disembowelment

one of the grosser symptoms of BPD is literally wanting to tear yourself apart when you’re so upset/distressed/angry 

like the chances of me severely harming myself and/or maiming myself are rather slim but still those thoughts are on repeat and that start to sound better the more time your mental hell goes on

and yeah it’s an intrusive thought and doesn’t mean you actually want to do them or that you’re a deplorable person for those thoughts appearing but it still feels so shameful on a certain level and it never leaves you until your mood shifts once more

Whoo boy do I love Voltron fics, but as I’m writing my own, I keep encountering this enigma that are these healing pods. And the more I think about it, the scarier they are. I mean, think about it. These are kids in space. But they can’t be kids anymore, they have to protect the universe, and with that comes a degree of physical harm.

I mean, that in itself is pretty traumatic right there. Teenagers fighting a war will have incredible psychological impact. But then you throw the healing pods into the mix, and the story begins morphing into horror rather than science fiction.

On the surface, it seems fine. The healing pods are a blessing. Nobody dies or will have lasting permanent damage if they get in there soon enough. But think about the impact that this has on their young developing brains. A paladin gets his insides ripped open. Pop ‘em in the pod. And then they may have to face the monster that did that to them, because it’s their job. They don’t have time to recover.

You fell and broke your arm? Go to the pod. Good as new! Keep training. Shot while trying to protect innocent bystanders? That’s just your job. Get in the pod. do it again. 

I mean, this is going to have a lasting impact on how they view pain and injuries. Does it matter if you get hurt if you can just spend some time in the healing pods, and you’ll be good as new? If you never have to take into account your own injuries, then they start to feel insignificant.

The thing about this is, sometimes, getting hurt gives you time to rest. Think about it, these kids are fighting a war. And Shiro probably has a very double-edged relationship with the healing pods, because they weren’t an option for him when he was starving and bleeding and tortured. And they can’t undo old trauma.

Essentially the healing pods mean a state of hyper-mania. There’s never time to rest, to heal. You never get a few days to recover. You’re either fighting for your life or unconscious and healing and when you wake up, you have to do it all over again.

And then they’d start to lose a normal perception of pain tolerance. Like, with just one machine, your pain goes away. There’s no such thing as agony. Just a few uncomfortable moments before you are healed again. 

And there are two ways this works. Do the healing pods heal everything?  Can the paladins even get scars anymore? Are they just brought back to the state they were in before they got injured? That’s terrifying. Imagine Lance, looking at himself in a mirror. He’s been in space for almost two years, but the skin on his face and neck and chest, all smooth. Unmarred. He remembers nearly being disemboweled, but now he can’t remember if it was on the right or left side. He stares at his body, trying to imagine all the scars that should be there that aren’t and at this point he just can’t remember them all anymore.

And when the paladins finally, finally get to return home? Well, they look exactly the same as the day they left Earth. Lance’s younger siblings look older than him now. He hasn’t changed at all.

And all he can think is: is he even really human anymore?

But the alternative I think I prefer. The healing pods just accelerate the process, encourage the tissue to heal at an elevated pace. So they all have scars, too many scars. 

Hunk has to oil up his torso every night, because the scar tissue is getting too thick and it’s making it hard to move in some places. The tattoos he once imagined he’d get once he returned to earth are now just laughable dreams of his childhood. There’s no place to get them, no room to put them. His body is no longer a canvas, it’s a ripped sheet, held together after every tear by fraying thread. There’s no room for swirling images anymore. All that’s left are scars.

So many scars.

What are the lasting effects? Psychological trauma, for sure. But maybe physical, too. Stopping natural aging, or maybe nerve damage. After Keith got blown from the sky, his fingers constantly tingle, like his hand is perpetually asleep. Pidge can’t taste anything on the left side of her mouth. But it doesn’t matter, because there’s always another planet that needs saving, another injustice they need to fight. And if they get hurt, all they need is a quick tune-up before they’re back at it again.

Healing pods are scary.

