did i say ziall

I was just thinking about how Zayn and Niall’s sense of security in each other is equal parts joyful and equal parts melancholic. There’s love there - a lot of love. Bright love and sweet love, like candied fruit and pressed flowers. But there’s also… space. It’s not longing, per se. It’s like a feeling of mortality, an awareness of the end, a vital appreciation of what you have in the present, so that you can have memories to look back on when it’s over.

But love like that is also difficult, because it’s so fearful. The fear of holding on too tight, but also the fear of letting go too quickly. The fear of pushing them away, and the fear of staying. There’s the fear of regret, of all the things you didn’t say, and didn’t do, all the moments that passed by and all the time you let go to waste. Also the fear of hope, of letting the idea of forever spring up inside you where it’s not welcome, of not recognizing when you’re the cage that the bird’s song laments of.

But you tell yourself that your love is like candied fruit and pressed flowers. There’s no bitterness here, even when the fruit has rotted and the flowers have been crushed to dust. Even when the memories go ashen at the edges, and they don’t fill your belly with honey and lemon like reality used to. Even when the regret sicks to your throat, like all the “I love you”s and “Let me come with you”s that you crushed back down. Even when you feel like you don’t deserve the hope anymore, like you never deserved it, never earned it, never made yourself worthy of it.

“I think I loved you - I know I did. But sometimes think I don’t know what love feels like. I wish I could have asked you to show me.”

It’s not longing, per se. It’s like the taste of inevitability in the air, when the wind whispers “Soon” and your heart beats a little faster, and you kiss them harder, but not too hard, and you tell yourself that the looser you hold on, the easier it is to let go.

You were wrong.

I’m okay with all ships- straight, gay or anything in between. You think Zayn and Liam get it on backstage when no one is looking? Okay! You think Phil sucks Dan off when he’s filming videos for his channel? Fuck yeah! You’re pretty fucking sure that Jack and Mark have a thing behind the scenes? You’re probably right! You think Louis is/has dated Eleanor, Brianna, and Danielle? Okay man! Or maybe that Harry belongs with Taylor Swift? Alright! But where I draw the line is people insulting/harassing other people because of something that brings them joy. Is it that fucking bad if not everyone agrees with you? If they’re wrong, let them be wrong! It’s not your problem! But don’t tell someone to cut or kill themselves or disrespect them just because they don’t live in the same reality as you.

anonymous asked:

what do you like about ziall and niam?

Ha! Haha!  You’re my favorite <3  I was sad I got to talk about Narry and Nouis and then the next question made me discount all the other Niall ships.

So Ziall is probably my favorite.  Did I say you can’t ask a Niall girl about which Niall relationship they like best?  Whoops.

I mean, I do appreciate and obsess about all of them.  I just have a very soft spot for Ziall and I’m a bit Ziall-deprived right now so I’m allowed to play favorites.

With Ziall, there’s just such a gentle fondness.  Niall is the baby of the band (by the boys’ own admissions) and Zayn is the gentle dom, so they go together so well.  Again, Niall isn’t really the type that needs taking care of or asks for it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not nice when it happens.  I feel like the way Niall indulges Louis is the way Zayn indulges Niall.  Zayn will keep Niall company when no one else will.  He’s the one who was out with Niall in Las Vegas for his birthday this year too.  Niall always accommodates for everyone else, so it’s nice when someone focuses just on him and his needs.

Zayn is super protective, and honestly Niall is the one with the most issues that I know of.  He has asthma, a bum knee, possibly dyslexia?, claustrophobia that includes having too many people around, stage anxiety in front of smaller crowds, he bites his nails and can’t stop fidgeting which are generally signs of anxiety.  Niall handles it all pretty seamlessly, but Zayn is a protector and if you’re looking for someone to be protected, Niall’s a good candidate.  

I thought Zayn was about to blow a gasket outside the airport in LA when Niall got pushed down.  I still think it’s hard to tell why exactly he was so furious from the videos, but they’ve been in mobs before and we haven’t seen him like that, so I assume he was reacting to Niall’s situation.

Niall can make Zayn smile in a special way.  Zayn has very close relationships with all the boys, and at least one or two of them get their own smiles, but Niall has a special one.  Niall’s enthusiasm and cuteness have always come across in a very pure form to Zayn I think.  Zayn’s not naturally outgoing and upbeat in all situations, so I think Niall’s attitude still amazes him sometimes.

Niam was actually my first ship in the fandom.  X Factor era Niam is the cutest thing.  I can’t get over how stiff and nervous Liam was during that period and how the only times he relaxed were around Niall.  Even though people jumped on Niall immediately when they made it through the first round of individual cuts, you can see Niall was trying to turn to get at Liam first.  With so many people who wanted a piece of him, Liam was the one he wanted to hug first.

