dirty dishes,

“Where did the coffee table go ?”- Bruce Wayne x Reader

Just something short and stupid written in 5 minutes during my lunch break.  Didn’t proof read (I never do, I never can re-read anything I wrote so like meh) so sorry about any awful mistakes. Sometimes, I have really shitty ideas haha, hope you’ll still kinda like it though ^^’ :

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“The mysterious case of the disappearing furnitures by detective/Batman’s partner Richard John Grayson, 8 and a half years old : 

Recently noticed that furnitures around Wayne Manor have gone missing.

_Suspects : Bruce Wayne, (Y/N) Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth or a stranger. 
_Motive for Bruce Wayne : reminds him of his parents so he’s changing them ? But that wouldn’t explain why they’re changed on a regular basis.
_Motive for (Y/N) Wayne : …I don’t know yet, but will find one, she’s too nice to me and maybe it’s a trick so we DON’T suspect her ? Maybe she has a huge furniture dealing web out there in Gotham ! 
_Motive for Alfred Pennyworth : Less to clean.
_Motive for “stranger” : Those furnitures must be expensive, selling them might be good, but then why does Bruce not react ? Maybe it’s a mind trick that stranger is playing on Bruce, getting rid of every pieces of furniture his parents bought ? 

All of the suspect have a motive, and a good one if I might say, and I will find what is happening to all those poor furnitures ! 

09/08/01, chest of drawers disappeared.
10/08/01, new chest of drawers arrived, Alfred rolled his eyes at it.
14/08/01, lawn table gone.
14/08/01, a bit later, saw Alfred took down a few pieces of Bruce and (Y/N)’s bed, the headboard I think.
18/08/01, started my interrogation : when I asked Bruce he became very pale and looked “horrified” (according to (Y/N) who entered, she said : “what’s that horrified face my heart ?”). I’m not sure what horrified means, but it doesn’t sound nice…maybe he feels guilty ? When I asked my questions about the broken and missing pieces of furniture to (Y/N), she just burst out laughing.
26/08/01, today, almost the entire living room was empty, I asked Alfred and he said he was remodeling…I think he doesn’t want to worries me about our furnitures being stolen.
01/09/01, Saw da Bruc Dad Bruce sneaking out with the a plank that I believe is from the coffee table in the living room…very suspicious”.

Smiling, Dick stops reading the clumsy handwriting he had when he was eight and puts down his old “very important cases” notebook back on his deck, sighing, nostalgic. 

Oh the good old days when he was the only “Batboy” (who was he kidding ? Dick knew that without little brothers his life would be boring. He makes a mental note though, to hide this forever from his brother’s sight, they would mock him too much for almost everything written in that thing).

“Where do all the furniture go ?” was his actual first case, and…oh ew, just thinking about what he discovered, a few years after he “opened the case”, where those furnitures went, was grossing him out. 

But he still couldn’t help but smile at his younger self. 

He was a rather cute kid wasn’t it ? His mom would agree.

His mom. 

“(Y/N) Wayne”, the woman who was “too nice, must be a trick”…Oh he was so wrong about that. You were nice because you were the best woman in the World. You were more than nice. You were…Oh man you were the best in everything ! Your hugs and soothing wordsgot him through so many difficult moments…

One of the only thing “bothering” him about you, was still kind of awesome.

It was so damn disgusting sometimes. But also overly adorable.

Your only “flaw” was to be too in love with Bruce, and vice versa. 

You two could be so gross when together, forgetting the world around you, kissing and embracing and EWWW ! 

Sometimes, your sons had to make sure you both knew they were here by making loud noises, and even then, more often than not, they’d be the one leaving the room rather than you two stopping being so goddamn in love. 

Keep reading

depression tips™
  • shower. not a bath, a shower. use water as hot or cold as u like. u dont even need to wash. just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. sit on the floor if you gotta.
  • moisturize everything. use whatever lotion u like. unscented? dollar store lotion? fancy ass 48 hour lotion that makes u smell like a field of wildflowers? use whatever you want, and use it all over. 
  • put on clean, comfortable clothes. 
  • put on ur favorite underwear. cute black lacy panties? those ridiculous boxers u bought last christmas with candy cane hearts on the butt? put em on.
  • drink cold water. use ice. if u want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost.
  • clean something. doesn’t have to be anything big. organize one drawer of ur desk. wash five dirty dishes. do a load of laundry. scrub the bathroom sink. 
  • blast music. listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.
  • make food. don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. take the time and make food. even if it’s ramen. add something special to it, like a hard boiled egg or some veggies. prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something. 
  • make something. write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. even if you don’t think you’re good at it.
  • go outside. take a walk. sit in the grass. look at the clouds. smell flowers. put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.
  • call someone. call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. talk to a stranger on the street. have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. if you can’t, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. even if you don’t say much, listen to them.
  • cuddle your pets if you have them/can cuddle them. take pictures of them. talk to them. tell them how u feel, about your favorite movie, a new game coming out.

anonymous asked:

sounds like your recurrent depression is just lazy syndrome. who the fuck cries looking at dirty dishes? grow the fuck up jesus chrisy

I’m starting a Lazy Syndrome club! Anyone else who has on occasion cried at inanimate objects and definitely does not have “depression” is very welcome to join! Password is ‘jesus chrisy’ 

This is a kind of neo-liberalism of the emotions, in which happiness is seen not as a response to our circumstances but as a result of our own individual mental effort, a reward for the deserving. The problem is not your sky-high rent or meager paycheck, your cheating spouse or unfair boss or teetering pile of dirty dishes. The problem is you.

