did i seriously spent like the last 3 hours on this

Good Things that Happened in 2016

·         New chemotherapy breakthroughs have increased the 5-year survival for pancreatic cancer from 16% to 27% (and is getting better)

·         Scientists figured out how to link robotic limbs with the part of the brain that deals with intent to move so people don’t have to think about how they will move the limb, it can just happen.

·         Child mortality is down everywhere and it keeps going down.

·         Thanks to the ice bucket challenge the gene responsible for ALS has been found, meaning we are closer to an effective treatment. Let me rephrase that: we are close to getting a treatment for a very bad disease because a lot of people (including really hot celebrities) got wet.

·         A solar powered plan circumnavigated the world.

·         Michael Jordan donates 2mil to try and help bridge connection between police and the community.

·         Tiger numbers are growing.

·         And manatees.

·         And pandas.

·         Pakistan has made strides toward outlawing honor killings.

·         70,000 Muslim clerics declared a fatwa against ISIS.

·         Pokemon Go players went insane with placing lure modules near hospitals for sick kids.

·         California is now powering over 6 million homes with solar power, a record in the US (and that is the tightest shit)

·         Volunteers in India planted 50 million trees in 24 hours.

·         Apparently world crime as a whole has drastically declined as a whole in the last couple of decades.

·         Coffee consumption has been proved to help curtail cancer and suicide rates.

·         Speaking of coffee Starbucks figured out how to donate perishable food in a food safe way.

·         500 elephants were relocated to a better, safer and bigger home.

·         We made massive strides in Alzheimers’ prevention (my grandmother literally told me that scares her more than getting cancer this is very good news)

·         The ozone layer is repairing itself and all the work we did to get rid of those aerosol chemicals was actually worth it.

·         A new therapy developed in Israel could cure radiation sickness.

·         The Anglican church resolved to solemnize same-sex unions the same as opposite-sex unions which required a super majority of all three orders of the church (lay, clergy, bishop).

·         The Rabbinical Assembly issued a resolution affirming the rights of transgender and non-conforming individuals.

·         Precision treatments for cancer are hitting clinical trials and WORKING (as someone who’s had relatives with cancer this is the best news)

·         Dentists are once again providing free care to veterans who need it.

·         The Orlando Shakespeare Festival showed up with angel wings to block funeral-goers for the Orlando Pulse victims, view from anti-gay protesters

·         Rise Women’s Legal Centre opened

·         Death by heart disease has decreased by 70% in the United States

·         Two brothers saw color for the first time thanks to specially-designed glasses

• Portugal ran its entire nation solely on renewable energy for four days straight

·         A retiree is launching a project to transport 80 endangered rhinos to an Australian reservation to save the animals from poaching

·         An Afghan teacher has been delivering books via bicycle to villages that lack schools

·         Harriet Tubman is going to replace Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill.

·         200 strangers attended the funeral of a homeless WW2 veteran with no family

·         A teen battling cancer married his sweetheart

·         Bank firm pays for college tuition for the children of employees who died in the 9/11 attacks

·         New medicine has been shown to increase melanoma survival rate to 40%

·         Over 800 Boko Harem Hostages were rescued by Nigerian Army

·         Toys R Us is Offering Quiet Shopping Hour for kids with autism this holiday season

·         Volunteers made special tiny Halloween costumes for NICU babies

·         A 4-year old befriends a lonely man and helped him heal after losing his wife

·         Families grew

·         People survived c ancer

·         People overcame depression

·         Any kind of victory, even if it affects only one person,  is a victory

·         Now for the pop culture good news

·         LEONARDO DICAPRIO WON AN OSCAR! EVERYONE READING THIS LIVED LONG ENOUGH TO SEE LEO FINALLY GET WHAT HE DESERVED

·         There’s a new Harry Potter book

·         And a movie

·         Harry Potter has no plans on vanishing with time

·         This sweet father gave candy to passengers on a flight so his little girl could trick or treat on Halloween

·         LET ME TALK ABOUT ALL THE KICK ASS MOVIES WE GOT THIS YEAR OH MY GOD

·         Kung Fu Panda 3, this franchise is still going strong despite that its about a panda played by Jack Black

·         Jungle Book. The amazing remake none of us saw coming

·         Finding Dory. I haven’t seen it yet but I’ve heard good things

·         Kubo and the Two Strings. Haven’t seen that yet as well but its Laika so I know it’s a masterpiece

·         Deadpool. The beautiful and super accurate R-rated marvel film

·         Captain America: Civil War. Seriously is the best marvel movie yet in my opinion I need more.

·         Zootopia. Oh don’t mind me I’m just a movie that tackled the issue of racism and not only game changed animated films but also made a billion dollars

·         The Hamilton Mixtape is coming out. Which is a bunch of artists singing songs from the musical (Sia, Usher, Regina Spketor, etc.) I’m excited.

·         A personal victory for myself, I joined Tumblr and met angels in blog form so…that’s uplifting.

·         And I met my favorite voice actor at a con which was a bucket list accomplishment.

Good Things that have yet to happen this year

·         Birthdays

·        Thanksgiving

·         Black Friday

·         Moana

·         Christmas

Good things that have nothing to do with the year but will hopefully make you feel better

·         Puppies

·         Chocolate

·         Rainbows

·         Rain (I like listening to rain it’s one of the most calming sounds)

·         Cartoons

·         Kissing

·         Music

·         Friends

·         FF: If you are a religious person you are an imperfect masterpiece

·         FF: If you are not then you are a splendid coincidence

·         Any year spent with loved ones be they family or friends is a good year. Trust me.

·         ”A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it’s the only weapon we have” –Roger Rabbit

#NeverForgetTheGood


*Plz feel free to add other good news (even if it’s something small like you ate cheesecake THAT is good news)

*at the end of the year I plan to remake this list with new things, fixed mistakes and links but will be posting from my side blog @iamrainbow
Here’s the full transcript of Mark talking Darkiplier in the livestream

(Time approx. 3 hours, 52 minutes to 4 hours, 4 minutes into the stream. And, yes, this took forever). Thought you’d like this, maybe.

I’ve bolded stuff I find especially interesting.

~~~~~~~

Mark: Long ago, a long time ago, I liked to do these scary edits because I just felt like doing scary edits and this is how Darkiplier got born. And then what happened was over time Darkiplier became less and less about the scary figure and more about this romantic figure, and it always rubbed me the wrong way. And I kind of shied away from Darkiplier for a while. And I really really really- if I was going to bring Darkiplier, and when we thought about this, we thought, okay there should be a Darkiplier route. And that was there from the beginning, and so when I wanted to do it I wanted to do it my way, and I wanted to do it right, and I wanted to have this unending level of creepiness. And at the same time, I didn’t want to step on the toes of Antisepticeye because I know there’s a big fan base of that, and I didn’t want to get in the way of that at all and I really don’t care that there’s more than one dark personalities of people. But when I saw the opportunity to have this character here, I spent like 8 hours editing this, like just meticulously every single RBG. This is a layer, we green screened this one, I color corrected it, I separated the RBG layers I added the shakes and glitchiness every frame. I worked on the voice, too. The voice took me the longest to figure out. Like the shakes! And my computer was dying this whole time cause I put my effects on here.

Tyler: The amount of time you had to spend rendering this.

Mark: And so, the audio’s actually three separate layers. It would have been two, but Kathryn helped me out on that one to make it more clear. It’s a normal pitched layer that’s edited, echoed, reverbed, mastered, and convoluted which means it’s just thrown off to the left and right, and then it’s a deep layer of that. But then to make it really come together- it didn’t live without this center channel that wasn’t convoluted but was centered. But getting that voice right was so pinnacle, so paramount to what I wanted to come out of this. And we did like thirty minutes of shooting various versions of me talking to the camera and I wanted to pick the exact dialogue that really kind of gave away my idea of what Dark is in not a terribly obvious way.

Tyler: The other thing, this was supposed to all be one video.

Mark: But YouTube annotations, this new version doesn’t allow you to link the same video multiple times, so these are literally the old videos that I first did when Darkiplier first came about, like, these are the ones, especially this one here, and then this is my cheap knockoff Darkiplier.

Amy: Canon Darkiplier.

Mark: Canon Darkiplier. And I’m going to readily admit something. I joked about Darkiplier because it didn’t seem like something people wanted to take seriously, and I’m okay with that on certain aspects but it had diverged into multiple different facets and multiple different personalities, and everyone had their own version of Darkiplier, and I thought it was hilarious that, “Hey, here’s my version of Darkiplier, and he’s an idiot.” Like, he’s just this weird emo kid. And then I stepped back from that, like, I stepped back. And you can even- in that time, when I was doing those videos, in this era, I was not very happy. I was kind of… I was pessimistic about a lot of things. And I felt like that bled through in a lot of things I did. And that’s why even October of last year I literally made Darkiplier an emo character. And then when we were getting to this, I thought about it like very carefully and I thought back to why I did it originally, and I did it originally because, well, Darkiplier wasn’t even a thing. Darkiplier was not a thing when I was making those videos. I just wanted to make some creepy stuff. And then I thought about that, and I was like if I want to make a statement about who this is, I need to own that and I need to put something out there that is not ambiguous, because I realize that’s where I went wrong. I didn’t have a solid character so obviously, people would come up with their own versions, they would fill in the gaps where they saw fit. So, when I made this I had to embrace it fully and fine-tune it down to exactly where I wanted. When you choose the “fake” choice carrying through to this one, I really wanted that to come through, except at the end to this video, where it gets silly, but that’s because the real me comes in and the real me’s an idiot. And I’ve actually watched this over and over again because I’m listening to the takes I put in here and I’m listening to my inflection and my tone, my demeanor and I’m imagining like how to refine it better next time when I bring him back, like how to do it better.

Tyler: I remember now, I set up the table.

Mark: Yeah, you did. You set up the table we had to change it out for clear glasses because the green screen was reflecting through. But yeah, even this, like the intersplices of anger, and this is me getting real deep in the meta of Darkiplier, like if that’s even a thing that can be- let me just pause it here. I don’t read too much into this but if there’s something that I want to take seriously, I want to actually do right. So, in my mind, Darkiplier is an entirely different person from me. But, much like Warfstache, doesn’t obey the laws of physics. He exists in another world entirely and bleeds through into this one. This is sounding really nerdy of me.

Tyler: I remember the Warfstache talk.

Mark: So Completely unironically, Darkiplier is a completely separate entity from who I am. But, he admires what I’ve accomplished, and he’s very much… people picked up on this, and people thought it was really creepy, because it’s what I wanted. He’s a social manipulator. He is literally, 100% manipulative. He leads you into this false sense of security, and he wants you to trust him because he wants to take advantage of you. That is literally what I wanted for Darkiplier. And how creepy and scary that actually is from the surface. Especially in this first bit, where he says, “If dinner is what you want, then I can provide.” And I wanted this to come across in a seductive way while also masking, like, this burning rage inside that breaks through the suave nature of it. That was my clue to reveal he’s not your friend. He’s not here to help you. He’s here to use you. And that also came across when I was thinking about, like, the effects. Like, his image shatters, he separates because he’s not entirely kept together, you know what I mean? So, I wanted like the drastic impacts of the rage pulling back suddenly to the calm nature and the demeanor and this last one, I was thinking was especially telling. It’s not me trying to break through, it’s his shell cracking.

Kathryn: I love that.

Mark: Yeah? It’s my favorite of all of them.

Kathryn: That’s one’s my favorite. I have legitimately just gone and watched that bit.

Mark: Yeah?

Kathryn: It’s really good.

Mark: Oh, thank you.

Kathryn: I really like that.

Mark: Yeah. And number 1 the visuals work hard on this one, but nailing the audio- that high-pitched ringing that a lot of people were like wow that really hurts my ears, that was by design. That was supposed to hurt because listening to him- a lot if inspiration for him comes from G-man from Half-life 2 and 1, like this weird interdimensional person that seems human but is obviously not and doesn’t obey the laws of physics, and is just like this shell of a person that’s in a suit. Not a suit, literally a human suit, and is trying to figure out how to puppet it right that you believe him, but he’s really good at it. And that’s where the scariness of Darkiplier, I think, really comes from, is because he seems like someone you can trust, and he will manipulate you, and take advantage of you, and literally use you, and to me that’s terrifying. Like that’s the antithesis of what I want to be and so if I’m going to make an opposite version of me, he’s gonna be the fucking worst. Like worse than any romantic story can ever bring about. He’s fucking awful.

Amy: It was convenient, though, I like the way it goes from Relax to this, like the video “Relax,” because then people were not expecting this. But it’s so nice to have it on Valentine’s Day. It works so well.

Mark: And then came the bullshit transition that we had to do. So, this is comical in a way.

Amy: It doesn’t drag it though.

Mark: Yeah it doesn’t drag. You get the scary. Tyler’s here-

Tyler: In Mark’s suit, which I have fit in, but not the pants.

Mark: He didn’t fit, we forgot to get a tie, like, we printed out a mask, and I looked at this and was like I could try to make this creepy, and then I went, I objectively can’t. Let me throw in some punch sound effects.

Tyler: I have to make sure, cause-

Mark: He couldn’t see shoot.

Tyler: No, I couldn’t, and I had to keep moving the mask cause there was one time we did this that the mask ended up completely on the side of my head and I was just like, hey Mark, you can’t touch my face.

Amy: The convenient thing about this, though, with all the glitches is that you can hide stuff with it.

Tyler: Yeah, and there’s a reason I never let go of Mark I have no clue where anything is.

Mark: Yeah, oh man. Oh, this, oh my god. Oh, and secret Easter egg- you know who Dark is because he doesn’t have a shadow. Totally intentional and by design.

Amy: His toes are missing too, but.

Mark: Shh he doesn’t have toes he’s so scary.

