dirty jokes are my favorite jokes

Their Favorite Jokes | FF15 Headcanons |

I’m low key sad and need a bit of a pick me up, it’s nothing serious my current sadness just my disorder screwing with me. I was going to ask for jokes but I kinda wondered what the FF15 cast would toss out for lame, corny jokes/puns would toss out. So they range from puns, clean, dirty, sarcastic and dad jokes.

Tagging: @themissimmortal @stephicness @stunninglyignis @blindbae @rubyphilomela @cupnoodle-queen @lady-asuka @zacklover24 @neko-otaku13 @mandakatt @misssarahdoll @miss-scientia @mistressoli @sheylann @cagedbycravings @sweetchocobae @fieryfantasy @roses-and-oceans @waifuthewhite @highwinds-dragoon @blondechocobobutt @promptoargentum-is-my-husband @promptoastandbutter @nykamito @nyxswaifu @inprotocreed @gladiolus-mamacitia @gladixlusamicitia @chocobabyporcelain @chocobroing @insomniascure @insomniacapples @insomniasix @xnoctits @ffxvhoe


  • “Please tell me this train of thought you’re on has a caboose.”
  • “Hey Prom, did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?” “Oh my is he okay!?” “He was lucky it was a soft drink.”
  • “A snare drum and a cymbal fall out of a tree.” “Oh - okay, Noct” *giggles* “*ba-dum ching*”             


  • “Hey babe, what did the elephant say to the naked man?” “I don’t know Prom…” – “How do you breathe through something so small?”
  • “Hey, sweet-chocobo, why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game?” “Uh, Prom…” “Their bats flew away! Haha!”
  • “Cutie, how come oysters never donate to charity?” “Uh, because they are animals, Prom?” “No, because they are shellfish!”


  • “I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.”
  • “Why was the guitar teacher arrested?” “I don’t know Gladdy…” “For fingering a minor.”
  • “What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cubes have in common?” “Gladdy, please.” “The more you play with it, the harder it gets!”


  • “You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What’s sumatra with you?”
  • “I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.”
  • “ The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool. “


  • “Don’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.”
  • “Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?” “Oh Astrals Cor, please no.”  *huge smirk* “He only comes once a year.”
  • “Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors? Because, if it had 4 doors it would be chicken sedan.”


  • “Did you fall from heaven? Cause your face looks kind of funky.”
  • “If I promise to miss you, will you go, like, really far away.”
  • “I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.”


  • “I always tell new hires, “Don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you.”
  • “When I see ads on TV featuring smiley housewives using some new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they’re clearly on.”
  • “Hey, Prince! What does a pepper do when it’s angry?” “I am not sure, Cindy I don’t like veggies.” “It gets jalapeño face!”


  • “Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.”
  • “What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.”
  • “Light travels faster than sound, which is why people like you appear bright—until they open their mouths.”


  • “Where does the General keep his armies?” “I don’t know Luna…” “In his sleevies!”
  • “Why aren’t koalas actual bears?” “Uh?”  “The don’t meet the koalafications.”
  • *innocently* “Hey Ignis, why don’t blind people skydive?“ “Lady Lunafreya, excuse me?” “Because it scares the crap out of their dogs!”


  • “I swear I wasn’t lying, I was just writing fiction with my mouth again.“
  • “Did something bad happen to you, or are you just naturally this terrible of a person?”
  • “I would kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.”


  • "Noctis: “Dad, make me a sandwich!” Regis: “Poof, You’re a sandwich!‘”
  • "How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!”
  • “5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.”
EXO’s Reaction to You Having a Dirty Mind


Needless to say, Xiumin wouldn’t be particularly impressed with your perverted statement. Nonetheless, he wouldn’t bother to hide his chuckles at your words. “What..what the hell is wrong with you?” he’d laugh, shaking his head at you. Later on you’d catch him repeating the phrase to himself, an amused smile on his face.


Chen would literally snort when you said the punchline of your dirty joke. “WHAT.” He’d look at you with round eyes, his mouth open slightly in a wide grin. “Did you just?” Going into a state of slight shock, Chen would ask you to repeat the joke, shaking his head and giggling when you resaid the punchline.


All for perverted thoughts, Baek would be overjoyed when you let slide a rather scandalous comment. His eyebrows would shoot up, and a sly smirk would cross his face. “Can you repeat that?” he’d ask, his smirk widening when you said the exact same thing, unashamed about your boldness.


Chanyeol would almost go catatonic when you said what perverted thoughts were on your mind. His mouth would open and his jaw would hang for several minutes as his life flashed before his eyes. You’d giggle at his response, and he’d finally snap out of it, a soft blush spreading across his cheeks as he finally registered when you had said.


Though seemingly innocent, Lay would chuckle at your adult joke, shaking his head slightly. “I can’t believe you just said that,” he’d giggle, kissing your cheek and shaking his head yet again. For the rest of the day you’d catch him laughing to himself as he thought about your sudden bout of pervertedness.


As soon as the last word of your dirty question passed out of your lips, D.O’s entire face would explode into a red hue. He wouldn’t be able to respond, smiling down at the floor as he fought to control the giggles threatening to escape. “You..you have to warn me next time,” he’d mumble, avoiding your eyes.


Suho’s false reality of you being innocent would shatter as you told him your R-rated story. Speechless, he’d stare at you, his face blank and unreadable. After a few minutes of painfully awkward silence, he’d just shake his head. You’d notice, however, that a small smile was playing at the corner of his lips.


A big fan of immaturity, Kai would absolutely love your perverted jokes. “W-Wait! Tell another one!” he’d laugh, clapping like a seal as he fought to regain his breath. He couldn’t get enough of your dirty side, and he’d enjoy sharing perverted jokes and riddles with you on the regular.


Initially kind of put off by your sudden change in persona, Sehun wouldn’t be able to help giggling as he thought more about your adult jokes.  He’d never admit to liking them, but would always listen intently when you had something perverted to share with him, a soft blush spreading across his cheeks as he listened.

scudas  asked:

souda in 5B?

//did someone call my son’s name?

to @shufukuu thank you so much for sending this one it was a lot of fun to do

Tis’ is unbearable!!!

Gotta draw at least once of my favorite/ Artemis default team. Teaming up with these peeps will always contain of endless sex jokes, swearing and more importantly, fun times while beating up demons and bad guys! (Bull: and Dragons!) 

Always ready for trouble!!!… Or causing trouble. 

anonymous asked:

You never fail to make me absolutely love your blog! ❤️❤️ okay so I'm really short 4'11. I obsess a lot over tv shows and bands/singers. I'm really funny I guess haha, I make lots of sarcastic and dirty jokes. I like reading a lot, there's never a time in not in the middle of a book and listening to music. My favorite color is yellow which contradicts my dark clothes. I'm really quiet and awkward at first but I can be really loud and have a "I don't give a fuck" attitude. Anyone is fine :)))

To the Anon with the dirty jokes and fighting spirit! Thanks for your support and all the love <3 

You & Saeran 

  • You sat back in the office chair with your legs crossed in front of your computer
  • Book in hand, you were in the middle of a paragraph when a familiar face peered over the top
  • “What are you doing?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.
  • “The concert tickets are about to go on sale and I’m not moving until I buy them,” you said in determination.
  • He glanced at the countdown clock on the screen. “Not even for me?”
  • “Nope, I’m getting these tickets,” you flipped to the next page.  
  • Shiny laminated rectangles dangled in front of you now.
  • “I guess me and my backstage passes will just take our business elsewhere,” Saeran stated in a dismissive tone.
  • Dropping your book you tried to grab them but he held them up high.
  • Even kneeling on the office chair you weren’t tall enough to reach them (that didn’t stop you from trying though).
  • “How did you get those?!”
  • He shrugged. “Places.”
  • You narrowed your eyes and jumped for them only to have him move them higher. “Saeran!!!”
  • “So close shortie,” he had a mischievous smirk. “Maybe if you beg me I’ll give them to you.”
  • “You mean like you did last night?”
  • There was a hint of a blush as he was blind-sided.  “I didn’t-“
  • “M-MC, faster. That feels sooo good,” you imitated being out of breath.
  • His blush deepened. “S-shut up, just take them already.” He dropped them and walked away.
  • You clutched them to your chest and smirked in victory.  You would go find him and reward him for such a great gift.
  • You thought to yourself,  Imma climb that boy like a tree. (≖ᴗ≖)
If Only

Hey guys! This is my Yoongi Soulmate AU. It’s kind of a companion piece to my Namjoon Soulmate Au that you can find over here : Pull Me Closer. You don’t really need to read it to get this one, but it does make some references to it.

