disaster epics

I need a PB&J fic with like..established Pimms, and Jack meets and falls for Bitty and he keeps telling Kent, “You have to meet him, he’s so amazing.  He’s sweet and attractive and I know you’re going to love him.”

And Kent just keeps putting it off and putting it off.

Eventually Jack is like, “Kenny just tell me, WHY you won’t meet him!”

And Kent just goes, “Because I don’t trust your judgment.”

And Jack is like…???  What??  And Kent is like, “Babe…you fell in love with me.  You literally have the worst taste in men.  I’m sorry but I just don’t have any faith that this guy isn’t an epic disaster.  And we both know there’s only room for one of those in this relationship.”

Then of course Kent eventually does meet Bitty and falls in love (because how can he not) and they all live happily ever after.

Can anyone watching that Trump press conference honestly defend this man anymore? No, really. Look me in the eye and tell me that was not a disaster of epic proportions.

What the fuck did I just watch?

You know things are bad when you pray: “Well, he was on amphetamines, I guess. Blame the doctors. He’ll sober up and be more sensible tomorrow.”

Imagine a college au Loki and Tony up to mischief with friends (Bruce is there too, obviously, someone has to keep them in line), and one things leads to another and they’ve gotta skedaddle before the cops show, but before they go someone asks what they should do about the dna evidence they left behind to show that it was them that trashed the lab, and while Loki’s all

Tony’s just like

because seriously nobody’s gonna come searching for dna evidence for who broke into the school to run some lab experiment that blew up in an epic disaster (totally Bruce’s fault as Responsible Adult in charge) and as Tony and Loki start bickering about whether or not this is a bad enough destruction that they need to cover their tracks better Bruce just calmly points out that maybe if Tony and Loki hadn’t been making fuck-me eyes at each other the entire time they would have noticed when things that shouldn’t have been smoking were smoking and Tony just replies that the only smoking thing he had eyes for was Loki

and they’re both just like 

and bruce is just

Arrow 5x09”What We Leave Behind”: Should Be Better Than This

I don’t even know where to start for this episode. I truly don’t. (My thoughts may wonder; apologies. I tried to keep it all cohesive.) It was such a colossal disaster of epic proportions that they spiced up with not one but two fan service scenes. This was not the episode I needed while my passion for Arrow is teetering on the brink. I don’t believe it’s the show the fandom needed in general and that the writers think it’s their best MSF ever? No. It’s really not. Flip a coin between 4x09 or 3x09. This—this doesn’t even best 1x09. It is the last horse in the race—so far back you’d think it was part of another race.

Maybe it was.

Because this certainly doesn’t feel like the show I’ve been investing years of my life into anymore. These characters are not my characters anymore. What I do see on screen are things I often don’t care for or about; while the things I feel are necessary to keep the core of the show strong and push it forward I’m being told happen off-screen. On a TELEVISION show.

I don’t even know if the writers are aware of what their jobs are anymore.

Prometheus

I think it’s clear in my previous reviews this season I’ve been underwhelmed by Prommy. I also made it pretty clear I was keeping my theories for the season to myself based on the state of the fandom. Well, I’ll show my cards now because it’s clear I was wrong. I was putting far too much thought into Prometheus than the show writers were/are.

I didn’t buy into Tommy as Prometheus solely because I know of Colin Donnell’s contractual obligation to Chicago Med. That’s a full season show; he’s a cast regular and it’s also on a rival network—it’s not on the affiliated CBS—so all of those reasons never sold me on Tommy as Prometheus. Story wise? Oh, gosh that’d be fascinating to see how Tommy went dark and then redeem him. But my realist nature prevented me from investing.

