Returning to the Star Wars is really dangerous. Disney owns them now and merchandise is everywhere. For instance, today I was in a Walgreens and I happened to walk down the Valentine’s Day aisle and What did I spy?
Oh. My. God?
Vaguely threatening Valentines from your nemesis!?
Vaguely ominous Valentines from your nemesis?!
OVERTLY HOSTILE VALENTINES FROM YOUR NEMESIS?!
I bought them, of course.
PS I now invite all of you to imagine your favorite baddies running around the Resurgent or Starkiller Base dispensing valentines at one another. Aggressively.
So Star Wars is officially owned by Disney now right?. So why have I not seen Kylo Ren doing the “Hi I’m Kylo Ren and you’re now watching Disney channel” followed by outlining Mickey Mouse’s ears with his lightsaber thing yet.
Are we just going to have Kylo Ren sing all the other Disney songs now... Wait... Is Kylo Ren the newest Disney princess? :b
Yes! Because faultless logic.
Disney now own Star Wars. Leia Organa is a princess in Star Wars. Therefore Leia Organa is a Disney princess. Kylo Ren is Leia Organa’s child. Therefore Kylo Ren is Disney royalty. Therefore Kylo Ren is the newest Disney princess.
Frankly, let’s just turn Star Wars: The Force Awakens into a musical. Way, way, WAY too easy to do.
Poe helps Finn escape in the TIE fighter
You’ve got some power in your corner now! Some heavy ammunition in your camp! You got some punch, pizzaz, yahoo and how. See, all you gotta do is shoot that TIE, and I’ll say:
Mister Stormtrooper sir, what will your pleasure be? Let’s escape the Order, shall we now? You ain’t never had a friend like me!
Kylo Ren staring at Darth Vader’s helmet, tempted by the Light Side
Now I’m the lord of the Order The Dark Jedi VIP I’ve tried to reach the top and had to stop And that’s what’s bothering me I wanna be like you, Grandpa And stroll right in to fight And be just like Darth Vader, man I’m tired of fighting the Light.
Oh, Anakin I wanna be like you I wanna walk like you Talk like you, too I’ll see it through!
Kylo Ren tells Rey he can be her teacher in the Force
I can show you the Force Striking, fearsome, impending Tell me, cousin, now when did You last search your feelings inside?
I can open your eyes Take you to the Dark Siiiiiide Choking, killing, mind reading Any enemies we find
A whole new world A new fantastic point of view No one to tell us no or where to go Or say we’re only dreaming.
[Would he like to direct an episode of AoS? It would be difficult directing and acting, with all the stunts and effects.] "Maybe a very special episode where Coulson is frozen in a block of carbonite. Spoiler! I shouldn't have said that. That's our big Star Wars crossover now that Disney owns all of us."
[Asked by an adorable little girl, Emily, just how many secret agencies ARE there anyway?] "And then I found out there was another one calling themselves SHIELD, and they've got Adama! Olmos walks into the table read and I'm like, I'm not fighting him, I'm a huge Battlestar fan!"
[Originally the 'bambino' was called 'baby' in the script, but he petitioned to have it changed given that his wife is Jennifer Grey] "There would have immediately been thousands of memes of me putting the gun in the corner."
[Who would you want to play Coulson if not you?] "Is Gosling free?"
[Which of the Avengers would you date?] "I have to respect the fanfic, and Renner's so cute."