It is, of course, easier and cheaper to blame the individual for thinking the wrong thoughts than it is to tackle the thorny causes of his unhappiness. So we give inner-city schoolchildren mindfulness classes rather than engage with education inequality, and instruct exhausted office workers in mindful breathing rather than giving them paid vacation or better health care benefits.

capitalist: HUMANS DO NOTHING WITHOUT MONEY

average human: i am perfectly fine and functioning

me: OH YEAH??? WELL TAKE THIS!!!

AND SOME OF THIS

AND SOOOMEEE OF THIIIISSS !!!!

average person: OH NOOOO THE CAPITALISTS WERE RIGHT I AM DEFEATED. THERES NO WAY I CAN DEAL WITH ANY OF THESE THINGS IF I’M NOT PAID FIRST… AND I DON’T GET PAID TO DO THESE THINGS???? WHAT WILL I DO

me cackling: YOU THOUGHT.

  • Harry: Draco, why is the baby in the sink?
  • Draco: He needed a bath.
  • Harry: In the sink?
  • Draco: What? It's like it's his own perfect little bathtub. Teddy obviously likes it. Look at him.
  • Harry:
  • Harry: Maybe you could have at least removed the dirty dishes first?
  • Draco: And touch them with my delicate hands?
  • Viktor: Hey Yuuri, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
  • Yuuri: I don't know. Did it hurt when I smashed this dirty plate over your head?
  • Viktor: You didn't smash a plate over my head.
  • Yuuri: Not yet.
  • Viktor: ...
  • BONUS
  • Yurio, watching Viktor vigorously scrubbing the dirty dishes: He's so whipped
  • Otabek, holding a juicebox up to Yurio's mouth: I know.

Fun Moments With Autism™ (*sarcasm*):

“wow you’re so rude”

“what are you upset about?”

“you have a serious case of Resting Bitch Face haha”

**

*only realizes social faux-pas 3 days later when someone points it out to me*

**

 [randomsong] (10 hours)

**
*paces around room, consumed w/ rage bc of minor change in routine* 

**
“why would i order something different to eat if i already know what i like??? what do you mean i’ve eaten the same 2 dishes for a month?”

**

me: *doesn’t understand innuendo/dirty joke*

friend: “omg you’re SO INNOCENT lmao”

**

me: *watching asmr, squeezing play-doh, touching random objects for hours, while playing w/ a mermaid pillow, flapping hands and jumping* ummmmm what is this stimming you speak of?

**

*overwhelmed by my burning love for my SpIn* … when will i be free…

**

relative: “we almost never talk. sometimes i wonder if you actually love me”

me: *confused and heartbroken bc i thought that my feelings were obvious*

**

“why are you so weird”

“you need to be more friendly”

“omg rou’re SO antisocial”

“stop doing this you look stupid”

“do you have photographic memory?”

“i don’t understand why you’re struggling w/ this it’s so simple”

**
*talks non-stop abt my SpIn* *only afterwards realizes that my audience might not care abt the thing as much as i do*

**
“what difference does it even make if the dirty dishes are close to the clean ones???”

**

*has to order something/have a ordinary social interaction/talk to someone* *practices what to say beforehand*

**

“why are you always in the dark? why do you have your phone/notebook brightness so low? don’t you know it’s bad for your eyes?”

**

*goes on vacation* *feels lost w/o the routine provided by school/college/extracurricular activities*

birdsinaline  asked:

So I have a hoarders nest of a room, is it better to clean the surfaces first or the floor? Because I really need some direction.

Work by category instead of location when you’re dealing with a big mess like this. Start with the stuff that has the potential to smell bad or attract critters. So, food/dishes, trash, dirty laundry, etc. You’ll likely find that stuff both on the floor and on your flat surfaces. From there, work by category, starting with the biggest: for example, deal with all of your clothes, if that’s what’s taking up the most space. Then move on to books or papers or hobby stuff, whatever is the next-biggest bulk. This will allow you to decrease the overall level of messiness and make the largest impact on the mess.

If you focus on one area or surface at a time, I guarantee you will end up with one really clean dresser-top oasis in an otherwise chaotic room, and you will be frustrated and tired after one or two areas not making things feel overall any better, and you’re likely to give up.

One thing that always bugs me when parents are trying to evaluate whether or not their teenage kids will ever be able to live without them is I don’t think any of them consider that they might be the problem…

Which is totally understandable because why would you ever think that you being there and helping your child is actually hurting them?

But I know for a fact that I have about double the number of spoons when I am living on my own compared to when I’m living with my parents.

