been thinking a lot about my experience in Sheffield.
I think the biggest thing I took away from it all was that this was
my One Direction.
was lucky enough to go to the shows on both the 30th and
31st. Different feelings belonging to both nights. Going
to the gig on the 30th allowed me to experience the one on
the 31st exactly as I wanted to. Just focused on being in
that time and place, not taking many photos or videos as I had at
other gigs, or during the night before, as much as I enjoy doing
that. As a veteran of many concerts, it’s almost second nature for me
to document those times, without even thinking about it, but I, like
many others I think, on the night of the 31st, felt like we
were about to experience something different from those other gigs,
and just wanted to take a breath and be present within it all.
already been to see the tour in London and had met up with and
connected with fellow fans and with members of Rainbow Direction
there, which made me feel happy with anticipation and at ease at the
planned fan meet-up on the 31st. We met, our little
motley crew, for a late lunch and pre-show drinks, chatting easily,
tight hugs for those who had met before, ready smiles and ears for
those making new acquaintance, exchanging stories (I’d been lucky
enough to get a selfie with SBB the night before, which is tale that I
happily regaled, amongst others), and soon enough we were sharing
urls, and despite what some people may think, not really talking very
much about ships, beyond some general discourse about the press
treatment of certain situations, and consequently, treatment of the
fans, both inside and outside the fandom, with us all by and large
mostly poking fun at ourselves and at much of what goes on around us, as
we’re often wont to do, knowing that not many people would get
exactly why such a diverse group of people found themselves together
on a late autumn night in a small city in northern England, having
travelled from far and wide to be there. We were sharing this day,
and we were sharing our moments.
I felt so safe doing that.
there’s a shorthand that comes from finding and being within a group of people who
understand you without you having to say very much at all. We talk a
lot about safe spaces, but I think a lot of people underestimate what
that means and how very important it is. It just becomes words, too
often misused. Words that some people find it easy perhaps to
dismiss, or sneer at, or to misunderstand how much it means to the
people who need them. But that group of people made me feel safe. And
so often in my life I don’t feel safe, or like I can truly be myself,
or perhaps understood just as myself, but on this night I did. I
decorated each other with rainbows, surely to the bemusement of those
regular pub goers who probably didn’t know quite what to make of us,
took our pictures, and exchanged final hugs and smiles before heading
off to our respective seats right across the arena. One trip to check
in with the bears later and I was in my seat mere rows from the stage
for the second night in a row, wondering how I’d gotten so lucky to
be there at a time when I so very much needed it. The whole show was
at turns thrumming with energy, just that little difference in the
air from those that had gone before, jokes and smiles with family and
with us, mixed in with the feeling of a very long day coming to an
end. Just this era of One Direction. All of us knowing that we and
they would be moving forward into a new place, whatever is to come in
the future. Not bad, just different.
had already started to feel the lump in the back of my throat during
WMYB. Something about the song that brought them to the worlds
notice, a song that they and we often joke about being so sick of
hearing, and yet it was those few notes, cracked voices and well worn
melody, that had my throat beginning to close up. Act My Age, in its
turn, had made me smile so much, Liam having such fun with his Dad,
and all of them and us, caught up in the joy of it all. By the time
Niall started talking about his love for the boys, tears had formed
in my eyes, and by the time they all hugged together I was full on
crying, and hugging Nicole, who had given me her spare ticket, allowing me to be there in the first place, and I was
just so grateful to be there for that night and for that moment. It
was enough. The boys were together and so were we, and nothing else
mattered. My heart felt a little pang for Zayn, because it always
will, but I thought of him just then, and of the last time I’d seen
them all hug together onstage, that last night at Wembley Stadium,
and I remembered. All of the good times. Us and them.
then it happened. I wasn’t even conscious of taking pictures at that
point. I idly had my phone in my hand to capture a few snaps here and
there when the lighting interested me, and this particular one I just
took without even more than glancing at it as my eyes were riveted to
the stage and the love playing out in front of us. Just a snapshot of
a moment of existence. Just a moment before a moment. My eyes were fixed on Louis’ face because I
could see it so clearly, the simple lift of his shoulders, the play
of emotions across his features, and just like that I knew it was
going to happen, and it was going to be fine, just as I think so many
of us did in that fingersnap of a moment. Liam was talking, and
heartbeats were raised at the hugs they were all exchanging, but my
focus remained on Louis and for a few seconds it felt like everything
slowed down, a cliché indeed, but it did. The noise all faded into
the background and it just felt wonderfully calm.
hug was like a stitch in the fabric of time.
took me back to all the things that drew me here in the first place, began on a long ago night watching The X Factor. The bright smiles and
hopes of five boys, and the joy of watching the men that they became.
