disciples of the helix

Bloody Sunday

The darkest day in Kanto now loomed over Red.  An evil greater than even Dome had come and usurped the power of the Voices.  A single man, pridefully calling himself “Destiny,” invaded the medium Twitch’s mind.  Six-thousand followers he had.  Six-thousand disciples of this great evil, who used both anarchy and democracy as tools for their massacre.

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a thousand years from now, people will be giving blessings of the Helix, praising Pidgeot and his disciples, telling tales of the miracle that was capturing Zapdos, contesting the powers of Anarchy against Democracy, and condemning evil to the false prophet Flareon and the Dome Fossil

but the most amazing part is that this time it will be based on events that ACTUALLY FUCKING TRANSPIRED

fuck you, evangelists

Today is the saddest of days.

By the work of the Dome Fossil heretics, our dear Abby and Jay Leno have been sent away.

You walk with the Helix Fossil now, our dear Abby. May your path be a near-circular one that leads you increasingly to the center of your destiny.

oh, and Jay Leno too…

There are whisperings among the Disciples of the great Helix Fossil that the great Abby will soon return, the mighty Abbyzard, the Swift Flame of the Helix Fossil, to lay judgment upon those of the Dome Fossil in a great Flamethrower to bring the Dome Fossil and all its followers to ashes.

Helix Fossil be praised!

HAPPY NATIONAL HELIX DAY EVERYONE
DO NOT BE LED ASTRAY BY THE FALSE PROPHET FLAREON, ONLY TRUE DISCIPLES OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR LORD HELIX AND HIS MESSENGER BIRD JESUS WILL BE SPARED

In all seriousness, it’s been a year since 18,000 blundering idiots successfully banded together to beat Pokemon Red, so happy anniversary Twitch Plays Pokemon!