Even though Liam seems to try to protect Niall, I think Niall really protects him more.  I think Niall was probably always aware of how much Liam needed someone, so he become that person for Liam.  I get the sense that when Liam’s bored, stir crazy, or a little down, Niall’s the one that sits through it with him.  Niall’s the one that keeps him company and lets him talk it out.

Liam for his part smothers Niall with displays of affection when he gets a chance.  He picks Niall up and manhandles him around, sings sappy lines straight at Niall, and becomes Mrs. Horan periodically XD  It’s funny how Niall sometimes has this “couldn’t care less” look on his face but lets Liam do his thing anyway.  It’s like Niall’s playing hard to get and Liam’s pursuing him or something.

For his part, I think Liam is Niall’s sounding board too.  Liam seems to know a lot about how Niall views himself as a person which makes me think they’ve talked quite a bit about anything and everything and also deep stuff.  I think Niam have a very similar dynamic to Zouis and Narry in that Niall and Liam are very very even in their relationship.  

Both Zayn and Louis view themselves too much as Niall’s big brother for it to be completely even.  Ziam and Larry are different because they’re romances as well as friendships.  Lilo and Lirry have a lot more push and pull and tension, although not the bad kind.  Zarry I can’t get a good read on still. That’s why to me, I think Narry, Niam, and Zouis are the relationships where things come with extreme ease because there are key characteristics where the personalities of the people involve match.  For Niall and Harry it’s their energy and positivity, for Louis and Zayn it’s their sense of responsibility but also mischief, and for Niall and Liam it’s their grounded centers and the way they open up naturally without drama.

Ah, that felt good! XD

ZIALL WWAT BOGOTÁ,COLOMBIA 25/04/2014 RESUME.

So as much as you probably know i went to the concert in BOGOTÁ last night, I had to do a row since 5 in the morning to have a properly place in the crowd. I even had a Ziall cartel,

some people were like “OMG ZIALL SHIPPER HOW CUTE!” meanwhile others were a bit rude but MAN I love ziall and I dont give a shit about these persons so I kept doing the row when I found this 

HOW CUTE RIGHT?(◕ω◕✿)  so there was one of two more ziall shippers, I tried to look out for them but I got nothing :c, At 4 pm the policemen and the logistic opened the doors and we all got in like crazy. Meanwhile we were doing the rows the guys were doing a press conference, I heard that ziall and the guys were all cute and that Niall told zayn that he loved him and tried to get Zayns attention but ALSO I saw and heard that Zayn moved Harry and sat beside Niall!  (⊙‿⊙✿).

So I met a few girls in the crowd and that, they at first were really bothered with me being a ziall shippers but then i talked about them and they ended paying attention to ziall as much as I did so what I am about to say happened! when I doubted some ziall moment or something the girls around yelled at me confirming it so yes, Me and and FEW fans noticed everything and here it is.(╯°□°)╯

 When the freaky (REALLY BAD  DJ ) announced that it was their last song the crowd became crazy and excited, nervous and screams in and out the stadium!. We all began crying and shouting 1D 1D and the crowd in the west and east the stadium started doing waves and  IT WAS CRAZY! looked so good and I'm really proud of my country so yes when the count down began we all became even crazier shouting and yelling, the intro went in the screens and we all lost it. WE WATCHED IT ALL and BUM the guys came in being as good as always, Harry had his hair long and looked so beautiful and gorgeous we even catched and new tatoo hip! Louis looked so hottttt his eyes and that BUM MATE! Liam looked all excited and happy but man these muscles arent just for show! AND ZIALL OH ZIALL,Niall looked so good, i mean like sooooo good, so cute and perfect and his eyes were so bright mate a really beautiful guy ( /)w(\✿) and Zayn ZAYN IS A PRINCE COMPLETELY! LOOKED SO GOOD AND HIS AND NIALLS HAIR WERE SOOOOOOO HOT AND SEXY, ZIALL LOOKED SOOOO HOT AND GOOD LAST NIGHT! soo here we are the ziall babe the ziall, In the first songs the girl and I were crazy but we all noticed that something was off, we sang and it was amazing but we( i was looking at ziall so crazy) that Niall was trying to get Zayns attention but zayn just passed by ignoring him, we all got confused but decided to drop it and enjoy the concert. the guys went all over the stage and the gangway singning and dancing (niall, harry, liam sometimes zayn and lou) I went crazy because Niall danced to zayn!!!!! yess he danced to zayn  and little dance but he smiled at Zayn and it was TO ZAYN! zayn just looked at him and went to away,Niall made a frustrated little cute face at louis and Louis smiled and patted him in the back and they all began singning again,in kiss you they all danced but the girls and I noticed that ziall glared at each other like three times and then looked away, Niall always doing something to get zayn attention and MAKE THE CROWD GO CRAZY (AND HE DID!!!) zayn “ignored” him but when Niall wasnt paying attention he checked on him, due to idk but also beacuse the fans were throwing things at the stage and pushing so much! ( I could just barely move)  Zayn glared subtly at Niall and kept singing as Niall did, they were checking on each other CONSTANTLY!. There was a moment where they were in the gangway and Niall walked towards zayn dancing and smiling but zayn just glared and kept walking NIALL DID A REALLY CUTE FRUSTRATED FACES WHEN ZAYN IGNORED HIM, AND LOUIS ALWAYS CATCHEM THE AND SMIRKED, in why dont we go there zayn was looking at Niall a bit more, and I cant remind I think he changed his shirt round there, ok the idea was that he was off the stage changing and Niall constantly looked at the stage as if looking for him, when he came back they were in the centre of the gangway and Niall looked more relaxed ლ(´∀`ლ)