So I went to two other theories: 1) That it was someone that we saw in season 1. I went back over season 1 episodes trying to figure out who it would likely be. I wondered if because this season has a real boner for S1, and the pilot in particular, if it’d be Adam Hunt related. Or maybe the brother to the guy who called himself a Savior. (I don’t recall them saying he and his wife had any children so I was thinking other relative). The Savior was someone who was inspired by Oliver’s first run as a vigilante who took the law into his own hands and dealt out his own justice. The Hood didn’t like that; and to save Roy, Oliver killed him. I kind of liked that idea too because it plays into legacy (family and the people Oliver has inspired, for good or ill. 2) My other idea was slightly similar to the idea of it being someone related to the Savior: I thought it would be Slade Wilson’s son, Joe. I can’t recall the age they said he was—and I didn’t feel passionate enough about Arrow or this storyline to go hunting—but I figured ten years might be enough to age the kid up. I really liked this idea better than the first theory simply because the show constantly sets Slade up as Oliver’s biggest nemesis. I certainly felt stronger about this idea after last week’s episode where he faced off against Slade in the hallucination. Oliver feels a certain guilt about creating Slade Wilson the villain; I just could see the parallels if Joe were to be Prometheus.

Anyway, clearly, I was wrong. So I’ll admit to my theories now and eat my crow pie or however the saying goes. Win some, lose some.

Originally posted by animatedtext

It clearly doesn’t matter who Prometheus is because the writers are making this stuff up as they go along. I was so frustrated to learn all about the possibility of Prommy being this Clayborne guy or his illegitimate son because we’ve never heard of him before. There is clearly no freaking way anyone could have come up with Prommy’s identity because they just made him up. Literally picked a name off a list. Do I really believe Prommy is Clayborne’s kid? Not so much. But what the show has done is make it not matter. There is zero investment in this guy because we know absolutely zilch about him. This comes from them playing with their cards too close to their vests. They really needed to loosen the grip a little because the audience is now just sitting here going, “Huh?”  

If it’s not someone from Oliver’s s1 past then pattern would dictate that it’s someone from Oliver’s current life. We have an abundance of new characters to pick from—though one less after 5x09. Though, let’s not rule out Billy having faked his death. Nothing would surprise me at this point with this show. But if it’s not Billy then that only leaves Adrian Chase as the new guy suspect. Or it could be a woman, but physically, the person appears to be a guy. But for equal opportunity, I’ll throw Suzie Q in the mix too.

However, Adrian Chase, I’m like 100% convinced is the Vigilante guy that just goes around shooting everyone up. Are we dealing with some kind of Jekyll and Hyde situation—or well, split personalities because there’s Adrian, there’s Vigilante and there’s Prommy and there isn’t a one of them I like? I don’t know. I’m super confused at this point.

I also don’t care because the writers don’t seem to care either. As Arrow focuses its seasons on the big bad they have once again failed. Season 3 was underwhelming to the say the very least. Ra’s Al Ghul/League of Assassins was an erratic villain—the rules changed every week on what the LOA could do. It was a hot mess that I went into further detail here in my meta detailing the failings of season three. Season 4 became a farce because Darhk’s magic never fit into the show’s landscape. It was solely Neal that pulled that off. Not to mention the rules of his magic were played pretty fast and loose. Arrow has not successfully set up a big bad since season 2. Merlyn worked in S1 because he was Tommy’s father. It was personal—same with S2 and Slade. I think they were trying to do this in S5 with Prometheus because he’s a consequence of Oliver’s actions but if the audience has no back story, there’s little investment. Prometheus has become another failed villain at this point.

Olicity/Oliver/Felicity/Billy/Adrian Chase/ And ton of misogyny  / Sorry this part’s a hodge podge

Well they’ve certainly made things more challenging for any reunion between them with this episode. I was very unhappy with the twist that Oliver kills Billy (you think that they decided that at SDCC?) because it’s an unnecessary obstacle for them when they haven’t cleared the last William Mountain problem.

Personally, I felt the Olicity S1 Flashback scene was ship baiting. I didn’t at first. I thought it might be a turning point for them. Here’s why: They lead into the FB from Feliciy’s POV off a line about being true to yourself. 

Keep reading

No human body was ever meant to hold as much as you do;
it’s evident in all the cracks in your armor,
the broken smiles you don as masks and
the gaping hole in your chest filled with light.

You are- and this is putting it mildly-
a disaster of epic proportions, a compact body
housing hurricanes and tornadoes, wildfire and lightning
just waiting to consume whomever is closest in one fell swoop.


Loving you is willingly putting myself on an active railroad,
waiting in apprehension for when the train will come
and hoping it will run the other way,
just so I can keep my heart safe for another day.


