dirk as a kitty cat

anonymous asked:

Prompt: Todd walking in on Dirk confessing his feelings for Todd to the kitten shark

I genuinely let out a laugh out loud when I read this prompt so thank you!


Dirk smiled at the kitten at his feet, who had followed him into Todd’s living room.
The little - but deadly - creature had become quite attached to Dirk since he adopted her. Some (Todd) might argue that he stole her, but Dirk saw it as giving her a good home since her last one had been, well, soul-swapping almost immortal bad guys.
“Essie, no, that’s Todd’s.” Dirk told the cat as he saw her playing with what seemed to be Todd’s sock.
He bent down to pick up the sock.
“He still hasn’t completely warmed up to you, let’s not give him any reasons to get angry at you.” Dirk told the kitten.
She just looked up at Dirk and waved her tail in slow back and forth motion.
Dirk had half a mind to give the sock back to the kitten. Despite being a feline, she had the most convincing puppy dog eyes Dirk had ever seen.
“I’m sorry, Essie.” He told the cat.
Essie, which came from the letters SC, representing shark and kitten - for obvious reasons - was the name Dirk and Todd had decided on after a long debate on what to call the kitten.

“He has to have a name, Todd!” Dirk argued.
“He’s a she, Dirk.” Todd responded, not lifting his gaze from his guitar he was currently tuning.
Dirk glanced at the kitten. “Pardon me.” He told her. The kitten didn’t seem very offended by Dirk misgendering her.
“Either way, we can’t not name her!” Dirk exclaimed.
“Fine, name her, I don’t see how I have to be involved?” Todd replied.
“It’s a big responsibility to name a being, Todd! And she is kind of ours!” Dirk argued.
“You stole the cat from a crime scene and brought it to my apartment. It’s your cat.” Todd mumbled.
“Her.” Dirk corrected Todd. “And yes, while all that’s true, we have both been caring for her since. She basically lives in your apartment half the time!”
Todd sighed, but decided not to argue that that was the case only because Dirk would bring her with him every time he appeared in Todd’s apartment, which was often.
“So, a name. Something to do with her special breed of fish and cat maybe?” Dirk mused. “Shark and kitty. Shitty?” He thought out loud.
Todd cringed and opened his mouth to protest but Dirk held up his hand to prevent him from commenting.
“Yes, I heard it. What about… Shark and cat… shat?”
“That’s literally the past tense of ‘shit’, Dirk.” Todd commented.
Dirk patted the kitten’s head. “Well you are made up of a very unfortunate combo of animals when it comes to the names, girl.”
“What about just letters?” Todd suggested.
“Hmm… Like SC, for shark and cat?” Dirk said.
“Sure. Or Essie. E-S-S-I-E. A proper name but it sounds like SC.” Todd mused.
“Essie! That’s wonderful! Fantastic assisting, Todd!” Dirk exclaimed and patted Todd on the shoulder. Then he turned to the kitten. Essie. “Hello, Essie! Welcome to the family!”

“Let’s put Todd’s sock back to where it belongs before he comes back, yeah?” Dirk said and went to put the sock back in the laundry basket he assumed the kitten had taken it out of.
Todd had gone out to meet up with Amanda, but Dirk had remained in Todd’s apartment.
It had become quite a regular occurrence for Dirk to be spending time at Todd’s apartment, no matter the circumstances. Dirk preferred Todd’s apartment to his own and quite frankly, Todd’s company to, well, everything else.
“Though, I do think he just pretends to be so grumpy about your presence. I do believe he secretly likes you, Essie.” Dirk said and sat down on the couch. Dirk had gotten into the habit of talking to the kitten, which really just was him thinking out loud.
Essie jumped onto the couch next to Dirk.
“He was the same way with me, too. Or, perhaps still is. We just have to be persistent, don’t we Essie?” Dirk said, patting Essie as she purred.
“I’m sure he would’ve kicked us out if he really wanted to. He’s too kind to do that. He likes to pretend to be grumpy about everything, but really, he’s a good person.” Dirk rambled.
“We’re lucky to have him, aren’t we?”
Essie climbed on Dirk’s lap and Dirk leaned back to rest against the back of the couch.
“We both were around quite horrendous people before Todd, weren’t we?” Dirk continued.
“I still find it hard to believe where I am now. I surely did not expect to have a best friend only a short while ago. I’ve been very lucky.” Dirk almost whispered.
Essie seemed to be falling asleep on Dirk’s lap.
“Of course, in an ideal situation I wouldn’t be in love with said best friend, but we can’t have it all, now can we? I just hope I won’t ruin it. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost him.” Dirk kept talking.
“Love is quite complicated isn’t it? This is the first time I’ve personally ever been in love so I’m quite out of my depth here. And you’re a cat.” Dirk sighed. “What should I do, Essie?” He asked the kitten.
“Maybe you should talk to me instead of the cat?” Todd’s voice suddenly came from behind Dirk.
Dirk physically jumped at the sound, scaring poor Essie and making her run to the other side of the room.
“Bloody hell, Todd!” Dirk exclaimed, jumping up from the couch and turning to face Todd who was standing at the front door. “You should knock!”
“This is my apartment?” Todd responded.
“Yes, well.” Dirk mumbled. “How long have you been standing there?” He asked.
“Since the ‘he just likes to pretend to be grumpy’ part.” Todd replied.
“Oh bloody hell.” Dirk whispered.
Todd walked further into the apartment and came to stand next to Dirk.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.” Todd said.
“That’s alright. Or, well, not really, for I’m horribly embarrassed right now.” Dirk replied.
Todd smiled. “Don’t be.” He said.
“Why not? Not only was I talking to a kitten, you just heard me say… Well, you know.” Dirk explained.
“Talking to a cat is not the weirdest thing I’ve witnessed you do, Dirk. And besides, I’m glad I heard what I heard.” Todd replied.
“You- you are?” Dirk asked, completely flabbergasted. He had been afraid Todd would be uncomfortable or even angry.
“Yeah. I am.” Todd said.
“Why?” Dirk asked.
Todd laughed. “Seriously, Dirk?” He asked and Dirk just stared at him, confused as ever.
“Dude, I let you basically live with me and somehow co-parent a cat with you. I don’t even like cats? You really think I don’t feel the same way about you?” Todd explained.
Dirk opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to figure out what to say. Finally the reality of the situation sunk in.
“Oh Todd. I’m a terrible detective!”


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