Could we get an explanation on how it conflicting in detail?
Out Of Communism.
Augh, it might kill my mood, but I’ve had a really good day today so we’ll see.
It’s a little complicated and everything is just everywhere.
First, I’ll explain how it is to get daydreams/dreams, or “kin memories” as we all call ‘em.
It’s really weird, and when it happens, sometimes it’s like the screen is split right in the middle like a multiplier video game screen. Tord’s vision is on the left whilst Tom’s on the right and sometimes there’s a different scene on different screens. Other times I can see Tord on the right and Tom on the left through the others perspective. When the screen isn’t split, I assume it’s either one or the other…or both. I hope all of that made sense.
Now let me tell you what goes on in my head. These fuckers switch out of nowhere and my mind can go from thinking about violent shit whilst also even giving me a clear visual to thinking about calmer things, like there’ll be music going off in my head and I’ll disconnect from everything. There are times where there’s fighting, like my mind is arguing to take control of one side or another. I had one just a few days ago where Tord and Tom were fighting to take the wheel.
I remember my thoughts going back and forth with each other from “You’re going to make him go insane and hurt someone. What’s worse is people look up to you and it’s really not a good thing!” to “At least I give him confidence while you’re the one making him feel like complete shit and trying to isolate him” and every single time I have to remind myself that both of them are good because Tom is the only one keeping me from going insane while Tord is the one keeping me strong in self-confidence. When they’re both behind the wheel, I feel nothing but content. I feel like I can bullet through any-fucking-thing and overlook negativity…and the first time I ever felt that way was after meeting my girlfriend, because I kind of knew how to get my mind to calm itself. It opened up that fucking hole in the wall. I was literally a terrible as fuck person before.
Still kind of am, but not as worse.
Overall, I can’t tell if that makes me stable or if it makes me one step away from making me crack. To be honest, going through this gives me a sense that Tom and Tord aren’t too different at all. The only thing I don’t get from Tom is having the ability to empathise or have a sense of remourse. Common sense and some moral is keeping me from doing something stupid.
Honestly, it might be something else? I already have a type of personality disorder (high-functioning sociopathy) going on so having another isn’t impossible, but then again I’ve already been diagnosed? And it’s just the one? So idk.