It’s been half a year since I drew a portrait art for my favorite character - commander Shepard . Then I could not translate all the ideas because of lack of experience, but now the situation has changed significantly, so I did a remastering of the old work. The new commander Shepard version 2.0.

Revived dream

When I look into the night sky, I feel a feeling of extraordinary euphoria … Sensual as if falling from height into weightless glowing particles, plunging consciousness into something immense and into something native … Maybe in another life I would become cosmonaut but in this life all the love for the cosmos I will leave here in digital painting.

New art: Revived dream


Let me start off by saying: my father is abusive, and this post will (hopefully) be the only way for me to get out of my abusive household.

I’ll explain to you guys a few things so that you can understand my current situation:

My father is the father of all control freaks. 

I am 19 years of age - legally an adult in Canada. However, he will not allow me to be independent, such as having my own cat or my own vehicle in my name, and he also uses these things as a form of blackmail to keep me in the house.

He controls how much time I spend on the internet, and who I talk to; he went as far as illegally running background checks on my former partners. 
I have little to no privacy, he periodically rummages through my room to find something to yell at me about, and if he doesn’t, he yells at me for the mess *he* left.

Moreover, he has denied me medical treatment multiple times, even for serious injuries (e.g. a dislocated elbow).

Starting in high-school up until now, I have suffered from several mental illnesses, including depression, extreme anxiety, panic attacks, and PTSD caused by severe trauma that lasted 5 years of my childhood and has left massive gaps in my memory. All of these mental illnesses have had a huge impact on my life, not just at home, but in my school work as well, and my day-to-day life.

However, my father does not believe any of my trauma is real, says it’s my fault if I was traumatised, constantly belittles me for my mental health problems, and says I’m making everything up for attention.

On top of that, he is abusive to my siblings too; one of them is older and already moved out, and the other one is only 14 years old.

Finally, my father told me that if I do not do what he wants and go to school, I will be kicked out onto the street, family ties cut, and *everything* I own taken from me. My cat, will not only be taken away but “gotten rid of” by their words which could mean a number of things.

However, if I graduate a program in college I can leave the house and bring my cat, Molly, with me. This is her!:

(She isn’t actually mad her face just looks like that)
And I also get to keep my vehicle. Both of these things are not in my name even though currently I pay for them both, and take care of them completely by myself. The car is relatively unimportant to me as I don’t consider it an essential but Molly must come with me.

I currently have no money saved up for post secondary education, due to my mental health disintegrating thanks to a disability in the middle of my first year of nursing, and me losing the capability to witness deaths in the hospital placement. And all of this wasting all the funds I had saved. On top of this, he has said that he expects me to go back to school in January, which as of right now is not financially possible. He has said that if I do not go back to school by January then I am to be kicked out. However, if I can reason with my mother then I can possibly push this back to September of 2018, which will most likely give me enough time to gather the funds.  

So as I said, I need to get out of my abusive household as soon as possible, because it’s extremely detrimental to my already fragile mental health. This is why I am opening the doors for commissions of any and all kinds to help save money for this plan.

I am not asking for donations, and I am not asking for hand-outs, because I honestly hate asking for help and I don’t like just taking people’s money without giving something in return. If you are unable to or do not wish to help by commissioning then all I ask is that you reblog this post so that it can be seen.

Here is the plan:

My father, of course, said he refuses to help me in the slightest if I wanted to move, so, I don’t get even a bit of help from my family. That’s why I need to save more money to get in and finish a ONE YEAR program so that I can seal the devil’s deal and get the hell out of dodge as soon as possible (the shortest college programs run for one year). Right now, I work a part-time job that only earns me minimum wage, and still have bills to pay on top of that. I am unable to get a second job as my disability doesn’t allow for it, and because of this I am not making enough money to save for school in time for January. I  am not going to be depending solely on commissions to save the money, as I AM working, it’s just that extra push to get things done.

I’m sure, however, that you’re wondering why I don’t just leave. And believe me, I have tried to. Here is a short list of examples of what my father is like and why I cannot leave of my own free will:

1.  Once, I ran away in the middle of the night after a massive fight, he called the police on me and told them I had drugs in my possession (obviously, a lie) to get me searched and arrested. There is a great possibility of this happening again if I tried to get away even though I am an adult, he’d do anything to try and get me arrested.

2. I tried to leave to a friend’s house for refuge during a massive fight over laundry, which led to my father furiously chasing me down the driveway to my car. There, I sat with the doors locked and windows rolled up while he banged on them and tried to rip open the door for a good 20 minutes. He then said if I left the driveway *in the car that is actually mine*, he would call the police and tell them I had stolen it to get me arrested again.

3. While he is not physically abusive, he has tried to hit me. During yet another fight, which involved him coming into my bedroom while I was sleeping in the middle of the night to yell at me for something minor I can’t even remember, he attempted to grab my face and hit me. I have without a doubt that he will make some kind of physical attempt at keeping me from leaving the house.

I have tried to fight fire with fire so many times, and every time it has just ended with more violence and abuse. For the past several years I have tried to escape or find ways out, and have failed. Getting through the next year or two with my head low, doing what he says and taking the punches as they come is the only way out.

Thank-you, for reading through this to the end. If you are interested in helping and want a commission please message me, or send me an ask if you have questions, and we can work out details and prices. If you still wish to help but cannot commission all I ask is that you re-blog this post.

I will be posting some recent drawings Ive been working on for examples.