~~~~~~

.

So I finally went through omgeverythingplease and here are things that I didn’t know
  • Bitty is OBSESSED with food. OBSESSED.
  • Boy has a *problem*
  • Like I know we like to headcanon that Bitty goes into some sort of media, but he’s more likely to become a food critic. Basically he’s more into the “baking” part of “baking vlog” than the “vlog” part.
  • Holster is a grumpy messy bitch.
  • For real, the team seriously debated who was grumpier: Jack or Holster
  • (for like, a hot second, before the answer became obvious)
  • (It’s Jack. Jack is the grumpiest)
  • Ransom and Bitty are very close friends. Close enough that Bitty chirps Holster that he’s being replaced via tweet.
  • Ransom and Bitty get PSLs from “ ‘Bucks”.
  • That is a quote. Eric Richard Bittle has called Starbucks, ‘Bucks.
  • (I bet he calls Target, Tar-zhay too)
  • This one was a bit more analytical: we found out about Jack coaching peewee via Bitty’s twitter
  • Bitty is the one who tells us that the Jack says the kids call him “Coach Z”
  • Because Bitty is the one who typed out the tweet, if the kids called Jack “Coach Zed”, he would have spelled out “Zed.”
  • Therefore we can assume that the kids called Jack “Coach Zee” and not “Coach Zed”
  • However this revelation by Jack was immediately followed by a debate over Zee vs. Zed. So who really knows?
  • I still don’t know how either of them pronounces “pecan”
  • More after the cut because this is getting long

Keep reading

Unexpected (Part 1)

An attempt to make Yoongi jealous goes too far – but his reaction is unexpected. 

Features V.

Warning: revenge sex, cream pie, sloppy seconds, cuckolding, multiple partners, dirty talk, humiliation, I guess this qualifies as angsty smut

Parts: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8 (final)  8.5 (bonus)

“Seriously, I’m trying to work here and I’m not in the mood for your shenanigans,”  Yoongi said,  waving you away from him while you were trying to kiss him.

Not in the mood for your shenanigans.  Those words rang in your ears and you could feel the heat rising to your face.  It had been quite a while since you and your boyfriend had been intimate, and this was the third time in a week that he had rejected your advances because he was too tired, too busy and not in the mood. 

“Yoongi, what is with you?  We haven’t had sex in almost three weeks and you’re always turning me down when I try. Are you sick of me or something?”

“Quit being dramatic.  I was traveling for two of those weeks.”

“So what that you were traveling?!  Normally, you are ready to jump on top of me the minute you get home from traveling, but you’ve been home for a week and there’s been nothing, absolutely nothing! Are you cheating on me?!” You could hear your voice rising with your frustration and anger.

Keep reading

Ok so…THAT WAS THE BEST WEEK OF MY LIFE. Let me tell you I’ve never done anything so spontaneous, been more excited or felt so special in all my 25 years on this earth 

first of all let’s go back to last Wednesday when I got a message from taylor nation while sitting at my desk at work and literally SHIT my pants?? not sure how anyone is supposed to process that kind of correspondence alone in a padded room LET ALONE in an office full of professionals ANYWAY I very calmly sent them all the information they asked for including my bank balance, blood type and organ donor status and NOT SO CALMLY AWAITED THEIR CALL like no offence but did they realise i was from australia…?? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THIS ABOUT i was torn between thinking they messaged me by mistake and they only wanted my details so they could send me merch

fast forward to thursday after i had managed to keep this news to myself for an entire 24 hours (…) there i am at my desk.. in the middle of working 9-5 like dolly herself.. when I receive a call from a US PHONE NUMBER i quickly make my way to a quiet room while my internal organs are literally escaping out of my ass in an orderly fashion and i legit answer like “h h h h hello” SPIT IT OUT BITCH anyway i spend the entire conversation like giggling and squealing trying to pretend like i don’t know EXACTLY why they’re calling..THE.. first of all she tells me this is all top secret blah blah blah then SHE ASKS ME TO CONFIRM MY SOCIAL MEDIA HANDLES which is when the toesmut fiasco happened.. seriously the fact i made poor innocent taylor nation say “your twitter is …. toesmut … ? t-o-e-s-m-u-t …?” is going to haunt me for THE REST OF MY LIFE

anyway SHE (the lady from taylor nation who’s name I did not catch any of the 3 times she called me because i was hysterical) informed me I was invited to a secret event in LA which was taking place on Sunday and asked if me if i would be able to come … UMMM HONEY I DON’T KNOW BECAUSE IT’S THURSDAY AND YOU’RE ASKING ME TO FUCKING MAKE IT TO LA BY SUNDAY any way i was like “hehehe i don’t know it’s short notice ummm I’d really like to come but i need to like figure out the logistics” and she was like “ok i can call you back in an hour and a half and you can let me know what you decide” SJNDFJKSDHF  ok sweetie SURE anywhere else you’d like me to be by sunday?? antarctica? i spent my entire lunch break SWEATING i called my mum and my sister (PS I REALISE YOU AREN’T SUPPOSED TO TELL ANYONE BUT I WAS ABOUT TO MAKE A SPUR OF THE MOMENT TRIP TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD) and i was like “I HAVE TO GO THIS IS A ONCE IN A LIFE TIME OPPORTUNITY” and they were like “CAN YOU TAKE SOMEONE” and i was like “I DON’T KNOW” anyway i make my way back to work a MESS and wait for TN to call me back..WHEN THEY DO she’s like “so have you made a decision?” and I’m like “asoi;fjsdjlfghjdlfhjgsliduhfg can I bring my sister I’m coming such a long way and it’s really short notice and she’s such a huge fan it would mean the world to me if she could come sdjfkjdhfs” and she was like “hmmmm I don’t know the answer to that I’ll have to call you back tomorrow” and in my head I’m like “TOMORROW???? ASJHDFSJKDHF TOMORROW IS FRIDAY THE EVENT IS ON SUNDAY AND I’M IN FUCKING AUSTRALIA BITHC???” so i said “ok that’s fine”

asjknsdfksnk let me tell you I had the worst sleep of MY LIFE like whether I was going alone or with my sister i now had less than 24 hours to plan a trip to the u.s. TO MEET TAYLOR SWIFT AND LISTEN TO HER NEW ALBUM IN HER FUCKING HOUSE

LONG STORY FUCKING SHORT she calls me back at like 10.30 on FRIDAY (THE EVENT IS SUNDAY AND I’M GONNA BE CATCHING A FLIGHT ON SATURDAY) and tells me that YES my sister can come (!!!!!!!!) sO i shit my pants for the SECOND TIME in 48 hours because i realise not only am i absolutely meeting taylor fucking swift in 72 hours with my sister at her house in LOS ANGELES i need to book flights, accommodation, apply for a visa waiver, purchase us currency and buy a bunch of other essentials BEFORE THE DAY IS OVER anyway I DID IT AND MANAGED TO GET MY ASS OUT OF BED AT 4.15 SATURDAY MORNING TO CATCH A 14 HOUR FLIGHT TO LA

so we spend the entirety of our first day in LA looking for outfits because like??? we are about to have the most important conversation and take the most important photo of OUR ENTIRE LIVES anyway we ended up finding something cute then we decided to go to in n out for dinner because we wanted to look our absolute best for the big day 

