found that “early sexual abuse increases the probability of involvement in prostitution irrespective of any influence exerted through factors such as running away from home, substance abuse, and other deviant activities”
Source: “Simons, Ronald L., & Whitbeck, Les B. (1991). Sexual abuse as precursor to prostitution and victimization among adolescent and adult homeless women. Journal of Family Issues”

In Sweden, studies have shown that young adults who have been prostituted confirm high correlations to prior sexual childhood abuse, neglect and homelessness.
Source: “Abelsson, Jonna, & Hulusjö, Anna (2008 [At the borders of sexuality: A study of youth in Gothenburg and surroundings who sell or barter sexual services]. Gothenburg: Göteborgs Stad, Social resursförvaltning”

In 2008, the Swedish National Council for Crime Prevention found that poverty and discrimination are two key structual factors for recruitment into trafficking in Sweden, Finland and Estonia. A majority come from the lowest of social strata.
Source: “(Swedish Nat'l Council for Crime Prevention) (2008). The Organisation of Human Trafficking: A Study of Criminal Involvement in Sexual Exploitation in Sweden, Finland, and Estonia”

Regarding the mental damage done to girls and women in the sex industry

The study by Farely et. al which I’ve referenced above found that 68% of the prostituted women they interviewed met the criteria for posttraumatic stress disorder. Their symptoms were higher or equal to those of Vietnamn veterans. These symptoms were found regardless of whether prositution was legalized or criminalized.

Similar studies have been done in Sweden where pyschiatrists working with trauma and recovery of prostitued women testified that they had severe symtoms of mental disorders such as grave sleep- and concentration disorders, recurrent anxiety and panic attacks, grave depression, severe anorectic reactions, self-desctructive behavious, extensive dissocation, problems with impulse control and manifest suicidality.
Source: “Ramos-Ruggiero, Luis, & Hännestrand, Brita (2010, October 12)Statement: Regarding Young Women’s Mental Condition and Reactions Caused by Prostitution and Trafficking [Traumacenter Sweden]”

A Korean study from 2009 also found that prositution was strongly related to PTSD even when controlling for childhood abuse. The study also revelaed a significantly higher symptoms of disorders of extreme stress not otherwise specified (DESNOS) among the prostituted women compared to the controll group. This number remained high even amongst women who left the industry over a year earlier.
Source: "Choi, Hyunjung, Klein, Carolin, Shin, Min-Sup, & Lee, Hoon-Jin (2009). Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Disorders of Extreme Stress (DESNOS) symptoms following prostitution and childhood abuse. Violence against Women”

Regarding the mortality and murder rate among girls and women in the sex industry

The American Journal of Epidemiology from 2005 showed that in a population of 1969 prosituted women in Colorado Springs, those active in prostitution ran a risk of murder 18 times higher than in a comparable non-prostituted population. The homicide rate was 204 per 100.000, which is many times higher than the highest workplace homicide rates in the United States.
Source: “Potterat, John J., Brewer, Devon D., Muth, Stephen Q., Rothenberg, Richard B., Woodhouse, Donald E., Muth, John B., Stites, Heather K., & Brody, Stuart (2004). Mortality in a Long-term Open Cohort of Prostitute Women. American Journal of Epidemiology”

The Special Committe on Pornography and Prostitution in Canda estimated that the mortality for prostituted women may be 40 times higher than the national average.
Source: “Special Committee on Pornography and Prostitution in Canada (1985). Pornography and Prostitution in Canada: Report of the Special Committee on Pornography and Prostitution in Canada. Vols. 1 & 2. Ottawa, Canada: Supply & Services”

Women and men in prostitution have been documented as particularly vulnerable to victimization by serial murderers.
Source: “Hickey, Eric W. (2002).Serial Murderers and their Victims (3rd ed.). Belmont, CA: Wadsworth Pub.

Regarding violence against girls and women in the sex industry done by men who buy sex

Tricks (people who buy sex) were found to be the primary source of sexual violence in a Canadian study (referenced above, Special Committe on Pornography & Prostitution) Another Canadian federal inquiry came to the same conclusion.
Source: "Committee on Sexual Offences against Children and Youths (Canada) (1984). Sexual Offences Against Children: Report of the Committee on Sexual Offences Against Children and Youths”

The previous study mentioned done by Silbert and Pines found that among the 200 juvenile and adult prostituted women, 70% reported having been raped or similarly abused by tricks an average of 31.3 times.