Enjoy! I hope you like it!

Originally posted by tahyns

You hand the grumpy man his coffee.The one that came staggering in and could barely form coherent sentences. The one that hands you a twenty dollars for a four dollar drink and grumbles about not needing any change. The one that comes in barely minutes before closing and grunts that he needs a “shit ton of caffeine.”

Normally, this type of behavior from a customer would annoy you. But, for some reason you aren’t put off by it. Maybe it’s his soft features that you find too cute. Maybe it’s the pastel hair color that you can’t help but to softly giggle at. Maybe it’s the way that his hoodie is at least three times larger than him and it makes him seem so small, even though you are standing about the same height.

He holds the coffee as if he is worshiping it. At first, he just take comfort in the warmth that radiates off of the paper cup. He sighs deeply, his shoulders drop slightly as he relaxes.

And then he starts chugging the hot liquid. You gasp. “Wait! It’s hot!” You call out as you hand reaches out to him in concern.

He stops drinking and blinks at you. A perplexed look is on his face, as if he’s forgotten where he is. He grins at you sheepishly. An apology is at the tip of his tongue, but it never leaves his mouth. His cheeks are slowly turning pink.

There is a moment of awkward silence, where you both just stare at each other. He clears his throat before speaking finally. “This is the best coffee I have ever had.” His voice is rough and deep.

“Does that mean you’ll be coming back?” you question, just a little bit flirty. You reason that making a new regular customer is good for business. Honestly, you just want to see him again. You have never had an interest in someone before.

“Only if you make my coffee,” he agrees easily. If he were being truthful, he wants to see you again. You are the prettiest person he has ever seen before.

He smiles at the giggle that erupts out of you. He lingers at the counter as he watches you wipe down the machines.

“What’s your name?” he asks.

His voice startles you. You spin around. “I forgot you were here,” you comment as you catch your breath. “I’m Y/N.”

He means to respond. He has all intentions to respond. There is just an air around you that makes him feel at ease and at the same time so nervous. He means to tell you his name. But before the words could leave his mouth, he feels a tugging at his fingers. His eyes leaves you for the first time to look down at the hand gripping the warm coffee cup. The red string that is wrapped around his fingers is pulling him away.

Suddenly, the night is just as bitter as the coffee.

“Yoongi!” You greet as he walks into the cafe, surprisingly during the day time. “It’s about time you come see me at a decent hour, I was beginning to think I was just your dirty little secret,” you joke as you begin to make his drink.

He chuckles at your joke. “I just keep weird hours,” he explains. His eyes watches you move swiftly around the espresso machine. “And you are a secret, I can’t have people buying out all of my favorite coffee.”

“And here I thought you came to see me,” you giggle as you hand over his cup. “Way to lead a girl on.”

He comes to the cafe more often than he should. Sometimes he travels across town just to come to this cafe. Sometimes he doesn’t even need the caffeine. He just enjoys your company and the little bubble the both of you get engulfed in.

“I like seeing you,” Yoongi responds quickly. His face flushes as he realizes what he said. “I mean, you’re easy on the eyes,” he grumbles.

“You don’t look too bad either.”

He smiles at you backwards compliment, his face turning even more pink.

He likes you - that much he knew. He couldn’t be sure about how you felt about him. Sometimes, he likes to think that you like him back. Sometimes it feels as if you could like him back. In those situations, when the air suddenly get to thick and his palms gets sweaty - when he could feel a shift happening - the string tugs at him.

“Please!” Taehyung whines from the door of the studio. “I’m so hungry. I’m gonna die of starvation and then you’ll feel guilty because you didn’t feed me!” He groans dramatically as he flails on the ground. “Yoongi! Please!”

Yoongi groans as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “Taehyung, I’m trying to finish this song.” He speaks through clench teeth, something that should have intimidated Taehyung. But by now Taehyung was used to all of Yoongi’s scare tactics.

“But Yoongi, you are always trying to finish a song,” he whines. He knows in the end his dramatics would win. They did every time. And not only would he have gotten a free meal, but Jin would later praise him for getting Yoongi to eat something. There had been too many times that Yoongi skipped his meals. “Besides, you’re hungry too!”

“No, I’m not,” Yoongi disagrees. But at that moment his stomach decides to growl. He sighs before slamming his heads phone onto the desk. “Fine, let’s go.”

Taehyung jumps up with a grin as he wraps his arms around Yoongi. “Yoongi is the best!”

Yoongi watches as Taehyung inhales his meal. Yoongi had already finished off his food. Taehyung had order at least half the menu.

He sighs as he shifts in his seat. Taehyung stops eating momentarily to look up at him. “Something on your mind, Yoongi?” Taehyung asks with a mouth full of food. Yoongi grimaces as crumbs spew onto the table. Taehyung smiles sheepishly as he swallows the food down. “You can confide in me. We’re Daegu boys!”

“Just…” Yoongi begins but stops. He mulls over the words in his head and Taehyung lets him takes his time. He knows that Yoongi is opening up about something, he know that Yoongi is particular about how he says things. In the meantime, he can stuff his face. “Don’t you think the whole soulmate thing is weird?” Yoongi questions. His gaze falls onto the red string wrapped around his index finger.

Taehyung blinks at him. His cheeks are puffed out due to being so filled with food. Noodles hang out of his mouth. Sauce is smeared across his chin. He begins to answer Yoongi, but the glare he receives reminds him to chew and swallow. There is an awkward silence as Taehyung works through his food.

“Whatever do you mean?” Taehyung finally responds when he swallows.

Yoongi sighs heavily. He plays with the red string nervously. “I mean, our society doesn’t experience life anymore. We are just sitting ducks until our soulmates finally pop up.”

“Soulmates are our key to happiness,” Taehyung argues carefully. He gauges Yoongi anxiously. He’s watching for any signs that this conversation will escalate.

Yoongi scoffs. His lips frown. “Why do we have to rely on them to be happy?” He crosses his arms and leans back in his seat. For now, the red string is temporarily out of sight. “Why do we need the other side of the string to be happy?”

“They’re not just the other side of the string,” Taehyung attempts to reason. “They’re our other half!” Taehyung is at a lost on how to comfort the Yoongi. On one hand, he wants to defend soulmates but he feels as that would only upset Yoongi more. On the other hand, he wants to agree with Yoongi just to pacify him but that isn’t fair. Why couldn’t Yoongi talk about this with Jin or Jimin - surely they are more qualified to handle this situation.

“Why do we sing about first loves when we have never experienced it and we never will?” Yoongi grumbles.

“Our soulmates are our first loves,” Taehyung squeaks.

“The word ‘first’ implies that there will be a second, a third, maybe even a fourth of fifth,” Yoongi explains. “It means that we don’t just love one person.”

“Maybe -”

“And what about heartbreak.” Yoongi’s voice raises slightly as he gets riled up. He huffs. “We have so many songs about heartbreak and I have never met anyone who has actually experienced it.” He gives Taehyung a pointed look and raises an eyebrow, “Have you?”

“No?” Taehyung unconfidently answers. He is sure that this has got to be a trick question.

Yoongi huffs again, obviously not satisfied with Taehyung’s response. He rolls his eyes before chuckling fondly at the boy. “Finish your food. I paid too much for it to go to waste.” He pats the top of Taehyung’s head.

Normally Taehyung would whine and shy away from the touch all embarrassed. This time, he is too relieved about the conversation being over. He immediately shovels food into his mouth as a tactic to avoid anymore scary and confusing questions from Yoongi.

Yoongi walks into the studio with a paper cup of coffee from the cafe. There is a small smile on his face as he thinks back to the conversation the two of you had while you made his coffee. He used to actually need the coffee to feel more awake, but these day just seeing has been enough to keep him energized.

Hoseok stares at the coffee cup. The logo on the side is the same as the day before and the day before that. “You’ve been going there a lot,” Hoseok comments. “Are they that good?”

