Dancefloor's for the dancin' - Talkfloor's for the talkin'!

You hear people - usually people who can’t fucking dance - saying shit like “on the dancefloor, there are no rules!”

Except there is a rule, actually. I’m not talking about general social rules being applied to the dancefloor - respect for personal space, no grabbing, no farting, no spilling drinks, no stabbing toes with high heels: these are all general, everyday things, relevant but not specific to the world of Da Club. For of these, there can be only one - like the Highlander, but with vodka and coke.

There is but one special rule - one rule to rule them all, if there were any other rules to rule.

It’s really very simple.


Not once. Not ever.

There are very, VERY few exceptions. Single words, for example - “cigarette”, “toilet”, “drink”, “coat”, “choon”, “ninja” - these are all fine. They communicate important messages in a very efficient way - “coat”, for example, could refer to going home, or going home WITH someone, depending on their facial expression. I repeat, no more words are necessary here. “Drink” is self explanatory. “Ninja” - either you’re all to pose like a ninja (cool as fuck, man), or there’s a ninja in the vicinity. Probably the former, as nobody sees the ninja…he simply sees you.Unless you’re out with a ninja, in which case you’re fine anyway. If he’s spotted enemy ninjas before they’ve spotted him, those dicks are as good as sashimi.

Singing along to lyrics, right or wrong, is also fine. Can’t fault a man for getting his Rock Star on. Even the occasional “ohhhhh, remember this?!” Happens from time to time - we are overcome with nostalgia, and feel the need to express it. As long as this is done in a clear and concise fashion, then it, too, shall pass.


  • TELLING ANECDOTES IS NOT FINE. Dammit, man - this isn’t Storytime, it’s Jiggin’ Time! Nay - it’s MILLER Time.
  • ASKING GIANT QUESTIONS IS NOT FINE. “So, how are you after that terrible thing that happened?” See above note on Jiggin’ Time. Get the funk outta m'face.
  • TALKING ABOUT WORK, STUDY OR OTHERWISE NON-PARTY RELATED SUBJECTS IS NOT FINE. “Oh, did you get that essay done?” Look, bub. I work hard. And I play HOWEVER THE FUCK I WANT, and without your damn jibber-jabber!

Save it for the Talkfloor, jabroni. Dancefloor’s for the dancin’.