DISCLAIMER: Hello! This was an imagine I had posted on a co-account I owned, but we shut that down so, I put it here, just cause.
“Isn’t she cute?” she giggled as she held Samantha’s daughter in her arms. She kissed her cheeks as the baby laughed in her arms. Babies loved her, they were always attracted to her, and they always laughed in her arms. She made them laugh.
“Let’s leave Honey,” I repeated for the fifth time. She was so busy playing that, she didn’t pay any attention to me at all. I was getting late. Had Cara’s party tonight and, didn’t want to be late and, Ally here was not moving. “Okay, c’mon!” I took the baby from her and handed it to the next person in line. I took her hand, wished the host goodbye and pulled Ally out of the house.
“I think I forgot my wallet inside…” Ally said once, we reached the car.
“Oh, for god sakes, really!” I shouted. She flinched and checked her bag, again.
“It’s here…” She mumbled and sat inside the car.
I looked at my watch, “I’m so late…” I huffed.
“Isn’t the part at 9? It’s still 6:30, you’ve plenty of time!” She smiled.
Plenty of time? I had to get ready, then, drive all the way down to the hotel, it takes time. What’s wrong with her! I didn’t reply and rushed back to our apartment.
“Are you mad at me?” She asked. “I’m sorry, Lila was so adorable and, you know, I love babies…”
“I know! I know! But, if I ask you to leave, at least listen!” I raised my voice again.
“I’m sorry, it’s been so long. I haven’t stepped out of the house and, I just wanted to be out for some time.”
“Oh so, now it’s my fault!”
“I’m not blaming you…” She shook her head, keeping her voice low. “I just wanted to be out for a little bit. This entire deal of keeping me hidden is not exactly ideal, you know. And, it’s not like you’re locked up with me.”
“You aren’t locked up!”
“You know what I mean.” She got out of the car and walked off.
I wiped my tears as I opened the gate to our apartment. I had lost all hopes of fighting with him. Especially now, that I knew he had asked the management to keep me hidden. It’s been more than 1.5 years now. Earlier on, I wanted it to be undercover. I didn’t want our relationship to go out and be demeaned by fans but, that was in the beginning. After being together for almost two years, you do expect to be accepted. Although, when we sat down to discuss this, he blamed it on to the management. And, stopped going out with me altogether.
I’ve been stuck at home for the past three months because, this was the only way I could be with him but, he didn’t care about that. Like today, we were supposed to be at Samantha’s at 3 for the birthday party. He came in late, and we left within one hour of being there. So, much for being together! He didn’t even ask if I wanted to go for Cara’s party. Like, I didn’t exist.
I took off my dress and slipped into a big T-Shirt while he got ready. I saw Cara’s gift kept in a bag. It was beautiful. I thought I should wrap it.
“I’m leaving,” He announced fixing his watch. “There was a packet kept here…” He asked searching for it.
“Umm, I wrapped it. It’s on the counter!”
“Wrapped it?” He said picking it up. “God Ally, why? This looks tacky now! I don’t have time for this, where is the fucking packet?” He snatched the packet from my hands and banged the door.
I curled up on the couch with my blanket, just wondering where things went wrong.
I sat with Harry, curled up in his lap watching some random TV show. I had no interest in TV shows but, Harry enjoyed them. A scene where a mother held a baby for the first time in her arms was on.
“Do you like kids?” I asked.
“Would you like one of your own?”
“Where is this coming from?” He asked, annoyance in his voice.
“Nowhere, the TV,” I just said keeping my head down.
“Yeah, I’d like one of my own. Not now though…not with you.”
“Wh-what?” I looked up, shocked. “Is there something wrong with me?” My heart just shattered. I shifted away.
“What no, forget what I said, come here…” he said, pulling me in his lap.
I refused, “What does ‘not with me’ mean?” I asked.
“Means nothing,” He said, keeping his phone aside which he was stuck on till now.”I don’t plan to have any kids, right now. Just that…”
“I don’t plan to have any, right now, either. But, one day…” I got up from the couch. “Do you even plan a future with me?”
“You’re over reacting. Come here.”
“What are we doing here, Harry? Tell me I’m not some time pass.”
“No, you’re not. Now, forget what I said and come to me, baby” He pulled me towards him and kissed me.
I let that go that day, quite easily. Didn’t think too much about it, either. But, it’s been eating me up. He doesn’t plan a future with me. He doesn’t even see one with me. This was the reason, I asked him to tell his fans about us. He was taken aback. Then, a few days later told me that, the management didn’t think right now was the right time.
I found out, management didn’t say anything at all. It was Harry. After that, he hasn’t even been the same. Today was just another day of the same insulting behaviour I was living with now. My friends say that I was an idiot. That, I should leave him. But, I couldn’t believe it. I loved him and, there was another reason, I’m sure.
I woke up next morning, with a backache. Sleeping on the couch, in that position, wasn’t a great idea. I walked into our room and found Harry sleeping on the bed. He didn’t wake me up when he came back. I took a shower and got dressed. I had film pitch today, and I felt drained already. Plus, I was late. I rushed out and heard Harry talking. I don’t know why but, I hid behind the pillar.