THE FUNNIEST THING about the beginning of this trip was we were doing so much touristy stuff that WE COULDN’T EVEN POST ABOUT ANYWHERE because nobody could know we were in LA like i was at santa monica pier sending snap chats to my mum and nobody else it was KILLING ME like we were having the BEST TIME and NOBODY KNEW we were just doing so many DAMN ACTIVITIES like on the sunday we literally got back to our hotel an hour before we needed to be at the meeting point because my sister insisted we had to eat at the cheesecake factory for the second time in 24 hours?? let me tell you it was worth it 

so we get ready and catch an uber to the meeting point and my sister and i finally start to realise like HOLY SHIT WE ARE GOING TO TAYLOR SWIFT’S HOUSE i’m suddenly filled with like so much nervous energy i can’t stop moving i’m like running on the spot and ringing my hands SHIT i was so excited OH by the WAY everyone was SO NICE and pURE like spending an afternoon with 50 plus people who love taylor swift as much as you do know that you’re ALL going to be meeting her soon is honestly the most magical shit EVER 

ok let’s talk about THE EVENT first of all the property was GORGEOUS i felt like a VIP like ME hanging out in beverly hills like it was nbd??? there was food, water, soft drinks, everything was custom like THIS BITCH (taylor) is so extra I ADORE HER everything was so well planned like i didn’t feel stressed at all BUT BOY WAS IT HOT IN THAT ROOM i mean lucky i was having so much fun and was too distracted by the fact i was about to be listening to reputation to worry about the fact i was about to meet taylor swift and i was sweating like a pig 

THEN she walks in..and let me tell u..that shit is breathtaking bro..i have never in my life seen someone so beautiful?? flaws?? ms swift has never experienced that emotion..and if her gorgeous face and body weren’t enough SHE. HER. SHE. decides it’s a great idea to bring danielle and alana haim, ruby rose, jack antonoff and OTHERS in with her to listen to the album  

obviously i can’t talk much / at all about what took place in that room but let me just say i’ve spent every second since i left that house thinking about how much i need to listen to that album again..so different and so much more than what i was expecting and taylor is SO PROUD OF IT i could tell it meant the world to her that we loved it because this music is obviously really important to her..y’all are going to love it i mean it 

after we listened to the album taylor left the room to ..idk..make herself look even more gorgeous than she already looked?? we got to look at the reputation magazines and they are PERFECT i know not everyone has the means to buy a copy for themselves but if you can GET ONE you won’t regret it..and those poems 

so we all lined up to meet her and let me tell you watching people have their moment with taylor is so special man like everyone is SO excited before they walk in there and NOBODY leaves disappointed because not only is taylor the warmest most personable human being on planet earth she puts so much effort into knowing who each and every person she’s invited into her home actually is .. i can’t stop thinking about it she’s an incredible human being 

anyway on to ME i honestly didn’t know what to make of the fact she came directly to my blog on both days i was in the US before the event..like was it possible..she knew me?? turns out it WAS which was great because i literally didn’t plan what to say AT ALL i’m such a dumb bitch..anyway i walk in there and give her the biggest hug and she’s like “aww how are you doing?” and i was LITERALLY this gif

but i said “umm i’m doing pretty good” THEN..ladies THEN she said “i’m so glad you could come danielle” and she turns to my sister and she’s like “and you’re annalie right” and let me tell you..annalie dropped dead..NOBODY GETS HER NAME RIGHT. THERE IS A WOMAN AT HER WORK WHO HAS CALLED HER AINSLEY FOR THE LAST 5 YEARS. then…we had a conversation..taylor swift..and i..had a conversation? she told me i was THE funniest person and that she would check my blog everyday..she said..when she was having a bad day..she would search “screamedsooloud” because she knew she would see something that would make her laugh..let me tell you at that point i KNEW i was fucking dead 

she told me i was funny and we told her she was the funniest person we’d ever met and she laughed like it WASN’T TRUE?? she said she knew who i was as soon as i walked in and i was like “you are so amazing” that’s not a fake quote by the way or some internal dialogue i actually said that..she referenced all the posts i made asking “WHERE IS SHE” at the start of this year..and i was like “i just really needed to know” she was like “i wanted to say JUST WAIT I’M COMIING” AND I WAS LIKE “I KEPT TELLING PEOPLE I KNEW YOU WERE UP TO SOMETHING and i was right” AND i was like “i can’t believe you saw that” and she was like “oh i’ve seen everything”.. she knew i had deleted my blog and she said she had tried to refollow me but she had reached follow limit..after she told me i was funny another 15 times we took a couple of photos (WHERE ARE THEY BY THE WAY) then we talked a little more and she asked if they’d let me know with plenty of time that i was invited and i was like “NO I ONLY FOUND OUT ON THRURSDAY” and she was like “oh my god you’ve been on a list for a year” i CHOKED and she was like “i told them to tell you early because you were coming all the way from australia” and i was like “WELL THEY DIDN’T” and she was like “see i don’t have that much pull guys” and i was like  “jkhsdfskdfghsg” then she told us how much she appreciated us coming and we were like thank you so mcuh we love you so much and she said she loved us and then we took our merch and our dignity and got the HELL OUT

i..still can’t believe any of this happened and i don’t know if i ever will..it was the greatest day and week of my life and it’s all because taylor is the most generous, thoughtul, hard working person in the world..i love her so much and i hope all of you get the chance to tell a story like this some day 

2

Lots of narratives have been going around about why Hillary lost. Most are placing the blame directly on the candidate herself, ignoring a few key points:

1. Hillary won the popular vote by 3 million votes. Yes. 3 million. To minimize this or not take it into consideration proves you are bias in your analysis of why Hillary lost. You don’t win the popular vote by 3 million if you are a truly bad candidate (Hillary also won every single debate). And for historical reference, Al Gore only won the popular vote by 500,000. Hillary won it by 3 million. 3 million votes is no small feat. You cannot ignore this fact if you want an un-bias analysis of why Hillary lost the election. The last two Republican Presidents lost the popular vote!

Also – both popular vote winners Al Gore and Hillary Clinton were hurt by progressives (Nader and Bernie) who got too comfortable after 8 years of a Democrat in the White House. Our side seems to shoot itself in the foot after 8 years in power. As we learned yet again – every vote counts, especially in the swing states. Because guess what? You can win the popular vote and still lose the election due to the electoral college. Progressives blew it big time for the second time in 20 years and hurt our popular vote winners Al Gore and Hillary Clinton. A cumulative 3.5 million more votes for the Democrats!

2. In U.S. politics, one party usually has power over the White House for only 8 years. Very rarely does a party hold onto the White House longer than 8 years. The last time was when Bush Senior won after Ronald Reagan, but then he quickly lost re-election to Bill Clinton. Democrat Al Gore couldn’t even win after Clinton left us with a surplus and booming economy. This usually happens because the side that isn’t in power tends to rise up, while the side that occupies the White House gets lazy and complicit. From a historical perspective, America was already headed towards a Republican Administration in 2016. Combine that with the racist backlash to Obama, and Trump exploiting the rise of worldwide racist nationalism, it’s no wonder their base turned out and ours didn’t. Remember – under Obama, the Democrats have lost 900 legislative seats nationwide and most of the Governorships and state legislatures, too (in addition to the White House and U.S. Congress). The backlash to Obama has been strong and was bound to hurt us in 2016. Point is – in American politics, very rarely does the same party occupy the White House for more than two-terms. This especially holds true when you combine that with racism and the rise of nationalism working against the first African American President. Conservatives were out for blood after 8 years of Obama, while our side shot itself in the foot by allowing Bernie to run as a Democrat (Nader all over again).

3. Just as in the United Kingdom (Brexit), there has been a worldwide resurgence in a nationalistic white working-class. Trump exploited this in a way Bernie Sanders never could have. Why? Because nationalism is being used to scapegoat immigrants and minorities. The 2016 election truly was an election about which party was going to turn out their base (whites vs. minorities). That’s why Hillary spent her time trying to convince us of the dangers a Trump Presidency posed to minorities. And if we had voted in levels similar to 2008, our base would have triumphed. But a core part of our base was missing – young voters that showed up for Obama but not Hillary. Why? Bernie fucking Sanders. Most of the “Bernie-or-Bust” voters I knew were young male progressives who puked at the thought of ever voting for Hillary. They even called Bernie a “sell-out” when he half-heartedly campaigned for her. What a shame. Because in the face of Brexit, every vote counted. Remember – Trump only won the swing states by a total of 80,000. How many “Bernie-or-Busters” were in the swing states? Seriously – never underestimate angry white men showing up at the polls (Brexit and Trump). Our side is much harder to turn out. That’s why every vote counted. And yes… I’m looking at you, college students!

4. Comey. The momentum the 3rd debate victory produced was lost after the Comey letter. The 3rd debate was the debate where “Nasty Woman” was coined. The closet thing the Hillary campaign came to naturally produced momentum. And it (luckily) came near the end of the election in the final stretch. Hillary was riding high after the 3rd debate domination – 11% polling lead. Everyone thought she was going to win and Nate Silver gave her over a 90% chance of winning. But then came the Comey letter. 

His letter also came after the release of Trump’s “pussy grabber” tape. The media narrative switched from “pussy grabber” to “FBI re-opens Clinton E-mail Probe.” The headlines became anti-Clinton rather than anti-Trump. And in American culture, media momentum is huge. That’s why they call it an “October Surprise.” Late deciding voters heavily broke for Trump due to the Comey letter and that’s what made the difference. 

Hillary ordered a complete analysis of the election and the Comey letter was the only new variable from her 11-point polling bump after the 3rd debate to election day. “Pussy grabber” was old news. “E-mails” became front and center yet again. This is why there is currently an independent review of Comey’s actions as we speak. Official protocol says to never release anything about a case if it may sway an election. Why? Because it might turn out to be false. Just like what happened. Comey ultimately retracted the letter in the final hours of the election, but the damage had already been done. Hillary was finished. Her 11-point debate lead – gone. That’s why there is currently an official investigation into Comey breaking official protocol and swaying the election in Trump’s favor. Once this investigation is complete, I’m sure you’ll be hearing from the Clintons.

5. Sexism. The 2016 election proved a far more qualified woman can still lose to a far less qualified man. Actually, Hillary was the most qualified person (man or woman) to ever run for the Presidency. Any man with Hillary’s accomplishments and qualifications never would have lost. It wouldn’t have even been close. Period.

6. Russian interference. We’ll never know exactly how much Russia swayed the election, but the influx of “fake news” targeting Hillary Clinton definitely had an impact on her public perception, especially in regards to her “trustworthiness.” Putin had a vendetta against Hillary because he held her responsible for the protests he faced after his re-election. He also thought Hillary would be far more aggressive and effective than Obama. He’d rather have a puppet and buffoon as President (Trump) than the brilliant Hillary Rodham Clinton.

