i was tagged by @oll1vian 💛
rules: you can tell a lot about a person based on the music they listen to. Put your music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs.
1. colors - halsey
2. homewrecker - marina & the diamonds
3. cake - melanie martinez
4. fireproof - one direction
5. paris - the 1975
6. bts - blood sweat and tears
7. mc davi - o grave que faz o tum (😂)
8. gabriel, o pensador - festa da musica tupiniquin
9. jota quest - blecaute
10. skank - ela me deixou
(if you want to listen to some brazilian songs, the number 7-10 is only brazilian songs that i love 💜)
a/n: Shubh Divali to all who celebrate! Sorry for the wait babes. This one is the last and the longest, hope you enjoy :)
“What are you doing here?”
“Same thing you’re doing, I guess,”
he shrugged, lifting the shopping bags he held in one hand.
“Of course! Right, I’m sorry,”
mentally face palmed, “I didn’t know you were in LA.”
“Been here a couple of days now,” he
nodded, smile still present almost as if he’d heard a joke you weren’t privy
Before either of you could say anything
else screams erupted from outside and you watched as a hoard of people tried to
cross the busy street to get to the store. Thankfully, an employee quickly closed
and locked the doors before anyone could make it in.
“Wow,” you mumbled under your breath.
Although you were by no means a
celebrity you had associated with Harry and the boys long enough to experience all
the perks and setbacks. Paps and crazed mobs fell into the latter category for
“Shit, sorry about that,” he
awkwardly scratched the back of his head as he acknowledged the screams
Suddenly you were reminded of the
last time you’d had an encounter with him and felt heat inch its way up your
neck and across your face.
“It’s okay. I’m used to it, I guess,”
you reassured him.
“We can leave through the back
unseen. I can get someone to pick us up,” he offered.
“Uh, sure,” you accepted, like you
had a choice.
There was no way you would be even
able to make it through the crowd that had gathered outside.
You both followed an employee through
the store, into the stock room and out the back exit. The grimy alleyway was a
stark contrast to the posh interior of the store, but you’d rather the peace
and quiet of out here than the pandemonium that awaited you back there.
Without asking he relieved you of
your many bags, adding to his own load as he gestured down the alley to an
You followed, not at all surprised
when a black SUV pulled to a stop a few feet in front of you. Justin opened the
door, allowing you to enter first before he climbed in behind you.
“Where are you staying? I’ll take you
there if you want.”
You rolled your lips as you fumbled
to think of a reason you didn’t want to head back to your hotel straight away.
“Or we can hang out for a little
bit,” he offered when he noticed your hesitation.
“Yeah, let’s do that,” you quickly
You ended up at his hotel which,
turns out, wasn’t that far from yours.
Conversation was light on the ride up
to his floor. In all honesty you didn’t know what to talk about. As you
followed him to his room you wracked your mind for safe conversational topics,
coming up short. He unlocked the door and gestured for you to enter first. You
did and nearly died. You were barely two steps in before you were flying
backwards, arms flailing, trying to reach for anything to keep you upright.
Justin ended up cushioning your fall.
You both lay sprawled on the floor half
in the hallway, half in the suite. A groan from beneath you caused you to sit
up and roll off of a wincing Justin.
“Shit, are you okay?” you asked,
getting up and helping him to his feet.
“Yeah, I’m good. You alright?” he
asked as he gathered the bags and ushered you in.
“I’m fine. You pretty much broke my
fall,” you tried your best to stifle your laughter.
His eyes landed on something behind
you. You turned and saw a red IO Hawk as it rolled to a stop some feet away.
“Scooter keeps warning me about
leaving these things all over the place,” he sheepishly admitted.
Try as you might you couldn’t hide your
amusement any more. You weren’t sure why you found the situation so funny, but
you started laughing you couldn’t stop and soon after he joined in.
And just like that the awkward
tension between you two was no more.
Much like the last instance, time
escaped you when you were in his presence. Conversation flowed like you’d been friends
“How long are you in Los Angeles?”
you asked around a mouthful of popcorn.
You both focused on the large flat
screen as you completely dominated him in a car racing game.
