dirk bike

The headcanon of Dirk being vehicle proficient is a fun and popular one, but also consider:

Boy ain’t ever seen a car that wasn’t hundreds of thousands of feet submerged in water and he absolutely does not have the social graces to inherently know to check his fucking blind spot and maybe not cut people off in traffic.

Reasons I adore Dirk stealing Hobbs’ bike at the beginning of episode four:

  • I’m charmed by the mental image of the Bergsberg Sheriff cycling around town, basket full of groceries in brown paper bags, talking to old ladies and saving kittens from tall trees.
  • At some point Hobbs mentioned his bike to Dirk.
  • At some point Dirk decided that stealing the bike was a better option than steaing the police car.
  • Dirk’s continuing his tradition of “borrowing” things that may or may not be relevant to the case.
  • The fact that Dirk and Bart now have matching bikes.

Very belated thoughts on The House Within the House

I moved to Brooklyn the day the episode aired and it’s taken me this long to gather my thoughts about it into a post. So here goes.

1) I will forever be salty that Dirk canonically rode a bike for two hours but we didn’t get to see any of it.

2) Someone please help Bob Boreton. He just… he’s really not looking too hot.

3) When we first see Farah after her station sleepover with Tina, she’s buckling her belt. Go wild with your headcanons.

4) Tina answers the phone “Wuddup?” and “Yello!” and thinks she’s the shit for saying “Sheriff’s department, open up!” I love this bicon almost as much as she loves Farah.

5) Hobbs’ house is tiny and cute and perfect. That is all.

6) Hobbs immediately falling asleep after Todd wakes him up is a mood if ever I’ve seen one.

7) Rapunzel has a food dish, thank god.

8) I truly appreciate how many high-pitched screams Dirk gets in during this episode.

9) If you listen closely, there are two occasions where the purple people-eater says “I like short shorts.”

10) I know this has already been covered a million times, but I just need to mention how much this episode highlighted Dirk and Todd’s mutual love. Todd’s immediate panic at Dirk being missing. Dirk freezing up when Hobbs says Todd found the slide. “I’m going in. He needs my help.” :’) And countless other moments that prove how much these boys care for each other and need each other and would sacrifice for each other, whether or not Brotzly is endgame. Don’t even get me mcfreakin’ started on the couch scene.

11) One thing about the couch scene– when Todd is talking about how he saw Amanda, the little nod Dirk gives him, along with his facial expression, is exactly the same as in 1x07 when they’re crouching behind the mask kiosk at the zoo.

12) Also, when they leap up right afterwards, Dirk’s hands are this close to groping Todd’s chest, but that’s neither here nor there. 😏

13) When Dirk says, “Keep looking for a way out,” he almost looks teary-eyed, and his sad little smile really suggests to me that he thinks he’s about to die. I’m not crying, you’re crying.

14) Dirk’s confident smirk at the very end might actually be what kills me.

15) Fave lines:

“…and also fun and festive, but in awful ways.” (Perhaps the gayest line delivery yet, and I love it.)

“Listen, this is just speculation, but I may be in actual Judeo-Christian hell.”

The fucking adorable way Dirk says, “Noooo, I don’t think so.”

“Those ladies got turned into dust, didn’t they? That’s wassup.”

“Stay on the road. Stay on the rOAD, TINA!”

“What happened, you get the Wendigo?”

Thanks for reading my almost week-old ramblings. Is it Saturday yet?