7. The media. Hillary’s e-mails were made to seem just as bad as the millions of horrific things Trump did over the course of his 4-times bankrupt career. The false equivalence was mind-boggling. In the pursuit of trying to appear “un-bias” by saying both sides were equally corrupt, they ended up being bias against Hillary and helping Trump win the Presidency. The actual un-bias viewpoint is that nothing Hillary has done is anywhere near the level of deplorable things Trump has done. But the media made Hillary seem just as bad as Trump in order to give the impression that they were being “objective.” 

I truly hope the media did some soul-searching after the 2016 election. Tearing down Hillary and glorifying Trump – giving rise to his “cult-of-personality” has really bitten you in the ass, hasn’t it? Now you have at minimum 4 years of covering a manipulative propaganda artist con-man who just likes to play head games. Have fun!!

8. Republican witch-hunts. Republicans abused their power, which led to 8 separate Benghazi investigations. More investigations than Pearl Harbor, the JFK assassination, and 9/11. Yet Hillary was never found of any wrongdoing and came out victorious after her triumphant 11-hour Benghazi testimony. Unfortunately, after so many fake “scandals,” Hillary’s image had been damaged. Which was the entire point of these fake scandals – even if Hillary isn’t guilty, we can still accuse her of corruption and plant seeds of doubt. But rather than viewing the Republicans as the corrupt ones, manufacturing fake Clinton scandals and wasting tax-payer money, many Americans drank the Clinton hate kool-aid (even progressives).

All of these factors led to the “perfect storm.” Which is why we needed every single vote in every single state. Yet Hillary still managed to win the popular vote by 3 million despite Russian interference, Bernie mania, multiple witch-hunts by Republicans, 11-hour Benghazi testimony, sexism, a media hell bent on false equivalency, a rise in worldwide racist nationalism, one party historically only occupying the White House for 8 years, and the devastating Comey letter. 

3 million more votes. Despite it all. A majority of Americans agree with our vision and our values. By the millions. And that’s not even taking into consideration ID laws and voter suppression of minorities, which greatly decreased the amount we won by.

“But, you know, then at the end, we had the Russians and the FBI deal. She couldn’t prevail against that. She did everything else and still won by 2.8 million votes.

The finest vote counter in America is Nate Silver. He told you what costed the election.” ~President Bill Clinton

A political icon and legend. Was going for round 3 in the White House. And we all know she ran it the first two times.

HiddleHamlet: A firsthand account (part I)

Okay guys. Here goes. I’m going to try to remember and describe as much of the experience as possible, so you can all feel a little piece of it too. This is your warning… this is going to be a long post.

Disclaimer: this review is going to be very little about the play, and very lots about how mindblowingly gorgeous and excellent Tom was in the play. If you’re not in this to hear a dissertation on that man’s thighs in his tight-ass jeans, don’t read further. I love and deeply appreciate theatre (this is the 14th play I’ve seen since moving to London 10 months ago), but this is tumblr and I’m not really here to be a theatre critic or to dissect various interpretations of Shakespeare. I’m here to drool over sexy men. It’s right there in the title.

So, to get that boring, non-thigh-centred discussion out of the way first - the play was seriously great. I enjoyed it hugely, even apart from the magic of Tom’s Hamlet (and somehow in spite of the distraction that was my brain screaming “HE’S RIGHT THERE!!!” for 3 hours straight). I saw a similarly intimate staging of Hamlet back in January, which I found… overly intense. This one was much better. I especially liked the touches of humour throughout, which helped to break up the heavier moments and moved the story along in a nice rhythm, and brought out the humanity and likability of the characters. The cast were all fantastic, and the sparseness of the stage worked well - the focus was fully on the actors and the words they were saying. 

We were sat in the front row, far stage left…which was basically on the stage. The theatre is teeny, with no raised stage, which meant the actors were walking by us close enough to touch. Being that close to Tom for an extended period of time was full-on exhilarating. When he’d run by us, we’d get a waft of air and could actually smell him. I didn’t get to last time, so I breathed in deep this time…and it was absolutely delicious. I’m sure we were visibly swooning after each inhale.

(I’m really sad that only a limited number of people will get to see this, and I know there’s been much discussion over the supposed “exclusivity” of this show, but I must say, in being one of the lucky ones who got to be there, that it was magical how intimate this was. It was immersive - a unique and beautiful theatre experience. I feel incredibly grateful.) 

Important things must be addressed, so: couch humping. Was SO FUNNY. It wasn’t a full-on dry humping (oh god…I just had to take several minutes to think about what that would be like. I’m back now) but rather a couple of energetic thrusts. Which was enough. This was met with laughter and tons of quietly imploding vaginas, I assume.

In this same scene (a great scene), Hamlet sits on the recently-violated couch with Polonius and laughs loudly with him. It’s rather forced (he’s putting on a show here), but also - seriously adorable. Because Tom. It gifted us with a huge Hiddles grin, which is so damn infectious (as you well know). In the third bout of this laughter, Hamlet dissolves into tears. One of the best things about Tom’s Hamlet was how perfectly and naturally he navigated the quick shifts in his mood - swinging wildly between grief, rage, lunacy, amusement, earnestness - and it all felt incredibly deft and real. Also, that man is gifted when it comes to crying. I think there were real tears in his eyes for about 75% of the performance. At one point, you could see the tears falling, illuminated by the stage lights. It was beautiful. I managed to stay seated and not run to throw myself on him and cover him in kisses, which was obviously what first instinct was telling me to do.

Okay…let us talk about how good he looked. IT IS GROSS, AND MAKES NO SENSE. My brain can’t compute this level of attractiveness, and I have no appropriate words to convey it. It’s even worse in real life. And truly, this is Peak Tom, look-wise. I missed probably large sections of dialogue due to thinking about his hair (I wish this was a joke). I could not stop staring at it. The curls are entrancing. It is perfection. I will cry when he gets a haircut. THIS IS THE HAIR HE WAS BORN TO HAVE. Also, THE JEANS. Holy fucking hell. I could write a Hamlet-length soliloquy about those jeans. Maybe it was because I was on the side, so I spent a good amount of time looking at the back of him, but…I have never appreciated a view more. Those jeans were, um, very tight, and I have zero complaints. I think I could actually see his thigh muscles flexing through them. I was equally entranced by his legs and thighs throughout the whole thing. My stream of consciousness went something like this: hair-legs-thighs-jaw-eyes-voice-words-legs-ass-kill-me-now…!

Yeah… his ass in those jeans. Specifically when he was moving or jumping around a lot. I leave it to your imagination.

Overall, there is truly just something about him. We have not been imagining that. His physical presence is undeniably, overwhelmingly attractive. He’s all legs and cheekbones and curls, and the way he moves is impossible to look away from. He’s so damn FIT. His body, his face, his every movement…it’s all just sex incarnate. I can’t be eloquent about it. What the fuck do you say about this. Just. Ugh. Fuck me up.

Originally posted by thehumming6ird

Will you look at this? GOD.

Wardrobe stuff: I love his new peacoat. It’s really nice and looks so soft, so he looks super huggable in it. I will continue to swoon over the upturned collar look on him - it works so well with his long neck and impeccable jawline. I also like how well he rocks the hoodie-and-peacoat combo. Really, is there anything that doesn’t look good on him?! Oh, and…there was no appearance, sadly, of the beloved grey boots (those boots are like a secondary celeb spotting for us by now). He was wearing dark brown boots through the whole thing. But they looked really good too no duh, so, no big loss.

Uh-oh… this post is already very long, and I have at least 26 more things to say about all of this. I’m think I’m gonna stop here for tonight and write a part two tomorrow. Coming up: tummy peeks, dancing, leather gloves and the opinions of the lady sitting next to me on Tom’s ass in those jeans (you didn’t think I was done talking about that yet, did you?)

Originally posted by fromhiddleswithlove

teenage fever ❖ baekhyun

Somehow your mother caught something in the way both of your hands gripped into each others, something at first you and him didn’t notice, but that you were sure was going to ruin your life.


@byunshim requested: HI! dunno if ur still taking requests but can u do one where Baek is ur college professor, u have a crush on him and then find out later that he’s ur little sis’ boyfriend? Like maybe a 5yr age gap between the two… but when he realizes that ur sisters, he starts to act weirdly… because apparently, he had noticed u during lectures too. LOTS OF ANGST (like u trying to push him away but he won’t leave u alone) but happy ending for Baek x Reader. Thanks!

admin : - velvet
genre: baekhyun! philosophy uni professor au, age gap (if you don’t like, please don’t read), angst, slice of life and fluff + a lot of sexual tension!

[this turned out as a fourshots because i wrote in a day a 20k words story and i was shook when i saw the count, so i’m going to divide this in four parts that i’ll post almost every day (a part from tuesday because i have an exsam) hope you’ll like it!]


(gif not mine, cr to the owner)

| Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4



First days were hell, I mean all days at school were hell, but first days always had that extra demon that poked your stomach and made you want to throw up all the breakfast you had in the morning. That was your younger sister’s first day in university and your first day on your second year in the same place, sadly the thought of having your own sister in the same place where you spent most of your daily hours wasn’t that exciting, thanks God she took a different path from your. Meanwhile you decided to follow your heart and take Art and Philosophy, she decided to welcome your parent’s suggestion and took Accountancy and Mathematical classes, which surely was something suitable for her perfectionist mind.

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texts from last night! meme

[text] Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?

[text] The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here

[text] He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.

[text] I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW

[text] So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one’s for Team USA.

[text] He gave me the “find somebody who wants to date you for who you are” speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.

[text] I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese

[text] I just got high off one hit and then Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refrigerator and researching ways to replace it

[text] Seriously. I’m like, “Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you’re so fucking intelligent I’m turned on?”

[text] Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?

[text] He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I’m keeping him.

[text] I’m making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.

[text] It’s a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.

[text] Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I’ve been waiting for this moment forever.

[text] Lesson learned. Don’t roleplay with a real knife.

[text] We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman’s birthday party for the food. Whoops.

[text] He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.

[text] I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I’d say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.

[text] I’m wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.

[text] He’s like… An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It’s almost unsettling

[text] I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I’ve found the One.

[text] Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while… if you happen to find your balls then join us

[text] i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled “dibs!”…

[text] and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered “Simba”

[text] so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

[text] Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

[text] Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me

[text] We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sounds logical. Thank you daylight savings.

[text] when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was “chug-a-lug”

[text] There’s a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.

[text] Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine

[text] My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.

[text] He told me he loved me. I didn’t know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him

[text] Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten

[text] Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.

[text] He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.

[text] we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I’ve ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury

[text] I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man’s heart.

[text] When was the last time you wore pants?

[text] I’ve replaced you with thin mints and masturbation

[text] Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.

[text] Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time

[text] Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent

[text] We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.

[text] I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how’s your day going?

[text] I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn’t need it today.

[text] We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What’s wrong with this tradition?