Loving you scares me,
but god, I have never felt as full as I have
when you told me that you loved who I was, who I am:
that frail and skinny Brooklyn boy holding justice to his heart in an unspoken oath
housed inside a body finally made to keep up with a too-large heart
held between two heaving lungs.

—  falling in love with you is like skydiving into a tornado and hoping for the best (it’s scary, sure, but the thrill is goddamn worth it) || jG
You know what, I’ve changed my mind about the queerbaiting Destiel

I am so goddamn fed up with the horrific writing that is happening on Supernatural that is TRANSPARENTLY designed to keep Cas and Dean apart, and their storylines disentangled.

IT. DOESN’T. MAKE. SENSE.

It doesn’t make one single goddamn lick of sense. And as much as I hate being queerbaited, I think I’d rather be exploited by a storyline that MAKES FUCKING SENSE than have to endure one that avoids blatant queerbaiting by completely ignoring a relationship that has become utterly foundational to the series.

I would honestly be more satisfied with a finale that queerbaited the hell out of Dean/Cas but seemed vaguely narratively coherent and consonant with their history up until now than think about the epic disaster of a finale we all just witnessed. 

2

When Grampy Met Hannibal (Not the Cannibal)

Bucky and Steve expected all sorts of epic disasters when Gabriel Barnes a.k.a. “Grampy” and Joseph Rogers a.k.a. John “Hannibal” Smith met.

It was kind of a shock for Steve to discover a paternal figure so late in his life but hell, better late than never at all, right? And Steve tried not to get too exasperated when, instead of giving the traditional “shovel talk,” Hannibal chose to make Bucky tell him all about the shenanigans they’d gotten into with Bucky obviously embellishing all the details on how trouble-prone Steve was.  Basically, Bucky and Hannibal got along perfectly fine.  Sorry, Tony, no father-in-law jokes for you. 

Ahem.

Steve supposed it was a sort of revenge for the way he and Grampy used to gang up on Bucky once upon a time and okay, the two of them were going to catch up on that right now. 

As soon as he and Bucky figured out a way to prevent a centuries old vampire and the canniest oldest soldier with a very…particular set of skills from killing each other. 

Grampy and Hannibal sized up each other carefully.

Hannibal was the first to smile.  “It’s a real pleasure meeting you, Mr. Barnes.”

“Gabriel, please.”

“Then I go by Hannibal these days.  Name’s kinda grown on me.”

“Indeed, Hannibal, I think we shall get along just fine.  Especially when it comes to the care and feeding of our dear boys.”

“Hell yeah.”

Steve and Bucky exchanged horrified looks. 

This was even worse. 

Tony Stark likes to think that he’s not good with children.  Really.  He’s ever so glad that he’s never accidentally propagated because that would be a disaster of Epic Proportions - no, Steve, shut up, I’m going to be a terrible Dad because I know I have a shit-ton of Dad Issues, thanks Dear Old Dad. 

Tony was prepared to be doting Uncle to any number of Avengers-lings, because he can dote on them, spoil them, send them off to MIT and give them back to their parents for nappy-changes.  (Look, Dummy can change a nappy! I’m a goddamn engineer - I can jury-rig something to make Dummy an Expert Nappy Changer!). 

He was not prepared for Steve and Bucky’s baby girl. 

Tony had not expected to contend with a crying and absolutely furious Kitty Rogers-Barnes, who was apparently told by Some Boy that Girls Could Not Science.  Girls Could Not Build Robots because that was a Boys’ thing only.  So there.

So Uncle Tony did what a responsible and loving Uncle could do.  He said, “Kitty-kat, sweetheart, you and I are going to build a Jaeger.”

— 

The Blanket Fort Headcanon, because Uncle Tony is awesome. 

Side note - the baby here is not an MPREG baby but a HYDRA test tube kid rescued by her adoring Dads. 

How is Raylicity intertwined with Oliver Queens Identity Journey?

Before you read this, I would like to let you know that this is not a hate post about Ray or Raylicity, nor is it about the good things of Raylicity. I just happen to think that Raylicity is so much more important than being a love triangle in this show. Needless to say I am a Olicity shipper first.

