disfigurment

an incomplete list of the batshit insane things hermione’s done

-prioritized her education over her life

-instantly became ride or die with harry after the troll incedent

-set snape on fire

-brewed an illegal potion for two months in the girls’ bathroom

-turned into a furry

-immediate thought upon encountering a giant murdersnake was ‘better make sure the others find this page on my helpless petrified body bc god knows they won’t figure it out themselves’

-wanted to take finals after like a month in a magical coma

-traveled through time to get even more homework

-figured out lupin was a werewolf and didn’t tell anyone because he was a relatively competent teacher compared to magic ryan seacrest and literal voldemort

-essentially snatched trelawney’s weave gotdamn

-slugged draco malfoy, terrified him and his hulking buddies into running, went back in time to watch it again

-confronted a werewolf and his alleged mass murderer friend because, again, ride or die

-broke time travel laws in order to jailbreak azkaban escapee and his pet hippogriff

-dated an international sports star

-put up with all the vile shit rita skeeter wrote about her

-joined secret order dedicated to fighting voldemort

-put up with harry’s shit

-imprisoned a woman in a jar for months, blackmailed her into doing what she wanted

-formed and organized secret defense class, peer pressured harry into leading it

-permanently disfigured the girl who ratted them out. snitches get stitches.

-manipulated the shit out of umbridge

-basically left her to rot in the forbidden forest

-went to fight death eaters with like six of her mates despite her misgivings (RIDE. OR. DIE.)

-immediately agreed to destroy the dark lord’s soul with her buddies despite not having any idea how (RIDE! OR! DIE!)

-mind wiped her parents and made them go to australia to keep them safe

-essentially singlehandedly kept harry and ron alive and functional for the majority of the deathly hallows

-wore the locket while still managing not to be a shithead

-got the shit tortured out of her by bellatrix lestrange. didn’t go insane.

-fought in the battle of hogwarts. didn’t die.

-was unfailingly loyal and did everything she could to keep harry safe for seven years, even when he was quite frankly being a jackass

Spellcasting Combat Narration for D&D

image credit: Ben Wootten

So I was gonna include this in my other article on narrating combat, but it proved far too lengthy, so I made this into part 2! 

Combat is easy to describe compared to narrating spell attacks. I ran into this problem last session when I was getting into detail telling the barbarian how they tore off an ogre’s head but then the druid just kept using Fire Bolt and I kept defaulting to “you shoot a bolt of fire at his face.” I’m going to try and vary things up with these lists and help everyone else in the process! I am organizing them by energy type.

Mode of Attack

Half of a spell’s attack is how the caster shapes their spell. The same spell can look very different with every casting if you have a creative DM. Feel free to switch it up each time it’s cast, or vary the same spell when cast by different characters of different classes.

Attack Words

Generic shapes and terms that will launch from the caster’s hand.

Helix, Spiral, Beam, Erratic, Mote, Bolt, Stream, Blast, Burst, Blade, Arc, Miasma, Cloud, Eruption, Wave, Cone, Missile, Rune, Glyph