[text] all i’ve had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.

[text] Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don’t exist?

[text] Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special

[text] And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention

[text] This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the “High While Analyzing Disney Movies” texts begin.

[text] Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won’t quit poking me on fb

[text] I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes

[text] One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won’t be me. I’m drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.

[text] You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy

[text] im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster

[text] just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.

[text] I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on

[text] Let’s play a little game called “Chill the Fuck Out” - you’re our first contestant

[text] Didn’t get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.

[text] I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.

[text] you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat

[text] tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?

[text] We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out

[text] maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game

[text] i think its awesome that according to your mom i’m your friend that caught on fire.

[text] So fucked up. Can’t tell if I’m starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.

[text] I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.

[text] Vodka is such a love hate relationship.

[text] you traded sex for a burrito?

[text] I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.

[text] You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.

[text] it’s not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.

[text] You’re always adorable, but when you’re drunk, you’re like Chia Pet adorable.

[text] this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest

[text] I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box

[text] I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old’s Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.

[text] It’s like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it’s gummy bears and instead of milk it’s vodka.

[text] You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go

[text] Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.

[text] we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying “i mean who doesn’t like cheetos”

[text] quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you

[text] I left a cheeto on everyone’s car trailing to the house i’m at, hanzel and gretel style.

[text] Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.

[text] nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs

[text] When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.

[text] kinda considering buying a life alert for sophomore year

[text] My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.

[text] Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.

[text] you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing ‘follow the yellowbrick road’. i’m pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted

[text] It’s like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.

[text] did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?

[text] The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.

[text] I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!

[text] You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.

[text] I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.

[text] So I woke up today with someone’s door knob in my pocket. I hope everybody else got out of the house ok.

[text] So we successfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.

[text] Because when I say 'You shouldn’t drink anymore’, she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks’

[text] okay, this game isn’t funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.

[text] The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.

[text] when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed

[text] so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.

[text] You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone

[text] never. drinking. again.

[text] I’m gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.

[text] got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night

[text] I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now

[text] i’m out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.

[text] Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.

New Old Captain

Read here on ao3 (x)

Lardo was hunched over her laptop working on a write up for her final art project and Ford was across the table from her, finalizing room assignments for the boys’ upcoming (and final) roadie, when the front door opened and a voice called out, “Hello?”

“Jack?” Lardo scrambled out of her chair and into the front hallway. Ford leaned over to save Lardo’s document, then slowly followed after her. She didn’t think she had met anyone on the team named Jack, but who else would be coming to the Haus? She ran through a mental roster of the team, but didn’t come up with anything.

She found Lardo wrapped up in what looked like the world’s comfiest hug with a man who had to be a foot taller than her, and if he wasn’t some sort of athlete, Ford would eat her rooming assignments. His arms, good lord.

“Who’s this, Ris?” He asked, catching sight of Ford.

“Ford, our new manager,” Lardo’s voice was muffled into his chest. “Ford, this is Jack. You should have told someone you were coming, Ransom and Holster made an extra practice today and everyone else is at the rink.”

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it hurts until it doesn’t pt. 2

Pairing: reader x Yoongi

Genre: angst

Word Count: 5,375

A/N: PLEASE DO NOT ASK ME ABOUT IF AND WHEN I WILL UPDATE THIS SERIES. THANKS

Originally posted by talk-me-down-troye

part 1 part 2

“Y/N! Will you please stop texting and tell me if this mirror is straight?” Yoongi called out impatiently from the living room.

“Someone’s cranky,” you tease from your newly shared bedroom. You were were careful not to knock over the hours worth of unpacking stacked neatly around you.

He was staring at the wall, absent-mindedly running his finger across his lips as he always did when he was thinking. You had never seen a man that deep in thought about an inanimate object. The sound of your camera clicking makes him turn around, the look on his face sending a smile across yours.

“What’s so funny?” he asks, pouting at your enjoyment.

“I’ve never seen someone hang a mirror so seriously before.”

He turns around and focuses back on the gilded frame in front of him, “This is our first apartment together, Y/N. I want to make sure it’s perfect.”

You stare at him quietly, taking in the moment in front of you. Yoongi was never one for sentiment. He was a serious man, but deep down he there was a softness. A softness that he only let you see in brief glimpses, catching you off guard every time he does.

“It’s perfect,” you whisper as you walk up behind him, wrapping your arms around his waist.

“Can I take a photo of us?” he asks, pulling out his phone from the pocket of his hoodie.

You nod as you bury your face in the back of his neck, taking deep breaths of the mixture of cologne and sweat and shampoo. You smile, wishing you could live in this moment forever.

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Good Boy, Stevie // Steve Rogers x Reader (P1)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x POC Reader, a tiny bit WinterWidow and ScarletVision
Word Count: 3.7k+
Warning: Language, fluff, Slooow burn, Sub!Steve, Dominant Reader  
Summary: Steve discovers he really enjoys you on top and in control. Pietro and Sam find out a little more about Bucky Barnes than they ever wanted to know. Wanda is a surprising supporter of *ahem* kinky things.

A/N: You really thought I was going to leave you hanging on ‘Oh Captain!’ like that? I’m not that sadistic. Okay…maybe I am but this story practically begged me to write it. Who am I to refuse?

Originally posted by luvinchris

Previously on Oh Captain: Good Boy, Stevie //Part 2

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Finding Closure (Part 6)

Summary: AU. Reader left behind a hometown full of misery to make a new home in Brooklyn. A death in the family forces her to briefly return to the place that has haunted her dreams and memories for three years. Will she finally be able to move on, or will a figure from the past change everything?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 2,366

Warnings: angst, language, introspection, fluff. I’m a chump.

A/N: Happy 4th, America and Happy Birthday Steven G. Rogers! I hope everyone likes this ending. I’m a chump. The gif only sorta fits. He’s so cute.  This is the final part for my submission for @sgtbxckybxrnes’s AU Challenge. My prompt was innocent enough: 28 .“____ is not a real word.” “Yes it is!”

Part:  1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6

Originally posted by coporolight

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

89 with Taehyung please

Lessons in Love (Taehyung x Reader Fluff)

Prompt request: “Are you hitting on me?”
Summary: Taehyung flirts like a 12-year-old, but you’re able to figure everything out anyways.
Word count: 1.5k words

Originally posted by helendrv

“I don’t know if this is a good idea,” you frowned, looking at your friend, Yuna, who had dragged you to her mathematics study group. “You know I’m terrible at math.”

“So this is a chance to learn!” Yuna answered with a smile. “We’ll help you study, it’s not a problem.”

“You and your friends are so smart,” you whined as Yuna dragged you through the library towards the private rooms. “I’ll look so dumb in comparison.”

“Trust me, they’re not like that!” Yuna comforted, finally stopping in front of a closed door. It led to the room her study group booked every Wednesday. “Besides, you’re like the English god, so if anyone needs help with that you can pay back the favour.”

“If you’re sure,” you conceded, albeit hesitantly. Yuna nodded enthusiastically and turned the knob, swinging the door open to reveal the small room behind.

There was a single table surrounded by three other students. One girl, who you vaguely recognized, was sitting closest to the door. The head of the table was a boy named Namjoon, the certified genius on campus. Beside him was another boy, but this one you didn’t recognize.

He had messy brown hair and tanned skin. His lips were a little pouty, and his nose was strong. When your gaze traveled up, you saw that his dark, long eyes were ringed by thick eyelashes. He was also staring right back at you.

Blushing, you quickly averted your gaze and turned uncomfortably to Yuna.

“Hey guys!” she chirped. “This is my friend, Y/N. She’s in the other class, so that’s probably why you don’t recognize her.”

“Just to preface this, I’m pretty shit at math,” you said, wanting to address your discomfort immediately. “I know you guys are all really smart but I don’t want you to think I’m, like, taking advantage of you. If you need help in literally any other subject, I’m here.”

“Nah, no worries,” Namjoon responded with an easy smile. “We’re not math elitists or some shit. I’m Namjoon, by the way.”

“I’m Jisoo,” the girl added dully, briefly glancing up from her laptop in front of her. You smiled, but Jisoo turned back to her screen too quickly to catch it.

You turned to the handsome boy beside Namjoon, waiting for him to introduce himself. He blinked owlishly at you for a moment, his face expressionless. Slowly, his eyes met yours and his mouth began to open.

“Your shirt looks weird,” he said. You looked down at your t-shirt, which had a print of an old anime series you used to watch.

“I, uh–you–okay?” you spluttered, confused by the boy’s comment.

“What the hell, Tae?” Namjoon asked, bewildered. He turned to his friend, his eyes narrowed. “I thought you liked–ow!”

The boy turned to glare at his friend, and when you looked back at Yuna in confusion, she just rolled her eyes at you.

“Just ignore Taehyung,” Yuna snorted, grabbing your arm and leading you to the table. She pulled you down into the seat beside hers and turned to address the group. “So! Let’s start reviewing for the quiz next week.”


You glanced at the clock beside your computer. It read 3:04 AM. Groaning, you looked at the stacks of sheets in front of you, and then at the textbook filled with highlighted text and sticky notes. But for the hours you had spent studying, you learned next to nothing.

In a moment of desperation, you logged into Facebook and open your study group chat, which you had been added to after your first sit-in.

Y/N 3:06 AM

SOS!!! Is anyone online!!!

Tae Tae 3:10 AM

ya sup

Y/N 3:11 AM

I don’t understand anything??? Pls help

Immediately after you hit “enter,” Taehyung viewed the message. But no response came, and the typing bubble didn’t appear either. You broke out into a nervous sweat, overwhelmed by the fast approaching quiz and your lack of understanding of math in general.

Then, a message notification popped up onto your screen. Taehyung had messaged you separately from the group chat.

Taehyung 3:14 AM

lets just dm. dont wanna annoy the others

Y/N 3:14 AM

Ok

Taehyung 3:15 AM

so what don’t u understand?

Y/N 3:16 AM

Everything!!!! All the stuff we went over last meeting has completely left my brain.

Taehyung 3:17 AM

ok prepare urself this is gonna be a long lesson

So, for the next hour, Taehyung did his best to explain the different concepts and methods to you, while you scribbled notes furiously on your worn notebook. By the time he had went through all the material, your hand was throbbing and it was well past 4AM.

Y/N 4:37 AM

Thank you sooooooo much Taehyung! I owe you my life

Taehyung 4:38 AM

no thnx

Y/N 4:39 AM

Ok, rude. But seriously, thanks. I don’t know what I would have done otherwise

Taehyung 4:39 AM

no probs. but u owe me now so don’t forget

Y/N 4:40 AM

I won’t!!!!! You’re the best!

Taehyung changed your nickname to “idiot.”