A survey done in Chicago found that out of 222 prostituted women, 21% acknowledged having been raped over 10 times.
Source: “Raphael, Jody, & Shapiro, Deborah L. (2004). Violence in indoor and outdoor prostitution venues. Violence Against Women”

A study done in Portland, Oregon found that 85% of the 55 prostitution survivors had been subjected to aggravated assult on average 103 times a year. 78% of them had been subjected to rape 49 times a year and 53% were sexually tortured on average 54 times a year. Pornography was reportedly often made during the torture.
Source: “Hunter, Susan Kay (1993). Prostitution is Cruelty and Abuse to Women and Children. Michigan Journal of Gender and Law”

Studies conducted in Canada found that weapons such as baseball bats and crowbars were often used against prostitutes, as well as the offenders jerking the prostituted women’s head against car dashboards or walls.
Source: “Farley, Melissa, Stewart, Mary, & Smith, Kyle (2007). Attitudes toward Prostitution and Sexually Coercive Behaviors of Young Men at the University of Nevada at Reno. In Melissa Farley (2007a), Prostitution and Trafficking in Nevada: Making the Connections”

Similarly, numerous witness in Swedish court hearings have testified experiencing daily beatings, gang-rapes and torture.
Source: “Helsingborgs tingsrätt [Helsingborg Dist. Ct.], 2005-09-25, B 1230–05 (Swed.), "Stockholms tingsrätt [Stockholm Dist. Ct.], 2003-03-21, B 4205–02 (Swed.) (“Ludvig Case”). among others”

When considering these previous statistics on rape it’s important to remember that rape tends to be commonly underreported by prostituted persons themselves.
Source: “SOU 1995:15 [The Sex Trade: Final Report of the 1993 Prostitution Inquiry] [government report series] (Swed.)”

Regarding the possibility for girls and women to leave the sex industry

A US study from 2003 found that the exploitation done to prostituted women often appears to lead to a ruined psychic and social development as well as a lack of realistic alternative means for income.
Source: “Herman, Judith Lewis (2003). Introduction: Hidden in Plain Sight; Clinical Observations on Prostitution. In Melissa Farley (Ed.), Prostitution,Trafficking, and Traumatic Stress (pp. 1– 14). Binghamton, NY: Haworth Maltreatment & Trauma Press.”

Previously referenced study by Farley et al. which survied prostitutes in over five continents found that 87% of the prostituted person explicitly said they wanted to leave but could not because they get stuck in coercive circumstances.

A factor which makes it difficult for women to leave the sex industry is that a lot of shelters put limitations on who they allow in (for example, women with children, pets, HIV; communicable diseases, criminal records or who have not been drug-free for a specified time or recently got released from prision might not be allowed.)
Source: “Williams, Jody (2007). Barriers to Services for Women Escaping Nevada: Prostitution and Trafficking. In Melissa Farley (2007a), Prostitution and Trafficking in Nevada: Making the Connections (pp. 159– 172). San Francisco: Prostitution Research and Education”

Regarding the men who buy sex from girls and women in the sex industry

Tricks (people who buy sex) are to a significant extent aware of the fact that prostituted people are economically strapped, subjected to violence and other grave hardships, are often pimped/trafficked as well as knowing most were abused or neglected as children.
Source: “Durchslag, Rachel, & Goswami, Samir (2008). Deconstructing The Demand for Prostitution: Preliminary Insights From Interviews With Chicago Men Who Purchase Sex. Chicago: Chicago Alliance Against Sexual Exploitation.”
Source: “Farley, Melissa, Macleod, Jan, Anderson, Lynn, & Golding, Jacqueline M. (2011, March 28). Attitudes and social characteristics of men who buy sex in Scotland. Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, and Policy”
Tricks have a tendency to deny or neutralize their own abusive contributions
Source: “Di Nicola, Andrea, & Ruspini, Paolo (2009). Learning from clients. In Andrea Di Nicola (Ed.), Prostitution and human trafficking: Focus on clients (pp. 227–235). New York: Springer.”

In interviews done with tricks in London, 47% openly admitted that “women did not always have certain rights during prositution.” 25% openly admitted that they believed the very concept of raping a prostitute or call girl was ridiculous.
Source: “Farley, Melissa, Bindel, Julie, & Golding, Jacqueline M. (2009). Men Who Buy Sex: Who They Buy and What They Know. London: Eaves”

In Chicago, 43% of 113 trick-interviewees stated that women should do “anything he asks” when paid. 22% admitted that the buyer is “entitled to do whatever he wants to the woman” (Durschlag et al., referenced above.)