Class-Based Ideas

  • Bard
    • Energy manifests from thin air a foot in front of their instrument as they play
    • Energy is shaped like ribbons of written music that ripples towards enemies
    • Several tiny motes of energy appear with each note sung or played. Each point of damage comes from a mote hitting the opponent (rolls a 4 out of a d6, 4 of the 6 note-motes hit)
  • Cleric
    • Energy falls from the sky or emerges from the ground as the cleric prays
    • Beam of energy originates from holy symbol
    • Spell attack should highlight that the cleric is granted their powers from a greater power, don’t have the energy come from their hand/finger. Have the energy come TO them, and then be thrown at the enemy.
  • Druid
    • Energy is shaped like an animal.
    • Energy rushes forth from the surrounding wilderness and zooms past the druid and toward the foe.
    • Much like Cleric, energy shouldn’t come from the caster. It should come from elsewhere before being thrown at the enemy.
  • Fighter (Eldritch Knight)
    • Energy blasts from their bound weapon pointed at the enemy.
    • Energy fires from their mouth as they yell.
    • Energy surrounds their weapon and is used in tandem with it (if close enough)
  • Monk (Way of Four Elements)
    • Literally just watch Avatar: the Last Airbender and do that.
  • Paladin
    • Most Paladin spells are smite-based, so they usually happen when an attack hits. Otherwise, let the energy come from a higher power like the Cleric.
    • Energy bursts forth from within the creature hit
    • Energy surrounds weapon right as the strike lands
    • Energy falls from the sky or erupts from the ground
  • Ranger
    • Honestly, most Ranger spells often seem a lot like man-made traps like Cordon of Arrows (arrow traps), Fog Cloud (smoke grenade), or Grasping Vine (slipknot trap). But otherwise, Play it like the Cleric where the energy comes from a higher power.
    • Energy takes the form of the Ranger’s animal companion or an animal they associate with.
    • Spells seem to cast automatically whenever the Ranger is in a tight spot, almost as if nature itself is protecting them. The Ranger gives an approving nod whenever this happens in thanks.
  • Rogue (Arcane Trickster)
    • Energy is always accompanied by a shimmer of glitter
    • The Rogue plays with the energy over their fingertips as they whistle before casting the spell.
    • Energy enchants one of the Rogue’s daggers and casts the spell by tossing the dagger at the intended location or target.
  • Sorcerer (Draconic Bloodline)
    • Energy takes the shape of a dragon of your bloodline.
    • Energy surges forth from your breath
    • All energy takes the shape of your bloodline dragon’s energy type, regardless of the actual energy type. For instance, a sorcerer of a blue dragon’s bloodline that casts Burning Hands or Cone of Cold keeps the energy type but shapes the fire and cold damage into the form of a bolt of lightning. 
  • Sorcerer (Wild Magic) 
    • Energy takes on many random forms, never under the full command of the Sorcerer.
    • Energy erupts from random places in the environment when the Sorcerer calls upon them.
    • Energy bubbles and fizzes with all energy types (but mostly the one called upon), as if a piece of Limbo was thrown at the enemy.
  • Warlock (Archfey)
    • Your energy shimmers with iridescent colors and showers enemies with sparks of glitter.
  • Warlock (Great Old One)
    • Your magic corrupts and twists the flesh of the target of your spell, regardless of the energy type.
  • Warlock (Fiend)
    • Energy takes the shape of the unholy symbol of your patron.
  • Wizard (Abjuration)
    • Energy shoots forth from your magical wards, arcing towards your enemies.
  • Wizard (Conjuration)
    • You conjure a short-lived elemental of the energy type you need. It soars at the enemy.
  • Wizard (Divination)
    • You weave the glowing threads of fate in the palms of your hands, tweaking reality to cast your spell.
  • Wizard (Enchantment)
    • You enchant an object to exude the energy and toss it at the enemy.
  • Wizard (Evocation)
    • I mean, you just sorta blast them. That’s what this school’s about.
  • Wizard (Illusion)
    • Your spell usually spawns two or three illusory copies. When the attack misses, the enemy simply managed to dodge the right duplicate.
  • Wizard (Necromancy)
    • Your energy takes the shape of a skull screaming as it flies toward the enemy
  • Wizard (Transmutation)
    • You transmute the energy out of the surrounding environment and fire it at the enemy

On-Hit

So if half of a spell’s attack is the shape and travel of the spell, the other half is when the spell hits. I organized this list by energy type, as different energies will do different sorts of things when they hit a creature. This is mostly a collection of interesting effects, colorful language, and examples.

Fire

  • Your bolt of fire singes their armor (burning cloth, blackening leather, discoloring metal)
  • A tiny bead of fire explodes on contact
  • Showers them with red sparks
  • Your attack leaves behind a billowing trail of smoke
  • A fast-travelling meteor of flame soars from the sky towards the enemy.
  • Your flames leave blisters and cracked skin in its wake.
  • Your fire blackens the enemy’s flesh

Cold

  • You freeze the moisture in the air into icy daggers that fall onto your enemy
  • You freeze the water in their blood to damage them
  • Their skin turns blue and numb
  • You literally hurl a snowball at them.
  • Your spell leaves them covered in a layer of frost
  • A buildup of ice covers where your spell hit. (it’s easily shattered once they move, though)
  • A blast of icy wind and rain leaves them shivering.