The day of the quiz came quickly, but when you sat down at your desk, you felt more relaxed than in any other math class. This time, you were actually prepared and confident in your abilities. So when the quiz arrived, you whizzed through every page.

Everything Taehyung had explained to you was on the quiz. You were sure that if you found the quiz easy, Taehyung could probably do it in his sleep. Even though you thought he was a bit annoying, he still had saved your ass.

When the test period finally finished, you grabbed all your belongings and darted from the testing centre. You spotted one of your friends, Jungkook, dashing towards the exit as well.

“Hey, Jungkook!” you called. He turned around, and once he spotted you, he smiled and waited for you to catch up. “How was the quiz?”

“You know I’m the fucking worst at math,” Jungkook scowled, crossing his arms as you walked together. “Fuck, why is this a mandatory course. I’m in liberal arts for a reason.”

“Tell me about it,” you replied, laughing humourlessly. “Luckily, this time I had help. The quiz wasn’t so–”

“Y/N!” someone yelled suddenly, their deep voice booming throughout the hall. Startled, you glanced up, spotting Taehyung a few meters away from you. He hurried over, nearly tripping over himself in the process. “How’d the quiz go?”

“Really well, actually,” you replied. “Everything you explained to me was on it, so I could answer all the questions.”

“No way,” Jungkook snorted. “Y/N, good at math? That’s fucking new.”

“What the fuck?” Taehyung growled, narrowing his eyes at Jungkook. “Watch yourself, you prick. Y/N isn’t stupid.”

“Woah, chill man,” Jungkook replied, putting his hands up in surrender. “I was making a joke. Calm yourself.”

“Let’s all just relax a little bit!” you exclaimed tightly, grabbing Taehyung’s arm and pulling him away from a very volatile Jungkook. He put up little resistance, letting himself be led around the building. When you reached an emptier hallway, you stopped and look back at Taehyung. “What was that all about?”

“He was implying you were stupid,” Taehyung mumbled, his eyes downcast. “And you tried really hard to study for this quiz.”

“You probably tried harder than me, if I’m being honest,” you said. “Plus, you call me stupid all the time. Are you the only one who can say that?”

“No,” he muttered, still unable to meet your eyes. He said something, but he was speaking too quietly for you to understand.

“Sorry, what did you say?”

“I said,” Taehyung began, clearing his throat awkwardly, “your hair looks bad.”

Reflexively, you reached for your long hair. You had slept with it in a bun last night, so your hair fell in loose waves. Objectively, you knew it looked pretty nice. You looked at Taehyung, confused, but when you saw his expression, suddenly everything clicked.

His cheeks were dusted in pink, and his eyes were darting around everywhere but your face.

“Are you–are you hitting on me?” you asked slowly. Taehyung’s cheeks darkened into a deeper red, and he bit his lip. “Oh my god, seriously? Are you twelve or something?”

“What!?” Taehyung whined. “You’re cute and it’s intimidating! What else can I do?”

“Ask me for my number or something?” you suggested, trying to hold back laughter. “Like a normal person our age?”

“Well, if that’s the case,” Taehyung said, finally lifting his gaze to your face as he scratched his nape awkwardly, “can I cash in my favour for your number?”

“I think I can do that,” you smiled, reaching for Taehyung’s phone once he fished it out of his pocket. “I might even say yes to a date, too.”


RECEIVED 4:07 PM

hey dumbo

- Girl in Luv

Wow I’m done and it’s 3AM. Nice. This is unedited, so I’ll go back and make corrections later. Hope you all checked out our masterlist! Happy 3k woot woot! Thanks for everyone who’s stuck with us. We’re so glad you guys are enjoying our imagines. Happy reading

Reggie x Reader: Fingers and thumbs, baby. (Part II)

A/N: OMG your responses were amazing! Enjoy Part II <3 </p>

Warning: Slight Angst

Plot: When Reggie and (Y/N) have been bestfriends their whole lives but the universe had other plans.

Originally posted by ivanxna


Tell that sadist she only have one more hour.

You ignored another text from Reggie, giving your red-headed bestfriend your attention. The neon lights from Pop’s literally only made your bestfriend more intimidating and unearthly. This week really passed by fast and before you knew it, it was a Friday and you are hanging out with Cheryl in your usual both in Pop’s while waiting for your other favorite person to arrive and pick you up.

“Is that cretin annoying you again?”

“Cherryyy.” You whined knowing where this conversation was going. Even with their mutual love for you, Reggie and Cheryl just couldn’t seem to get along with each other. That’s why you had to make sure you gave them equal attention which resulted to them having to deal with sharing you every once in a while.

“Okay,” she sighed raising her hands up in surrender. “This is me,” Cheryl said as she folded her hands at the table neatly on top of each other “, being nice.” She mustered up a smile which quickly fell. “Now let’s stop talking about that dunce. I’m sure he was just counting down the hours before he can have you for himself aguuuuhn.”

“Well, you did lose the ‘rocks-paper-scissors’ on where I would be sleeping over this weekend.” (Y/N) said as a matter of factly. It was truly comical to see the two of the most intimidating figures of Riverdale high fighting over you in a game of rocks-papers-and-scissors if you do say so yourself.

“He cheated, love and you know it.” Cheryl sipped on her – your milkshake – as if to prove her point. She suddenly paused and looked up at you before squinting and placing a red finger on her lips“Hmm, I wonder.“ 

"What?” You did not like the look on Cheryl’s face. You knew your bestfriend too well to know that whatever is on her mind is probably anything but nice.

“I wonder why he was so keen on letting you sleepover this weekend. Usually he always had things to do with his other brainless groupies or his croonies that’s why you always stay with me, so …”

“So what?”

“So what changed?” Another pause before she flattered her eyelash on you. “Don’t you think..?”

“Don’t I think what Cherry?” You asked, growing impatient by the minute.

She grinned mischievously. “Don’t you think Mr. Mantle finally grew a brain and realized his one and only love is in-front of him all this time?”

You couldn’t hide the blush on her face. Cheryl caught you too off guard. “Cherry how many times do I have to tell you we’re just friends!” You muttered, suddenly shy, but you knew it was useless when Cheryl just rolled her eyes.

“Fool God, fool the devil, but don’t try me, love.”

This time it was your time to roll her eyes. “I’m not fooling anyone, Cherry.”

“Not that i’m totally on his side but what’s wrong with being with him anyway?” Cheryl completely ignored you and your petty excuses. “He is hot, rich, and have that football scholarship in the bag being the captain of the Bulldogs and you have been together even before the two of us so I will trust his faithfulness when it comes to you.”

“Cherry–”

“Plus if you do get married and realize he sucks at the end you can always divorce him and live with me in New York.”

“Cher–”

“Speaking of ‘were-just-friends” you wouldn’t have said no to my offer and that university’s offer in New York if it wasn’t for him.“ She said, slamming her hand on the table.

Case closed for Cheryl.

"Fool the devil, my darling. But "just friends” hell even bestfriends, don’t do that.“

You stared at Cheryl to prove to her that there really was nothing going on between you two but all she did was squint and you sighed in defeat making her beam.

"Finally,” she smirked. “I was growing tired waiting for you to tell mwah. When are you planning to confess?”

"I’m not confessing, Cherry.” you sighed dragging the milkshake towards your direction and sipping it.

“Why not?”Cheryl asked, munching on a fry.

“He doesn’t like me like that! And it’s fine. I’m pretty sure this … crush or whatever it is will probably just pass.”

“Oh, honey, who said anything about a crush? You’re in love with that simpleton. I don’t know why but you are. And if he isn’t in love with you yet then he really is proving everything I have been calling him right and you know how he hates it when i’m right.”

“Cherry, Iet’s just drop it, okay?” You nearly begged.

“What do you have to lose?” She challenged.

“Uhh, our lifelong friendship? The relationship I have spent my whole life protecting? My dignity? My pride?”

“Touché’.” Cheryl threw an unfinished fry at you and it would’ve hit you straight to the face if you haven’t moved at the last second. “But hon, you should at least try. Cause as much as confessing may sound like a leap of faith, it would be better than regretting what you didn’t do, what you could’ve done." 

"I know,” you sighed. “But it really is a hopeless case, Cherry. I’d rather not waste my time and my friendship.”

“Look if you’re not even gonna become the endgame why don’t you just leave with me to New York? You got nothing left to lose.”

You glanced at her and she was seriously staring at you, ready for this argument. “I can’t leave him, Cherry.”

“Why not? He’s a big boy, (Y/N/N). He can take care of himself.” Cherry grabbed my hand. “Stop surrounding your life around him cause when he leaves you’d be left with nothing and i’d never allow that to happen to you.”

You thought about it. Are you really too dependable? Is it really the time to move on? Can you really leave Reggie after spending the last eighteen years of your life with him?

“If …” you gripped Cheryl’s hands tighter. “If all goes to shit –”

“Oh, i’ll be here, darling.” She gave me a sweet and comforting smile. “I’ll pick up the pieces.”

Your comfortable silence was broken by the familiar honk of a familiar car. “Speaking of the devil.” Cheryl sighed already taking her purse and placing too much money on the table. You giggled as you crossed your arms with hers as you walked towards Reggie who was leaning on his car.

“Had fun, ladies?” Reggie asked uncrossing his arms to remove his iconic letterman jacket and place it on your shoulder.

You muttered a small “thanks, Reg”.

“Well, it would’ve been better if you didn’t graciously intervene, you ninny.”

“Cry me a river, satan.”

Cheryl rolled her eyes before looking at you who was already safely tucked in Reggie’s car. “Take care, love. Call me if it gets too boring in there.”

“Sure, Cherry.” you giggled, waving slightly at her. “See you on Monday.”

She nodded before glaring at Reggie. “Take care of my (Y/N), you ditz.”

“Still my (Y/N), you psycho.” Reggie shot back before driving off.


You plopped down on Reggie’s new sheets as he placed his letterman jacket on a chair. You seated yourself near his window to see the stars.“Move aside, pup.” he gently nudged you before lying next to you and wrapping your arms on your waist as he used your tummy as a pillow.

You both sat in a comfortable silence with him just laying there while you look outside while discreetly stealing glances. “Hey Reg–” 

You were cut off when Reggie laughed at something at his phone. You visibly frowned.

“Oh sorry, what was that, pup?”

“What are you laughing at?” You asked. He blushed.

Oh shit.

“It’s … Ronnie.”

“Ronnie?”

“Veronica. Her name’s Veronica … I call her Ronnie- but that’s not the point. She’s … really funny? I don’t know. I just …”

You held your breathe. Please no. God no No, no, no, no–

“I think I really like her.”

And just like that, all hopes, dreams, and every single crevice in your heart was crushed and died.