“Couple more da- what was that!?
You’re cheating!” he nudged your shoulder as your car skid around a corner,
overtaking his and six others, leaving them all in a cloud of dust.
You nearly choked on your laughter,
“No, I’m not. You just suck!”
A greasy, empty box of pizza lay open
on the coffee table next to candy wrappers and crumpled cans of Coke. Somewhere
among all the mess your phone buzzed silently with an incoming call. It would
have been a miracle if you’d heard it over the noise of Justin being a sore
loser, the game’s sound effects or the music playing from his laptop on the
“What about you?”
“Uh, same. Vancouver on Saturday…I
think,” you trailed off, setting the controller down as you completed the last
“We’re having a rematch,” he left his
controller next to yours, got up and headed to the fridge.
You selected another route as he
busied himself with getting bottles of water.
“And what do you mean ‘you think’? All the cities starting to
blur together, huh?” he set an unopened bottle on the table for you before
taking a swig from his.
“Uh, no. It’s Vancouver for sure. I
just don’t know if I’ll be going…”
He crossed to his laptop and promptly
shut the music off, turning his full attention towards you.
“I’ve been thinking it might be best
if I just head home for a while,” you nodded slowly.
Though you had given the idea a lot
of thought this was the first time voicing it. When you’d first signed up to
join the band on tour as the tour coordinator’s assistant, you’d never thought
you’d be thinking of leaving prematurely. You definitely never thought your
departure would have been because of Harry. He was the reason you’d begun in
the first place. He’d managed to convince you that working on tour between
semesters would be a grand idea and you agreed. The job description had tied in
flawlessly with your major so really it was the perfect opportunity.
Now things had gotten a little more
than complicated. You’d never envisioned anything like this compromising your
job, but whatever this was with you and Harry wasn’t going to work. Agreeing to
an NSA arrangement with him was a mistake.
“You really think leaving is the
answer?” Justin asked after he’d listened to you recap the last few weeks.
“What do you think I should do?” you implored.
He shrugged, “I couldn’t tell you.
It’s your decision. You just have to do what you think is best for you.”
You nibbled the inside of your lip,
contemplating what was ‘best’. If you
were being honest with yourself you had already made up your mind for the most
part. The chances of you choosing to stay got smaller the more you pondered.
The biggest worry really was telling Harry.
When you glanced over at Justin,
about to convey your decision you were taken aback at the way he was already
staring at you.
“I never stood a chance, did I?” his
lips lifted in a bittersweet smirk as he regarded you.
You opened your mouth to respond, but
found you didn’t know what to say so you kept silent. He was right. Harry had ruined you for anyone
else. It had always been him.
“Hey, I’ll learn to cope,” he
playfully nudged you, keeping the mood light.
“Besides, I love being your friend.
You’re the only person so far who can beat me at this game so I’ve gotta keep
you around to figure out how you cheated.”
You broke into laughter, lightly
punching his shoulder.
“You should come to the after party,”
Liam tried to convince you from his seat in front of Lou.
You only shrugged, “I’ll think about
Your mind had already been made up.
Your flight left after their show. The only person you’d told besides Justin
was Paul and as reluctant as he was to see you go, he’d accepted your decision.
Keeping your departure a secret
hadn’t been intentional, you just couldn’t bring yourself to tell the boys. At
first wind of the news they would proceed to hound you with questions; none of
which you were prepared to answer.
Not telling Harry was deliberate,
however. You’d mapped out how that conversation would have gone between the two
of you a few times and every version ended up messy. You did not want to go
down that road. You knew your actions were every bit cowardly, but that
knowledge did nothing to change your mind.
So tonight, while they were at the
club you would be boarding a flight home.
“You alright, love?” Liam’s concerned
voice pulled you from your thoughts.
“Yeah, yeah. I’m good,” you smiled in
He didn’t delve, but also didn’t
appear satisfied with your answer either. Not wanting to leave room open for
further discussion you bid him good luck and continued making your rounds.
“Aye, Y/N. Have you seen Caroline, I think I broke the
buckle on me belt,” Niall intercepted you in the hallway.