2

Manip: Carmilla + fangs.

anonymous asked:

Could you list all of the tropes that you consider "feel good violence"?

Okay, “Feel Good Violence” is very simple as a concept. It’s violence that feels good, when you’re reading it, when you’re watching it on screen, because for the perpetrator violence can feel really damn good. However, that is violence when taken outside of context. It is violence without consequences. It is violence for the sake of violence. Violence that serves no purpose but to prove the character or person is tough.

Protagonist Sanctioned Bullying - Bullying in general is a fairly popular method to achieve “Feel Good Violence” because bullying does feel good. The audience sympathizes with the protagonist, so when the protagonist acts they cheer for it. Its not presented as bullying by the narrative, but it is still bullying. Usually it’s a rival or a character set up to “deserve it”, but sometimes not.

Making people afraid makes you feel tough. Many authors will fall prey to the sweet lure of bullying and not even know it because bullying is violence without fear of consequence. Most often, they’ve been the recipients rather than the perpetrators, and acting as the bully is a very different ballgame. It is an emotional and psychological high. You feel big, strong, safe, and untouchable. Powerful. In their worst incarnations, most superheroes become bullies.

Bullying is all about control, protected status, and freedom from consequences. An entirely fictional world creates the opportunity for all these things, with the narrative itself siding with the bully. Bullying is Feel Good Violence writ large in real life. It’ll follow you into the fictional world just as easily. Power is a high you never forget.

This is very common trope for characters who also act as a means of self-insertion by the author. For them, it isn’t bullying. It’s an example of how awesome their character is and how tough they are.

Everything But Dead - When the only morals applied are if someone died, the rest is sanctioned without comment. There are no narrative consequences for the character’s behavior, and everyone cheers them on. Anyone who calls them out is an acceptable target, usually evil, or the protagonist wins them over in the end because their actions are “justified”.

By Any Means Stupid - This is the “by any means necessary“ trope, where the violence really isn’t necessary and the author just wanted an excuse to paint the room red.

Unprovoked Violence Is Always the Solution - This is the one where the protagonist skips all the other steps and goes straight to preemptive violence against a total stranger, for no reason other than it makes them appear tough. Usually not framed by the narrative as bad, but it is. Oh, yes, it is. Worse there usually aren’t any consequences for the hero physically assaulting someone in a room full of witnesses because everyone knows they’re the hero, right?

Random Violence Before Strangers is A-Okay -  The protagonist disembowels a bully in front of their victim in order to protect them and receives effusive thank yous. Nothing comes from this. The bad guy is dead. We all feel good. All is right in the world. Except… violence freaks people out.

Acceptable Targets - These are people designated by the writer as non-entities and targets for violence regardless of narrative context. A very slippery slope that is ever descending. But, you know, it feels good? Sure, so long as you’re not on the receiving end. This kind of dehumanization happens in real life too, just in case you were wondering.

Beating Up My Source - You have a character who collects information from an old standby, they threaten and beat up that standby regularly to show they’re tough. At what point does this seem like a terrible idea? Never! Hey, they’re a bad person so you feel good, right?

Waving My Gun Around - Trigger discipline is just the beginning of this problem. A gun is not a toy. but you’ll find a vast array of narratives who use it that way in order to look tough.

Killing Your Way to the Top - You can’t really destroy organizations like this. Killing the people at the top will just lead to someone else taking their place. Whenever you create a power vacuum someone will fill it. You can’t destroy an organization by killing. It doesn’t work. But, it feels good!

Must Obviously Be Boy - Because female fighters are unicorns and the mooks have never laid eyes on a woman before. Usually part of a larger narrative issue with violence, but acts as a “get out of jail free” card.

Clear the Building - That time the character decided to knock everyone out to prove that they are tough. Weirder when it happens on stealth missions.

I Am Not Gaining Levels - When you’re reading a book and the character is fighting like it’s a video game. They fight everyone like they’re in an RPG chasing XP. Why? We don’t know, but it makes them feel good.

Let Me Shoot Him Twenty Times - We could call this spray and pray, but let’s pretend for a moment the magazine could run dry.