Like, the entire downstairs of my house is open plan and I am so anxious that I cannot be downstairs when someone else is.

My mum works from home most of the time so that means that I shut myself in my room and I don’t feed myself or do any chores like taking down dirty dishes to go in the dishwasher.

And trying to work around other people’s bathroom routines usually means that I can’t actually brush my teeth or shower when I have the executive functioning to do so.

I got my diagnosis around the time I moved out on my own for the first time so it’s not as if anyone can retroactively say that I’m incapable of living on my own but there have been times since I moved back in with my parents (so that I could afford to do my masters degree) when it has been heavily implied that my parents don’t necessarily think that I’m particularly good at looking after myself.

This is despite the fact that every time they go away for a weekend, they come back to an immaculate house, with all of the chores done and me actually eating healthily.

I dunno, it’s not really a major problem for me, but I can imagine that it would be if I had been diagnosed earlier, so I can’t help but wonder how many parents insist that their child couldn’t live without them, when they are actually holding their child back…

How to cleanse your room of bad energy

- Open the window and let fresh air and sunlight flow through the room. Also keep the door open if you can.

- Since your bed is a huge part of the bedroom, strip your bedding and throw it in the wash.

- Quickly tidy up any clutter. This doesn’t need to be a huge job. Just tackle the main things like dirty laundry and dirty dishes.

- Light an incense and walk around the room with it. Hold the incense for a while in each corner, behind furniture, and around any new items you have brought into your room that need to be cleansed. 

- Fill a spray bottle with water, salt, and your favourite essential oil (I recommend lavender for the bedroom) and spray it around your room in any spots you still feel negative energy. 

- An alternative to spraying salt water is you can sprinkle salt around your room and then vacuum it up.

- Still feel negative energy? Walk around your room and clap! This works wonders.

- Once your bedding is clean and dry, make your bed with it. 

You’re done! You will probably feel a lot better. You don’t have to do all of these things at once. If you don’t have much time or energy but need to cleanse, just try doing one of these things.

Audition

A NIGHT AT HOME | TAEHYUNG VERSION

WORD COUNT: 3,112

warnings: graphic smut, dirty talk, spanking, slight exhibitionism, squirting

Originally posted by jitonic

masterlist | ask | song 

Keep reading

Just thinking about Jack and Bitty spending that first night truly alone in Providence really makes me smile?

Imagining them going about their evening routines and just learning more about each other through small everyday things.

Like Jack leaning against the bathroom counter, watching Bitty put toothpaste on his toothbrush and he goes “You wet your toothbrush before putting the toothpaste on?”

And Bitty just raises an eyebrow and replies, “Yeah, why?” Jack shrugs in response and gives him a small smile, “Just wondering.”

Or like Jack is loading dirty dishes into the dishwasher and Bitty is like, “You put the forks in tines down?” And Jack just nods and carries on loading dishes. “Yeah.” He replies. “Maman was always worried that I’d stick myself with a fork or knife when I unloaded dishes as a kid. Guess I never grew out of it. Haha.”

Just the idea of them learning the stupid, little things about each other really makes me happy.

Memory Lane ft. Yoongi

Originally posted by allforbts

Drabble game #100: “I adore you.” 

grumpy husband yoongi au aka lots of fluff (mentions of sex)
→ 1.7k words,
part 2

A/N: I recently had a realization that the way my blog is structured doesn’t really give me a great leeway to express my creativity and feels for the members at random. So this is the start to a really short series of drabbles for all of the members in super short (less than 2k) drabbles! To be continued! :) Hope you guys like it. 

more from this au: here, more drabbles: here


“You’ve got a wonderful wife there, son.”

Yoongi gives the elderly man a small smile and nods in agreement, clinking his beer can against his and tipping back the cold liquor into his throats with his eyes trained on you, a feat that happens quite often.

Often Yoongi finds himself just staring at you, in awe of how someone like you ended up with someone like him.

Your friends would describe you as sweet, bubbly, kind, selfless, and bright. His friends would describe you as “the light that shined in Min Yoongi’s horribly dreadful bitch ass life.” And although he always gives them a glare or just brushes their comments off with an eye roll it’s moments like these when he feels like the six dickwads’ words can never be any more accurate.

Keep reading

when I was 17 the first girl I’d ever loved told me if her parents found out about how I looked at her she’d be homeless. 
we cried for 2 days straight, 
and I told about concrete counter tops.
I told her about dark hardwood floors
with at least three knit blankets on every couch.
Our bedroom facing west 
because even though I love the sunrise, 
you look the best in our bed 
covered in nothing 
but the deep purple of sunset.
The library that would smell like our books 
had been there longer than our home had been standing on solid foundation, stone, reliable.
Sweet girl, I know they say not to make homes out of people 
but I don’t want anyone else’s dirty dishes on my counter.
I don’t want to take the trash out for anyone else at 11pm.
You’re the only person I’d race to kill a spider for in the shower.
How could you ever be without a home 
when every time I look at you I’m building ours.
—  anonymous