Again, obviously there are women who do sex work and are not part of these statistics. However, to even attempt to argue that encouraging these people to do sex work would in any way be more or even anywhere near as important as protecting the majority of women in the industry who are subjected to appalling conditions is ridiculous.

  • Me: uuuunnnnnggghhh i'm so dysphoric i feel like i'm dying, i actually wish i was dissociating right now
  • BPD: sorry, you have *0* dissociation credits remaining
  • Me, 2 hours later: y'know what...i actually feel ok! this is awesome!

anonymous asked:

hey can you better describe object permanence and the inability to grasp the concept of time as is applies to BPD? I don't really understand what people mean when they say that

object permanence is basically the idea that an object is there when you’re not looking at it. So if you’re playing with a young child (or, often, a pet) and hide something (say, a ball) behind your back, they cant usually tell where its gone. They see it in your hand, they see your hand go behind your back - but when your hand returns without the ball, they dont make the leap of “the ball is behind their back”. instead they wonder where the ball can be? since they cant see it. thats because they lack object permanence.

BPD sufferers often struggle with this, but instead of “the physical image of a ball”, its “the emotional connection with a person”. Its complicated and it ties in with dependency and fear of abandonment, but basically borderlines often struggle to believe that the emotional connection they have with a person is real when its not being actively reinforced.

So, anxiety when someone leaves, or when someone isnt reassuring you how they feel - or asking a person to reiterate their feelings every day, or needing constant attention and reassuring, beign “clingy”, etc, are likely related to this - because when theyre not being constantly reminded and told, bpd people struggle to hold onto or conceptualise other peoples feelings for them.

The time thing, Im less sure about. 

From what I understand, borderlines often dont grasp time very well. This might be tioed in with dissocation? I know for me it is, sometimes I dissociate and Im not aware of time passing, or time seems to be stretched out thing. Its very hard to describe.

On a small scale I think BPD , like a lot of other NDs, is linked with not being aware of time passing, of sometimes feeling like time isnt passing when it is, or in some cases, of feeling “outside” the idea of time at all. This happens to me a lot and Im not sure why - if any followers can explain, please jump in with theories!

On a large scale some research has sugggested that borderlines dont view time as linear, through their lives - rather they just view time as a big clump of life events. This can be very confusing and lead to know knowing what “order” things happened in, or when things happened etc. 

SOrry if that wasnt very clear!


@dan-yuna @obviouslyelementary @a-wannabe-canadian @prinxietytrash @romanass @the-sander-sides  @prinxietyhell @i-am-me-i-am-sam
@idk-and-idk-and-idr  @jetsnacks @velocifoxy

I’m doing a collab with @killerfangirl3 and its going to take me awhile to finish this with her.

‘Shut up’ Anxiety thought.

‘Come on-we both know’ he thought smirking.

‘Just Shut Up’ Anxiety thought. he didn’t want to put up with him right now, he was too busy being overwhelmed.

“Why didn’t you do something instead of stand there!” Prince snapped. Anxiety was falling out of it, trying to keep himself from curling into a ball, while trying to understand what was going on around him.


He couldn’t tell who it was anymore. He just stood there, trying not to shake, trying not to get mad at the other

‘Aw, cats got your toung?’ he replied.

What was happeing, who was talking, why couldn’t he move, why was he dissocating again, why why why and no answers. Sure, he had said some snappy things but he did not expect it to cause this.

“He has a list of songs he listens to when this happens” he could barely understand what was going on around him. He could see headphones being shoved, but he was too busy watching himself and feeling out of it.

How to Battle Dissociation

Hi my friend had a spiritual awakening which was followed by pretty server depression and suicidal thoughts, she explains this due to being her loosing her connection. Have you got any information on similar experiences or any advice? Thank you

— olivias-universe

Dissociation is very common during Awakening because it is the ripping away of the old shell of the psyche. This is actually something i’ve been writing about in the book because it’s a rough topic that many experience and struggle with during their awakening experience. 

