Just Madison Things™ that Eric Bittle does
- the nearest real city is Athens and if you think Bitty isn’t there every weekend there’s football you’re wrong
- should win the Slowest Walker award. its more an amble or a stroll
- would never ever pass anyone on the street and even more so never on the stairs. it’s bad luck.
- dirt roads mean washing his truck more than should be humanly possible, but also driving fast down a dirt road so you don’t feel every bump when it’s all washborded out
- more on roads- what in the ever loving hell is a snowplow???
- even more on roads- why the hell would you ever jaywalk? to where???? the garbage can so you can throw away some stranger’s litter? (Bless their sweet little darlin’ heart!)
- is in denial that the Atlanta Thrashers ever left. They’re just on a long off season.
- stops to talk to anyone at any time. Had a class together once freshman year before you dropped it three days in? Bitty is gonna ask about your momma and your dog because “Lord honey, that’s just how you do things”
- going to Murder Stop n Shop means ‘going into town’
- is frankly apalled at the lack of farm stands on the side of the road
- Thank The Lord there aren’t half a dozen of those awful ‘southern charm’ boutiques on the square- probably because there’s no square
- complains that there are no antebellum homes to decorate at Christmas and make the cold less awful
- making friends with history nerds
read: Jack Zimmermannand informing him that Madison was the only city spared on Sherman’s March to the Sea because it’s the only Georgia history he knows