Wow, I'm blown away by your response and I am eternally grateful for you. I had some self loathing because if things were different, my life would be so much easier. I wouldn't have to disappoint my parents and you know how south Asians talk. I am mostly scared of everything I will put on my parents. Thank you so much, I feel so reassured now and words can't describe how thankful I am for you. I actually cried, you're such an amazing person. Thank you again!
Aww gosh I’m so sorry hon; I know exactly the feeling you’re describing. I felt the same way when I first figured myself out and thought about telling my parents. Like things would be so much simpler if I was straight, if I was what they would want or expect of me to be. But you know something hon, it took a while for me to realize this, but life isn’t meant to be easy, and it’s surely not centered around being what our parents want us to be. The culture they grew up in was the exact opposite of ours: they had to be what their families wanted, there was absolutely no wiggle room anywhere. It’s all they know. That’s why they brought it with them when they had kids of their own. Doesn’t make it right, but it does offer an explanation. But overcoming life’s obstacles makes us stronger, more grounded people. Putting yourself and your needs first is hard to do, but I promise it leads to good places. And oh yes, our families tell each other everything!! They’re relentless, they over-exaggerate, they talk down, frankly it’s messed up and crazy. I understand that fear – I promise your feelings are totally valid. One thing that has been important for me when thinking about my family in all this was that whatever they said or thought about me because of my sexuality wouldn’t diminish my value as a person. It wouldn’t change who I am and how I see myself, even if that changes for them. Being okay with that potential change is really hard, for sure, and it takes time. I’m not even totally there yet. The first step is definitely loving yourself and supporting yourself no matter what. Knowing that you’re not doing anything wrong and that you’re a fantastic and unique human being, shutting out whatever antagonizing constructs that have been ingrained into our heads for so long, that’s where it starts. There’s a lot of work involved with this, but building that strong foundation really helps set the rest in motion. And again there’s no rush – time is a great tool to have on your side! And about your second message, I feel that too. I don’t have any friends from my background who are queer, which made it hard for me to talk about it and for my other friends to fully understand my whole situation. However, I recently found a wonderful thing and I will share it with you: there’s this web series called “Brown Girls,” which is centered around two women of color (one of which is queer and south Asian) and their lives. The writer, Fatimah Asghar, is also a queer south Asian and I actually got to meet her and talk to her about her experiences intertwining our culture with that of our parents’. It was utterly fascinating. I highly recommend checking out “Brown Girls” – if anything it’ll give you a little outlet into another situation that resembles yours. And it gives you the opportunity to see someone like us as a main character in mainstream media!! Mind-blowing!! And I shall be your queer south Asian friend, my dear, I got you! I’m so happy that what I said helped if even a little, I cried when you said I helped you start towards self-love! That means the world to me! Allow me to reiterate how incredibly brave you are, my dear – this stuff is hard, and I admire your will to begin taking this on! And please feel free to reach out whenever (anon or not, whatever you’re comfortable with) on any platform (I’m happy to converse with you on another platform if need be!) if you need anything on your journey to self-love, or just anything in general. I’m here for you, and I’m rooting for you! ❤❤❤