“What …” you could barely speak, your mouth too dry. The temptation to cry is too much.

“It’s just … she gets me, y'know. She’s so different from other girls.”

You felt a pang in your heart. What about you? You get him – hell, you get him more than anybody. What are you now?

Other girls.

You almost laughed. You couldn’t believe you were now just part of the other girls. The other forgettable, worthless, unimportant girls. The other girls that, once upon a time, you were laughing at because they couldn’t get the one thing that they wanted no matter how hard they tried because he was yours. But now, you are unceremoniously shoved to the other girls you hated so goddamn much.

You looked away.

“(Y/N)? Say something.”

You swallowed whatever saliva was left in your mouth and cleared your throat. “T-That’s great, Reg.” You hastily wiped one tear that escaped.“Looks like I won’t be getting any texts from Geraldine or Sarah or Melanie anymore, eh?”

He grinned at me but before he could fully see my face and see something wrong I pushed a pillow on his face and he laughed, trying to get away from me, giving me time to compose myself a bit.

“Yeah, I kinda cleared the whole bench for her.”

Another pang.

“Wouldn’t want to ruin something this great.”

And another.

He slowly crawled back to you and positioned himself once again. You stroked his hair. “Me too, Reg.” you almost sighed. “Me too.”

What happens in Vegas pt. 3 - Tom Holland

Word count: 2666

Summery:  You wake up after a night in Las Vegas, only to discover you married the one and only Tom Holland

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4  | Part 5 | Part 6 | Epilogue

Masterlist

A/N: It’s finally here! I finally got it done! I’m sick at the moment, so it took a little longer to write, but I finished it! I got the next part planned out, and I’m kinda excited for it. Please let me know what you think of this part, and if you want to be put on the tag list! So yeah. Enjoy! 

“I think we should take this one” You said to Tom, as the real estate agent had just walked away, allowing you to talk. This was the fifth place you had seen today. You had been followed by paparazzi all day, and playing a loving couple was already getting exhausting.

“I really like this one. It’s big. We can avoid each other, and we can be together if we want to. I really like the spa as well” He sent you a smirk, and you just rolled your eyes at him. At every apartment, he had pointed out the places that was suitable for sex. Every. Apartment.

“It’s not happening. Never again. We were drunk, it’s not happening” You told him seriously, but he just stood there, the smirk still on his lips. It’s not that you were regretting sleeping with him. Being honest you enjoyed it in the moment, but you didn’t like him. He was a jerk, and you didn’t want him to have the satisfaction of sleeping with you.

“We’ll see. I still think this is the right one, so why don’t we just take it, and start moving?” He asked, and starting walking towards the realtor, before you had a chance to answer. Why did he have to be so rude, all of the time? If he was actually a decent human being, being married to him wouldn’t be that bad. If he was a decent human being, maybe you would actually enjoy being with him.  Maybe you would even like him.

It didn’t take long to sign the contract. Since no one lived in the apartment, we could move in from tomorrow. You weren’t eager to move in with Tom, but it was better than him staying in your apartment all the time. At least here he would pay rent.

“So. You want to move tomorrow? I don’t have anything planned, so we could get a drink while unpacking, and then we could try out the bed” The worst part about him being so goddamn cocky, was that you now had to go out, pretending to be the fairy-tale couple the public thought you were.

“Unfortunately, We start filming tomorrow, so you’ll have to do that yourself” You sent him an innocent smile, as the realtor handed you the keys. “But I wouldn’t mind, having you unpack everything. Less work for me”

“Whatever. We’ll see what happens. Most of it is your stuff, so it’s only fair if you do most of the work” He smiled ironically, as he put the keys and the contract on the table, taking a picture of it for Instagram. The kid put everything on Instagram, so why not this as well?

***

“And cut!” The director yell, and you felt yourself relax a little, as you smiled to your co-star. He was going to play your love interest, and if it wasn’t for the fact that you were in a fake marriage, he could might as well have been in real life too. He was the definition of hot.

“Looks great guys! Let’s take 20 minutes!” You were starting to wonder if all directors yelled this much all the time, or if it was just this one.

“Want something to eat? Maybe actually say hi to some of the others, and you know. Get their real names too” Your co-star smiled at you, and you weren’t slow to agree.

“hi guys!” a dark haired girl said, as you approached. She was going to play your best friend, and from the short time you had talked to her, she seemed pretty nice too.

“Wait. Aren’t you the married one? Like, one half of the hottest couple at the moment?” She asked, before taking a bite of a muffin.

“Guilty as charged” You tried to say with a smile. Couldn’t you just go a day without having to talk about the moron you married?

“Is he really okay with you taking this role? It not really because you’re playing an innocent teenager, and at some point, you’ll have a sex scene with co-star. My boyfriend would die of jealousy. If I had one, that is” She continued.

“Oh. He doesn’t know. I didn’t tell him anything about the role. Besides, just because I’m married to him, doesn’t mean he’ll get a say in my career” You shrug, and grabbed one of the cupcakes on the table.

“Isn’t it super weird being married to someone you barely know? Like, how was the first day of being married?” Co-star asked, eyebrows raised. For a minute, you cursed at Tom. If you weren’t married, you could just flirt away with Co-star, but at the same time, you probably wouldn’t even have the role if it wasn’t for him.

“It’s super strange. I still don’t know if he has any siblings. We actually haven’t talked about our families at all, come to think of it. I know his family is in Europe, but that’s about it. So, there’s always new things to talk about. So yeah. It really odd” You confessed. You had barely mentioned your family to Tom.

“He got 3 brothers. Two of them are twins” The dark-haired girl said, and you looked at her a bit surprised. “What? He’s hot! So naturally I googled him. You’re one lucky girl y/” She continued casually.

“He is hot. And it’s even better when he’s shirtless” You joked, earning a groan from Co-star. “I’ll let you girls talk about the hot husband alone, since it’s a very weird conversation for me” He said, before sneaking away.

“I wanna know everything, starting with the sex” The dark-haired girl demanded, and you couldn’t help but giggle. As much as you hated Tom, you oddly didn’t mind talking about him right now. You also had feeling, you could become friends with this girl.

***

When you got home, you were exhausted. You really didn’t have the energy to unpack, but you knew you wouldn’t be able to go to bed, before you found the box to your bedroom.

When you opened the door, you heard familiar voices. One belonged to Tom, and one belonged to the last person you wanted to see right now. Your mother.

“Y/n! You’re back! Your mum’s here, darling” Tom’s happy voice said, as you walked into your new living room, to find Tom sitting on the couch, next to your mother.

“How… Lovely” You tried to force a smile. This was the last thing you wanted right now. “So how long have you been here, mom? And why exactly are you here?” You tried to sound friendly. You didn’t want Tom to know anything about your troubled relationship with your mother.

“I’m here to meet the new husband of yours! And I’ve spent the last couple of hours getting to know him. He’s quite the catch, and he’ll make some beautiful children too!” Your mother exclaimed, and you noticed how Tom choked on his breath. He was not prepared to hear the last part of that sentence.

“While I’m at it. How is the sex? A marriage is only as good as the sex” She continued. “Mom!” You yelled, completely flustered. “It’s good. Actually, that’s an understatement. It’s amazing. It’s my favourite time of the day” Tom said, and you couldn’t believe your ears. That idiot was even smirking at you.

“Tom! You. No. That’s not. We don’t. no. Oh god” You couldn’t find the words. You tried, but the sentence just wouldn’t form.

“That’s good! And since Tom here, is making enough money for the both of you, you could just stop acting. You could just stay at home, take care of the children” You mother said, making you snap out of the uncomfortable state you had been in.

“Seriously? Do you have to bring that up, every time? I don’t want kids! At least not right now. I just made it mom. I’m about to make my big break, but of course you don’t care. It’s not like you’ve ever been supportive” You asked her frustrated. You saw Tom’s eyes get wide, and how your mother got annoyed.

“You’ve said that for 3 years now. It’s about you grow up! Forget this foolish idea about becoming an actress. Do you have any idea, how many of your friends who are already married, and have children?” It was the same old argument. A year ago it was “How many of your friends are married and pregnant?”.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t aspire to be a trophy wife! I’m sorry that didn’t want to be a young mother, depending on her husband’s money, while living in an extravagant house, while I care more about looking young, than I do taking care of my own kids. And let’s not forget, pretending to be the perfect family, even when everything is falling apart. Caring more about keeping up the perfect image, than try to be an actually family”  

“You’re upbringing was just so hard! Going to fancy parties, getting everything, you ever wanted. I’m so sorry for being a trophy wife, so I could give you a good life. Am I really that bad, for wanting that?” She scuffed at you. You felt like she was scolding you, just like she always did when you were a kid.

“I didn’t want any of that! I wanted a family. I wanted someone to care. I did everything to get you and dad’s attention, but you never even bothered. The police had to get involved, before you asked where I had been. So sure. You were a great mom!” You would never forget your teenage years, and how desperate you had been for them to care.

“Mrs. l/n, maybe you should leave. Y/n has had a long day, and I’m sure she’s just tired. Ehm. So maybe it would just be best for everyone, if you went home” Tom said in a quiet voice.

“Sure. I can see I’m not getting anywhere anyway” Your mother quickly left, and you felt the exhaustion get to you. As soon as the door slammed shut, you felt the tears sting in your eyes. At this point, you were too tired to even care about Tom, so you just let yourself fall down on the couch.

“You okay?” He asked almost sounding worried. You would’ve rolled your eyes, but you didn’t have the energy. “You mum was kind enough to help me unpack all of your stuff. This is no offence to you, but you really are a daughter of a bitch” You couldn’t help but laugh at his words.

“I’m serious! It was the most awkward 2 hours of my life! She kept telling me how I needed to keep you under control, because apparently, you’re a wild one. It was so hard to be nice to her. No offence to your mum, but she’s horrible” He continued, and he actually managed to make you feel better.

“Oh good. You’re smiling. I’m really not good with people crying. I also kinda have somewhere to be, and I would almost feel bed for leaving you when you’re upset” And he was back to being an idiot.

“I was almost starting to worry that you might have become a decent human being” You said sarcastically. In reality, you were so happy that he had actually unpacked for you, and that he tried to cheer you up. But you weren’t about to let him know that. There was no reason to inflate his ego.

“Yeah. You had it rough enough with your mother. There’s no need for me to add to that. I’m not that cruel” He smiled, before getting up from the couch. You were starting to wonder, if he actually was a decent human being.

***

A couple of days had passed. When you got home, Tom would leave. You would leave, before Tom got up in the morning. You hadn’t really spoken that much in the last couple of days.

You had the weekend off. You were starting to become good friends with the rest of the crew, but you were also looking forward to being able to relax. You only had one thing you needed to do this weekend, and you just wanted to get that over with.

