did they want to kill me

i just don’t know how many more fucking people need to die for everyone to take mental illness and drug addiction seriously you can’t be passive with this because when youre passive ppl either slowly kill themselves or just fucking OD out of no where but this shit is never out of no where

chances are u know someone close suffering with mental illness or drug addiction or both and don’t even know it

most don’t know i did and am

i’ve had chronic depression since i was about thirteen and addiction has been a crutch that’s helped me walk since i was eighteen

it took almost a decade for me to seek real help and be serious about getting better

but I got it

and for the first time that I can remember i wake up and feel ok

i don’t want to kill myself and that sounds so fucking stupid and hyperbolic but i’m crying as i type this and that isn’t fucking hyperbole

my therapists told me

try to be content

if you can be content the majority of the time well you can’t ask for more

and he’s right

i’ve been content for almost this entire year

obviously i have my moments of collapse

when the walls come close and grip me tight but I come out

clutching my breath and happy to be alive but luckily that collapse hasn’t come in a while

i don’t know what to do with my body at peace

because while i’m at peace all my friends are dying

you made this generation now help us fucking sleep

Do You Really Want Me - Chapter 28

Shannon meets Jared at Izzy’s place. The back of Jared’s SUV is overflowing with boxes, bags and baby items that the brothers unload into the house.

“Did Kate ask where you were going in the middle of the night?”

“They were asleep when I left. I left her a note,” Shannon tells him, dropping the last of the bags in what was Kate’s room.

A look of panic crosses Jared’s face. “You didn’t tell her what we’re doing, did you?”

Keep reading


Find what? -  The spark. The missing - the piece, that fit. That made me fit because you didn’t want - I can’t. Not with you looking. I dreamed of killing you. I think they were dreams. So weak. Did you make me weak? Thinking of you? Hauling myself, and spilling useless buckets of salt over your- ending. Angel, he should’ve warned me. Makes a good show of forgetting, but it’s here. In me. All the time. The spark. I wanted to give you what you deserve. And I got it. They put the spark in me, and now all it does is burn. -   Your soul.

i would’ve killed to have a parent that actually bothered to understand the bare basics of my interests… my mom would always say shit like, “i don’t know anything about video games. i don’t like them. you know that.” whenever i asked her to play with me, get mad at me for asking, get mad at me for gushing about them when all she’d do was tune it out.

so i stopped asking! i stopped wanting to do things with her! she only ever did things with me when it was something she liked and made ME get into so she could feel good about herself!

if my mom had ever once sat down, sucked at video games, but spent time with me… it would’ve meant the world to me! if she ever noticed what books i was reading and asked me about them, anything more than surface-level, maybe i would’ve actually felt okay with telling her how i felt about the things that upset me when she asked! she’d get pissed at me for not telling her what was bothering me when she never gave me a reason to think she’d ever listen or take it to heart! obviously it’s a lot more complicated and she was violently abusive in other ways too so i didn’t trust her but that was definitely a foundation.

anonymous asked:

I can't believe Jude Law has to pretend to want to fuck Johnny Depp. That might be too unbelievable for me.

I’m gonna take this moment to say, like… Thankfully, at this point in the DD and GG dynamic, Jude Law is pretending to be a man who still freshly remembers how this man lied to him, preyed on his soft and tender feelings, and possibly murdered his sister in pursuit of power (or did HE kill his own sister in pursuit of power because of this murderous piece of shit?)

Either way, DD is less like “oh god, I wanna jump his bones” and probably more like “I would rather stick my dick in a hornet’s nest than be in the same room as him.”

DD’s fondest wish as an old man was to be with his family, and the loss of his family is still very fresh for the man that Jude Law will be playing and for that man, I think GG is the REASON he has lost what little of his family he had left. And maybe he didn’t even realize that he wanted his family more than anything, which would… probably make the hurt that much worse. He thought he wanted adventure and power and all those things. He thought he wanted GG! Until he found out what the cost was, and it proved too high. Now he’s got none of those things: No family, no power, no love. 

That’s the role Law gets to occupy, a man who has lost everything and is watching while the man who took it from him tries to crush the world under his boot heel.

I feel like people either forget or try to gloss over the fact that GG is Wizard Hitler. And we already know how this story ends: with him being imprisoned in his own fortress where Voldemort will find him and kill him in the late 90s. 

Anyway, JKR is still a hack.

gabe-killed-me-with-ace-cream  asked:

So, not my idea (@oftrickstersandmoose came up with it), but what if Logan actually wanted to conjure a real kitten when he gave Patton the cat hoodie? Maybe he knew about his allergy though and instead settled for the hoodie... I mean, he /did/ say, that Pat could put an actual kitten in the pouch...

