You Can’t Fix What Ain’t Broke part 2
A/N: Holy crap you guys!!! I did not expect that much love from any one (i barely expected 10 ppl to read this thing) Thank you sososososososoooooo much. I’m sorry this part took so long to publish…my laptop decided to die and I am without a personal computer. I almost lost the whole thing. T^T Without further ado, here’s part two! I hope you like it~
You Can’t Fix What Ain’t Broke part 2
Pairing: Bucky x Reader
Word Count: 2,264
Warnings: a lil smidge of angst. fluff. sad bucky, angry bucky, frustrated bucky.
**“Mission report.” Longing. “No please stop…” Rusted. *screams* Seventeen. “Bucky no!!” Daybreak. “Sargent Barnes” Furnace. “the process has already started” Nine. “You are to be the new fist…” Benign. “I’m with you…” Homecoming. “til the end of the line.” One. “of HYDRA”**
Bucky shot up in his bed, drenched in sweat..his chest heaving. He looked over to the clock 2:32 am. Another nightmare. Another sleepless night. The faces of all those he’d ever tortured, murdered…burned into his memories forever. Coming back in his sleep to remind him of all the death that he was responsible for.
“Damnit…” he whispered as he dragged his hand down his face. Swinging his legs off the bed, he got up and walked to his bathroom. He switched on the light and turned on the cold water to splash onto his face. As he looked up he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. A broken soul. Missing pieces. Impossible to put back together. There was no question that Bucky was relieved to no longer under the control of Hydra. But it was more of a question of did he deserve to even exist anymore.
You shouldn’t be here.
It was going to be a long day.
“Let’s go Buck come on,” Steve encouraged “just one more set.”
Since coming to the Avenger’s base, it was Steve’s mission to help Bucky get back into the swing of things. It was Sam’s mission to keep Bucky on his toes.
“Come on man, my grandmother can bench press more than this!”
“You know, for a guy who’s life I saved from a teenage spider, you sure do talk a lot of smack.” Bucky spat back as he pushed the bar from his chest.
“Less talk more lift dinosaur.” laughed Sam.
As much as they bickered and teased each other, Steve knew that his two closest friends were getting along. He was so grateful to have met Sam, and even more so to have Bucky back in his life.
After heavy lifting and a 10k run (one which they gave Sam a 30 minute head start…and he still finished last), Steve and Bucky took it to the ring to practice sparring.
“I’m not going easy on you, Punk.”
“I never needed you to, Jerk.”
Bucky and Steve were equals in the ring so this fight was bound to last forever. 5 minutes…10 minutes…15 minutes…Sam was getting bored. He looked over and nodded to Steve when an idea popped into his head.
“Hey Barnes, you better step up your game if you ever want Y/N to notice you!” Sam cried out.
“What?” Bucky looked over to Sam who had a wicked smile on his face. Distracted, Steve landed a punch to Bucky’s stomach.
“Yeahhhh I see the way you looking at her. All coy and shit.”
“Stop distracting me Wilson!” Bucky dodged Steve’s right cross and pushed Steve back to the ropes. He knew that Sam was only messing with him, but it was working.
“I’m just saying man, a girl like Y/N isn’t gonna stay single for long. You know she used to fix motorcycles before she got here? Woo wheee~”
Steve howled with laughter and pushed Bucky to the ropes, “it’s true Buck, you gotta make a move sometime. Or else Sam might beat you to it” Sam over exaggerated a wink to Bucky who exhaled deeply..
Bucky reached his hand between his body and Steve’s face and put him in a choke hold. “I hate you guys….”
After what felt like forever, Steve was able to get Bucky in a grappling hold with his metal arm behind his back. On instinct, Bucky flipped Steve over and slammed him onto the floor. With Steve on his back, Bucky pinned him to ground with his knee, putting all of his body weight onto Steve’s chest. The two exhausted, Steve decided to throw in the towel.
“That’s you going easy?”
“Well I figured two septuagenarians shouldn’t risk dislocating a hip.” Bucky chuckled.
“What the hell is this bromance?” called out Sam.
The three laughed. Bucky got up and held out his left hand to help pull up Steve. As Steve reached out to get it, Bucky’s arm started spazzing. “WOAH! What the hell…AH!” His arm jerked and slammed the ground next to Steve’s head. Two inches over, and Captain America would’ve had his teeth broke in.