Thunder

  • A crack of thunder pummels your foe
  • A high-pitched, deafening shriek focuses itself on the target
  • A thin trail of blood races from the foe’s ears from a sound no one else can hear
  • The enemy falls to their knees cupping their hands over their ears, gritting their teeth
  • You buffet the target with waves of thunderous sound
  • The ground shakes with the force of your spell. Brittle glass objects nearby shatter.

Lightning

  • Lightning comes from the sky to smite your foe
  • You all smell the faint odor of ozone before a bright bolt of lightning streaks toward the target of your spell
  • Before your enemy can blink they are showered in electrical sparks followed by crippling pain
  • The enemy’s back stiffens as the powerful current of lightning surges through them
  • Your attack leaves a permanent web of lightning shaped burns all over one side of their body
  • Your blast of lightning causes their skin to rupture as it travels through their body

Acid

  • Your acid sizzles as it burns a new, unnatural color into their skin
  • The attack melts their flesh, leaving them permanently disfigured at the site of the spell
  • Your spell’s acid causes blue fire to burn where it hit their skin, and bleaches their armor and belongings
  • A rancid smell fills the foe’s nostrils as the acid bubbles on their bare skin, burning through the simple cloth of their shirt.

Poison

  • You spew a poisonous cloud from your mouth at your opponent
  • A spectral viper or insect is flung at the opponent, biting them and filling them with magical venom
  • Your index and middle finger each grow a poisonous fang which you sink into your opponent’s arm (melee range spell attacks only)
  • The enemy’s mouth fills with a foul tasting liquid which forces its way down their throat

Necrotic

  • Your target’s flesh bubbles and boils as a black ichor sputters from the spell’s origin
  • The foe’s flesh festers with magical disease as boils and wounds quickly cover the affected area
  • A skeletal hand wriggles free from beneath the earth, flying towards the target
  • An incorporeal undead shrieks as it flies from your finger toward the enemy to deliver the spell’s effect
  • Black energy swirls around your arm before launching towards the enemy as if it had a life of its own
  • Your iridescent blue magic enters the target’s body and afflicts their soul, making them momentarily dazed as their eyes glaze over.

Radiant

  • A holy light shines from the skies to harm your target, regardless of time of day or obstructions
  • A halo of radiant energy surrounds your head and blinds the target as they gaze upon it
  • Enemies that aren’t of your alignment hear the whispers of your deity moments before being enveloped in a blinding white light
  • The foe’s eyes and mouth emit warm light and they howl in pain
  • A blade of radiant energy slashes through the victim, leaving a trail of blinking motes of light in its wake
  • The enemy’s skin blisters from the raw positive energy surging through them

So essentially this whole post was a creative writing assignment for myself, but I hope that it gives you guys new creative ideas for new spells or new ways to describe existing spells! They don’t much affect the mechanics of the spell at all, so most DMs I suspect will be fine with most of these descriptions if you want your character to cast spells a certain way.

The ultimate list of musicals for new theatre fans

1. Hamilton
A rap musical about Founding father Alexander Hamilton nuff said

2. Les Miserables
A bunch of good looking French revolutionaries a escaped prisoner and a inspector that will emotionally destroy you

3. Next to Normal
a rock musical about a dysfunctional Family with a mentally ill mother it will make you cry

4. The Phantom of the Opera
A disfigured lonely genius falls for a Beautiful young opera chorus girl with deathly consequences you will cry

5. Little Shop of Horrors
A Love story and a alien murderous plant that feeds on human blood is funny and horrible

6. Natasha, Pierre the great of 1812
A modernish take on War and Peace and it’s great

7. Dracula (West end)
A very gothic musical about Dracula very true to the book (make sure you listen to the west end version)

8. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
A gothic tale about a vengeful Barber with bloody, gore and cannibalistic outcomes