Oh man that’s adorable.
Logan has already said that feelings are ‘the bane of his existence’ so this could be his way of showing that he cares for Patton? If he knew of his allergy and gave him a hoodie instead of an actual cat that could be his way of saying ‘I listen to you, even when you don’t think I do, and I care about you.’ (You can take that is either romantically or platonically depending on your views)
Another idea that I’m gonna tack on here is that Patton’s cat onesie is a comfort object, and with everything changing he needed it instead of his cardigan. But every time Logan called him out on it he got a little embarrassed and so he shrugged it off and put back on the (not nearly as comforting) cardigan.
So maybe Logan is more than just book smarts… maybe he’s interpersonally intelligent as well? (Here comes speculations) Since they’re no longer in front of Thomas’ camera, Logan saw no reason to chastise Patton for wearing such a silly garment. In the Mindscape he saw Patton’s body language subtly change as he shrugged off the cardigan and put on the cat onesie. There are these things called Micro-expressions, where a person’s face will very briefly convey what they’re actually thinking (very shoddily explained, but I’m tired. I’ve been up since 2am) and these expressions are completely involuntary and automatic, it’s the same way with body language but I have no idea what the term is.
Maybe Logan saw Patton’s shoulders untense and his posture relax. Some tension leave his face of the muscles in his arms fade back under his skin as he breathed in the comforting smell. Maybe the reason he continuously chastised Patton for showing up wearing the onesie is because he was conducting an experiment? He wanted to test his hypothesis that the onesie is a comfort object.
And then by the end of the second part of the Moving On videos he realized that there was a way to possibly preserve the effect the onesie gave, while not being too ridiculous.

Sorry I went a little off what you sent but I couldn’t help myself!

ireapathighnoon  asked:

Everytime i think about him i feel like im being watched. Like my back in being bored open and my clothes ripped off by his gaze. In person i want to vomit. Tear my skin off and throw it away, cut my nerves so i cant feel. I know with his eyes hes undressing me. Telling me ive grown so much. And my family just coughs and turns away while i claw my way out alone. I have so many dreamd of killing him. Swapping his heart meds, putting air in his insulin shot. Is it odd those dreams make me happy?

No it’s not odd. For so long I imagined punching my ex, screaming and telling him what he did to me destroyed me. I wanted to hurt him, to beat him until he was bleeding and crying. And now that he’s dead I can’t enjoy those fantasies. I have nothing now, i am nothing. The only thing I have now is my little sister. I need to be there for her. I need to protect her. She needs to hear my story and I need to teach her to be strong.

Did HTGAWM just revealed that Simon is gay and gave him sudden heart change just to make us care? Because… It worked? Anyway I just want to say that introducing him as gay and (almost/probably) killing him off in the same eposide is just… terrible. I never liked the guy but I’m still offended by his death is what I’m trying to say.

anonymous asked:

If you don't mind me asking how did you get into H&L?

SO! It all started thanks to Toei’s WORST CHRISTMAS SPECIAL OF 2016\

… Actually no, because I didn’t keep up with Ex-aid until around episode 38 or so. XD BUT! I got into it around the time Ex-aid was wrapping up and people were looking for a new show to watch with some of the actors in it! One of my friends on twitter had asked if there was anything else that Kiriya was in and High & Low was suggested. 

Soooo yeah, I heard about it because of this kid: 

I didn’t think too much about it because I was still waist deep in FFXV hell at the time but my boyfriend and I watched the first two episodes and I was digging the music and the pretty boys but MAN that pacing was throwing me off. SO I held off on watching more for a little bit longer. 

Around this time, @gorou-chan was doing a High & Low liveblog and so LOTS OF ROCKY ALL OVER MY DASH at the time. So I saw lots of bits and pieces of it :3 I also kept on finding out that more and more Toku actors were in it which kept me wanting to watch more because yay, people I recognize =D

AND THEN. I saw this trailer. 

And I as completely sold at that point. Smokey became the love of my life and the sunshine of my soul. I had left Ignis for the homeless parkour gang leader and life hasn’t been the same since. Ahahaha 

And that is how I became H&L trash. The end!

Brave Paladin, reveal your hopes and fears. Redbubble


Sense8 | You Want a War?

I have an idea.

  • ellen: so... how do you feel being here?
  • namjoon, in korean: you pieces of shit, don't you even try saying something stupid, we have worked so hard only for you to embarrass us in front of ellen, so you either stay quiet or i'm killing you and dismembering you and burying you in different places, am i clear?
  • yoongi: *raises his hand*
  • namjoon: yes yoongi
  • yoongi: when you kill us can you bury me beside hoseok, thanks
  • hoseok: i second that
  • jungkook: you want to be buried beside your self?
  • seokjin: well if he dismembers us then it's possible i guess
  • taeyung: if that's so, then i want to be buried beside van Gogh hyung
  • jimin: *sits quietly*
  • ellen:
  • namjoon:
  • BTS:
  • ellen: did I just see a nervous breakdown?