ROCK ME WAS SICK AND NIALL WAS LOOKING AT ZAYN WHEN HE DID HIS HIGH NOTES AND IT WAS PERFECT!…..Dont forget where you belog was sooo cute because Ziall seemed more into ziall being cute staring at the crowd then a bit later to each other, i was going crazy and the girls round me SCREAMED AND I DID TOO WHEN IT ALL HAPPENED!. we were crazy and we even shout ziall! and they helped to carry the ziall cartel but we had put it down for the people in the back so :c but they told us to hold it up later, so really chill.  live whiler were young was sooo good with niall once again trying to get ALL zayns attention once in a while and  kindly since there blocking others SHIPS moments by standing beside zayn jajaja it was soo cute! Cmon Cmon was OMGGGGG SOOOO GOOD  it was a really good show and Zayn seemed to pay more attention to Niall so we suppose that it was okay, then right now was soo goodd because it was now ZAYN who wanted Niall attention jaja, and looked “subtly” when the guys were around Niall and that jaja, OMG AND HERE IT IS! IN THROUGH THE DARK!!!!!!!! ZAYN WAS SIGNING HIS SOLO WHEN NIALL JOINED HIM AND THEM BOTH ENDED HARMONIZING WE ALL WERE CRAZY BUT THEN NIALL SAID “OH I LOVE YOU” AND IT WAS CLEARLY DIRECTED TO ZAYN WHO JUST STARED AT THE CROWD AND LOUIS WHO WAS BESIDE NIALL STARED AT HIM LAUGHING LIKE MAN YOU REALLY SAID THAT? I though Niall said something else but then THE GIRLS AROUND ME WERE LIKE" THEFUCK NIALL TOLD ZAYN THAT HE LOVED HIM YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT!!!!!“  SO YES IT HAPPENED AND I HAVE A FEW GIRLS AND MYSELF TO CONFIRM IT ! Niall james Horan once again declared his love for zayn!. then Im cant reming very well but i guess there were the questions and Niam danced and ziam talked a bit but Niall was always really close to ziam and so was zayn staring subtly at Niam, all these moments im tellin you about happened , when I doubted something the girls confirmed it to me, we went crazy in these moments where they crossed ways and smiled really fast! Zayn seemed tired but he was all happy in BOGOTÁ , they all were full of energy and fuck the stadium was trembling man if felt soo good the sound was strong and the voices so perfect the sreams and Ziall little chats and glares made my night! in happily there was barely ziall but they were checking each other now and then due to the fans going crazy! Harry almost got water all over his face once and too much thing hahaa, a girl threw something to louis nad he smiled OMG it was sooo cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and amazing. AND LITTLE THINGS WAS SSO CUTE BECAUSE ZIALL SAT TOGETHER, BESIDE EACH OTHER AND DEAR AT LEAST ONCE OR TWICE THEY LOOKED AT EACH OTHER WHILE SINGING, IM NOT SURE IN WHICH LITTLE THINGS OR MOMENTS  BUT ZIALL CHATTED AND SMILED! IT WAS SOOO CUTEEEEEE I WAS CRYING AND THE GIRLS AROUND ME HELPED ME! strong was so cute and ziall seemed to be better and Nialls and Zayns mood was REALLY GOOOODDDDD BETTER THAN WORDS WAS OH SOOOO GODDDDDDDDDDD THANK YOU NIALL FOR GRABBING YOUR DICK LIKE THAT I ALMOST PASSED AWAYYYY IT WAS SO CUTE AND THEY LOOKED HORNY OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG, ALIVE WAS SOOO GOOODDD OH AND IN BOTH OF THEM ZAYN AT LEAST GLARED AT NALL TWICE OR MORE DURING HIS BABY SOLOS AND HIS DANCES AND SENSUAL MOVEMENTS <丶´Д`>  (*´Д`)ハァハァ   ONE THING WAS SOO GOOD AND WE HADZIALL TWICE OR MORE, I BELIEVE THAT THEY CHATTED OR SMILED CANT REMIND WELL, DIANA WAS SOOO GOOOD AND IN SOME SONG I CANT REMING ZAYN "FAILED” AND NIALL WENT INSTANTLY AND TOLD HIM THAT HE DID RIGHT AND THAT T WAS OKAY OMG I PASSED AWAY THERE JAJAJA IT WAS SOOOO CUTEEEEE!  AND MY DEARRRR LORDDDDDDDD ZIALL RUBBED AND STARED AT EACH OTHER IN WMYB I THOUGHT THEY WERE GLOING TO DO THE BEEP BEEP BOOP BUT NOOOO NIALL RUBBED HIMSELF AGAINST ZAYNS SHOULDERS AND THEY MOVED SOO CUTEEE AGAINST EACH OTHER  I SCREAMED SOO OUD THATS WHY I NEED THE WMYB COMPLETE YOULL ALL DIE

