15th SEPTEMBER 2017: Tam sorts out Brexit.
20th OCTOBER 2017: Tam deals with the Middle East peace process by barging into the UN Security Council shouting “Haw, whit’s the fucken Hampden Roar here by the way?”
30th NOVEMBER 2017: North Korea’s latest missile launch condemned in strong terms by Tam, who declares leader Kim Jong-un “a total fanny”.
JANUARY 5th 2018: World Peace declared as Tam takes everyone up the dancin’ and gets chips & cheese.
JANUARY 6th 2018: Crisis as Tam drops the nut on a cheeky bastard acting the big man. Old Firm game looms.
2019 - 2076: Irn Bru wars.