You didn’t bother to ask how he’d
managed that, only pointed him in the right direction, “Third door to your left
in the second hallway on your right.”
“Thanks,” and he was gone.
You meandered along the halls, going
through the pre-show motions but your mind was in a different place entirely.
You were so far off in your own thoughts that you didn’t notice Harry heading
your way. It was only when he placed his hands on your shoulders to stop you
from colliding into him that you came to your senses.
You glanced up into concerned green
“Are you okay?”
You nodded, smiling for effect. His
eyes searched yours a moment longer and you felt like your skin was burning
under his touch. Every second that he held you captive felt like hours. You
mentally berated yourself for allowing the situation to occur.
You’d been mostly successful in
avoiding him these past few days. You knew he had noticed and wanted answers,
but you weren’t sure you were ready for any kind of encounters just yet. It
seemed like every time you saw him you remembered that night and it hurt just as
much every time.
“I don’t believe you. Tell me what’s
He left no room for excuses. But
luckily for you, a production assistant interrupted before you could fumble for
“Harry, you’re needed backstage now.”
Harry looked like he was about to
oppose the request, but then thought better of it. Instead he leant over, placed a kiss to your
temple and gestured for the assistant to lead the way.
“We’ll talk after the show,” his eyes
bore into yours before he turned and followed the man down the hallway.
Your shoulders still tingled from
where his hands had lingered.
Things were noticeably quiet, but
considering none of the boys were here to cause commotion it was to be
expected. You ended up leaving the arena earlier than planned. You wanted to
stay and watch their final set, but found you couldn’t think straight and the
longer you remained the more you began second guessing your decision to leave.
So you came back to the hotel and
began packing. In the stillness of the suite your thoughts were clear. Any
doubts about your choice to leave had disappeared and you were convinced that
taking a break from it all was your best bet. You would explain it to Harry
“What are you doing?”
You weren’t one for dramatics, but in
that moment you swear your heart stopped. You pivoted at the voice, heart now
racing, to face the last person you expected or wanted to see.
Harry’s forehead wrinkled in either
confusion or anger. You weren’t sure which.
“What are you doing here?” you
demanded, stealing a glance at the time.
The show couldn’t have been over more
than fifteen minutes. He was supposed to be en-route to the after party or
maybe even still at the arena, but definitely not here, standing in your room
pinning you with that steely look.
“You’re leaving?” he asked, eyes
focused on the open suitcase on the bed behind you.
You didn’t respond. The answer was
clear as day. Moments passed as he regarded you, eyes dark with emotions you
couldn’t place. More than anything you wished you could disappear.
This was the exact moment you had
been trying your best to avoid.
“I uh, I’ve just been stressed so I’m
going home for a bit to re-”
“Bullshit,” his stony glare and hard
tone left you speechless.
Another short silence ensued. You
didn’t know what to say and Harry ran his hand through his hair as he searched
for his next words. It didn’t take him long.
“I’ve barely seen you this past week.
Every time I try to talk to you you’re suddenly busy or just never here. I know
you’re avoiding me, Y/N. I want to know why.”
“I thought I could do it, the whole
‘seeing where it goes’ thing, but I was wrong,” your shoulders slumped at your
“What? So you decide leaving is the
best answer?” his eyes widened then narrowed into slits.
“Staying isn’t,” you countered, “Look,
it’s best for the both of us if I just leave, Harry.”
You turned back to your suitcase,
preferring to busy yourself with something rather than face him.
“You’ve decided what’s best for us
without even discussing it with me?” his voice sounded much nearer.
You refused to turn and acknowledge
him, focusing instead on folding the same piece of clothing for the third time.
You told yourself it was easier to have this conversation if you weren’t facing
“Why’ve you been avoiding me?” he
asked again, unsatisfied with your first answer.
More than anything you wished he’d
just leave it alone, but that would be a wish wasted since you knew Harry was
not the type to back down.
“I thought I could handle it. I
thought our agreement was a good idea and I-”
“Wasn’t it? I thought it was. One
moment we’re good, things are fine, and then the next you’re doing your best to
avoid me. What happened?”