Yoongi shrugs and sets the cup down on the table. “It’s coffee.”

Hoseok picks up the cup and takes a tentative sip. Immediately, his face scrunches in disgust as the overly bitter taste hits his tongue. “That shit is toxic, man. What the fuck is that?” He places the cup down a bit forcefully.

Yoongi shrugs again. “A shit ton of caffeine.” He picks up the cup and takes his own swig of the drink. Hoseok watches in amazement as Yoongi is able to drink it so nonchalantly.

“If you say so.”

“Could I convince you to try something different from your usual order?” You ask the next time he came in. “You should switch up the routine; be more spontaneous and less like a grumpy grandpa.”

Yoongi should really be offended by that. He really tries to be offended. But there was just something about the way you look up at him through your long eyelashes that causes him to temporarily forget how to breathe. He gulps as he realizes that you are still waiting for his answer. He nods his head, not trusting his ability to speak.

“Maybe something sweet for Suga?” You giggle at your own joke. It’s the cutest sound he has ever heard. He almost wants to drag you into the studio just to record it so he can listen to your giggle whenever he wants. He wishes he could hear that sound everyday for the rest of his life.

He feels a tugging sensation. He knows it’s the red string. Yoongi tries to ignore it as he watches you make this mystery drink. He tries to forget about it. But the tugging gets stronger and suddenly he feels a bit dizzy. The pull gets too hard for him to ignore.

When you turn back around to hand over the drink, he is gone. You look around confused, maybe he moved to a table. But the cafe is empty besides the old lady who reads in the corner.

You let out a disappointed sigh.

It takes him awhile to return - approximately two weeks. He staggers through the door the same way he did the first night, just minutes before closing. He has deep dark bags underneath his eyes.

“A shit ton of caffeine?” You ask as grab a paper cup to make his drink. He grunts a noise of agreement. “Everything alright, Yoongi?” You ask over you shoulder. You don’t expect a response, at least not until he has consumed half the cup.

He happily takes the cup when you hand it over to him. You eyes watch in amusement as he drinks it right away even with the liquid still steaming.

“Has work been keeping you busy?” You ask. You want to ask why he left so suddenly last time. You want to ask if it was something that you did.

Yoongi sighs as he places the empty cup on the counter. “Yeah, we’re working on a new album.”

You nod you head. “You want a refill?” You pick up the cup before he could even answer and began making him another cup.

His hands grazes over yours as he takes the cup out of your hand. This time he simply holds the drink as he watches you wipe down the counter top.

“I miss you,” he says quietly.

It’s so quiet that you barely even heard it, despite that the cafe is silent and empty. You freeze in shock. When you finally find the courage to look up at him, he is already gone.

“Ooh coffee.” Namjoon’s face immediately lights up as he watches Yoongi walk into the studio with a cup in hand. He reaches his hand out to steal the drink from the older rapper.

Hoseok squawks as he slaps Namjoon’s hands away. “You do not want to drink that. I tried it last time and it was so bitter and gross.”

Yoongi glares at Hoseok. “I think it tastes great,” he argues. “Just because you do not have the palette to handle the fine taste of coffee.”

“It can’t be that bad,” Namjoon declares as he takes the cup out of Yoongi’s hand. He takes in a big gulp and swallowed slowly. His nose is scrunched and his lips pursed. “What is even that?”

Yoongi shrugs as he plops down on the leather sofa. “A shit ton of caffeine.”

“I don’t even think that should be classified as edible,” Hoseok comments.

Yoongi shows up in the middle of the day this time. It’s a bit busier and someone else is ringing up orders. The line is moving slowly causing Yoongi to shift on his feet and sigh every few minutes. By the time he gets to the front of the line, he mind blanks out.

He stares up at the menu but he seems to be suffering from temporary illiteracy because he can’t make out any of the drinks. The barista sighs impatiently. “Um… a shit ton of caffeine?” he tries. He winces at his inability to come up with an actual order. He doesn’t even want the coffee. He just wanted to see you.

The barista face slowly shift from a face of disinterest to a knowing smirk as she hears the order. Yoongi begins to feel a bit nervous as she eyes him. “Would you like whip with that?” she asks in a fake polite tone, her smirk turning into a mischievous grin.

Yoongi decides that he does not like this new barista. “Does it normally come with whip?” Yoongi asks back.

Her head falls back in laughter. Once she composes herself she leans over to shout at the doorway to the staff room.“Y/N!”

“What?!” Your voice shouts back.

“Does a shit ton of caffeine come with whip?!” She yells back.

There’s a loud gasp followed by the scrapping of a chair on the floor. You hurriedly poke your head out from the staff room. “Yoongi!” You great happily. You pick up a paper cup and begin to make his drink.

“I thought you were on break? You wouldn’t even help me through the rush,” your co-worker teases as she pokes at your side playfully.

“Shut up, Wheein!”

Sadly, Yoongi had to leave shortly after you made his drink. The cafe was too busy for him to stick around and talk to you.

He brings the cup up to his lip to take a drink when red ink on the side catches his eyes. He hold the cup up and spins it around to see what was on the side.

Miss you too

Jin watches Yoongi with amazement and concern. He watches as the younger boy sings a long to some Girl’s Generation love song with a giant smile on his face. He is sprawled out on his bed comfortably while scrolling on his phone.

“Yoongi,” Jimin beings in his caring motherly tone. His eyebrows furrow slightly. “Is everything alright? You’ve been acting strange lately…”

Yoongi stops his singing and looks over at Jin. “What do you mean?” He asks. “I’m great. Happy even!” Yoongi adds.

Jin chews nervously on his bottom lip before responding. “Well, that’s the thing. You’re never happy…” His voice falters by the end of his statement as he fidgets under Yoongi’s glare.

“What do you mean? I can be happy.” Yoongi scoffs.

“Yeah, but…You’re like radiating, Yoongi,” Jin attempts to explain. He has seen Yoongi happy, like when they finally debuted in BTS or when they won an award. But it had been a different kind of happiness, like a relieved happiness. This time, Yoongi seems to just be bubbly.

“Well, I hear that it’s a symptom of love.” Yoongi falls back onto his bed. His attention returns to his phone, as if he hadn’t said anything important.

Jin gasps. His mouth falls open as he stares at Yoongi with wide eyes. “Oh my gosh!” He exclaims before rushing over to flop on the bed next to him. “Why haven’t you told anyone? Oh my gosh!” He exclaims giddily.

Yoongi grins as he places his phone down. “Do you still think I’m acting strange?” He jokes. “I’m a man in love.”

Jin pinches his side which causes Yoongi to hiss. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?” He repeats.

“What is there to tell?” Yoongi questions back.

“That you met your soulmate!” Jin exclaims. “What else?!” Jin immediately notices the change in Yoongi’s demeanor. The unusual grin is now replaced with a solemn look. “Yoongi? What’s wrong?” Jin questions. He immediately reverts back into his caring motherly tone as he rubs soothing circles into Yoongi’s shoulder.

“It’s not my soulmate,” Yoongi responds quietly.

Jin frowns. His eyebrows furrow. “I don’t understand.”

“I’m in love with someone who isn’t my soulmate,” Yoongi clarifies in a whisper. His eyes are squeezed shut. He can feel a coldness as Jin removes his hand from him. He can feel the shift in his bed as Jin puts distance between the two.

He knows that he messed up by the sound of the bedroom door shutting. When he opens his eyes, he’s alone. Everything feels bitter.

There’s a tugging on his finger. He glances down at the red string wrapped around his finger with a heavy feeling in his chest. “This is all your fault,” Yoongi whispers towards the string. “If only you could have gotten it right.”

It’s a quiet dinner in the BTS dorm. Jin refuses to look anywhere near Yoongi. Yoongi pushes the food around on his plate but doesn’t actually take any bites. The others have seemed to pick up on the tension and have chosen to remain silent.

“Is everything alright?” Hoseok bravely asks, breaking the silence in the dorm. It’s probably the first time the dorm has been this quiet with them home.

Jin lets out an exasperated sigh in response. Yoongi slumps in his seat.

Out of nowhere, Jimin is yanked out of his seat. He lets out a small yelp as he lands on the floor. “I swear to God, Taehyung if you don’t stop doing that!” He snaps as Jungkook helps him off of the floor.