yesssss around each otherrrrr meanwhile i was dying in the crowd jajaja but it was sooo perfect. the rest were just barely ziall but there were glares and smiles and really fast chats and that and YES ZIALL HUGGED DEFIANTLY HUGGED OMG I CANT REMIND WHICH SONG BUT YESSS ZIALL HUGGED AND I WAS DYING LITERLLY SCREAMING AND HOLDING MY CARTEL UP. STORY OF MY LIFE WAS SOOO GOOD AND EVERYONE WAS SOOO LOUD AND HAPPY JUST HAVING A GOOD TIME, YOU AND  I WAS REALLY CUTE AND SENTIMENTAL BC LIAM CRIED AND SO DID NIALL IN THE WAY, IT WAS SOOO GOOODDDDDD SOO GOOD, LITTLE WHITE LIES MADE THE STADIUM TREMBLE AND WAS SOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOD LIKE OH GOD!!!!!! and ziall was a bit clsoer in BSE and it ENDED :C  BUT I GOT GLARES,TOUCHES,NIALL IGNORING ZAYN IN REVENGE JAJA BEING COCKBLOCKING WITH THE OTHER SHIPS JAJA HUGGINGGGGGGGGGGG (*´Д`)ハァハァ THESE LITTLE CUTE MOMENTS WHERE THEY WALKED AFTER EACH OTHER, OR CHATTED OR WHEN NIALL COMFORTED ZAYN  ABOUT HIS NOTE, OR WHEN WAS SOO CLOSE TO BLOCK OTHER SHIPS JAJAJA WHEN HE DANCED TO ZAYN HIS FRUSTATED FACES WHEN ZAYN IGNORED HIM JAJA AND LOUIS KNOWING IT ALLLLLL JJAJAJAA IM SO HAPPY BC I SAW ZIALL MOMENTS IN ALL THE CONCERT IT WAS SOO GOOD EVEN IF IT WAS A GLARE OR A SMILE OR C ACHAT OR LOOKING AFTER EACH OTHER, OR CHECKING WHEN THE OTHER DIDNT KNEW AND OMGGGG ZAYN WAS NOT HAPPY WITH NIALL AT THE START BUT IN THE WAY HE WAS REALY HAPPY AND ENJOYING  EVERYTHING, I BET THAT WHEN THEY GOT OFF THEY CHANGED AND NIALL HELD ZAYNS HAND AND KISSED HIS ZAYNIE BABY NECK BEING SORRY OF WHT HE DID ( IDK BUT SOMETHING HAPPENED) OMGGGG AND IN PERU NIALL SURELY DID WOKE UP ZAYNIE BY SUCKING HIM OFF JAJAJA THIS TOUR IS WHERE WE ARE GOING TO HAVE THE CUTEST AND MOST PERFECT ZIALL MOMENTS IN THE STORY IM REALY HAPPY I WAS THERE AND I SAW IT ALL AND I WISH YOU ALL ONE DDAY HAVE THE CHANCE AND DIE BY THEM BEING GREAT AND ZIALL BEING CUTE!

ASK ME IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS OR SOMETHING! 

and I couldnt take pics bc my shitty phone died and I could barely hold my camera :c