The songs that made me hum along long after I’d forgotten how to
sing, and just the something, the something, that made me look twice
at the lives of strangers, and in turn find new friends that I needed
more than I knew.
had mentioned to one such newly made friend in our group earlier that
day, that I often feel a disconnect with One Direction when I hear someone else mention them in public, see a newspaper headline, hear a
song on the radio, or see someone wearing a t-shirt. It feels like
they’re fans of a different band entirely. And in a way they are.
Everyone experiences fandom differently, taking and giving to it as
they need to, but it can be disconcerting to realise how many people
simply experience 1D as the brand, not the band, and even less, as
the people who make up the band. Not that I fool myself that any of
us know the boys better than anyone else. They remain strangers to us
all, because we still only see glimpses of their lives, no matter how
much we think otherwise. The difference is, I hope, that we just
happen to realise that there is more to them than what we see and
what we’re shown. And we’re here for all that and the in-between.
Louis and Harry hugged. And in that moment, in the wash of emotion
that followed, we were together and so were they. The sheer volume of
noise and joy that ran through that arena was unlike anything else I’ve ever experienced, as we held to
each other and to all the love around us. It was just a hug. And to some
people, in those thousands there, and beyond, it may have meant nothing. But to me,
and to so many others there that night, it meant everything. Those
who were there will know what I mean, and those who weren’t, I hope
you will understand that I felt like you were there with us. We’re
more than one night, one moment, or one hug in the face of fandom
fractures and malicious media reports. We’re like a tapestry, threads
of measure pulled together, worn and faded in parts, but still a kind
of art, our colours melded, made stronger by the way we’re woven
the Sheffield Survivors Club, I’ll never forget you, the tearful hugs
and rum-laced toasts we shared in that little pub afterwards will
stay with me forever, (as will how cheap our breakfast was the next
morning). And to the boys, thank you for just being you. This is not
was my One Direction.
moment, that hug, that was theirs, a hug made up of the road that
brought them there. But the love we felt in that moment, all of us,
of whispered breaths and shouted emotions, in those handful of
beautiful seconds, that was ours. Because we’re all on a road too,
but more than anything in that moment, I felt like I wasn’t on it
alone. Perhaps I never was.
OK SO I HAVE THOSE STUPID ONE DIRECTION CUPS MY DAD ALWAYS USES THE ZAYN CUP TO POUR WATER IN THE IRON AND ONE DAY I ASKED HIM WHY AND HE SAID ITS EASIER IF THE WATER IS HOT AND I SAID WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THE ZAYN CUP AND HE LOOKED OFF INTO THE DISTANCE AND SAID ZAYNS HOTNESS HEATS THE WATER AND I HAVE NEVER RELATED WITH MY FATHER MORE THAN I DID THAT MOMENT
Stewart concedes she’s in a fortunate situation, aware that Come Swim
probably wouldn’t be at Cannes if its director wasn’t an A-list actor.
“People who are much more talented and inspired couldn’t ever have the
opportunity to make a short film for the amount of money I was given to
make this,” she admits. “I had eight days to shoot it. It was the most
If opportunities are limited for first-time directors, the situation
is markedly bleaker if they’re women. Come Swim was produced as part of
the Shatterbox Anthology
project, run by US lifestyle website Refinery29, which aims to redress
the disparity between male and female directors. But it’s an uphill
struggle: only 7% of the top 250 films in 2016 were directed by women, a
figure that’s lower than it was in 1998.
For Stewart, the only way to correct such an imbalance is with pure
intensity. “The coolest female directors I’ve ever worked with are such
compulsive freaks,” she says. “You ask Kelly Reichardt
[director of Meek’s Cutoff and Certain Women] what it’s like to be a
female director and she’s just like, ‘I don’t have an answer because I
couldn’t do anything else with my life.’
“The female artists who do the best work, they’re just so focused that nothing is going to get in their way. Kelly, fucking Patti Smith,
they’re just workers. It’s hard to talk about, because you need to talk
about it to change it, but at the same time it’s like, ‘Just do it.’”
She pauses, reconsidering this call to arms. “That’s the most ridiculous
thing to say. Of course, people would just do it if they could. I’m in
the craziest, most lucky position.”
Whether Stewart will continue making her own films is unclear. She
still has plenty of acting commitments, including a drama about the hoax
writer JT LeRoy,
created by Laura Albert. What’s more, she doesn’t just want to stumble
into any old directing gig. “People keep asking, ‘So what’s next for
you? Do you want to develop projects?’ I feel they have to just come to
you. I don’t want to do an impression of a film-maker. I don’t want to
do it for the sake of it.”
If Stewart does return behind the camera, it’s likely to be on her
own terms. “I don’t like the idea of making movies with any regard for
an audience. Because I’ve worked with people who have been like, ‘I want
the audience to think this at that moment.’ Well, who are you making
this for then? Because if you start making this for everyone, you’ll end
up with something generic. It needs to be its own animal. You can
package and deliver an idea after the fact, but if it’s what informs you
in the first place… pffft, don’t make movies!”
