dirk equius

A Homestuck Character arc summary:
  • The world is on fire
  • John: oh geez that sucks *does nothing*
  • Dave: this is fine hold on lemme take a selfie
  • Rose: I tried everything to put out this fire, nothing worked. The only viable solution is that I summon the forces of evil.
  • Jade: Oh no! :0 *falls asleep and only wakes up for the climax*
  • Karkat: OH MY FUCK THE WORLD IS ON FIRE WHY IS NO ONE PANICKING NO ONE IS REACTING APPROPRIATELY TO THIS *I’M* NOT REACTING APPROPRIATELY TO THIS I HATE MYSELF.
  • Aradia: This was rather inevitable. I brought marshmallows.
  • Sollux: no one lii2tened 2 me when ii told you guy2 you were doomed ii have no sympathy for thii2
  • Tavros: uH, wHAT IS GOING ON?
  • Nepeta: :33 < *ac is sad her ship sunk because they died in the fire* they were purrfect for each other!
  • Kanaya: I Am All For The Utilisation Of Diplomatic Methods In This Situation However If All Else Fails I May Try The Chainsaw
  • Terezi: VR1SK4 NO
  • Vriska: That’s right!!!!!!!! Twas I that set the world a8laze!!!!!!!! 8ut that was inevita8le and now I’ll put out said fire, making me the hero you all deserved.
  • Equius: Is no being going to acknowledge how STRONG and L00d I am despite the situation.
  • Gamzee: Im GlAd We ArE aLl BeInG GoOd FrIeNdS
  • ...nevermind
  • MURDER
  • Eridan: wwhatever, this is not my fault.
  • Feferi: Glub! I’m shore we can sort it out if we just talk about our feelings!
  • Jane: It can't be that bad...*is that bad* oh shucks.
  • Dirk: I can handle the fire but can somebody please help me with my failures as a human being.
  • Jake: Wowie! I can finally live the adventure of a lifetime, just like my heroes! (Jake you are just showing your ass) Just like my heroes!
  • Roxy: imma put out the fire and imma be hot af while doing so just watch me
  • Calliope: Such a thrilling epic UoU
  • Caliborn: BUUUUURN MOTHERFUCKEEEERS!!!!!!!!
Homestuck quizzes be like

*dont kill me* Whats your favorite color?
*hides behind Gamzee while sharing a faygo*

1) MUTANT CANDY RED

2) rust red 0_0 (no that looks stupid) 私のコックを吸います

3) bRONZE/cHOCOLATE BROWN

4) mu2turd yellow

5) :33

6) I Would In Fact Choose A Much More Sophisticated Color, Something Like Jade Green

7) T33H33 T34L 1S TH3 B3ST COLOR! 4LTHOUGH 1 WOULD 4LSO CHOOS3 4 D3L1C1OUS C4NDY R3D >;)

8) wee8eeeeellllllllllllllll i w8uld think 8LUE w8uld 8eeeeeeee a superi8rrrrrrrr color :::;))))

9) a STRONG bl00!

10) I cAn HeAr CoLoRs MoThErFuCkEr :o)

11) sexually frustrated sea dwweller purple

12) GLUB!! Royal m—–Egent(whale)a pink!! Glub!

13) slime ghost green! :B

14) black or lavender purple 😒

15) coooooooooooool red B/

16) blue!!!!! :D

17) hoo hoo!! Well gosh diddily darn tootin hmmmmmm welll maybe light blue!! 8B

18) i leik uhh ponkkk (like* punk* pink*)

19) self loathing daddy issues orange

20) im not interested dirk

Homestuck D&D Headcanons

The paradox space comic wasn’t enough, merely an appetizer that made me hungrier for more. Here’s some basic headcanons:

- John
Thought it would be fun to play as a bard, but after many asskickings, decided to also rank in barbarian. Seemingly only rolls 20s and 1s. Has 6 sets of dice but only ever one at once because he keeps losing them and finding them around the house, none of the dice are full sets of the same colors either because he finds each die one by one. Forgets to eat while playing and sometimes talks in character the day after a session

-Dave
Decided to play as a wizard simply to bar Rose of the opportunity to be the party’s magic user. Wanted to focus on necromancy in the edgelord sense but was given so many healing rings and potions by the DM that he’s forced to do the other side of his job as well. His familiar is his fursona, Awkwete Purrmusk. Worst offender of the “don’t argue with the DM rule” but surprisingly good character focus

-Rose
Played as a wizard anyway, Dave’s best attempts be damned. Always on her phone??? Buts it’s okay usually because she’s looking up rules and names for various NPCs when the DM gets stumped. Always fucking rolling to seduce. Leeroy Jenkins all day every day. Really annoying to play with but it doesn’t feel right if she isn’t there to be obnoxious

-Jade
The DM. Provides snacks and places to sleep in case they decide to go through the night (they usually do). Super open-world and adventure oriented. Usually only one fight or so a session, but those fights are fucking brutal. Gives out magical items a lot tho. Money too so you can buy all the cool items in the big cities. Spends weeks thinking up every detail. Never plays but has a huge binder of NPCs that she sometimes tags along as (usually animals or shape shifters that turn into animals)

-Jane
Loves to play but usually can’t make it. Has to step out to take important phone calls. She’s played as one orc nearly every time and that character is so OP it’s basically a demi-God and is mentioned in other campaigns in reverent tones. Keeps forgetting which dice do what??? Super lawful evil but not in an annoying edgey way

-Jake
Forgets his AC and Def every time it’s relevant. Stands up and briefly LARPs whenever he has trouble explaining with words. Brings weird snacks no one has heard of and are decent but always eaten last. Always an elf. There’s an on-going joke that he isn’t allowed grenados or any amount of lizards exceeding 1

