What the animation rivalries must have been for 2017 in a nutshell
Disney: We got two of our movies nominated for an Oscar and one of them won! We don’t have any films lined up for this year, but our live action Beauty and the Beast is going to make a KILLING!
Dreamworks Animation: LOL. But thanks to the success of Trolls–which also got nominated–we now have a franchise that appeals to most of our girl consumers to rival your stupid ‘Frozen’ franchise.
Pixar: Well, we have Cars 3 coming out–
Most everyone: LAME!
Pixar: But we want to tell a story about how it’s good to pass on the torch, rather than say ‘Oh these new youngsters are going to destroy everything as we know it!’
Illumination: DESPICABLE ME 3, YO!
Most everyone: Yeaaaaaaah, wasn’t that the Minion Movie?
Dreamworks Animation: Well we’re releasing the Boss Baby–
Most everyone: WTF is this? Is this a joke, Dreamworks? We don’t want another film that’s only good for memes and YTPs!
Dreamworks Animation: But we are also doing a film adaption of Captain Underpants! See this image from the film? We are honoring the art style and–
CU fans: *Screams of joy and happy childhood nostalgia* SHUT UP AND TAKE OUR MONEY!
Dreamworks Animation:–and good cast. BUT we gave it a budget of under 40 million and we decided to release it on the same day as Wonder Woman instead of in March. The Boss Baby is taking the March slot.
CU fans:…. Are you kidding me?
Someone in Disney: The live action Beauty and the Beast is going to have our first official gay character!
A bunch of dumb complainers: HATE! BAN IT! GIVE IT AN R RATING!
Dreamworks Animation: *Recalls that one of the characters in Captain Underpants is canonically gay and decides to keep mouth shut about that while trusting more intelligent people to discover that on their own.* Yeah, we don’t want to take that risk. Also–HOLY CRUD! BOSS BABY BEAT BEAUTY AND THE BEAST AT THE BOX OFFICE IN IT’S THIRD OR FOURTH WEEK!
CU fans: Why aren’t you advertising CU as much as Boss Baby?
Random viewer: Actually, the film was surprisingly better than I thought. Not Dreamworks’ best, but still good.
Kids at local book fairs and Barnes and Noble, or access to internet: OMG! CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS MOVIE! HECK YES!
Sony: OMG GUYZ! EMOJIS AND PHONES ARE POPULAR! WE’RE GOING TO MAKE A MOVIE OFF OF IT FOR A SHAMELESS CASH GRAB!
Disney and Pixar:… We recognize plot points from our films, Sony.
Everyone: HATE! HATE! HAAAAAAATE!
Someone: Why is it required to have one animated film that sucks every year?
DIsney: Well, for our Wreck It Ralph sequel next year, we are going to have EVERY Disney princess we ever made in one scene.
Everyone: *minds explode five times over*
Disney: ….And our Jack and the Beanstalk film is dead now. Sorry.
Those who wanted to see Gigantic:….. *grabs the pitchforks*
Then come summer….
CU fans: THIS WAS AWESOME! :D :D :D Thank you Dreamworks, even though your sense of timing was awful! You actually gave us a film adaption that stayed faithful to the soul of the books and took the best parts to help weave a good, funny and heartfelt story! Unlike MOST book to film adaptions.
Dreamworks Animation: You’re welcome ;)
CU fans: You’ll give us a sequel, right? :D Or at least an animated show on netflix? :D :D
Dreamworks Animation: Uh… well, we ARE planning on making a Boss Baby 2… a Trolls 2… a Croods 2…. Not anytime soon, even though you are demanding it, sorry.
Viewers: Hey, Cars 3 was actually pretty good! It redeems Cars 2 and it was visually beautiful!
Other Viewers: Despicable Me 3 was actually pretty good too!
South Park fan: Though I couldn’t stop hearing Cartman through Trey Parker’s voice.
*Only few people watch the Emoji Movie. Those who do, do as a joke and give money to Sony to make more instantly hated films*
Certain people: WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT POP-EYE FILM?! DARN YOU SONY FOR RUINING A PROMISING MOVIE!
Disney: Well, most of the other animated films are ‘eh’–
Dreamworks Animation: Unless they go see that one film with the bull because of John Cena.
Pixar: Well, we have until next year to finally release The Incredibles 2.
Incredibles fans: *screams of joy and delight*
Pixar: Also, we are happy to release Coco this November. We really want to honor the culture that is being represented and we are happy to see that it is doing well in Mexico. It makes us feel proud of what we have accomplished–
Disney: Great! Now you’re going to tack on this ‘Frozen’ short which will make more money through it’s merch than your film’s merch! Pretty sure most people will see your film just for that like when we did it to the live action Cinderella!
Pixar:…. *not happy about this* Great. Ok.
*and, if the Coco novel is to believe, they get revenge by making a commentary about how a song can get overused to the point that it’s annoying as heck. I should not have to explain this one.*
Dreamworks Animation: Well, we got both our films submitted for Oscar nominations!
Pixar: Us too for both films!
Illumination: Huh… us too. Neat!
Sony: EMOJI MOVIE GOT SUBMITTED!
Pixar: Well, it was hated by all, so I think we can agree that we don’t have to compete with THAT!