You didn’t answer at first. For some
reason the thought of telling him what you’d seen that night caused a lump to
form in your throat.
His breath fanned the back of your
neck and an instant spread of goose bumps covered your skin.
“What did I do?” he whispered,
his sudden closeness caused your hairs to stand on end.
The desperation in his voice
was palpable and made you regret your evasive actions this past week. Your intent was never to hurt him, only to
protect yourself. You knew there was a serious lack of communication between
the two of you, but even now as you opened your mouth the answer him you found
the words stuck in your throat.
Finally fed up with your
silence and lack of answers Harry exploded, spinning you to face him.
“For fuck’s sake Y/N, I’m not
a mind reader! You have to tell me what’s wrong!”
“I saw you with her Harry!”
you erupted, “I came down to your suite and I saw you going into your room with
her. I know we said we’d keep it no strings attached, but I can’t do that! I
thought I could, but I can’t, okay? Seeing you with her…the thought of you and
You trailed off, taking a deep
breath at the end of your outburst to settle yourself and then looked up at
him. He observed you for a moment before his eyes closed, he bit his lip and
sighed in what you believed to be frustration.
“So that’s why you’ve been
acting weird all week? That’s why you decided to pick up and leave without
telling me anything?” the clear accusation in his tone was not lost on you.
You instantly turned to
“What else am I supposed to
do? We clearly want different things. There’s no-”
“You’re supposed to talk to me!
You’re supposed to let me in, not run away because of something you thought you
saw a few nights ago.”
“I know what I saw,” you
snapped, annoyed that he insinuated otherwise.
“What, me and Georgia going
into my room after the show? That’s it?”
You were getting more and more
vexed as the conversation continued. Feeling cornered by his proximity you
firmly planted your hands against his chest and pushed him a few steps away
“I didn’t need to be there to
know what you both got up to that night!”
You expected him to match your
tone, to yell back, but he didn’t. He stared at you with emotions contained
before responding calmly.
“Nothing happened because she
left five minutes after.”
Your scowl immediately
“She wasn’t you. I brought her
back to the hotel with every intention of sleeping with her and I couldn’t
because she wasn’t you and if it wasn’t you then I didn’t see the point. I
asked her to leave and she did. Nothing happened.”
“I…” you fought to find a
“Why didn’t you say something,
instead of avoiding me?”
“What was I supposed to say?
That I was jealous?” you asked incredulously.
“We never agreed to be
exclusive, what right do I have to be jealous?”
“The same right I have when I
know you’re out with Justin!” his fingers combed his hair, moving his tresses
from his face.
You went to speak but he beat
you to it.
“I hate the thought of you
with him or with any other guy for that matter. I don’t know why I was so
scared of a relationship before when now that’s all I want. And I only want it
You only stared at him,
playing his words over in your mind. You weren’t sure what to feel. You’d been
wanting to hear him say that for a while, and now that he finally had you
weren’t sure you could trust it 100%, given the past.
“There’s no doubt in my mind
about it, Y/N,” he stated, seeing the obvious distrust in your eyes.
You chewed on your lip as a
million and two thoughts clouded you mind.
“Talk to me,” he whispered,
“I just wish we’d had this
conversation before things got so messy,” you let out a humourless chuckle.
“It’s not too late…is it?” his
forehead creased in worry.
“No,” you assured him with a
“Good,” he matched yours,
taking a tentative step towards you.
“So what now?” you met his
gaze, realizing how much you’d missed him.
ovvero il motivo per cui con certo femminismo io nclpf.
sono andata alla manifestazione contro la violenza sulle donne con l’associazione con cui faccio il servizio civile. e fin qui sticazzi mi direte. problema: nel gruppo nostro ce stavano alcuni uomini. non sapendo che in teoria nella parte prima del camion non si poteva andare se non avevi una vagina (decisione che secondo me è discutibile ma vabbe) si mettono bellamente in fila per entrare nel corteo e la tipa dell’organizzazione non li fa passare. alcune delle donne del gruppo ce discutono ma niente di che. io stavo bella per tornarmene a lato sento parte di sta discussione.