Magic Bullets - The bullets that go where you want, stop when you want, and don’t cause accidental casualties. You know, like the protagonist blind firing through a wall and hitting a four year old playing in the yard across the street.

Body Armor Always Prevents A Blow-through - Nope!

New to Training, Perfect Sparring - That time the main character took on their evil rival (school’s top/better trained student) in a sparring match and won, especially when it was their first day.

Sparring Just In General - The vast majority of Western media doesn’t understand the concept or purpose of sparring. Many authors seem to think its a UFC match where you just beat each other up and the first thing you do during training to “assess your capabilities”.

Queuing for Combat - This is an old Hollywood trick where the burden of a group fight is lifted as the stuntmen wait their turn to fight the protagonist. Particularly egregious in written action sequences where the author doesn’t grasp the concept of teamwork. It also warps the understanding of how many people its possible for a human to fight at once.

Terrible At Torture - Torture is a terrible way to gain information in general because it doesn’t lead to a confession so much as confirmation bias. The subject will tell you whatever you want to hear because they want the pain to stop. It’s even worse when done poorly, which it is 90% of the time. Usually, media uses it for shock value or to prove how tough a protagonist is. Torture is not putting a blowtorch to someone’s foot and hoping for the best. It’s far, far more complicated than that. Neither torturer nor subject come out of the experience whole. Besides, the unimaginative protagonists say, “screw you!” The clever ones lie.

What Is: Dress for Success - How we dress our characters is often necessary for crafting a sense of narrative realism. This comes in often as a reason for why its so difficult to take female action heroes seriously, but it happens to the guys too. Not a bad trope on its own, but often symptomatic of a larger narrative approach to violence that ends with “feel” and “good”.

Beautiful and Badass - This one is a very specific female fantasy, which is that you can meet all the cultural standards and definitions for beauty while being in direct defiance of them. These are the female characters who are never touched by the combat they engage in. They are always graceful, always elegant, always beautiful in motion and the narrative will pause to tell us this often. “She fights like she’s dancing.” For these characters, their supermodel-esque beauty is a natural extension of their being. They don’t work at it. Combat is incidental. It’s a set piece to tell you how awesome the character is. It generally amounts to nothing, serves no real narrative purpose, but by god the author is going to walk us through it in excruciating detail. Combat and character are separate, and consequences are for other people.

My Instincts Performed A Wheel Kick - Your instincts just don’t work that way.

There’s probably more, but that hits most of the major sins.

Keep in mind that many of these tropes are not issues by themselves. They often work when context and consequences are taken into account by their narrative/setting. Generally, this results in characters with no accountability for their behavior and exhibit no responsibility for their actions. The issue, of course, is that responsibility and accountability are what make well-written violence work. Violence often drives the narrative. It’s part and parcel to who the character is, and their decision making. It’s the difference between a character who presents themselves as tough or skilled and one who actually is.

-Michi

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How to Make Your Villain Domestic but Still Evil

It’s the oxymoron that attracts us. Billowing black cape, terrifying worldviews, a willingness to make the streets run red with blood – and you know what would be hilarious? Them trying and failing to make morning pancakes. You know what would really hit us in the feels? Watching them show tenderness around a special someone.

Having a villain with a domestic side is lassoing a black hole, and it’s a tantalizing thing to watch. However, anyone who’s indulged in these daydreams with their own villains has probably encountered one very specific issue: it makes them less evil. They lose their edge.

For example, look at Crowley from CW’s Supernatural. This was a guy to be feared at one point; arriving out of nowhere at unexpected times, always playing both sides of the conflict, and you could be certain he would skin anyone necessary to get what he wanted – usually without getting a single drop of blood on his impeccable suit.

Flash forward to recent seasons, and we’ve seen Crowley cry and whimper more times than Dean has died –which is saying something. At first, it was fascinating to discover this powerful character actually had a tender side; and now, when Crowley makes a threat, we’re about as afraid as when any low-level demon makes one. This is because his evil was too compromised. He let himself go.