Steve rolled over to the opposite side and sat up “Woah Buck! you okay?”
“I don’t know what’s going on…” Bucky struggled to keep his arm from moving. It swung nearly missing Sam’s face.
“Watch the merchandise!”
Bucky grabbed onto the ropes to steady himself. He stared at his metal hand. Broken. He gritted his teeth, trying to control himself. “Buck?” Missing pieces. “Hey cyborg you alright there?” Impossible to put back together. He screamed.
Bucky came into the lab accompanied Steve and Sam. You turned to smile at them, when you saw Bucky holding his arm in place. His face irritated, angry…nothing like the man you saw the week before. He avoided any eye contact with you. You looked to Steve, who’s face was full of concern for Bucky. “What happened?” you asked worriedly.
“We were in the middle of training when it started going crazy! He damn near punched a hole through Steve’s face. ” Sam exclaimed, earning a stern look from Steve. “I think it’s short circuiting; he’s having a hard time keeping control of it.” Steve explained. You walked over with your tool tray and picked up the handheld scanner. After examining his arm, you noticed a few wires out of place that was the source of the short circuit. Bucky looked more on edge than usual, his jaw clenched. His body so tense trying to keep the synthetic limb in control. You could see the two exposed wires that were sparking off. “Think you can fix it Y/N?” Steve asked. You walked over to the tool kit, “Shouldn’t be a problem…Bucky?” your voice shy and quiet. He looked at you before returning his gaze to the floor. He was shaking. “I’m going to need to remove a panel to get to the wires okay?” Bucky sighed deeply and nodded silently. You applied an electric disk to disable the arm. You began to remove the panel, working slowly, when Bucky’s arm suddenly whirred and smashed into the table, putting a dent into the metal surface. You jumped back from Bucky who was visibly shaken. He looked at you with a fear in his eyes and then back at his metal appendage.
“Watch it!” yelled Sam.
“No no it’s okay, it was an accident Sam. I’m okay” you assured him.
Bucky however was definitely not okay. He let out a frustrated growl and buried his face in his flesh hand. Steve moved closer to his friend. “Bucky you alright?”
“Here, let me try that again” you said. Bucky looked at you from behind the strands of hair that was now covering his face. “I’m going to add another disk to help keep it in place okay?” He didn’t respond, only stared at you as you place the second disk on him. “It’s okay Bucky, it’ll be a quick fix. I promise” You moved faster this time, removing the panel from his arm. Bucky was struggling to control his breathing. You took out your soldering iron and quickly mended the two wires back together. With the procedure done in less than 5 minutes, you exhaled in relief and was about to replace the panel when all of a sudden, Bucky yelled out. “Y/N move!!!” You barely had any time to get out of the way before Bucky’s metal arm swung out. You fell backwards onto the floor. He knocked over your tool tray before Steve and Sam rushed over to hold Bucky down.
“Woah! Get it together man! You almost knocked the living day lights out of Y/N!” Sam scolded.
Bucky was hyperventilating when he saw to you. Your tools were all over the floor surrounding you, your scanner broken. Then he saw you holding your hand in pain, his eyes widened in terror. You inhaled sharply through your teeth and revealed that the soldering wand had burned you. You looked at it on the floor, “must’ve still been hot when it grazed me.” You stood up and Steve walked over to you. “Are you alright Y/N?” “Yeah, I’m okay. Damn it. Stings like a bitch though.” You tried to laugh it off, but no one was fooled by your smile. Steve smiled sadly at you as he observed the burn. You cleared your throat, “Tis but a flesh wound, I’ll be alright.” You moved to pick the panel back up. “Let me put this back on for you” you said to Bucky.
“No” he said sternly.
“Bucky” you chuckled “it was an accident. I’m okay. I burn myself on the stove all the time. I’m a quick healer.”
“Get away from me Y/N” He couldn’t even look at you.
“I’m only trying to help…” your voice getting quiet.