“Yes, it was great! You were great! Hahaha!” He laughed on the phone. “Yes, 21st? I’m all yours! No no, no worries. Hahaha. I told you!” He continued. This 21st? It was our anniversary. 2 years. Okay.
I slowly walked out and went to the kitchen to grab an apple before I left. Harry went from laughing to whispering. This was weird.
“Yes, fine love, I’ll see you!” He laughed again.
I walked into the room and hugged him from behind, kissing his shoulders. He stiffened, “I’m talking…” He said and walked away. I felt the familiar ache in my body and left for work.
He was surprisingly home when I came back, “Hey, how was your day?” He asked, sipping his beer, “Want some?”
I shook my head. “What are you doing home, today?”
“I’m home. C’mon!” He laughed.
“Hey, Rachel’s pregnant!” I smiled. I was so happy for her.
“Rachel? Your Rachel? Are they even married?”
“No, I think, he’ll propose, though. We’re getting old!” I laughed.
“Are you inclining something?” he kept his bottle on the counter.
“Wha-no, no…I’m just…”
“Cause, I don’t want to get married.” He said, taking another sip.
“And, it just seems you’re giving me all these little clues but, it’s not happening so, don’t think and cry about it.” He laughed, he took this so lightly. Was he drunk? “I mean, I don’t even want to get married to you, much less have a baby with you…I mean, a baby – with you, what! I don’t even want people to know about us, a baby is out of the question!” And, then he looked at me.” And- I didn’t- I didn’t mean that…baby…I didn’t fuck!”
I had to take the support of the pillar to stand. He crushed all my love, my hopes, my dreams in a laugh. “Fuck baby…look at me! I didn’t mean that…really! I’m just a bit drunk! I didn’t mean that.”
I couldn’t register what he was saying now. He was suddenly hugging me and kissing me, and I couldn’t take it in. I just pushed him away and, walked into the room. Numb and heavy headed.
“Babe! Babe!” Harry banged the door. I curled up on the bed and broke down. He was serious. He didn’t want anything with me. There was going to be no us. I was just emotional support and a sex toy to come back too. For fucking two years, he played me! That asshole played me! He wasn’t planning anything on the 21st either like my heart imagined! I couldn’t stay here! I had to leave.
I packed a bag and collected my belongings and got out of the room. Harry was sleeping on the side of the door. He almost fell when I opened the door. “Ba-baby…” He woke up, dazzled and stood up. “Baby, I didn’t mean it…really. I’ve no idea why I blurted those things…let’s talk about it…why are you holding a bag?”
I shrugged his hands off my shoulders and walked out. “Look, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it! Why are you overreacting! Ally! Ally…” He ran in front of me and held my face in his hands. “Look at me…look at me! I’m sorry! Really baby, don’t go! Don’t leave me!”
“Now, you don’t have to lie to me about the management not wanting us together. You won’t have a reason.”
“You knew?” He asked, he was crying, why? “Look, I’m sorry…I can explain…”
“I don’t want to know, I’ve embarrassed myself enough. It’s clear now, you don’t want me as a wife much less a mother for your child! You made it very clear. Bye…”
“Ally!…” He followed me down to my car but, I left. I couldn’t lower myself anymore. This wasn’t who I am.
(1 month later)
“I’m gaining weight” I mumbled, as I came back from my morning run. I rubbed my hand on my tummy.
“Hahahaha! It’s a bulge! It’s like you’re pregnant!” My best friend laughed. “What-what? Why did you go so serious?”
“I’m not pregnant.” I lifted my top and rubbed my stomach. I missed my period for the past two months. But, that was regular with me. I missed it because of stress, and my pattern was always weird. It’s been two months, that I’ve had sex. It was the time Harry, and I got drunk and woke up naked in the living room. Fuck. I didn’t think. “Do you have a test?”
“Are you saying you can be pregnant?” She asked, her eyes wide. “But, you don’t have any symptoms!”
“Every body is different. My mother didn’t know she was pregnant till her fourth month! Just get me a test!” I freaked out. She ran and got me one.
I flipped it around in my hands, “Go Ally…” she nudged me. What is happening to my life!
I was going to enter the washroom when my phone rang. “The father’s calling,” My friend gave it to me.
“I really don’t enjoy your sense of humour,” It was the fourth missed call from Harry, since morning. He didn’t stop calling me. After I had left, he disappeared for a week without any contact and, every word he spoke got engraved in me. Then, he suddenly dropped in front of me and broke down. Begging for forgiveness, asking me to come back home. Telling me, he’d taken me for granted. I couldn’t accept it. Not after he told me that I wasn’t worth having a future with. He said, he wouldn’t stop trying and clearly hasn’t. I kept my phone away and took the test.
I was pregnant. Fuck. I was pregnant. I slid down the washroom door and cursed myself. I couldn’t break down. Knowing that the path now, was alone, without a partner, I had to be strong. I collected myself and booked a flight back home.
“She isn’t picking up!” I said, banging my head on the tile.
“Hey, that’s new!” Louis scolded. “Maybe, she’s sleeping!”
“Nope, she goes for a run, can’t live without a morning run.”
“You’re an idiot for saying all that to her, give her time!” He said. But, I knew if I didn’t get her now, I’d lose her forever.