When the promo of season 3 first released, we saw Ray Palmer for the first time and we knew that he was going to be a potential love interest for Felicity Smoak. About half of the fandom hated this news while the other half loved it.

The fans that hated it had a legitimate enough reason. They didn’t want to go through another boring as love triangle just to push Olicity forward, and I understand completely, it is so overdone. I wasn’t excited about this whole love triangle thing either, especially after the epic disaster of Oliver, Laurel and Tommy. There is one thing I passionately hate in romances and that is love triangles and I still do. But I was still surprisingly very excited.

Why? Because there was so many possibilities that we could explore with this relationship, we could especially explore more things Felicity Smoak’s character who is my favourite. The one reason I even supported the idea of raylicity was because I knew that it will be a catalyst, a push for Olicity, a push for Oliver realizing his feelings for Felicity. So of course I was game for it. We know that this season is all about identity, not just Oliver Queens but every other character, and I knew that Ray somehow will be a huge part in Felicity’s identity. But what I didn’t realize that Ray Palmer and Raylicity were going to be a huge part in Oliver Queen’s identity journey as well.

At the end of episode 15, Ra’s made an offer to Oliver, an offer we all knew was coming. He wants Oliver to take his place in the league of assassins, and honestly I loved this, and guess what, Raylicity is a huge part of why I liked it. This is because it has a huge part to play in Oliver Queen’s journey, for his identity, his humanity.

I mean, look at this episode? Everything is such a mess. Thea’s soul was in danger that scares Oliver so much and the only way to save Thea was to save Merlyn which Oliver hated so much. Laurel is continually heading towards the dark path that Oliver doesn’t approve of, Team Arrow works perfectly fine without him, and Felicity, she has her own life to live now, a life where he has no place, a life with Ray and not Oliver. Oliver Queen’s life is a mess, and then comes an offer that just about might change Oliver Queen’s life, whether he accepts it or not.

The next episode (if you haven’t seen the promo then spoilers) is all about Oliver making a decision, should he take Ra’s offer or not? The main question should be why is Oliver even thinking about the offer? Of course he should just say no there and then, no hesitation what so ever. What has made him so stumped that he can’t even decide a yes or a no? Of course if Oliver is smart enough he will say no, but even if he says yes, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised.

Why? Because if Oliver did say yes, Thea’s life and soul would be saved because Malcolm would be safe, away from the clutches of Ra’s al Ghul. Of course the other major reason would be the fact that he (might) think that the city doesn’t need the Arrow anymore (something that I think will be shown in the next weeks episode), because Team Arrow have got it handled just fine, and one other main reason is that Felicity won’t need him anymore, because he will realise that Felicity has managed to build a wonderful life with Ray, a life where he desperately wants to be in. So why would Oliver even consider to take Ra’s offer? Because he has no reason to stay behind. Even the classic “The Arrow needs starling city” example won’t work anymore, because he will think that the city can survive without him.

Do you remember when Moira died right in front of him, and he still managed to keep Slade alive and not kill him when he had every right and reason to do so, but he didn’t, and that made him a hero, a hero for Starling City. The exact same example applies here. Oliver has every reason to take Ra’s offer, no one would blame him. Why should they? Felicity doesn’t need him because now she is with Ray, Starling City doesn’t need him (of course this is not true, but this will be how Oliver thinks). There is not one big reason Oliver has to stay in Starling City, but what would be interesting is that despite all the reasons, Oliver still manages to not take Ra’s offer.

If Oliver has the capacity to say no to the demon himself, despite all of the reasons that he should, then that my friend is the first step Oliver will take towards his humanity, towards his light. Because that decision will not be taken by the Arrow, but it will be taken by Oliver Queen. This decision will not be about saving the city, or saving his family, it will be about saving his soul, it will be about saving his light, it will be about saving himself. This is the day Oliver will realize that his soul is worth saving for, his light is worth saving for. The day Oliver Queen says no to the demon himself, would be the first step towards his own humanity.

So yes, I am happy that team arrow can function without Oliver, I am happy that Felicity is with Ray at the moment because these are not reasons to push Oliver away from him humanity, this are reason to help him realize that his humanity is worth saving.