The two huge symptoms that go with Dissociation are the Dark night of the soul and the identity crisis. We must think of it as if you are straddling two different worlds or conflicting realities at once. In a normal human who isn’t awakened this can lead to insanity which is often misunderstood however during Kundalini awakening we must find the connection between the two worlds, merging them together as one. Here is a written summary of what I’ve written for my book: 

Feeling Lost/Confused/having an Identity Crisis - This is not only just a feeling of loneliness, it is a feeling of confusion about what is truth and what is real. It becomes not only hard to relate to others but there is a deep sadness when everyone around you no longer understands you. It is as if you are speaking chinese when everyone around you is speaking English. An isolation builds where you can no longer understand yourself, who you are, what is your path or reality itself. It is the essence of Dissociation, where you feel completely disconnected from reality and those around you. It also may even bring up the thought that your entire life is not real or that the entirety of existence is a fabrication. There becomes a deep fear that you cannot deal with material reality as everyone around you is still in illusion. A dark time that is positive in form, this is where the Ego starts losing it’s bearings over your consciousness 

Dark Night of the soul - This connects into the above, Identity Crisis. The Dark night of the Soul is a natural part of awakening, it is the shedding away of our old skin. It’s the ripping apart of the old soul to be reborn into the New evolved consciousness. There appears to be more chaos that enters into your life as the old you encounters the resistance of Letting go. A desire to hold onto the old you, building a resistance of Letting go which causes more and more entropy within your daily life. A Dark night of the soul creates an isolation with those around us, everything begins to rip apart within our reality, our friends, our family, and those we love most we feel we can’t connect anymore. We feel an inability to connect because the universe is asking us to look more inward and question ourselves,our reality and what is our purpose here. It is usually triggered by a dark event surrounding Loss such as death, a bad breakup, loss of a job, loss of a house, rape, illness, etc. A cataclysm that triggers the destruction of the Ego as our subconscious breaks through. It gives us a look behind our own face into our worst fears and insecurities. It is about facing our dark night of the soul to get to the infinite light of our being.“

The good news is this will pass in time, for some it can take years to come to grips with this connection while for others it can take only months. An Awakening is different for every person, although many symptoms are similar the subjective experience it is different as each soul has a different path to take. I’ve went through my own period of dissocation when i first awakening, it took a lot of time and conscious effort to really help me. Honestly psychedelics probably helped the most, no lie but what it really came down to was seeing that no one is left behind in this experience. It Is the connection of the ALL. We are all one, some may be asleep, others may be drifting and some are sunbathing on the sand already completely awakened to the point of encountering ascension and understanding the holy guardian angel of the higher self. It is the connection. We may think we’re alone in this journey but we aren’t, we are anything but alone, heck even when we want to be alone on this journey we’re not lol. Your guides, angels, star family, your friends, even your parents  are all pieces of the puzzle that helped form and shape you into your own Awakening experience. It is all connected because there is an intricate design formulated around our reality that is woven within an intellectual mathematical design. Everything has a purpose. 

The only way to really battle dissociation is by realizing when you are looking into the eyes of your friend, your child or your lover you are seeing the connection of the reflection of your mirror relationship within yourself. Just as you are their mirror in return, everyone’s mirrors lives within eachother in an infinite web of creation that is fueled by the collective consciousness of humanity. In this way, no matter how awakened you are, you are still connected eternally to the people around you whether in life or after death, we are still eternally alive and connected through the energy. 

It is this connection that keeps us alive and this connection that lives within everyone. Think about it who would you be if it wasn’t for the people around you? Without your friends, you probably wouldn’t of developed your quirks and the influence of your personality, without animals or children or kindness of others,you wouldn’t be able to see empathy nor compassion of individuals, without your parents you wouldn’t even exist at all. So it goes to show you it really is about finding the connection again. Sometimes the universe wants us to unplug to find ourselves but we cannot do this alone, we must do this together. It is the only way to truly find salvation, because what is salvation if you cannot share the love with another? 

It is everything. 

Namaste <3

Hey guys, I wrote my final research paper for Psychology on the authenticity of Dissociative Identity Disorder.

I’m not like, scholarly or some shit - but take a gander if you like, show your friends when they’re all - “you don’t exist”. 


(uh…I don’t know where else to put it….so i’m just gonna copy paste………so scholarly.) 



Dissociative Identity Disorder:
Fantasy or a Unique Reality?
Brittany Hersman
John Tyler Community College


Dissociative Identity Disorder is a Dissociative Disorder diagnosable under the DSM-5 that has received severe skepticism. Those who subscribe to a belief that DID is a manufactured condition state that the disorder is iatrogenic in nature – having a causation of fantasy proneness, therapist suggestion, client suggestibility, etc. This paper will define Dissocative Identity Disorder and present various examples and findings refuting numerous criticisms, and thereby suggesting the authenticity of the phenomenon.  