How can we avoid this mistake with our villains? The answer isn’t making them crush puppies and hate butterflies at every turn; it’s in balancing their core scariness with their softer side – giving them complexity, giving us a bit of “aww,” and making their eventual whiplash back into ‘terrifying’ all the more wonderful.

For this, we’re going to use Epic of Lilith by Ivars Ozols as an example. This book centers on arguably the original female villain – Lilith, the first woman of the Garden of Eden, who got on the “good guys’” bad side by refusing to submit to someone who was clearly her equal. There won’t be any spoilers below, but if you give the book a read (it’s an easy page turner), the points will be driven home stronger.

Plus it’s a book with a great female villain who isn’t objectified (don’t let the cover fool you, seriously) and prose that isn’t full of sexual over- or undertones. Talk about a win, eh?

Here we go.    

Keep reading

The Types and Their Level of Scariness
  • <p> <b>INTJ:</b> At first they might seem worrisome because of their intense stare and nihilistic sentiments, but all it takes is one harsh critique about something important to them and they'll crumble. Their bark is infinitely worse than their bite. Will write a series of salty "blind item" blog entries about you for months. 6/10; too passive-aggressive to be truly scary.<p/><b>INFJ:</b> Hard to get to know, but when they like you, they REALLY like you and you'd better not do anything to break their trust because all of those warm, fuzzy feelings will 180 into pure end-times-level wrath. If you've ever encountered an angry INFJ, you've seen the face of the devil himself. 10/10; scary af<p/><b>ENTJ:</b> While they're capable of verbally disemboweling someone they dislike, they won't actually come after you unless they're bored and feel like starting drama for shits and giggles. Threw a punch once and didn't like it too much. Will tell you to go choke on a bag of dicks with the biggest, brightest smile on their face. 6/10; scary only in theory<p/><b>ENFJ:</b> They love you so, SO much and they want you to do your absolute BEST at EVERYTHING you EVER do like REALLY really, so when you don't meet their expectations, they will get more and more assertive about you achieving your dreams (read: their dreams) until they eventually snap and stab you to death in your sleep. 9/10; file a restraining order and you might be okay.<p/><b>INTP:</b> Too lazy to truly get mad about anything. The only really scary thing about INTPs is their complete disregard for cleanliness. You'll find Chinese takeout boxes from six months ago covered in maggots by their bed, but you won't find nary a discouraging word coming out of their mouths. Only does damage to living things in RPGs. 2/10; scary hygiene but harmless.<p/><b>INFP:</b> Is someone who spends a lot of time writing poetry, getting drunk and crying hysterically about things that happened ten years ago really that scary? I mean, they'll probably throw a whiskey glass or a vase in your general direction and curse you out for a solid ten minutes, but then they'll go right back to crying in fetal position. 4/10; just walk away, dude.<p/><b>ENTP:</b> They'll fuck with you just for the sake of having something to do that day. They'll fuck with you sometimes for no reason whatsoever. They fuck with people because it's just in their nature. Occasionally they'll take things too far and you'll wind up in the hospital but probably never in a morgue. Might send you flowers during your hospital stay. 8/10; scary neurotic<p/><b>ENFP:</b> They're either your best friend or your worst enemy and there is literally no in-between. Sometimes they'll get mad at you for reasons you don't even understand. Rarely ever will they try to physically harm you, though. They'll just whine about "fake people" in their DeviantART journal and mope about for a long time before randomly deciding you're their friend again. 4/10; Super confusing but not scary.<p/><b>ISTJ:</b> The embodiment of "walk softly and carry a big stick". Will sit outside of your bedroom window for days with a shotgun, ready for you to make a wrong move so they can blow you to smithereens. Don't try calling the police, because they're probably a police officer or at least connected to one in some way. In other words, you're fucked. 10/10; lawful evil personified.<p/><b>ISFJ:</b> They love you with all their hearts but they also hate the things you do, ie "love the sin, hate the sinner". Usually harmless, but some of them quickly lose their shit when double-crossed. Might mix poison in your sweet tea and then bury you underneath a bed of roses in the backyard. Prays for your certainly-damned soul every night before supper. 7/10, only scary when provoked.<p/><b>ESTJ:</b> Their big mouths and intense, confrontational attitudes can put the fear of God into you, but for an ESTJ to truly be scary, they'd have to physically harm you and they don't want to jeopardize their careers over something that foolish. Will judge you hardcore from afar but that's about it. 5/10; talks shit but you won't get hit.<p/><b>ESFJ:</b> They're the undisputed champions of guilt-trips, and they'll guilt-trip you over things so incessantly that you might suffer a loss of self-worth in the process, which could lead to severe depression and no will to live. Will attend your post-suicide funeral in a really expensive dress and tell mourners how you could have "really been something". 6/10; scary shady<p/><b>ISTP:</b> No chill towards people they dislike. They will straight-up brutalize your ass in one-on-one combat and you will lose. Will put you in the hospital, wait until you've been released, and THEN put you in a morgue. Probably will laugh about killing you over cold ones with the boys for decades to come. 10/10; cold-blooded killers.<p/><b>ISFP:</b> There is no such thing as a scary ISFP. They might get hurt with you but they just let that shit go after a while. More likely to channel their negative feelings into an artistic outlet than something destructive. No time for pettiness or holding grudges. 0/10; anti-scary saviors<p/><b>ESTP:</b> Also has no chill towards people they dislike, but their hair-brained schemes at revenge are often poorly executed. Will threaten to "beat your ass" for months but won't actually do it unless they're drunk or high. Once they do get physically aggressive towards you though, you are deader than dead. 7/10; flee town before things escalate.<p/><b>ESFP:</b> Often incorrigibly shallow, they'll start rumors to sully the reputation of their enemies before they'd actually consider getting their hands dirty. Rarely ever starts fights but they sure do love jumping into other peoples' fights and finishing them. Will get one of their besties to film the entire beat-down and put it on Snapchat. Hair and makeup somehow stays flawless the entire time. 3/10; more petty than scary.<p/></p>
2