His head shot up and he glared “Well it’s not helping. So do me a favor, and just leave me alone.” You put down the panel onto the table. Steve tried to calm his friend down. “She was just trying to help put it back Buck.” “Help? Steve look at me! Do you think that I’m something that can be fixed with a couple of nuts and bolts?!” Steve looked down. “Hey man, chill out” Sam shot back. Bucky screamed at the top of his lungs, “Chill out? Chill out?! I spent more than half my life in a glass tube chilling out. And THAT didn’t fix me either. So forgive me if I don’t exactly want to chill out.” He got up from the table, irritable. He was mumbling to himself when he picked panel and replaced it himself, his back towards the three of you.
You looked at Bucky in shock, but then something inside snapped. Your shock turned into disbelief. He might be the Winter Soldier, but that was no reason to treat his friends that way.
“Hey, don’t take it out on them.”
“You heard me. Now take it back.”
Bucky turned around and walked up to you. He towered above you but you stood tall and tough. Steve and Sam watched you unsure if they needed to step in to save you or to save Bucky. If working at biker shop taught you anything, it was how to hold your own.
“Now I don’t care if you’re the Winter Soldier or not. You don’t intimidate me. And I said, take it back.”
Bucky looked down at you, his stature proud but his eyes sad. He was at a loss for words. He’d never seen you angry before.
“Steve, Sam, even Tony, all of us brought you here for one reason. And that was to help you get better. Because we thought that it’d be better for you to heal here, amongst friends rather than leaving you amongst scientists.”
“Stop Y/N.” Bucky said through his teeth.
“Bucky, I can only imagine what you’ve been through. But i’m here aren’t I? Sam’s here, Steve’s here, we’re all here because we WANT to help you. We WANT to understand. And you think we’re just gonna let you push us away?”
“You should really stop talking Y/N.”
“Or what? You’re gonna push me away too?” you choked.
He paused. You were the last person he wanted to push away. Your breathing became heavy and your heart full of anger and frustration. Bucky bit his lip choosing his words carefully.
“You don’t know anything about me Y/N.”
“Well I WOULD if you would just trust me and open up once in awhile” your voice on the verge of cracking. You hated being this heated, you could barely keep the tears at bay. But you knew he could see how your eyes watered up. You weren’t afraid to cry, but you weren’t about to let him see how strongly you felt for him.
“And why…would I…ever…open up…to you? How could you…even begin…to understand me?” he said slowly, as if he was forcing the words to come out of his mouth. He didn’t mean it, he knew that. But if he had to lie to keep you safe out of harm’s way…his way…then so be it. He couldn’t risk hurting you.
You searched him for a sign, any sort of sign that he cared. That everything he was saying was out of frustration. That he didn’t mean any of it. You thought you saw the briefest glimmer of regret in his eyes when he looked to the floor and away from you. You had to get out of there, before you lost it.
“Forget this.” you took off your lab coat and shoved it at his chest. “Let me know when you’re ready to stop being the Winter Soldier and start being a damn human being.”
You knew that hurt. And for a second you couldn’t believe those words came out of your mouth. But you were angry. And you wanted to hurt him the way you hurt. You shoved past him, and stomped out of the lab, grabbing your leather jacket from the coat rack. You couldn’t let him, or the other guys, see you lose your shit. As you turned to get into the elevator you saw Bucky holding your lab coat and slightly turn his head to watch you walk away. You kept your eyes on his, the elevator doors closing just as you lost hold of your tears.
“Damn.” Sam broke the silence.
Bucky exhaled deeply.
“What the hell Bucky?” scolded Steve
“Shut up Steve.”
“Man you shut up.” shot Sam “Be mad at me, be mad at Steve. But that was no reason to talk to Y/N like that. She’s only ever helped you.”
Bucky placed your lab coat down on the table. He caught sight of his reflection in the screen of the computer, the image of a man who even he didn’t recognize. He wasn’t proud of his outburst. But all he could think about is how he was unable to control his arm…how it controlled him instead. How for all these years, he was unable to control himself. His decisions never his, control. He flashed back to the past, the faces of people he “sacrificed for the greater good”, the history that he helped shape. He looked at his reflection and saw the Winter Soldier staring back at him.
The lab doors opened, Tony walked in staring at his phone. “Hey Y/N, I had some ideas for….what the hell happened here?”
Steve and Sam looked at each other. Bucky walked past Tony out of the lab. Tony watched as he walked past him, “You know what…never mind I don’t want to know. Where is Y/N?”
tagging writers that i love and those who have requested (if you’d like to be tagged please either comment or send me a msg…thank you for the support!)
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