Taehyung shoots him an innocent look from the other side of the table. “What did I do? I’m no where near you!” He defends through a mouthful of food.

“We went over this Taehyung. Swallow and then talk,” Jimin chides with a sigh.

“I thought that rule was only for when we’re in bed.”

Hoseok cackles loudly. Namjoon chuckles and shakes his head slightly. Jungkook squeaks as his face turns red. Jin glares at Taehyung for the inappropriate statement. Yoongi rolls his eyes at the scene.

Jimin’s jaw drop before he angrily plops back into his seat. He grumbles under his breath, the only words that any of them being able to make out is fate and soulmate.

Jin throws his chopsticks onto the table. Yoongi flinches away while everyone else is startled.

“Is everything alright?” Namjoon asks, not realizing that he is just repeating the same unanswered question that Hoseok had asked merely minutes before.

Jin huffs before stomping away from the table silently. Yoongi shrinks into himself.

“So what’s the deal with the grump?” Wheein asks you. It is a particularly slow morning. At first, you ignore the question; but then she smacks you on the butt. You let out a startle yelp before lightly pushing her aside.

“We don’t get paid to gossip!” You scold.

Wheein scoffs. “You know I’m not going to shut up about it until you tell me about it.”

“What is there to tell?” You whine as you try to walk away from her. She back hugs you and traps you between her and the counter.

“Come on!”

“Seriously Wheein?” You laugh in disbelief. “Okay, he’s kind of cute.” You finally admit. Her hold on you drops. “Maybe a lot cute?”

Wheein squeals and jumps around. “I knew it!” She shouts joyously. “Since the first time you told me about his weird order!”

You laugh at her reaction. Your cheeks slowly start to burn. Your lips purse in thought. “But.”

Wheein stops her cheering at that word. “Oh no. You’re over thinking it. Stop overthinking it!” She shakes your shoulders and you have to shove her away from you.

“I think he has a soulmate,” you state slowly. Your tone drops and you fidget with your fingers nervously.

Wheein rolls her eyes, “Everyone has a soulmate.”

“Sometimes I catch him staring at his string - well his finger - and it’s like he feels guilty for flirting with me,” You sighs. You shoulders slump forward.

“You know platonic soulmates are a thing, right?” Wheein asks as pats your back.

You scoff. “Yeah, in America. We’re in South Korea, remember. People get married within days of meeting their soulmate.”

Wheein sighs. “All that matters is that you guys have feelings for each other. Don’t let what people think mess with that. Besides, who’s going to know that you’re not really soulmates. No one else can see that your strings don’t connect.”

The door chimes as a customer walks into the cafe. Wheein gives you an encouraging smile as she moves to help the customer.

“But what happens when he meets his soulmate? Where does that leave me?” You whisper to yourself with a sigh.

“How’s your soulmate?” Yoongi asks suddenly.

Namjoon looks up from the lyrics on his screen to look at Yoongi. His eyebrows furrow slightly as he watches Yoongi nervously fidget. “She’s alright. We skyped last night.”

Yoongi nods his head. “So like…” He hesitates with his next statement. “I mean… Are you guys like romantic or…”

Namjoon’s eyebrows raises as he stares at Yoongi in surprise. He wasn’t really expecting this question. He knew his situation is a bit unconventional but none of the boys had bothered to ask him about once everything had finally settled.

“I’m sorry, if that’s to private. I’m just…It must be hard having a soulmate who lives so far away,” Yoongi clarifies. He clears his throat nervously and avoids looking directly at Namjoon.

“No, it’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting it,” Namjoon finally answers. “I mean, we’re just whatever.”

“Whatever?” Yoongi asks. What does that even mean? Even Yoongi knows that you aren’t suppose to call your soulmate ‘whatever’.

“Just going with the flow, I guess.” Namjoon clarifies. “We aren’t putting any labels on it.”

Yoongi nods his head as he tries to understand it. He sighs as he leans back into the sofa. His eyes falls close. “Do you ever wish that you had it easier?”

“Easier?” Namjoon questions, his attention turns back to his computer screen.

“Like Jimin and Taehyung.”

Jimin and Taehyung. The poster boys of soulmates. Inseparable. Loyal. So sweet that it is sickening. The easiest soulmates ever. Taehyung noticed that their red strings were connected during their first meeting and had screamed “Holy shit my soulmate has the cutest cheeks!” Jimin was taken aback at first and was a little shy at first. But Taehyung had practically clung onto him until he no choice but to get used to Taehyung eccentricities.

Namjoon looks over at Yoongi one last time. “It’s only hard if you make it hard.” Yoongi smirks. Leave it to Namjoon to say something philosophical like that. “I mean besides Jin’s situation. His is really hard.”

Yoongi opens his eyes at that. His eyebrows furrow and his nose scrunches in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Namjoon shakes his head. “I shouldn’t say. It’s his story.”

It’s only hard if I make it hard. It’s only hard if I make it hard. It’s only hard if I make it hard.

It repeats in Yoongi’s head like a mantra as he confidently strides into the cafe. He makes his way towards the counter. Wheein nudges you to get your attention. You look up from the recipe of a new drink you were supposed to learn how to make.

“Yoongi!” You greet happily. You hand automatically reaches for a paper cup. “It’s been awhile,” you continue.

“Is it possible for me to see you outside of the setting of your job?”

He questions shocks you, causing you to drop the cup full of hot liquid onto the ground. “Oh shit.” Yoongi smiles at the curses that fall out of your mouth. He finds it adorable. It’s a stark contrast from your happy and giggly personality.

Wheein shoos you away from the puddle. “Her shift is over now, if that works for you,” she answers on your behalf.

“That’s perfect,” Yoongi beams.

“But -”

“I’ll call Hwasa to come in!” Wheein shoos you away.

You stare at her in disbelief. Of course you want to hang out with Yoongi and get to know him better. But your job had become your security blanket. Would he even like you when you weren’t supplying him with caffeine?

“Sorry that I can’t really take you out,” Yoongi apologizes. You had both finished off some instant ramen in the studio and were now lounging on the sofa. “It’s an occupational hazard.” His cheeks are tinged pink out of embarrassment.

You giggle at how cute he looks. “It’s fine. I just like your company.” You shift so that you are closer to him and drape your legs across his lap.

“I just like you,” the words were out of his mouth before he could control it. His eyes squeeze shut nervously as he sucks in a breath. He had not meant to say that so soon. He didn’t want to scare you off or make you uncomfortable.

“Hey,” you call softly, trying to get him to look at you. When his eyes refuses to open, you grab his hand. His body stiffens, he can feel your fingertips run across his index finger, the finger where his red string is tied to. “If only I could see it, huh?” You whispered. “Have you met them?”

“No.” Yoongi answers in a whisper. You don’t know why you guys are whispering as if your are exchanging secrets. “Have you?”

It’s the first time in a long time that you look down at your own string. The dull grey that wraps around your index finger. The string that will never tug or pull. The string that is as lifeless as the soul on the other side. The string that only you could see.


If only your string were red. If only it were connected to Yoongi.

Yoongi breathes in deeply. “Do you love them?”

If his eyes were open, if he would look at you, he would see the tears that are building up in your eyes.

“Y-yes.” It’s shaky and breathy. You almost wanted to lie. You almost wanted say that you didn’t. But you couldn’t lie, not about your soulmate. Your soulmate deserved better. Yoongi deserved better.

Yoongi never thought that a single word could shatter his heart.

Yoongi returns to the dorm late. By the time he gets there, Jin is pretending that he is asleep. Yoongi sighs as he drops himself onto his bed in the dark. “Jin?” he calls, his voice carries the heartbreak that he is feeling.

Jin tenses on his bed. He contemplates pretending some more. But then he hears the sniffling coming from the other side of the room. He rolls over so that he is facing Yoongi even though he can’t see him in the dark. “Yoongi?”

“It hurts,” Yoongi cries. “I should have listened to you and everyone else.”

Jin slowly sits up. It’s been awhile since he has seen Yoongi break down like this. Yoongi doesn’t like appearing weak, he refuses to cry. The last time he saw anything like this, Jin had found him at the studio. Yoongi claims that no one has to see it if he cries in the studio. “What are you talking about?” Jin asks.