-Dirk
A walking armory that has tried every weapon at least once. So immersed in his character he doesn’t respond to his own name sometimes. Never intends on staying the night but always the first to suggest it. Plays elves and humans exclusively except for the one time he was allowed to be a centaur and quickly lost that privilege

-Roxy
Makes friends with every damn character. Usually ends up as royalty somehow? Cried the first time her character died. Tries to rank in everything but is basically useless in most things because she’s spread so thin. Always the first to suggest breaks. Annoying chaotic evil player who is only chaotic when she remembers to be and that she shouldn’t have nearly as many friends as she does

-Aradia
Thought she had it in the bag after her days of FLARPing but fell down a hole and died nearly immediately and has never lived it down. Honestly just here for the laugh and chaos and doesn’t much care that her characters are perpetually poor. Loves playing with Jade because there are always ruins to explore. Usually a dwarf

-Tavros
Best damn rolls all the time. Barbarian + beastmaster combo usually. Quiet strategizer who only quips in when his character is talking or when the pizza roll supply runs low. DMs sometimes and has killer dungeons but can’t think of better starting places than taverns for some reason

-Sollux
Loudly complains over having to go somewhere irl to play a not-MMO RPG, but is very easily convinced to play regardless. Keeps losing his character sheets so he “restarts” every time but always as basically the same character. Plays as a human almost always but tries for mind flayer each time. Jade lets him play as ambidextrous because she knows it means a lot to him. Characters are constantly drunk as an excuse for him to “roleplay” fights with other players

-Karkat
Can’t even pretend it isn’t the best part of his week. Has played every class and race but won’t touch evil alignments because he sucks at those and he knows it. Favorite character is a self-insert Mary Sue in the search for love. Rolls like shit constantly and argues with Jade over rules just as often. Once got a grievous hit on an enemy that was about to kill him and cried actual fucking tears of joy

-Nepeta
Not a single character isnt a Mary Sue to some extent and she isn’t even ashamed. Big on character voices and will legit scold other players when they don’t use theirs. Remembers all her special abilities at just the right time. Will out-roleplay the DM. Sometimes a halfling, sometimes a tiefling

-Kanaya
Is a mess. Can’t remember her stats. Tries to heal everytime but has only played a cleric once so no one knows why she’s stuck in that frame of mind. Makes everyone tea when things get stressful. Plays all types of characters but all of them end up sounding like her vampire OC if she isn’t reminded every once in a while

-Terezi
Lawful neutral always. Usually highly agile orcs. Does homework on her racial and class bonuses before the session even starts. Has the most fun being an inconvenience to John. Isn’t allowed to have lizards anymore either after her escapade with Jake. All three manuals out at once all the time

-Vriska
Annoying chaotic evil character. Tempts Terezi to join the dark side every session but it never works. Knows everything about the game and all possible loopholes but keeps getting in trouble for cheating. Seduces everything as her go-to

-Equius
Just glad he got invited. Didn’t know he could play a character that wasn’t him. Tries very hard to do character voices but keeps cracking. Is very invested. “Politely” argues about rules but “respects” Jade’s authority. Usually a dwarf

-Gamzee
Shows up late always. Isn’t ranked in anything relating to charm or diplomacy but always rolls stunningly well in that area. Forgets he can get arrested in most large villages. Mostly just spectates. Never tells people that he plans to stay the night but always does. Doesn’t mean to anger Jade but keeps doing it anyway

-Eridan
He swears his favorite character he always plays who is a Demi-God military scientist sailor isn’t a self insert but is so painfully him in a different suit. Keeps looking over people’s shoulders at the manual/their character sheet. Forgets character names like nobody’s business but gets so mad if you forget his

-Feferi
Talks out of turn. Doesn’t announce what she rolled for but wants everyone to know she got an 005. Her characters are always mystical creatures but Jade likes her so it’s okay. Brings the best snacks and also a lot of carrots and beef. Tries to resolve conflict but her whisper voice is just so damn loud

FEEL FREE TO ADD MORE

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I’ve had these saved in my files for weeks

i’d add another one/and or add the links to the base originals, but I’d just beat an annoying ass level in a game and I’m mentally drained and would rather lay down for 72 hours.

The signs as Homestuck Ships

Aries: Dave x John

Taurs:  Kanaya x Rose

Gemini: Nepeta x Equius

Cancer: Eridan x Sollux

Leo: Calliope x Roxy

Virgo: Dave x Karkat

Libra: Dirk x Jake

Scorpio: Mituna x Latula

Sagittarius: John x Karkat

Capricorn: Meulin x Kurloz

Aquarius: Gamzee x Tavros

Pieces:  Cronus x Kankri

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So in the new update, Caliborn goes on about how Dirk banished his soul into Lil Cal, and how ARquiusprite showed up out of nowhere and ended up getting pulled along for the ride.  And if you notice, HALF OF GAMZEE TOO.

This explains so much.

Why the game read Scratch’s sudden death as an opportunity to revive him into Lord English. (Caliborn)
Why Lord English is so muscular. (Equius)
Why Doc Scratch is so shrouded in mystery. (Equius)
Why Doc Scratch and Lord English are so vastly intelligent, unlike Caliborn. (AR, a splinter of Dirk’s soul)
Why Lord English is so mirthful and angry. (Gamzee)
Why Lord English can destroy souls. (AR, a splinter of Dirk’s soul)

Lord English even stole his name from Jake English, who in turn got his name from his Grandma Jade English, who in turn stole it from Lord English.  Paradox.

It all makes sense now.

One last hurrah before It all ends on 413.

I am not ready 

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Promstuck for Homestuck Wednesday!