tipa organizzazione: ma perché no? tizia sul posto: ma scusa questa è una manifestazione CONTRO IL FEMMINICIDIO, che pretendi? questi non ci rispettano, perché dovrebbero stare avanti? (detto con un tono saccentissimo) io, che purtroppo non me so sta zitta: ma perché secondo te un maschio che viene ad una manifestazione del genere è il tipo di maschio che non ti rispetta? lei: è come se ad una manifestazione degli operai ci vengono i padroni! io: ah certo quindi alle manifestazioni contro il razzismo i bianchi non ci possono andare? lei: ma qui mica ci porti i figli maschi! e se non ti piace c’è il corteo misto eh.
al che ho lasciato stare e ho detto che no problem andavo al corteo misto sai che me ne fregava, ma vorrei dire
‘MICA CI PORTI I FIGLI MASCHI’
ora MA SEI TU CHE SPARI LA RETORICA CHE AI TUOI FIGLI MASCHI DEVI INSEGNARE A RISPETTARE LE DONNE, CHI CAZZO DI ALTRO CI VUOI PORTARE? I TUOI FIGLI MASCHI DOVREBBERO ESSERE I PRIMI? ma se sono i maschi che devono capire che certi atteggiamenti non sono compatibili con una società civile e che non esiste che finisci bruciata viva perché hai mollato un cretino che non può sopportare l’idea che non te lo fili di striscio, o che ti devi ammazzare per i video porno su internet e varie ed eventuali, come cazzo pretendi di insegnarglielo, escludendoli di peso (soprattutto i figli) o magari, boh, parlandoci? ma soprattutto che cazzo di figura ci fai se uno viene e dice che ti vuole supportare e che magari potrebbe fare cambiare idea ad altri maschi scemi con cui è in contatto più di te e tu gli dici no ciao non te voglio qui mettitela in culo?
scusate questo è l’atteggiamento del cazzo che c’è su tumblr quando dicono che alle minoranze non servono gli *alleati*. allora io in quanto etero non posso anda alle manifestazioni pro unioni civili perché tanto a me non me tocca? o in quanto bianca non posso anda a quelle contro il razzismo perché non è un problema mio? e in quanto sia bianca che etero non posso manco avere contatto con le minoranze in questione che sia mai che imparo qualcosa? boh. poi ‘i padroni e gli operai’ ah quindi in quanto donna sono automaticamente sottomessa? io voglio manifestare contro il sessismo che c’è in italia e contro la violenza sulle donne, non contro GLI UOMINI in generale compresi quelli che non sono sessisti e non mi opprimono e condividono quello che penso io in merito.
poi sia chiaro il resto è stato a+ e m’è piaciuto e sono contenta che ci sono andata però sta tizia è esattamente il tipo di persona che me fa venire voglia di chiedere ma lo sai che così non concludi proprio un cazzo.
C’avete presente er primo 6 che avete sculato in matematica? Con quel professore che ve mandava a fanculo con l’occhi appena entrava in classe? C’è l’avete presente il “cielo è azzurro sopra berlino” del 2006 che annunciava a tutto er mondo che eravamo noi più forti? O magari quel 60 che avete sculato,che non sapete manco voi come ,alla maturità? Me direte che tra tutte ste meraviglie non sapete manco voi quale sia la migliore. La più bella. Mbè ve lo dico io. Nessuna de queste. No perché tutto questo paragonato all’ occhi sua non è un cazzo. A quell occhi che me sento ancora addosso. Che me facevano tremà appena incontravano i miei. Regà io de belle ragazze ne ho incontrate nazionale cifra e a modo loro me facevano partì tutte la brocca. Però ve giuro che quando ho conosciuto lei io ho smesso de respirà. Ho incominciato a vive in apnea e le uniche boccate d’aria che prendevo c’è l’avevo solo quando la rivedevo. C’avevo paura de toccalla de faje male,de falla sfiorì. Na perla simile non poesse toccata da tutti,te la devi merità,nun la poi sporcà. Ma un giorno regà lei m’ha parlato. C’ho