For some reason, the director thought it was a genius form of team building, to film a lap dance as one of the first scenes. Sure, you had been filming for 5 days, but it was still so early on. You had given lap dances before, just not sober. So naturally, you wanted to practice it a bit, just to be sure.

When you got inside the apartment, you were relived to find that Tom wasn’t there. You could hear the shower, so without much sound, you grabbed a chair and brought it to your room, and closed the door.

You already knew this was going to be weird. Trying to gather the courage to just get it over with. You turned on some music, still nothing. After spending 10 minutes just starring at the chair, you decided to just take a shot. And then one more, as you waited for the alcohol to set in.

After a couple of minutes, you started to feel it. You let yourself fall into music, and started dancing. You moved your hips to the rhythm, and started to forget everything around you. You lifted your shirt off of your body, as you sat down on the chair, still moving your hips around. There was a knock on the door, but it wasn’t until Tom opened it you registered it.

“What do you want for… oh. You’re…” The door was wide open, and he was leaning on the doorframe. His eyes slowly went down your body, and he had that stupid smirk on his lips. “What exactly are you doing? And. Don’t let me stop you” He bit his lips as he kept looking at you.

“My eyes are up here” You told him, in an annoyed voice. He didn’t care. He didn’t even glance at your eyes, his eyes stuck on your body. “But I’m rehearsing for my role. I have to do this lap dance on Monday, and I’m a bit out of practice.”

“I see. Do you need any help? You know, it might be easier if someone was in the chair” He said calmly. Too calmly for your liking. But you also knew he was right. A person in the chair, would make this a lot easier.

“Fine. But I’ll need another shot” You sighed, as you took a sip from the bottle and handed it to Tom. “We’re not doing this while you’re sober” He wasn’t slow to take the bottle of your hands. He was now looking in your eyes, as he took several sips of the bottle, before putting it down.

“So. Go over the scene”  He demanded, his voice deeper than usual.

“Eh. It’s not really described that much. I’m supposed to just walk close to you. Grab you by the collar” You voice turned into a whisper, as you narrated what you did. With your lips millimetres from his neck. “And then, I’m supposed to do this” You whispered, as you pushed him onto the chair.

None of you said a word, as you got into the dance again. You felt confident, as you felt his eyes on you. A smirk was growing on your lips, as you remembered what he had said to your mother. The sex is amazing.

You took it slow, and when you finally got down on his lap, you could clearly feel the bulge in his pants. You left his lap shortly after, and elegantly managed to get your jeans off, leaving you in just your underwear. When you got back down on his lap, he put his hands around your stomach, pulled you closer, and started kissing you neck.

“I think that’s enough rehearsing for tonight”

TAGLIST: 

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One night Keith couldn’t sleep, so he decides to take a thoughtful walk. He passes everyone’s room but stops at Lance’s, he doesn’t quite know why… He feels something, he hears something, coming from inside the room. Painful sounds, sorrowful sounds.

Is it Lance? Keith has never heard Lance being anything but the chill goofball he always is, so those sounds terrified him.

He hesitates, but after hearing a muffed (but loud enough) sob, he enters the room.

Lance is shaking and sweating, curled up on his blanket like it’s the most important thing in the universe. Eyebrows tensed together in a vulnerable expression. Mumbling something, crying.

Keith shakes him until he wakes with a violent gasp, he freezes. Keith is desperate, still holding Lance’s shoulders. Looking straight at his small pupils trying to find Lance, because even though he’s looking at Keith, it seems he’s not seeing Keith.

A shiver goes up Lance’s spine and Keith can feel it. Lance closes his eyes tightly and when he opens them again he’s back. What felt like an eternity to Keith was just a tic. With a confused look and a tired voice Lance asks

- Why are you in my bed?

Keith suddenly realises the position they are in and lets go of Lance’s shoulders. Embarassed, though relieved, he tries to be as casual as possible, trying to avoid Lance’s eyes, when he answers

- I heard you crying… I thought you might be in danger…

Lance takes in the situation, he was having a nightmare, now he remembers…

- It was just a nightmare - He tries to say it nonchalantly (and fails)

- It didn’t seem like “just” a nightmare. - Keith searched for Lance’s eyes once again.

Speechless, Keith’s stare draws him and they spend a moment in silence. Finally Lance speaks in a rather irritated tone

- I’m not this fragile ok? It’s just..

- Hey man, - Keith puts a hand on Lance’s shoulder - I have nightmares too. I wake up in tears more often than I’d like to admit…

Lance is surprised by Keith’s tenderness. He places his hand on Keith’s - During the day I’m either too caught up in the adrenaline or too exhausted to think about… to think.

- I never stop thinking to be honest…

- Is that why you’re always brooding? - Lance smirks - That can’t be healthy, buddy.

- Well, you always manage to distract me somehow - Keith smiles looking away

- With my good looks? - Lance shots him a Cheshire grin

- With your annoyance! - Keith rolls his eyes

At the same time they both realise that Keith still has his hand on Lance’s shoulder and Lance still has his hand on Keith’s. Yet none of them moves.

- So… Are you ok? - Keith asks truly worried

- Yeah… Thanks.

- So… uhm… I guess I’ll just go back to..

- Wait, why were you up?

Keith blinks at loss while Lance looks at him with suspicion.

- I just… couldn’t sleep.

Lance sighs. Of course Keith won’t open up. Not even to him. And like Keith could read his thoughts, he said

- I just don’t know how to talk about… Stuff… - Lance could see that just these words were hard for him to let out.

- It’s fine. - He assures Keith.

Keith drops his hand and Lance grows uneasy. Keith shifts and it seems like he’s going to get up, which is enough to make Lance feel lonesome. But Keith whispers anxiously

- Can I stay the night? - Looking down, with shrugged shoulders. His bangs charmingly shadowed his face but Lance can see him blushing. And he feels his insides warm up at the sight.

- Of course. - Keith waits for the “buddy” but it didn’t come.

They share a moment of embarrassment where no one knows how to proceed. Lance bets a shot in the dark - My mom would nest me on her chest whenever I could not sleep.

It doesn’t seem that Keith got the indirect sugestion when he responds - Well, I grew up without a mom and my father’s texan so he wasn’t the most sensible guy… I guess I kinda take it after him…

- Did you miss your mom growing up?

- I sure missed having someone to nest me when I couldn’t sleep…

- Do you still do? - Lance asked longing

Taken aback, Keith looked in his eyes. They confirmed that Lance in fact was implying what Keith thought he was. Trying to throw a bone, Lance asked

- Have you ever cuddled? - The shameless innocence in Lance’s tone never seized to astonish Keith.

- Well… - Keith felt lighter in Lance’s presence - I did craddle you that time…

- I still don’t know what you’re talking about. - Lance faked an oblivious expression.

And they both laughed.

- Well… Since I totally don’t remember it… How was it?

Keith said nothing. He just lied beside Lance, never breaking their stare, and stretched his arm as an invitation. So Lance got comfortable next to him.

- That thing your mom would do… How was that?

Lance pushed Keith to his chest, placed a hand on Keith’s free arm and with the other he stroke Keith’s hair. They fitted each other easily.

It didn’t take long for them to fall asleep.

****

- Where are Keith and Lance? - Allura questioned once she sat down for breakfest and noticed they were the only ones missing.

- Yeah, no fair that they can sleep for longer just because they’re the heads of Voltron now! - Hunk protested with his mouth full

- I don’t even know how they didn’t wake to the alarm siren, that thing almost gets me deaf every single morning… - Pidge said poking their ear.

- There is no such thing as “the heads of Voltron”, everyone is equally valuable and therefore everyone must wake at the same time! Coran, - Allura urged

- I’ll go get our missing duo - Coran was already up his seat and headed for the dorms.

He went to Keith first and was taken by a little rush of panic when he saw the empty room. “Alright, he must be at the training room as always… I’ll get Lance and then I’ll go after him.” He settled.

- Sir, it is unacceptable that I have to come here to wake you at least twice a week…- He had entered Lance’s room with his disaprooving speech all ready, but the scene before him let Coran speechless.

There lied both of them. Lance had his head back, drooling, one hand on Keith’s nape and the other dangling from the bed. Keith was on top of him, face burried in Lance’s shirt, taking deep breaths, and both arms enfolding him. The latter had his right leg over Keith’s left one and the left one under Keith’s right one. Blanket forgotten beside them.

Coran was frozen and seriously considered leaving them there, but the boys seemed to have sensed his presence for they began moving.

Keith woke first and let out a great yawn before noticing Coran. He yelped and fell on the floor

- THIS ISN’T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE - Was his imediate reaction. At his scream Lance began to slowly regain awareness

- Just ten more minutes Coran… - Lance mumbled and Keith looked at him in shock and then awkwardly faced Coran, who simply said

- Finally!

.

.

.

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This was inspired by a headcanon that an anon sent to @lancemcclains :)

Taking Care // Derek H x Reader

Pairing: Derek Hale x Reader
Warning:
Fluff, cuteness, sick!Reader, maybe a swear word or two
Word Count:
1.2k+

Request: Heyo! I saw you wanted requests, so could u do a Derek hale x reader where she’s his mate (human, but knows about everything) and he keeps her secret from the pack because he’s worried about the people out to get him. Suddenly she gets sick tho and he’s gotta take care of her which leads to the pack being curious and worried about where he is every day for a week. Fluff please :3 thanks lovie!

A/N: Wow I haven’t written for Teen Wolf in such a long time! I’m sorry about that, most of my focus has been on my main blog @Lady-Thor-Foster. I’m excited about picking my fics back up again and writing new ones! Chapter Two of Muse is coming out ASAP. I’m still taking requests!

Originally posted by teenwolf--imagines

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The Valkyrie and The Viking

Pairing: Ivar x Reader

Word Count: 3176

Warnings: Smut, language

AN: This is a modern au where Ivar and the reader are both in college. Reader could be considered plus size in this fic. I normally try to stay away from any defining characteristics but I made the reader curvy in this one. Happy Halloween, guys! Feedback is always welcome!




It was finally senior year in college at UMass Boston. Go Beacons!

Your workload was now down significantly from your previous semesters, and you were bound and determined to experience more from college life than studying at the library and hiding yourself in your dorm room while your roommate Vanessa took a more active role in the social aspects of college.

Your major was psychology with a minor in education. You always wanted to be a high school guidance counselor, helping to set young people on their chosen paths. You’ve always been an encouraging and helpful person. You’ve always wanted to help others without thinking much of yourself. That’s probably why your social life is non-existent at the moment and your roommate was all too thrilled to change that as soon as possible, starting with tonight’s Halloween party at the Alpha Gamma Nu fraternity on campus.

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