disney and co

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i am everything i’ve learned and more, still it calls me… and the call isn’t out there at all - it’s inside me! it’s like the tide, always falling and rising! i will carry you here in my heart, you’ll remind me; that come what may, i know the way! i am moana!

Abandoned by Disney

(warning: very long story)

Some of you may have heard that the Disney corporation is responsible for at least one real, “live” Ghost Town.

Disney built the “Treasure Island” resort in Baker’s Bay in the Bahamas. It didn’t START as a ghost town! Disney’s cruise ships would actually stop at the resort and leave tourists there to relax in luxury.

This is a FACT. Look it up.

Disney blew $30,000,000 on the place… yes, thirty million dollars.

Then they abandoned it.

Disney blamed the shallow waters (too shallow for their ships to safely operate) and there was even blame cast on the workers, saying that since they were from the Bahamas, they were too lazy to work a regular schedule.

That’s where the factual nature of their story ends. It wasn’t because of sand, and it obviously wasn’t because “foreigners are lazy”. Both are convenient excuses.

No, I sincerely doubt those reasons were legitimate. Why don’t I buy the official story?

Because of Mowgli’s Palace.

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So alien perspectives on humans are always fun because you get space orcs or space gypsys or the occassional space kinksters (because no matter what it is, some enterprising human will eventually try to bang it) but I secretly love the idea that we’re going to be the Cryptkeepers or Nightmare Fuel Station Attendents of the universe (at best) because our lore is effing DARK, and the happy shit never travels across cultures like the horror does.

It’ll be funny at first.

Earth kids are THOSE kids and grow up to collectively raise THOSE kids: The Next Generation. We don’t retell crap like Frozen or Mulan or the Lion King or whatever. Common campfire stories are all about escaped serial killers with hook hands or co-eds getting axe-murdered while their roommate is sleep. Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark or Goosebumps fare are readily told and embellished and shared again. Bloody Mary and Candy Man spread all over the Galactic Scouts of the Virgo Supercluster like wildfire. Human kids think nothing of it, but the youth of over twenty different alien races are completely traumatized.

And it starts from Day 1. Imagine it: some stressed human with a squalling newborn is stuck waiting in the spaceport lounge for a super-delayed flight to Alpha Centauri and EVERYONE is getting pissed and the parent is getting even more frantic and embarrassed because their language translator works just fine and Atarians haven’t exactly perfected whispering anyway so they KNOW they’re totally being judged right now (I knew humans were loud Grarblyx, but this is ridiculous!!!) and they eventually go “fuck it” and resort to nursery rhymes. Jesus. It’s nice enough at first and kinda sweet and the human parent actually has a good singing voice so no one really minds, but then the words start registering? Holy. Shit. The bystanders are going to be just, just SO lost. This scumbag fleshie stuck their baby in a tree and it fell out and that’s okay with you?? An elder went to bed and bumped his head and fucking died and you’re singing about it??? Plague carols, Hrothlax! The fleshie’s singing plague carols! No one knows what’s worse–the parent thinking this is acceptable, or that fact that its working and the baby is soothed by the horror rhymes. #DemonBaby and #HumanParentsAreTheWorst are trending on cosmic Twitter within the hour. #WTFHumanity –a top twenty mainstay– hits the number one spot yet again.

That triggers even more curiosity and OF COURSE nursery rhymes trigger the fairytale discussion, and Humans Are Trolls so screw Disney, its Brothers Grimm (& Co.) time. Cinderella? Chopped off toes, ensorcelled shoes, birds pecking out eyes. Little Red Riding Hood (or the Lon Po Po variant, which is Nightmare Fuel in its own right)??? Snow White???? (WHY ARE HUMANS TELLING THEIR KIDS STORIES ABOUT MURDERING KIDS? NO WONDER THEY’RE NUTS–THIS NONSENSE STARTS AT BIRTH!!) Sleeping Beauty??? (Bloodline curses and rape, wtf?????)

You know what Earth offers up to Galactic TV??? It’s not Star Wars or Star Trek or super hero movies, because all that is reality now. Rom Coms never do well off Earth. (Or on Earth, these days) because they don’t cross culutres well. But slasher films??? They never go away because we LOVE them, even if only to mock them. Time to revisit the classics. Michael Myers returns, the Scream franchise is rebooted. SO. MANY. AXE MURDERS.

Humanity, you’re so weird, lol.

But everyone better hope it stops there at the Cryptkeeper level, or THINGS GO WRONG.

Next level? The supernatural shit is POSSIBLE because aliens are real and there are species that see what we only barely detect, and some Effed. Up. Mess. goes down on Earth. All those horror stories based on some human with ESP drawing the wrong thing’s attention? All those written off feelings of paranoia or fear? That’s going to make for some fucked up reality checks for HUMANS because our sixth sense is notorious and then you have to wonder…ghosts? Poltergeists? Demonic or violent entities? All that was contained on Earth but now can cross the stars.

What happens when ideas that thrive off the collective unconscious goes galactic? What if there is a species that has evolved enough to engender psychic constructs?

They’d better be kept far away from shit like Freddy Kreuger, and ALL gods forbid the Slender Man mythos resurfaces. The Cthulu Mythos??? That’s introduced and immediately banned and now Earth isn’t quirky and dangerous-but-awesome, but SpaceHell.

Good job, humanity. Good job.

@sarroora @i-reblog-stuff Alright i just want to quickly translate this comic because it’s really cute. This whole series of one-pages is about Donald’s first time/things (e.g. first dance lesson, first song, first date..) and this one is about Donald’s first easter prank

Della: Ha! My first easter egg! Now you try that, Donnie!

Donald: Rather not, Della! We come out of eggs ourselves! So maybe there is a brother inside this one!

Della: What? That’s impossible!

Egg: Help! Lemme out! I can’t breathe!

Della: Yikes! We have to save him! But how?

Donald: Just a minute! I’ll look it up in my book! *starts reading how to ventriloquize*

Della: Book? But.. Darn it! Here! Now your brother will get some fresh air!

Donald: I don’t need a brother! Having a sister like you is bad enough! Haha!