ancora i brividi se ce penso. Semo stati tutto il pomeriggio insieme,l’ho portata ar Pincio,a villa borghese,al giardino dell’aranci a guardà tutta roma a i piedi sua. Co quer tramonto, er sole che scendeva sempre più giù..Non so se era più bella lei o tutti tramonti de Roma che ho mai visto.Me tremavano le gambe,me sentivo così fortunato a sta davanti a na bellezza simile che me veniva da piagnè. M’ha parlato della paura sua de fidarse delle persone, de fasse conosce per quella che è veramente,de fasse amà. Me teneva la mano, m’accarezzava la guancia e me sorrideva. Io non c’avevo er coraggio de parlà. A n’certo punto m’ha baciato. Ma ‘ha passato le labbra sulle mie,ho chiuso e abbiamo fatto l’amore solo con quer bacio. Con tutta Roma a guardacce. Le mani sue intrecciate alle mie,quer profumo d’estate che c’aveva addosso,de libertà,de vittoria. M’ha fatto capì er significato de esse n’omo. M’ha insegnato a batteme per le cose che me fanno batte er core,a difende l’amici mia. M’ha fatto cresce, e diventa l’uomo giusto pe lei. Pe lei e basta. M’ha fatto vive l’anni più belli della vita mia,però se sa: le cose belle finiscono sempre troppo in fretta. Ma na cosa ve la voglio dì regà:dopo 5 anni ogni vorta che rivedo quer tramonto sento qualche cosa che m’esplode dentro ar core. Na scintilla ,na fiamma che me ricorda che a sto monno manco mi madre m’ha guardato co quello sguardo che c’aveva lei.
Tra poco più di un giorno sarà il 2017. Cento anni fa era il 1917. E quindi direte voi? Nel 1917 mio nonno Giovanni, partiva da Venezia per andare in guerra. Era un “ragazzo del ‘99”. Molti di voi avranno studiato la Grande Guerra solo a scuola, magari l'avranno vista evocata in qualche film. Mio nonno Giovanni la sua Grande Guerra, me la raccontò nelle sere d'inverno quando dormivamo nella stessa camera. Mi raccontava della fame, del gelo, del sangue, del dolore. I “ragazzi del '99” erano così chiamati poiché si trattava della “leva” dei giovani nati nel 1899 e che nel 1917 avevano diciotto anni. Avevano diciotto anni come voi, cari alunni del liceo. Voi andate a fare gli stages di studio all'estero, o lo scambio internazionale con qualche liceo francese, inglese o tedesco, loro andavano a farsi sparare addosso dagli austriaci. Non è un raffronto calzante; forse non lo è. Ma ogni tanto, almeno ogni tanto, qualcuno dovrà pure ricordare a questi giovani che la crisi o la difficoltà nel trovare lavoro è ben poca cosa in confronto a chi, come mio nonno Giovanni e altri milioni di giovani, circa cento anni fa partivano per una sorte quasi certa, nella carneficina d'Europa, quell'Europa che oggi viene vista come ostile, nemica. Forse non aver letto tutto questo nei libri di storia, ma averlo sentito raccontare da mio nonno Giovanni che dormiva accanto a me, mi fa ricordare che 100 anni non sono trascorsi invano, almeno per la nostra vecchia Europa.
Da chi non vi vuole baciare.
Da quelle persone che vi vogliono abbracciare.
Lasciatevi amare da quelli che hanno bisogno di conoscere il vostro dolore.
Che non hanno bisogno di avervi accanto tutto le ore.
Lasciatevi amare da chi vi sa accettare e non vi vuole cambiare.
Lasciatevi amare da chi vi deve scavare e ogni volta che gli direte “vattene” saprà solo restare.
Lasciatevi amare da quelli che non vi regalano fiori, frasi su whatsapp e cuori.
Lasciatevi amare da quelli che vi regalano prima le lacrime e poi i sorrisi.
Lasciatevi amare da quelli che si incazzano e smadonnano tutti i giorni perché dite che va’ tutto bene e invece va’ di merda.
Lasciatevi amare da quelli che potete chiamare alle tre di notte piangendo e vi diranno tranquilla io sono qui, vuoi che vengo da te?
Lasciatevi amare da questi.