9. Dear Evan Hansen
A teenager with severe social anxiety gets caught in a web of lies involving his crush and the death of her brother you might cry

10. The Hunchback of Notre dame
A outcast unattractive nice guy gets abused by his guardian falls in love with a beautiful gypsy with tragic consequences

11. Into the woods
All your favourite fairy tales mixed up with death

12. Aladdin
If you’ve never watched the Disney film what are you doing with your life?

13. Evita
The life and death of beloved first lady of Argentina Eva Perón you’ll probably cry tbh

14. Wicked
what happened between the Witches in Oz before Dorothy arrived

15. In the Heights
The life of a Latino small business owner in New York

16. Something Rotten
if Shakespeare was a rockstar with EGGS

17. Jesus Christ Superstar
A rock Musical about Jesus’s crucifixion and it’s amazing

18. My Fair Lady
A sweet musical about a uneducated pretty young girl being educated and brought into high society

19. Singing in the rain
A Handsome actor meets and falls in love with a talented young singer in the hollywood golden age

20. The Secret Garden
a bittersweet story about learning to deal with and live life after loosing a loved one with a pretty garden involved

21. The Lion King
Again if you’ve never watched the Disney movie what are you doing? It’s basically Hamlet with Lions

22. Pippin
A young performer trying to find his place in the world

23. American Idiot
yes it’s the greenday Album made into a musical and it’s great damn it

24. you’re a good man Charlie Brown
The Peanuts characters in a sweet musical about what it means to grow up

25. A man of no importance
Love life of a Irish theatre troupe director with Oscar Wilde

26. be More Chill
A Scifi high school musical for nerds with Mountain Dew and super computer chips it’s amazing

27. Avenue Q
Basically Sesame Street for adults it’s weird but great

28. The Rocky Horror picture show
A crazy Alien Transexual scientist seduces a lost young couple with pleasure leading to pain

29. Newsies
19th Century Paperboys revolt with consequences people may cry

30. Heathers
Imagine every teen high School story… now add murder, bombs and sarcasm

Feel free to add more

3

The legendary Théâtre du Grand Guignol in Paris’ Quartier Pigalle. It was a serious theatrical enterprise that put on gruesome, faux-blood-splattered shows year-round for decades, the Grand Guignol featured staged killings, mutilations and scenes of torture so realistic that audience members often fled the theater in terror.

The owner, Oscar Metenier was a frequent target of censorship for having the audacity to depict a milieu which had never before appeared on stage: that of vagrants, street kids, prostitutes, criminals and for allowing those characters to express themselves in their own language.

At the Grand Guignol, patrons would see five or six plays, all in a style that attempted to be brutally true to the theatre’s naturalistic ideals. The plays were in a variety of styles, but the most popular and best known were the horror plays, featuring a distinctly bleak worldview as well as bloody climaxes. These plays often explored the altered states, like insanity, hypnosis, or panic, under which uncontrolled horror could happen. To heighten the effect, the horror plays were often alternated with comedies.

Some examples of plots are the following:

Le Laboratoire des Hallucinations, by André de Lorde: When a doctor finds his wife’s lover in his operating room, he performs a graphic brain surgery, rendering the adulterer a hallucinating semi-zombie. Now insane, the lover/patient hammers a chisel into the doctor’s brain.

Un Crime dans une Maison de Fous, by André de Lorde: Two hags in an insane asylum use scissors to blind a pretty, young fellow inmate out of jealousy

L'Horrible Passion, by André de Lorde: A nanny strangles the children in her care.

Le Baiser dans la Nuit, by Maurice Level: A young woman visits the man whose face she horribly disfigured with acid, where he obtains his revenge

  (Source)

5

Preston Northwest:  I would just like to say that as a rich capitalist I welcome your tyrannical rule. Perhaps I could be one of your, uh… horsemen of the apocalypse?

Pacifica Northwest: Dad!

Preston:  Not now, sweetie, the grownups are talking.

Bill Cipher: Oh wow, that’s a great offer. How ‘bout instead I shuffle the functions of every hole in your face?

-”Gravity Falls”