“She has a soulmate…”

“I don’t get it. What happened?” Wheein envelopes you into a warm hug as you cry into shoulder. “I thought he liked you.” She rubs soothing circles into your back. “Come on, tell me what happened.”

You took in a deep breath as you pull away from her. “He asked me if I love my soulmate. I didn’t even get a chance to explain myself!” You whined as tears fall from your eyes.

Wheein gives you a sympathetic smile as she hugs you again. “Oh, I’m sure he’ll comeback. He probably just needs a bit of air, you know!” She sways your bodies back in forth. “And if not, I mean he is an idol and not that hard to find. I could always go smack some sense into him. Me and Hwasa can roll deep at their next schedule.”

You laugh as you pull away from Wheein again. “I forget that when you guys aren’t making coffee or googly eyes at each other that you are thugs,” you joke back.

“We have to do something about him,” Hoseok whispers. BTS minus Yoongi are in an emergency meeting in their kitchen. “I mean, he’s always been a grump but this is just too much. I mean what even happen?”

Jin smacks Taehyung’s hands away from fruit he was chopping. “This is for Yoongi,” he scolds. He sighs as Taehyung gives him puppy eyes. “That doesn’t work on me.”

Taehyung pouts before draping his arm around Jimin’s shoulders. “Jin is being mean!” He whines.

“Taehyung, stay on topic!” Jimin hisses. “We are discussing Yoongi. Your Daegu boy. You should be concerned.”

“He was really happy for a moment,” Jungkook comments. “I mean, he even compliment Taehyung’s rapping that one time.”

Jin sighs and rolls his neck. “He’s just heartbroken guys. He’s not dying or anything.” He arranges the fruit onto a tray nicely. “He’ll get over it.”

“What do you mean he’s heartbroken?” Taehyung asks. His eyebrows are furrowed as the words reminds him of a distant conversation he once had.

“How do you know he’s heartbroken? I didn’t even know people could get heartbroken!” Hoseok is absolutely astonished. They were always taught that heartbreak is just a concept, fictional, an element that is added to make a story more interesting.

Namjoon blinks at his groupmate before looking over at Jin with a concern look. Jin gives them all a tense smile, barely holding himself together. “Things aren’t always perfect,” he says through clenched teeth. “I mean, remember when Namjoon’s soulmate ran away from him? Remember how hurt he was? Namjoon’s been heartbroken.” Jin explains as he picks up the tray. “Right?” He raises an eyebrow at Namjoon.

“Yeah, and I survived so Yoongi will too,” Namjoon locks eyes with Jin. Even though Namjoon had said Yoongi, Jin knew his name was added on silently.

“So he met his soulmate? Why didn’t he tell us?” Jimin asks.

Taehyung drops his arm from around Jimin. He is standing straight and his eyes are widen in realization. “Holy shit,” he whispers.

“Language,” Jin hisses.

“Hello!” Wheein greets the new customer with a smile. “What can I get for you?”

“Um…” The customer fidgets. “So like I think my friend met someone here. Like maybe they worked here or they were a regular. He would come in almost daily and order this most bitterest drink ever, it’s practically toxic. He said it was called - excuse my language please - a shit ton of caffeine or something?”

Wheein smiles drops with a sigh. “I thought you looked like a BTS member. Jin, right?” Jin nods in response, he opens his mouth to say something but Wheein beats him to it. “Look, Yoongi really hurt Y/N. She’s a nice girl and she really likes him.”

“I don’t get it.” Jin eyebrows furrows. “Yoongi told me that she had a soulmate. That she’s in love with her soulmate.” Jin crosses his arms. “I wanted to come and scold her for leading him on.”

Wheein glares at Jin harshly. Jin gulps and subconsciously takes a step back. “Listen here, Y/N is the sweetest girl ever. She wouldn’t do something like that. Your coward of a friend took off before she could even explain what she meant. But she did not lie about her feelings for him.” Wheein sighs before plastering a fake smile on her face, “Now would you like to order?”

Your head peaks out from the staff room as you hear Wheein voice get louder. “Wheein, you cool?” You asks glance at the man in front of her. Your jaw drops as you notice who it is in the shop. “What are you doing here?” You ask as you step forward.

“Y/N?” Jin asks. “I just…” His words get caught in his throat as he notices Wheein’s glare from over your shoulder.

You notice his attention is on her and nudge her away. “Go check in with Hwasa.” Immediately, her glare is replaced with a smile with a longing sigh. She disappears into the staff room and pulls her phone out of her pocket.

“Right…” Jin continues. “Yoongi is really hurt. He’s not eating or sleeping well,” he explains.

You shrug, “maybe he should listen to people instead of just running away.” You feign a look of disinterest, your guard is up.

“Will you talk to him?” Jin asks. “I just… he told me about you, you know. He said he was in love,” he watches as you chew on your bottom lip. “At first, I didn’t understand it. How could he be in love with someone who wasn’t his soulmate? But like, it is so obvious now that he is.”

“He probably doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“I want you guys to be in love. I want you guys to be so in love and happy and gushy. I just… I need it so that I can have hope, you know?” Jin sighs. “My intentions on coming here was to yell at you. But just seeing you now, I know that you are good for him. So please, will you come talk to him?”


Jin leaves the cafe crestfallen. He could get you to agree to stop by the dorm and talk to Yoongi. But you did agree that if Yoongi came to you that you would talk to him. That seemed more impossible, but it is the only thing that he has right now.

“Why didn’t you go with him?” Wheein asks you after Jin leaves. You are wiping at nonexistent coffee stains.

“If I were to pursue this relationship and things don’t work out, I’m left with nothing,” you explain. You don’t look up from the counter, you knew if you looked at Wheein you wouldn’t be able to explain to yourself. “I already gave a lot of myself to my soulmate. I don’t have much left. If I give it to Yoongi and we don’t work out, I’ll be left with nothing. But Yoongi… he still has a soulmate somewhere. I want to know that he is willing to actually work on this, us.”

“You’re scared that if he meets his soulmate that he’ll leave,” Wheein says as she rubs your back.

Taehyung forces his way onto Yoongi’s bed despite the protests and groans of the older boy. He brings the blanket over their bodies and cuddles into Yoongi’s side.

“What are you doing?” Yoongi groans as he tries to shove the boy away. “Why can’t any of you leave me alone?”

“I listened to the demo of the song you produced,” Taehyung comments. “It’s really good,” he compliments.

“It’s sad,” Yoongi retorts.

He is right. It is a sad song. Taehyung sighs as he wraps his arms around the older boys stomach. “True. I cried when I heard it. But that is what makes it so good. It’s real.” Taehyung bites on his bottom lip as he thinks over his words carefully. “You could really feel the pain when you hear it. Most sad songs sound superficial, especially songs about heartbreak.”

“Taehyung, what do you want?” Yoongi asks. He finally stops trying to push the other off of his bed, deciding that Taehyung wasn’t going to leave him alone anytime soon.

“I believe you, hyung,” Taehyung says. “This whole soulmate thing has stopped us from experiencing. I don’t know what heartbreak feels like. I most likely won’t because I’m lucky to have Jimin and I was a sitting duck until he came into my life. I won’t know what a first love is. I have only one love. My life is a constant stream of happiness. Even if we bicker, Jimin was meant for me so we will never have a really big argument. I think that biggest argument we had was when I didn’t fold the laundry when I said I would. But guess what? Jimin is my soulmate, so he didn’t even get that mad. We can’t be mad at each other, no matter how hard we try.”

“Thank you for reminding me how happy and perfect your life is,” Yoongi grumbles. “Thank you for reminding me how pathetic mine is.”

“That is not what I mean!” Taehyung whines. He sits up, causing the blankets to fall off of them. “Just listen. I don’t know what pain is!”

“That’s a good thing. Pain fucking sucks.”

Taehyung flails his arms dramatically. “No! It’s not! Yoongi, your song is absolutely beautiful because you know what pain is. You can write about real pain. But it also makes it so that you can appreciate that good things better. I take it all for granted because I never have a down. I’m all up up up up.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Yoongi scoffs.