Hi guys, I’ve been writing imagines for a while now but I’ve never published them, hence why this imagine was set when One Direction were still together. Hope you enjoy and I have quite a few more to share with you. Feel free to request any imagines with anyone.
You were currently at one of one directions gigs. You were front row and Harry had insisted that he could see your face when he sung. You and Harry had been friends for about five years now, the boys loved you dearly and so did his family. But no one loved you quite as much as Harry did. You both knew it, however no one would ever act upon it because being best friends was just simply enough. You were both happy, both successful, both young and free.
Until tonight. Tonight was when everything changed. Like something just clicked and both of you realised best friends was never enough, you were just too afraid to make it something more.
But here you were, smiling up at the boys you so dearly loved with all of your heart. Louis looked down at you and pointed it you making everyone scream and made you smile widely, forming a heart with your hands.
Louis was like your brother and Harry loved how close you were with the boys.
They finished performing infinity and Liam picked up his drink, gently splashing some on you, making your squeal and put your middle finger up at him. The girls around you picked there own water bottles up and got him soaked, and you smiled as Harry’s laughter filled the arena.
“Thanks Girls” you said making them squeal because one of there favourite music artists had spoken to them whilst at a one direction concert.
Suddenly Harry’s voice filled the arena making everyone’s screams come to an end.
“Thank yer all for coming tonight. I hope you’re having fun” he said before looking down at you.
“So, someone very special is here tonight. She is a massive part of not only my life, but the boy’s lives too. And today is her birthday. So Laura, I want to let yer know that yer awesome. ‘n I’m so glad yer my best friend, I couldn’t ask for more. Remember love, no matter where you are, I love yer. Happy Birthday Lou” he said making you smile widely and making everyone awww.
“I love you” you mouthed back making him smile.
“This is for you Laura” Niall said before they sung I Want to Write You a Song . Harry had told you plenty of times, this song is about you and it always brought tears to your eyes.
Your friend wrapped one arm around your shoulders, placing a kiss on your cheek and swaying to the music.
“Harry looks hot tonight” she said in your ear making you giggle and look up at Harry who was already looking at you.
“He does” you said back making her jump up and down earning a smile from Harry as he ran a hand through his hair.
AFTER THE SHOW: You were now back stage waiting for the boys. Your friend had now left with her boyfriend, letting you have some alone time with the boys. You heard loud laughing and instantly smiled and stood up. You were greeted by all four in a group hug.
“Ew. Your all sweaty” you said making them laugh and pull away.
“Happy Birthday love” Louis said pulling you into a tight hug.
“Thanks Lou Bear” you said before pulling away.
“Okay no more hugs until you all shower” you said making Liam, Niall and Louis groan before walking to the showers.
“Not even for me?” Harry said, making you turn around to see Harry smirking.
“hmmm, I think I can make an exception” you said, instantly being pulled into a tight hug.
“Did yer like the speech?” Harry said, placing a kiss against your hair.
“I loved it” you said, tangling your fingers into his hair.
“Love yer” he mumbled making you giggle against his chest.
“What?” he said pulling back to look at your fave properly for the first time that night.
“You’re being very affectionate tonight” you said as Harry tucked a bit of hair behind your ear.
“It’s ya birthday. Wanna make it special” he said placing his hand against your cheek.
“It already is. Because I’m with you and the boys” you said earning a nod from Harry.
“I should go shower” he said going to walk away.
“Not yet” you said pulling him back.
“Okay love” he said hugging you again. Tucking his arms under your bum, he lightly picked you off the ground and spun you around slightly. He placed you back in the ground with a light kiss to your forehead.
“I really should go shower. They’re going to make us leave soon” he said slowly.
“Okay” you said placing a kiss to his cheek and letting him go.
“That looked awfully cosy” Liam said walking back to you, fully cleaned and dressed. His hair still slightly damp.
“Hi Li” you said giving him a hug. “You alright?” he said sitting down on the sofa.
“Never been better” you said slowly. After that, you all went back to the tour bus and relaxed for a bit. You were situated in-between Harry’s legs oh the sofa. Louis and Niall either side of you and Liam strangely lying on the floor.
“I got yer a present” Harry whispered in your ear making you shiver slightly.
“I’m knackered. I’m going to go to bed’ Liam said getting up from the floor. You stood up to give him a hug.
“G'night Liam. You were amazing tonight” you said nicely.
“Happy Birthday” he said before leaving. Next was Niall and then Louis. And you and Harry stayed together on the sofa.