Dissociative Identity Disorder:

Fantasy or an Authentic Reality?

Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder, is of the rarest and most misunderstood psychiatric disorders. Its existence dates back to the early 19th century, when French psychiatrist Janet (1889) introduced the idea of multiple personalities to the medical community (Stickley, T.,& Nickeas, R, 2006). To date, it has received perhaps the most skepticism and criticism of any diagnosis. The DSM-5 lists Dissociative Identity Disorder under the category of Dissociative Disorders. It is defined as “a disruption of and/or discontinuity in the normal, subjective integration of one or more aspects of psychological functioning, including—but not limited to—memory, identity, consciousness, perception, and motor control” (Spiegel, D., Loewenstein, R., Lewis-Fernández, R., Sar,V., Simeon, D., Vermetten, E., Dell, P, 2011). Patients diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) have developed two or more personalities, “each with its own way of being; its own relatively enduring pattern of perceiving, relating to and thinking about the environment and self” (Spiegel, D., Loewenstein, R., Lewis-Fernández, R., Sar,V., Simeon, D., Vermetten, E., Dell, P, 2011). These personalities are often referred to as “alters".

Perhaps the largest criticism of DID is that its diagnoses are due to “fantasy proneness, suggestibility, suggestion, and role-playing” (Reinders, Willemsen, Vos, Boer, & Nijenhuis, 2012). The disorder has been linked strongly to false memory syndrome, dating all the way back to the psychiatrist Janet (1889) who was suspected of projecting ideas of abuse onto her patients (Stickley, T.,& Nickeas, R, 2006). While many remain skeptical of the existence and legitimacy of DID, it is vital that we broaden our understanding of this fascinating phenomenon – as research suggests it is in fact authentic, and a thorough understanding is key to helping those who currently suffer from its effects.

Daily Life with Dissociative Identity Disorder

            There are many things we take for granted, but to an individual diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, one of those things may be as simple as remembering where we were last night. While the disorder is not as glorified or even obvious as Hollywood may present with movies like “Sybil” (Stickley, T.,& Nickeas, R, 2006) and television series like “United States of Tara”, it can be a terrifying experience. In the article “Becoming One Person: Living with Dissociative Identity Disorder” a nurse and an individual living with alters for most of her life come together in order to shatter some of the common misconceptions of the disorder (Stickley, T.,& Nickeas, R, 2006). The patient, Rachel, was the daughter of a bipolar schizophrenic father and a mother who was eventually admitted to a psychiatric hospital in 1964 (Stickley, T.,& Nickeas, R, 2006). She endured significant verbal, physical, and sexual abuse from both parents – as well as friends of parents (Stickley, T.,& Nickeas, R, 2006). Unknowingly, Rachel began using dissociative methods in order to cope with her abuse – eventually developing Dissociative Identity Disorder. “In order to cope with such persistent abuse, Rachel began to ‘sit beside herself’ so that it didn’t seem to be happening to her. She found a way of watching what happened rather than endure it herself.” (Stickley, T.,& Nickeas, R, 2006).

            Rachel experienced textbook DID symptoms through adolescence and into adulthood, and went on to live most of her life with no diagnosis or psychotherapeutic interference (Stickley, T.,& Nickeas, R, 2006). With this evidence, it is hard to understand a firm belief in DID existing as an iatrogenic disorder (Stickley, T.,& Nickeas, R, 2006).