“It is. Sometimes I get so tired of being happy all of the times.” Taehyung huffs. “I mean Jimin is great and all, perfect actually,” he ignores how Yoongi snorts at that comment. “Okay, I’m not explaining this well at all.”

“Really?” Yoongi comments sarcastically with an eyeroll.

“You’re music is beautiful because the pain is real. That is something that none of us will ever really achieve,” Taehyung stands up from the bed slowly. “I can’t sing about true pain. Neither can the rest of us.” He makes his way towards the door, “You asked me if I had ever met anyone who experienced heartbreak. I can finally say yes.”

Jin hums to himself as he stir the contents of the pot on the stove. He tries to occupy his mind away from thoughts on Yoongi’s new demo. The song had been beautiful but it was also sad. Jin couldn’t help but to feel slightly guilty about the situation.

“You know, I have never had my heartbroken.”

Namjoon’s deep voice startles him. He accidentally drops the wooden spoon into the pot which causes a splatter of sauce everywhere. “Namjoon, learn to announce your presence, will you?”

Namjoon gives him an apologetic smile as he picks up a towel to wipe up the mess. “I just… You told the others that I experienced heartbreak. But I never did.”

“I know that,” Jin answers. “I’m sorry for lying. I just couldn’t handle telling them about…” Jin makes gestures with his hands and purses his lips. “You were just a bit sad, but mostly hopeful.”

Namjoon nods. “At first I thought I was heartbroken. But it was more of a missing feeling, you know?” He tosses the dirty rag into the sink. “Is Yoongi really heartbroken?”

“Did you hear the song?” Jin scoffs. He then sighs and leans back against the counter tops.

“Soulmates never hurt that bad,” Namjoon responds. “They are made perfect for us. So perfect, that even when they die they leave us peacefully.” He eyes Jin curiously. “It’s not a soulmate that he is heartbroken about, is it?”

Jin purses his lips as he avoids answering. It didn’t matter, Namjoon already figured it out. “It’s complicated.”

“Are you heartbroken?”

The questions catches Jin off guard. His eyes widen and he subconsciously leans further away from Namjoon. He tears his eyes away from Namjoon and stares at the tile floor. “Some days I think I am.”

“And the other days?”

“Other days… other days I feel hopeful.”

It’s ten minutes from closing. You let out a long sigh as you finish up wiping all the tables in the cafe. It was a long day. Everyday is a long day when you don’t see Yoongi.

The door chimes as a customer walks in. You internally groan as you make your way around the counter. “Hi. What can I get for you?”

“A shit ton of caffeine?”

The familiar voice has you gasping as the rag you were cleaning with falls out of your hand. You look up to see Yoongi standing on the other side of the counter. You want to squeeze him into a tight hug but you also want to smack him.

“Three weeks,” you say. You cross your arms and narrow your eyes at him.

“What?” Yoongi asks.

“You made me wait three whole weeks, Yoongi. That’s what!” You snap at him. “You walk out on me without giving me a chance to explain and then you make me wait three whole weeks!”

“I’m sorry,” Yoongi drops his gaze to his shoes as he fidgets nervously. “I just… I’m not good at these things.”

You sigh before busying yourself by making his drink. “It’s been awhile since I had to make this,” you comment. “I hope it taste the same.”

“Anything you make will taste good,” he claims. You hand him his cup. He takes it out of your hands and place it on the counter, surprising you. You raise an eyebrow at him but he reaches over and grabs your hand. “Let me ask you again, I promise I won’t run away this time.”


“Do you love your soulmate?” Yoongi asks. He braces himself for your answer.

“Yes,” you answer. “I do love my soulmate.” Yoongi nods his head, urging you to continue. “I will always love my soulmate. But.” Your words halt as you notice Yoongi dropping your hands. You grip on tightly, refusing to let him go. “But, my soulmate passed away many years ago.”

Yoongi really shouldn’t feel so relieved. You had just announced that your soulmate died. It’s really not right to be celebrating this. But a part of him is glad that there is no competition for your heart. He can deal with you loving your soulmate as a memory as long as you loved him now.

“Do you love me?” He couldn’t hide the hopeful tone in his voice. He chastises himself for sounding too eager.

“I could,” you answer. You could see yourself falling for Yoongi easily. You could fall for the cold grump that turns soft a giggly for you.

Yoongi nods. He could work with that. He could build a relationship with you - someone who is not his soulmate.

“Did you fix it?” Jin asks him a week later when he notices that Yoongi’s good mood has returned. Yoongi looks over at his roommate with a smile.

“Yeah. It’s just a misunderstanding,” Yoongi answers. He tilts his head to the side as he looks Jin over. “I thought you would have been happy for it not to work out.”

“I would never be happy about you being hurt,” Jin responds, slightly offended.

“I mean, when I first told you about her -”

“I overreacted,” Jin interrupts. “Soulmates are sacred. But our friendship is more sacred Yoongi. You can’t help who you fall in love with, but you can chose who you want to make a relationship work with.”

Yoongi snorts. “Be careful there, Jin. You’re beginning to sound like Namjoon.”

“Yoongi,” Jin calls for his attention once more. He has a burning desire to tell him the truth; however, when Yoongi finally locks eyes with him, his temporary bravery is caught in his throats. He coughs once and gives Yoongi a sheepish grin. The words that falls out of his mouth next are not what he had wanted to say, but it makes Yoongi smile - and today that is enough for Jin. “Yoongi, you know you are leading a revolution here?” He stares as the red string wrapped around Yoongi’s index finger.

Yoongi laughs loudly. “Huh. Another thing to add to my resume. Min Yoongi: idol, rapper, genius, revolutionary leader.”

Last post of the night.

I decided to do one of my favorite anti-hero daddypool.

Anyways enjoy, these headcannons have probably been the LEAST serious thing I’ve posted ever.
Like wtf am I doing with my life anymore lol.
Deadpool headcannons:

-wade, wade, wade.

-where do I even begin with this relationship.

-cheesy jokes to the max.

-literally, none of your conversations are serious.

-sometimes it gets a tad bit annoying when you’re not in the mood and he throws a few dirty/non serious jokes your way.

-why even is this a relationship.

-due to all of his incessant flirting, you think you’re just another one of his flings.

-sometimes you have to look into the past, to help this concern.

-if you bring this up to wade, it’ll probably be the first time you’ve seen him serious in a while.

-“sugartits if you were just a fling, you would’ve been gone long ago”
-“wade I don’t know if I should feel thankful, or still concerned”

-this relationship has a SHIT TON of ups and downs.

-like when you fight it can get out of control, to the point of where things have been thrown across the room, and things you wished you’ve never said had been said.

-but when it’s good, fuck it’s good, like the relationship would make people swoon at how stable it is.

-3 am Taco Bell anyone??

-you’ve probably eaten more Mexican food than you’ve ever eaten in a lifetime. I’m surprised you’re not shitting your pants yet.

-wade still feels concerned about his looks, so make sure you help him through this.

-he’s an asshole, but he’s your asshole.

-what even are your nicknames for each other?? Like wade called you sugartits and you call him a shriveled nut sack.

-prank wars to the max.

-like there’s probably one going on right now that you don’t even know started.

-pillow talks with him are fucking weird.

-“if boobs and butts squeaked every time you touched them, how do you think life would be?”
-“what colors do you think farts would be, would they really be green, or would they be some weird color other than green?”

-wade, since the incident has become a child, so it’s your responsibility to make sure you keep him in line, because it’s quite likely that his ass I trouble as we speak.

-at the end of the day, you two deeply love each other and have a VERY strong bond, you’ve been through thick and thin, and nothing would tear you apart.

-your conversations have no limits, wanna talk about midget porn in the middle of shopping? No? Well wade has probably started it. Wanna talk about his latest kill? No? Well I guess that’s another conversation he’s started too.

-sex is fucking good. Like dead serious. Wades sex drive is higher that Bruce Wayne’s IQ, so you best prepare yourself for what’s to come.

-slightly concerned for him, like why does he keep talking to himself in the corner of the room explaining what he’s going to do, or how his days going.

-thinks you’re the cutest thing to ever exist, like really. He awes at you every time you try to show him something.

-hanging his pictures on the fridge make him feel good. Like he’s a good noodle.

-daddy kink?