“Let me get your present” he said getting up and getting something from his bag. “It’s nothing too big. Hopefully you like it” he said giving you a little box. You opened it slowly to reveal a little pendant. Inside the pendant was a picture of you and Harry, one of your favourite pictures of you too; a picture Gemma had took whilst you joined them on a family holiday. You were on Harry’s lap and was laughing against his cheek and he smiled happily.
“Harry it’s beautiful. Thank you” you said leaning over a wrapping your arms around his neck and hugging him.
“You’re welcome kitten” he said making you smile.
“And thank you for tonight, you’re the best” you said biting your lip slightly whilst putting the pendant on.
“You trust me right?” Harry said making your head shoot up to look him the eyes.
“Of course… Why would you say that?” you said, suddenly worried.
“I just want to try something” Harry said leaning forward and placing his hand against your cheek. His finger grazed against your bottom lip, before he gently kissed you, once. Twice. His lips then touched your gently before his tongue slightly licked it’s way into your mouth. Your tongues slowly fought for dominance Harry’s strongly massaging against yours.
Slowly he pulled back, your lips still grazing together. Best friends was never enough. Your forehead’s still touching as you both tried to gain your breath back.
“I’m sorry” Harry said slowly, your lips still touching as he spoke and his forehead against yours still.
“Don’t be” you whispered back in reply, feeling him smile against your lips.
“This is what was supposed to happen Lou. We both knew we weren’t supposed to be just best friends” Harry said lovingly, placing a kiss against the palm of your hand.
“I know H. I was just waiting for it to happen” you said truthfully.
“Do you wanna go somewhere?” Harry said, placing his lips against yours once more.
“okay” you said as Harry placed more kiss against your lips.
You gently pushed Harry off you, before standing up and grabbing one of Harry’s jumpers.
“Come back” Harry said making grabby hands at you.
“No more kisses until we’re out of that door” you said pointing to the door making Harry giggle at you trying to be serious.
“I’m being serious” you said trying to hide your own smile.
“Sure yeh are love” Harry said making you raise an eyebrow up at him.
“Harry Edward Styles” you warned.
“Okay okay. I’m coming” Harry said.
“You will be” you winked making him laugh loudly.
“shhh. The boys are asleep” you said making him wrap his arms around your waist and pulling you into his chest.
“Yer sure ya wanna go somewhere? It’s dark out. We could just cuddle here or summat” he said, his deep voice making your face warm at the husk to it.
“I don’t mind. I just wanna be here with you” You said feeling laughter rumble in his chest.
“Make ye mind up love” he said teasing you.
“Stay here” you said, making a final decision. Harry’s arm ran down your arm, reaching your hand and taking the coat from it and throwing it somewhere else.
“Got one more present for ya” he said letting go of you and walking somewhere else. Leaving you alone for a few minutes before returning with a something that looked like a card.
He slowly sat down and pulled you into his lap before placing the card in your hands. You opened it slowly, gasping as you saw two plane tickets to New Zealand. Harry knew you had a weird obsession with the country and knew that you wanted to truly explore the beautiful place, but never had the chance to because when you were there you had shows to perform.
“Thought we could go there while we have a break” Harry said talking about the band. He quickly continued “just us. Yer love it y’know. Thought it would be a romantic gesture or sommat” his voice became quite making you giggle as no one really knew Harry as being “romantic”.
You quickly turned in Harry’s lap, your legs wrapping tightly around his waist.
“I freaking love ya Harry Styles” you said wrapping your arms around his neck and squeezing him. Harry felt butterflies in his stomach as although you confirmed that you felt the same towards him with kisses, that was the first time you said you loved him that night.
“Love- can’t- breathe” Harry said, still laughing somehow. You quickly loosened your grip. He pulled your face away from his neck, wanting to see your beautiful face. Instead, he was looked at your teary eyes.
“Why are ye crying kitten? It’s yer birthday, yer muppet” Harry said, the pet names making you giggle.
“Today has just been perfect Haz. You’re perfect” you said placing a strong kiss against his lips.
“Don’t go all mushy on me now” Harry said pushing you away slightly.
“Just wanna show you, I love ya” you said against his neck again, placing a kiss there.
“How about you show me another way?” Harry said gripping your hips as you continued kissing and sucking at his neck.
“Hmmm” you mumbled against his neck.
“I can’t get enough of ya” Harry groaned out.
“Be mine?” he mumbled as he placed his lips back on yours. “I already am” you said making him shake his head.
“No. Officially be mine. Be m'girlfriend” Harry said making you smile widely.
For the amazing @chlobenethappy (late) birthday babe!!! I know we only started talking but I’m thankful for you being so excited for Mattie. and so willing for Mattie and Evie crossovers. They’d be able to take over the world with ease
I’m in awe of your talent. Like you’re just such an amazing writer and each character you create feels just so damn real. Like for moments i forget that they aren’t canon characters