The Evolution of Alters

Michael Pica of Central Michigan University further explains the development of the DID patient’s personality states in his article titled “The Evolution of Alter Personality States in Dissociative Identity Disorder”.  While many skeptics question why one child may develop Dissociative Identity Disorder following trauma and another may not, writers have begun to describe a prime window for DID development (Pica, M., & Silverman, 1999). “Manner (1991) suggested ‘the window between 18 months and 4 to 5 years of age represents the period of greatest vulnerability for the development of DID’ (p. 685). He attributed this to the tendency to use splitting defenses during this time in development and the still cloudy distinction between self and object” (Pica, M., & Silverman, 1999). There may however be something to the idea that DID relies on a proneness to fantasy – but not in the way criticism implies. Pica (1999) notes, “at about the same time the child begins using dissociation to escape immediate threats in the lived-world, he or she stumbles across another means by which to protect the self from owning the horrendous experiences of traumatic abuse, namely, the ability to form imaginary companions.” According to Wickes (1966) and Nagera (1969), (as cited in Pica, M., & Silverman, 1999), imaginary companions are used by children as a means to fulfill psychological needs. Research done by Lynn, Rhue, and Green (1988) discovered some 4% of the population who are highly hypnotizable, hallucinate vividly, and have trouble distinguishing between fantasy and reality. These children may be more fantasy prone than others, enabling them to use their companions in unique ways (Pica, M., & Silverman, 1999). Pica explains that this equation of the fantasy prone 4% and trauma occurring during the window of Dissociative Identity Disorder development could explain the fraction of children that do develop DID, citing the Three Stage Theory of development (Pica, M., & Silverman, 1999 p.410).           

Inducing psychobiological symptoms of Dissociative Identity Disorder. In the Psychobiological Study of Authentic and Simulated Dissociative Identity States conducted by A. A. T. Simone Reinders, Antoon T. M. Willemsen, Herry P. J. Vos, Johan A. den Boer, and Ellert R. S. Nijenhuis (2012), 11 diagnosed DID patients were studied alongside a selection of 10 healthy high fantasy prone and 8 healthy low fantasy prone individuals. A priori hypothesis was that DID patients would have a difference in psychophysiological and neurobiological behavior while engaged in a neutral identity state and in a trauma identity state (Reinders, Willemsen, Vos, Boer, & Nijenhuis, 2012). High fantasy prone and low fantasy prone controls were then asked to simulate the neutral identity states as well as the trauma identity sates. “Brain imaging data, autonomic (systolic and diastolic blood pressure, discrete heart rate and heart rate variability (HRV)) and subjective (controls’ subjective sensorimotor and emotional experiences)” (Reinders, Willemsen, Vos, Boer, & Nijenhuis, 2012).

Not only did findings continue to support the hypothesis that those patients with Dissociative Identity Disorder would have differing psychophysiological and neurobiological patterns between neutral identity states and trauma identity states, but the identity states were not “convincingly enacted by DID simulating controls” (Reinders, Willemsen, Vos, Boer, & Nijenhuis, 2012). Furthermore, the study actually found that those controls who were low fantasy prone did a better job simulating the personality states than those of which were high fantasy prone (Reinders, Willemsen, Vos, Boer, & Nijenhuis, 2012, p.9). Based on these findings, Reinders, Willemsen, Vos, Boer, and Nijenhuis (2012) believe their study “provides an important contribution to the etiology discussion.”

The study gives strong evidence against the Sociocognitive Model of Dissociative Identity Disorder, not only by providing observable data against it, but also by unexpectedly dislodging its foothold in the high fantasy prone theory.       

The Quest Continues

            In order to understand the phenomenon that is Dissociative Identity Disorder, we must continue to research and attempt to understand the rare cases that present themselves. Although many question the validity of its existence, it is undeniable that DID is recognized by not only the DSM-5 – but by the multitude of patients diagnosed each year. It is imperative that we shake the mystical stigma that has been applied to this complex personality ailment, and give it the attention it deserves. 


Pica, M., & Silverman, Wade H. (1999). THE EVOLUTION OF ALTER PERSONALITY STATES IN DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training, 36(4), 404-415.

Simone Reinders, A., Willemsen, A., Vos, H., Den Boer, J., Nijenhuis, E., & Laks, J. (2012). Fact or Factitious? A Psychobiological Study of Authentic and Simulated Dissociative Identity States (Dissociative Identity Disorder:Fact or Factitious?). PLoS ONE, 7(6), E39279

Spiegel, D., Loewenstein, R., Lewis-Fernández, R., Sar, V., Simeon, D., Vermetten, E., … Dell, P. (2011). Dissociative disorders in DSM-5. Depression and Anxiety, 28(9), 824-52.

Stickley, T., & Nickeas, R. (2006). Becoming one person: Living with dissociative identity disorder.Journal of Psychiatric and Mental Health Nursing, 13(2), 180-187.

Dissocation common symptoms:

-Memory loss (amnesia) of certain time periods, events and people
-Mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts and attempts
-A sense of being detached from yourself
-A perception of the people and things around you as distorted and unreal
-A blurred sense of identity
-Significant stress or problems in your relationships, work or other important areas of your life

—  Mayo Clinic