-daddy kink.

anonymous asked:

Mirio meeting an American hero student with a quirk that lets her turn into a mermaid in the water (like one of the ones with the super long tails in the pirates of the Caribbean movie?) and falling for her at first sight and even more as he gets to know her? She is calm, kind, a little cold at first because people make her nevous, and love puns, anti joke, and dirty jokes. Sorry for the long request. ^^;

The mermaids from Pirates of the Caribbean were my favorite part of that film ! Thanks for the request! It’s very specific, so I’ll try to include everything here.


⚪️ Mirio has always appreciated uniqueness in people. This girl, even from a first glance, not knowing anything about her, he could tell that she’s something special. 

⚪️ When he first saw her, he was walking by the school’s pool after the last bell of the day, heading home when he noticed the splash of water, the long, elegant tail flipping out from the surface before submerging. His feet immediately stopped moving. 

⚪️ The colors of her tail seemed to reflect in the sunlight like crystals, catching his attention right off the bat and drawing him in. He waited almost anxiously for the beautiful creature to emerge once more, his face pressed so close against the wire fence that he almost accidentally phased through it.

⚪️ Then she came back up and he saw her again in all of her glory. Strange how even in the world he lives in, where there’s a pro hero who can turn into a literal dragon, he still feels like he’s in some fantasy land. 

⚪️ He has to know more about this girl.

⚪️ He began taking the same route after school every day at the same time just so he could get a glimpse of the mermaid-quirked girl as she swam. Eventually it came to him asking questions about her, hoping to find out her name and anything he could. 

⚪️ Eventually he found out that she’s an American transfer student training to be a hero as well. Even without that glorious tail of hers, he was able to recognize her one day during lunchtime in the cafeteria.

⚪️ Yes, she’s just as beautiful without the tail as she is with it.

⚪️ Mirio is awe-struck at first but he quickly recovers and introduces himself. Turns out she already knows him, or at least of him, since the other girls at the pool were telling her about ‘that guy who always walks by every day and stares at you for five minutes then leaves’

⚪️ She’s kind of nervous at first since he came on so strong but Mirio’s naturally friendly, inviting, and warm personality really helped ease you into getting to know him better.

⚪️ The relationship took off pretty fast, especially once she started to become more comfortable around him

⚪️ Once he got to know her personality, that was it. He knows for sure that he’s in love with this girl. 

⚪️ Constant jokes. Puns. Dad jokes. Dirty jokes. Anti jokes. It’s all there. In fact, she makes him laugh at quite possibly the worst times possible, and when Mirio laughs, it’s out-loud and contagious.

⚪️ After a while into their relationship, Mirio always enjoys watching her take baths. Not necessarily because he gets to see her top half naked, but because he can’t get over how fascinating her tail is. 

⚪️ insists on making her a giant, portable pool of water so she can be in her mermaid form wherever she goes. Not very convenient, though.

thegreatitchymatsu  asked:

Hi i would like to request a scenario of a s/o who loves pervy jokes or puns??(also would like to know if you got my match-up ask) GOOD LUCK WITH THE BLOG!!!👍👌👏😁


Oh man, if it’s pervy jokes/puns then this is the one Matsu that’s more than ready to back you up on that! At first he’d be surprised by how dirty your jokes can get, but sure enough it easily becomes one of his favorite things about you. He’d constantly try to play “dirty joke chicken” with you and see how far either of you can take it before the other backs down.


Karamatsu’s never been one for dirty jokes or even sly innuendos. He tries to be as much of a gentleman as possible but with you he’d try to budge on that a little bit. He would oh so desperately try to get used to your humor and attempt to dish out some pervy jokes of his own, but the poor boy can’t so much as manage even a simple 3rd-grade curse word.


He’s had to grow up with someone like Osomatsu so he’s already survived the worst jokes possible. That doesn’t mean he likes them though and would get super flustered when he hears such language come out of your mouth. He’d ask you to stop and sure, you would tone it down, but it’s still super fun to drop in a joke like that if only to make him blush like that.


He’s not one for super obvious dirty jokes but if you happen to murmur some on the down low to him he’d really get a kick out of that. While his humor is mostly dark, he can manage to share some dirty jokes of his own with you. In time he would really REALLY enjoy these jokes, treating them like a dirty little secret that you two share.


Whenever he tries to say a dirty joke it doesn’t really come off as humor but rather as… observation. You find that you can’t be too subtle with your jokes otherwise he wouldn’t understand them, but if you’re a lot more open about it he would laugh endlessly at your jokes. Of course he’d be so happy he’d repeat them to his brothers so…. just be wary about that.


Oh he’d be absolutely horrified at the filth coming out of your mouth and ask you to please not say jokes like that. At least, not out loud. While he sees most blatant dirty jokes as something vile and unfunny, he can get a kick of of small, sly jokes quietly whispered between you two. After all, he wants to preserve this image of a cute, sweet couple.

Wraith Squadron

My favorite books from the Star Wars: X-Wing series are the three books “Wraith Squadron”, “Iron Fist”, and “Solo Command”.  The basic gist of them is that Commander Wedge Antilles creates a specialty X-Wing Squadron that also doubles as commando/infiltrator unit.  Due to manpower shortages, Wedge is forced to recruit and reform a bunch of washouts and screwballs (your basic “Dirty Dozen” plot).  They end up becoming very effective unit, but they are natural pranksters and practical jokers.  Throughout the books they keep playing practical jokes on each other and Commander Antilles. My favorite is when their Bothan slicer (computer hacker) puts a creepy insect in the cockpit of another’s X-Wing before a routine mission.  In another joke they modify Wedge’s voice recorder to sound like an Ewok during a mission.

The problem is that in a later mission they are to infiltrate Imperial Forces under the command of Warlord Zinsj by posing as a pirate/mercenary force with Tie fighters, and the Imperials had previously listened in to their communications and question them on how it is they have an Ewok for a pilot.  So they invent the persona of Lt. Kettch who is an intelligent Ewok who escaped from a medical lab and uses leg and arm extensions to pilot a fighter. 

To complete the persona, Wedge Antilles pilots a Tie fighter in a mission while wearing an Ewok costume, just in case someone sees him in the cockpit.  I can just imagine Commander Wedge Antilles, winner of the Kalidor Crescent who did two death star runs, co-founder and leader of Rogue Squadron, and the best pilot of the New Republic, going into combat wearing an Ewok costume.

anonymous asked:

Emma I just found out the cutest thing earlier today, the owner of the used bookstore I go to is married and has two little girls, we're pretty close and freindly and were talking about his yougest making messes and I brought up bath tub crayons (if you've never seen them they're literally big crayons that you're supposed to use to draw in the bath, but if you aren't extremely carefull they'll create the biggest mess EVER) anyway he told me he and his wife actually use them to leave notes 1/?

to each other all the time, and I just..,imagine domestic, parents!Sterek who have a bunch of lil babies and end up using the bath crayons WAY more than the kids do, they leave messages on the bath tub for each other whenever one of them goes into the bathroom for anything, they range from stuff like “You have the prettiest smile” and “Your butt looked especially good today” to doodles of Spiderman and “OMG X-FILES IS BLOWING MY MIND” to jokes and limericks and when the kids are asleep they play their favorite risky game “How many dirty jokes/comments can we leave before a child finds one?” and inevitably if either of them left something that the other didn’t see before one of the kids gets up for the bathroom and they find it then whoever left the dirty message has to do some stupid chore like walk the dogs for a week or be the poor looser who takes the kids to the dentist the next day or whatever.

Obviously they only play that game when all of the kids are too young to really read, the older their oldest gets the more creative they have to get with their words so they don’t ask questions, but by the time the oldest child gets to a reading level where they can identify their first cuss word they have to stop playing because it’s only a matter of time before she figures out what “I wanna tap that booty like a game show buzzer” means (incidentally that was the comment that made Stiles lose and have to clean the kitchen a few months ago). 