The torture and abuse of 23-year-old mother, Fan Man-yee, lasted one long and traumatic month before her death. On the 17th of March, 1999, she was dragged from her apartment by Leung Shing-cho. She was then taken to Chan Man-lok’s apartment on Granville Road in Hong Kong. Chan was a loan shark that manufactured drugs. Fan had been involved in a robbery in which a wallet containing $4,000 HKD was stolen from Chan. However, she paid it back plus $10,000 in interest but that still wasn’t enough. Chan demanded she pay back an extra $16,000 in interest. She currently couldn’t afford that amount of money.

The plan was to hold her in the apartment until her social security payment came through or until she could earn enough money by selling her body. However, almost as soon as she was through the apartment door, the inhumane torture began from Leung, Chan and another accomplice, Leung Wai-lun. She was beat with fists and water pipes. Fan was burnt with melting plastic as well as a direct flames. The men urinated in her mouth and forced her to eat human excrement. On several occasions, she was strung up by the hands and beaten with a table leg or iron bar until her fingers were completely smashed and her face was bloody. Chilli oil would frequently been poured into her wounds to cause excruciating pain. After a month of torture, Fan unsurprisingly perished from her horrific wounds. She was dismembered in the bathtub and her flesh was stripped from her body and she was disembowelled. Her head was boiled and then shoved into a Hello Kitty doll thus the case was grimly known as “The Hello Kitty Murder.”

A month later, a 13-year-old girl handed herself into the police. She was the girlfriend of one of the killers. She told police that she had assisted in the torture but now she was being haunted by Fan’s ghost. Fan wouldn’t allow her to sleep and when she did, she had terrifying nightmares. She directed them to the apartment of horrors where they discovered Fan’s decomposed heart, lungs, liver and intestines were discovered in a bag on a first-floor canopy over Granville Road. The girlfriend testified for immunity and the trio were sentenced to life in prison.