This is why I have trouble trusting white people like this is disgusting. I would have sued because some of the shit she did could have gotten her sick! I can’t even being to fathom how gross this is.  Yes, I realize I’m a little late, my sister sent me the video and I’m speechless. If I were her I’d never trust a white person again, let alone let myself have a white roommate. 

Anyway, this is Jazzy Rowe and her white roommate was literally trying to kill her because she didn’t want her as a roommate and in extension, because she was black.

So we are playing a game where we are the equivalent of vigilantes, crime fighters, whatever you wanna call us. We have a gunner, a brawler, and a swordwielder. We don’t have super powers or anything, though, so we get caught by some thugs and were basically kidnapped to be interrogated. On the way to wherever the hell we were being taken, two of the PCs woke up prematurely. They were all bound up ofc but not properly gagged.

Gunner: “Hey, I can feel my phone, I must still have it.”
Swordwielder: “What? No I saw them destroy your phone.”
Gunner: “I have a spare, in my shirt. Can you grab it, it’s just wedged into my bra and your hands are just bound behind your back.”
SW: “In your bra…? That’s… uh…”
G: “Cop a feel while you’re at it too I don’t care just get the phone.”

There may have been some minor feeling up involved but they got the phone out. As the sword wielder was trying to decide who to call (cops would be a bad plan), the gunner sighed.

G: “Just hit one for speed dial.”
SW: “Who are we calling?”
G: “Does it really matter right now? Hurry up, I think they’re coming back.”

Shortly after, that phone is found and destroyed and they’re interrogating us, including asking who we called. Only the gunner knows and she’s not spilling. Then, there’s a knock at the door.

Everyone: ???
Gunner: “COME IN!”
Everyone: ?!?!

Cue everyone being startled as the door is kicked down and lots of cliche Mafia guys file in and kill all the interrogators and start untying the PCs while everyone stares at the gunner, waiting for an explanation.

SW: “Who did you call? Is this… are these guys the mafia?!”
G: “Oh, I called-”
Mafia Lady: “There you are, sweetheart! Gosh I was SO worried when you called me with your burner phone. You hardly call me at all, so I was sure this could only mean trouble.”
G: “Oh, hi mom.”
Everyone else: “…mom?!”
Brawler: “Your mother is in the mafia?”
G: “Well, sorta. She’s in charge in this region.”
Mom: “Oh, are these your crime fighting friends? You all are making such a nuisance of yourself for me sometimes, I’m so proud of your work, honey! But can you please come visit home soon without the intention of killing anyone there?”
G: “Fine, fine, how about next Sunday?”
Mom: “Perfect! Now I gotta go, and you all should too, before the cops show up. Take care of yourself, sweetheart!”
G: “You too, mom.”
B: “What did I just witness.”
SW: “What- but you FIGHT CRIME how can your family BE crime??? And your mother still be so helpful? We’ve fought the mob before! We literally work against her at times!”
G: “Hey fuck you, my mom respects my career choices even if they go against what she intended or expected, she just wants me to be happy! Just because she’s head of a criminal organization doesn’t mean she’s not a good, loving mother!”
SW: “I, uh, sorry…”
G: “You fuckin SHOULD BE. Hmph.”
B: “We just met the head of one of the most powerful and deadly crime organizations in the area and she didn’t murder us… what the fuck. Why didn’t you tell us?!”
G: “I mean it wasn’t really important til now.”
SW: “The hell it wasn’t! Get over here, I’m gonna strangle you!”
B: “Can I throttle her next?”
G: “Oh shit. Moooooooom!”

That awkward moment when you draw something to celebrate 100+ followers, get impatient and decide to post it before you hit 100, then take so long to finish it you end up hitting 100 before you can post it anyway.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Whoops.

Anyways, holy crap, this blog hit 100+ followers! Hooray! :D Where did you all come from? Why are you here?? How the hell did you all manage to fit in my house??? There’s not even enough room for that many people in here wtf.

Old news about WKM, but… !!!

“In addition to being stabbed 37 times, he was also poisoned, beaten, strangled, drowned, and shot– in that order.”

I know Mark canonically confirmed that Asshole Mark did those things to himself, but today I remembered something I’ve been wanting to do since I first heard that line.

I did some digging into the past.

“In addition to being stabbed 37 times…”

(Upload Date: September 13, 2015)

“… he was also poisoned…”

(Upload Date: November 17th, 2015)

“… beaten…”

(Upload Date: February 25th, 2016)

“… strangled, drowned…”

(Upload Date: August 13th, 2016)

“… and shot.”

(Upload Date: February 14th, 2017)

Guys… they’re in order.