BUT ALSO here’s the thing about those crayons, if you don’t wash them off fast enough- or if you mark them on anything that ISN’T the bath tub- they don’t come off, they stain HORRIBLY. I was that kid that took the black crayon and drew all over the walls with it and I don’t think my mom got it all off for MONTHS, so just imagine that sometimes they don’t get to a message fast enough or they decide the message is so nice they don’t want to wash it off, so slowly the bathtubs become covered in little stained messages, like a real-time memory album, moments captured that are actually pretty insignificant and that makes them BETTER because it isn’t like looking back on dance recitals or anniversaries, it’s remembering when the new Beauty & The Beast movie came out and Stiles wrote a Sterek version of “Tale As Old As Time” on the tub, it’s remembering when one of the kids got stung by a bee and Stiles freaked out so much he cried and Derek comforted him, it’s remembering that Derek loves strawberry ice cream and that Stiles’ hair looked especially fluffy that one day, it’s remembering that it’s Derek’s turn to do the laundry and that Stiles was so sleepy one night he wrote a long message of incoherent words that fifty years later still stump the entire family as to what he was trying to say. 

And slowly the messages encroach over every bathtub, every shower, even the SINKS because they run out of room, they add on a new bathroom at one point with the excuse of having too many kids but everyone knows it’s just so they can fill it up with more messages, they spent twenty years sharing the two or three bathrooms they had in the house WHY ADD ANOTHER ONE //NOW//? But just imagine all of the really RANDOM messages that get left there and aren’t washed away in time because life gets in the way, “Why did I ever like Fred Flintstone? He’s such a poophole D<” “I'msosleepydereksendhelpnomoreslumberpartiesplzsleep”, “I’m craving pizza thanks to your big mouth Stiles- DON’T WRITE SOMETHING DIRTY”, “Abby learned that bad word she wasn’t supposed to know and now Mrs. Miller is mad at us” “What word?” “The one that makes Scott sad” “There are like 3” “The bad bad one that you didn’t know till you were 9 IT’S YOUR TURN TO CLEAN THIS THING STOP WRITING BACK”. 

It’s like the “leaving messages in steam” thing only cuter because you have the option of saving them!! 

I don’t know why I’m crying, because this is so damn amazing and happy. BUT THAT IS EXACTLY WHY I‘M CRYING. Can I please have this? Just…yes. This is it. This is the headcanon I want. This is the Sterek pokemon I choose!!! 

I was on set in Atlanta, and it was going to snow. Someone went, “I heard it’s only supposed to be a few inches.” I got so excited that I bungled my joke. I giggled my way through, saying “Girl, I’m no weatherman, but I heard you’re going to get more than a few inches tonight.” That was my moment. And I ruined it!
—  Anna Kendrick, when asked about her favorite dirty joke. (Glamour, June 2015)
Summer Season | First Impression

Summer Season is here and to be honest I didn’t expected to watch so many different anime. But the numbers of anime I’m watching even surpass the number of the spring season. The first impressions will be rather short as it’s only one episode. I’m going to write another blog for this season after 5-6 episodes and talk about what I think about the shows.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hi Alison :D Idk if you're taking prompts, but I just can't get this out of my head after seeing Jungkook and Jimin arm wrestling and how jimin's hands are so small compared to Kookie's and I just thought of a fluffly thing about them comparing their hand sizes. (Bonus point if one of them makes a dirty joke about hands *wiggles eyebrows*)

jimin’s favorite thing is to hold hands so jungkook doesn’t think much of it when jimin grabs his hand. 

“wooow, look at it,” jimin says and jungkook looks. jimin’s got their hands pressed together and jimin’s fingers only go up to about ¾ths of jungkook’s. “your hand is so big,” jimin giggles. 

“yours are pretty small,” jungkook accedes. “just like the rest of you.” 

“was that a height joke?” jimin scowls. “at least my hand is big enough to wrap around your dic – “

“ok. that’s enough,” yoongi snaps. “i’m trying to sleep and i don’t want nightmares.”

Seventeen Reacting to You Messing Up a Pick-up Line: Vernon

Originally posted by sneezes

“No! Don’t run away!” You groaned, your eyes glued to your phone. Ever since Pokemon Go came out, you’ve been obsessed, going out everyday to catch new pokemon. You were currently in the city, hoping to catch some rare pokemon. You had just come across a Vulpix, but no matter how many times you’d capture it, it would escape. It had finally had enough of you and decided to run away. “Come on, you’ve got to be around here somewhere.”

You were so focused on trying to catch the little escape artist, that you weren’t looking where you were going. Suddenly, you felt your body collide with a hard chest, knocking you to the ground and making you drop your phone. 

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you there!” You heard a boy say as you sat on the ground wincing in pain. “Here, let me help you.“ A bit woozi woozy from the impact, you felt calloused hand belonging to a tall, light-eyed boy grasp yours, pulling you back up on your feet. Your eyes unconsciously widened upon looking at his face. He was quite handsome - like extremely handsome - and you caught yourself staring a little longer than what would qualify as appropriate. “I’m Vernon.” He said, still holding on to your hand.

Your mouth moved to form words, but it took you awhile to use your voice, probably making you look like a Magikarp. “I’m Y/N,” You finally managed to get out. Vernon just nodded in response, sending you both into an awkward, silent staring contest. You then remembered you had dropped your phone.

Just as you bent down to pick it up, you heard a "I’ll get that for you.” Vernon had bent down as well, hitting his head against yours.

“Ouch!” You both yelped, rubbing the sore spot on your heads. 

"Sorry! Again…” Vernon said sheepishly, blushing. He picked up your phone, taking a quick glance at the screen before handing it back to you. “Woah! You play Pokemon Go, too?” He asked excitedly.

“’Play’ would be an understatement. I practically eat, sleep, breathe Pokemon Go.” You laughed, slightly embarrassed. You must sound like a total nerd. 

Vernon eagerly unlocked his phone that he had been clutching in his hand. He moved a little closer to you, revealing the opened Pokemon Go app. “Which team are you? I’m Team Mystic.”

Your eyes widened. “So am I!” 

A huge grin spread across Vernon’s face. His unbelievably adorable smile was enough to make you feel lightheaded, unless that was from hitting your head just minutes ago. You two continued to ramble about your favorite game for what seemed like mere minutes, but when you took your eyes off his face for a split second, the stars were nearly out, meaning you had to get home.

“No way, is that a 511 CP Pikachu?!” Vernon suddenly fanboyed. “Wow, my Pikachu isn’t even close to being as high leveled as yours is.”

Vernon’s mention of Pikachu triggered a memory of being told a super lame pick up line by your best friend, Seungcheol. Seungcheol was really into telling dirty jokes and there was one that was the only joke he told that you laughed at. And it felt like the perfect opportunity to use it on Vernon.

“Hey, are you a pokemon? Because I want to peek-at-you.” You said, but kind of regretted it after considering how lame you thought it sounded out loud.

“Bless you.” Vernon said, his eyes glued to his phone.

You furrowed your eyebrows. That wasn’t the reaction you were expecting. “What?”

“I said bless you.” He repeated. You thought it over in your head a few times before coming to the realization that he must have thought you sneezed.

“I didn’t sneeze …” You said awkwardly.

He finally looked up, or should you say down, at you. “Wait, what?”

Yikes, this just turned awkward. “I said peek-at-you, not achoo … You know what, never mind, its stupid.” You laughed to try and ease the awkwardness that hung between you. Vernon stared at you weirdly with squinted eyes, before he opened his mouth and broke into a laugh, making you nervous. “Hey! Why are you laughing?”

“Because I didn’t expect to get hit on with a pick up line like that.” He chuckled. “How about I give you my number and I’ll take you out sometime, but no peeking at anybody, at least not on our first date, alright?” 

Your cheeks flushed red as he took your phone and put in his number. “O-okay.” Was all you could say. After he gave you back your phone, he waved you off.

Did Pokemon Go really just land you a date?

I’ve been writing a lot of angst lately, so here’s some Klaroline texting fluff. Totally goofy and lighthearted with slight Cami shade. Happy KCVDAY! Enjoy. :)

Also here: (FF.net)

xx Ashlee Bree

Klaus-Riddled with a Capital “F”

—Saturday 12: 48 A.M.

Klaus: F is for…?

(12: 50 A.M.)

Klaus: F is for…?

(12:51 A.M.)

Klaus: ?

Klaus: ??

Klaus: ???

Klaus: ????

(12:52 A.M.)

Klaus: *sobbing emoji*

Caroline: OMG you’re infuriating! WHAT.

Klaus: I know you are, but what am I? ;)


Keep reading