Let’s be honest, Todd’s gonna kiss Dirk long before Dirk even realizes it’s a possibility.
At some point in the not-so-distant future, after Dirk gets away from Blackwing, after all the CIA heat dies down, after they’ve established their detective agency and have a handful of successful albeit terrifying and life-altering cases under their belt, Todd will, without ever really meaning to, kiss Dirk.
Maybe it’ll come in the middle of a case, their latest near-death experience thrumming in his veins. Or maybe it’ll come at the end of a case, after they’ve all gone out for a celebratory drink, Todd loose and relaxed and genuinely happy. Or maybe it’ll happen in between cases, Dirk bleeding unused energy all over Todd’s flat. It might even happen after a pararibulitis attack, Todd’s skin still tingling from where the Rowdy 3 have drained his energy. It’s not the where or when that matters. What does matter is that it’s always, always Todd who initiates it.
And then promptly realizes what he’s done.
And of course Dirk, who adores Todd, who’s probably been half in love with Todd since his future-self introduced him to Todd, needs only half a second to process the turn of events before he is 110% on board. Unfortunately, that’s just enough time for Todd to change his mind.
Because he’s a shitty friend, but he’s an even worse boyfriend and he doesn’t want to mess up what they have. He certainly doesn’t want to run the risk of ruining the first friendship he’s had in years. He doesn’t want to lose Dirk or leave the comfortable bubble they’ve made for themselves even though Dirk’s pretty much the only person he ever thinks about. Certainly Dirk’s the only person he can really see himself spending the rest of his life with.
None of that’s important, though, because Todd’s an asshole and a screw-up and if there’s anything he can fuck up spectacularly, it’s this.
So he makes excuses.
Except, that’s all they are, excuses, and if anyone can see through Todd’s bullshit it’s Dirk, so Dirk makes it his mission to change Todd’s mind, because now that he knows he can have this he sure is hell isn’t going to back down just because Todd’s got cold feet.
Besides, he has a good feeling about this.
And Todd? Todd doesn’t stand a chance. He didn’t stand a chance when Dirk was obliviously happy calling Todd his BFF. What chance does he have now that Dirk knows? Now that Dirk’s decided the universe wants them together. It’s a battle he’s destined to lose. A battle he’s not even sure he wants to wage.
By the time Farah returned to the cafe, Todd had drawn a crowd.
So needless to say, she ran.
She shoved aside the concerned but psychologically apathetic bystander, and the asshole with the phone camera recording all of this, conveniently crushing their mobile under her heel in the process, and bent down next to Todd. His screams were now exhausted, ragged gasps, as if he had used up all the sound in his body and was running on scraps.
“Todd, what’s wrong?” said Farah. “What’s going on?”
Todd choked. His hands were shaking violently, held in front of him.
during the possible CIA break out, after Amanda, Vogel have reunited with the
rest of the Rowdy Three, they find themselves in a corridor; them lined up at
one end and, at the other, the unlucky agents who’ve been sent to subdue the
Rowdy Three. Just before they begin to attack, one of the agents notices Amanda
– there are meant to be four members of the Rowdy Three, not five. Confused,
and hoping one of their teammates knows which project Amanda belongs to, an
agent shouts, ‘What does she do?’
Hearing them, Amanda replies, ‘I
play the drums!’
All of the agents are now confused.
Can playing the drums be a physic power? If so, how? Are the Rowdy Three
actually a punk band? Is Friedkin really that incompetent? How did they get
picked for what is definitely the worse assignment ever?
Meanwhile, the Rowdy Three think
that Amanda’s response is the best thing ever (and maybe a band isn’t such a
bad idea) and takes it as the sign to charge.
‘I play the drums!’ becomes Amanda’s
official battle cry.
heres me hittin you fast with multiple aus all the time always
this is one ive had stuck in the back of my head for a few days now, bc i love court dramas and medieval romances n shit. as per usual it’s a derse kingdom prospit kingdom thing bc im unoriginal but also its cute so don’t judge just yet???
anyway so dave is the dersite heir apparent after dirk runs off to find himself in the great unknown (whether that’s fighting or finding cute boys, who’s to know) and dave has spent most of his life not worrying about being king, but now he has to, and he absolutely thinks he’s not king material. all of his worries come to a head when dirk “seduces” the adventurous king from the other kingdom, which leads prospit to blame derse for the loss of its ruler. the citizens cry out for war or whatever the fuck, and bro (who’s derse king) is like, ok, well, daves single and ready to fuckin mingle, let’s marry him off and heal the fuckin bond between our kingdoms. bro holds a v quick tourney to see who is going to protect dave on his journey across the country and lo and behold its a tiny scrappy little shit with a long sickle sword and a scowl that could curdle milk. karkat’s prospitian, and he’s far too emotive and tender for dersite court, and it eventually melts the heart of this prince who’s learned not to show emotion or affection to anyone.
ANYWAY that’s the bulk of it. i don’t think i’ll write it bc writing is hard but if any of you want to take a shot at it, go ahead.
The mystery squad are lying around Todd’s apartment one hot afternoon and Todd ends up affectionately ditching a pillow at Dirk Gently’s head after he says something even more ridiculous than usual.
Dirk tries to throw it back but misses completely and hits Farah instead, and there’s about 3 seconds where Dirk’s thinking yay pillow fight and Todd’s thinking oh god pillow fight (because both Dirk and Farah are very attractive and Todd has been Very Bisexual™ his entire life) but then Farah affectionately pillow-punts them both into the next dimension and no-one is really surprised.
Just a heads-up, hopefully before you read: this is a non-SBURB AU but Bro Strider is still an awful guardian. If bad Bro is not your cup of tea, this is probably not the comic for you!
I stayed up until one in the morning to finish and post this and loosely based the fight scenes on MMA videos. As with most of my short AUs, it’s all about the story with only a minor focus on setting. u///u
Imagine John sneaking into Dirk’s room at 5am with a camera and a shaving razor to shave just a little part of his anime hair, and he’s all like “Hi I’m John Egbert and this is Jackass.” but he walks in to find Dirk wide awake and already waiting for him because Dirk doesn’t fucking sleep and he’s always fucking prepared. He has a baldcap on, and John thinks he shaved Dirk head bald just to spite him.