did i do the thing right

Consider this;

Matt planning a resistance/rebellion ever since That Moment Shiro saved him from arena, determined to not give up bc Shiro just basically saved his life right there.

In s2, maybe shiro is stuck in a life-death situation and cant get out himself in this one planet and then bam! Matt and his resistance team goes guns-blazing to help him out

Matt is among the three sent to kerberos for a reason; he’s smart. I want to believe he could think up things, including the above happenings, if he’s determined enough. He’s got a reason; he cant just do nothing and await eventual death in any way when Shiro just went and did That.

In addition to that, he got a family to go back to.

Also possible scenario; badass Holt siblings back-to-back, kicking ass

Fuck everything.
1:Fuck you for making me adore you when you’re not here.
2:Fuck him for not being in my life you’re supposed to be my dad. I don’t even want you back anymore.
2:Fuck her for trying to get me to love her again, you know what you did and I feel nothing when I look at you anymore. The crazy thing is you’re the one that made me become such a mess I don’t even hate you because I know why you did it. I’m sorry.
3:Fuck her for falling in love. And then just saying you can’t just be friends and that you don’t want to see me again and then trying to see me every chance you get.
4:Fuck her for wanting my body right fucking at that moment, I felt like crap right then and you knew it. So why did you try so hard to fucking do that, right now I am so mad at you.
5:Fuck him for punching me in the face just because a girl he liked was more into me than him. Way to go bud.
6: and fuck me. Fuck me for caring about things that doesn’t matter because someone I once used to love told me things that I should be doing. Fuck me for loving someone I shouldn’t love. Fuck me for doing the things that I hate that I love to make it all go away.
Fuck me for never caring about anyone else until you. And fuck me for still fucking loving you. Fuck me for being friends with people who just want something. Fuck me for pushing everyone away. I hate everything about this life. I hate who I am. But I wish the best for all of you.
—  fuck

anonymous asked:

I have to disagree vehemently that Ski Lodge 2 was well-written. The entire situation was contrived, the dialogue was clunky & expository af, the plot was circular and the combo arrival of Evan & Josh was almost textbook deus ex machina. I generally value your opinion so what are you seeing that I'm not?

I am glad that you value my opinion! 

As far as Evan and Josh being deus ex machina, how do you think the triangle could have been solved, otherwise? Sometimes it takes outside forces to move things along, and the use of deus ex machina is not a negative connotation in the literary world, its a completely acceptable trope to use if you do it right. I think that using Evan in that way was great. It paid fan service to BMW lovers in a really well oiled way and overall the character did a good service for the plot. There is beautiful duality in Evan both lighting a match under the situation to finally push Lucas to man up and admit his decision, while also hammering in the lesson that staying up and talking all night to someone doesn’t mean that you’ve found your soulmate. Sure, he tricks them into thinking the “most important part of a relationship is conversation” so that Riley and Lucas will finally understand they should “try” being together, but isn’t that kind of genius? It puts them together for now, an inevitable thing that had to occur for the story to remain honest, while also allowing the writers flexibility to change direction or end the relationship in the future, without it coming out of absolutely nowhere. 

Now Josh on the other hand, I can see what you are saying to a degree. I don’t necessarily think he himself as a character was deus ex machina, because he’s not completely random. Maya has always liked Josh, always. Since season 1. Whether you agree with her reasoning for liking him or that he is actually the person she will/should end up with is totally irrelevant, he is the first boy that she has ever liked. There are feelings there. Placing Josh and Lucas in the same setting highlighted Maya’s contrasting feelings for both of them, helping her come to the conclusion that whatever she feels for Lucas (right now), it’s not enough for a relationship. Whatever she is feeling for Josh, that’s what she believes you are meant to feel for someone (that is her genuine conclusion, and that is what is canon at this particular moment). Putting Josh and Lucas next to each other, having conversations with both and actively feeling the difference of how she responds to those particular conversations- thats what helps Maya make her decision. And at the risk of sounding like a broken record, she had to come to a genuine conclusion that she didn’t like Lucas enough to want to date him. Otherwise,  friendships (the group in general and  Rilaya) would be compromised, and the entire point of this arc was to show that Riley and Maya would do anything for each other, that they are each others extraordinary relationship, and their ship will sail no matter what conflicts come between them. That never would have happened if Maya wasn’t 100%, in her mind, OK with Lucas and Riley. Using Josh, someone she has had feelings for since Season 1 to help her move on from that (for the time being), was an honest move, and it wasn’t out of nowhere at all. 

With that said, I do think Josh’s particular reasoning for why Maya liked Lucas IS in fact, deus ex machina and it was weakly explained. You don’t just become someone else to see if they are good enough for your best friend. That just doesn’t happen. If they had discussed that Maya got caught up in Rileytown a little too much and lost a piece of herself, and in conjecture with that had fallen for Lucas, but now realizes, being more balanced, that her feelings for Lucas aren’t enough and that what he is, isn’t what all of her is looking for, but at least now she knows he’s a great enough guy for Riley, would have been more believable for me. That’s just the route I would have taken. I don’t like that Josh says “I’d be surprised if you didn’t like the same guy” first (which I could get on board with, because they are very influenced by each other), and then goes right on to say that “Maya never liked Lucas to begin with”. Which one is it, guy? But, it’s also important to remember that he did she “he doesn’t know everything”, and I think once again, the writers put that in there to remind us that Josh’s words, although he may be older and somewhat wiser, are still not bond, and that could potentially come back to haunt the characters in later episodes. 

The writers ended the triangle, in my opinion, in the most honest way they possibly could have. Lucas needed to know that Maya wouldn’t be hurt by his decision before declaring it, and Maya needed to genuinely feel okay with things in order to give the go ahead, or else we are back in the Texas arc all over again. I don’t see how Josh wasn’t the perfect trope to do that. He didn’t necessarily need to get all “sherpa-like” the same way Evan did (Evan’s words actually made some sense), but just by being there, he would have helped Maya decide. 

As far as the dialogue being expository- of course it was. The whole point of this episode was “to explain the situation” head on. Although I don’t agree with all aspects of their explanation, that’s what expository means, to explain something. That’s what they did. I was just happy to see these characters being honest and straight forward with how they feel. Finally.

Also, just to add, the direction of this episode was stellar. I know you think the plot was “circular”, but It was acted out as a play, and that is a very difficult thing to do, not to mention a very unique thing to do on Disney, and I applaud them all for doing it so well. I also loved the episode because I think that the comedic dialogue, as well as the actors delivery in both serious and comedic moments were both pretty killer. 

 I mean this in the least offensive way possible. I think people need to change their perspective on this arc. It wasn’t meant to get ships together or tear them apart, it was meant to explain the power of an incredible friendship. It did that, for the most part, in an honest way. And were you crying by that last scene? I know I was. 

Thunder. Lightening. Forever. 


I’m going tow write a bigger post on this episode delving into all he conversations and why I think it was so well done. I hope you will read it and give your feed back. :)

omegastation  asked:

Question Time: Why do you love Shepard/Kaidan? The question is just an excuse to talk about them! :D

Oh boy. Haha!

I actually came into the fandom fully expecting to do a Shakarian romance. Both my friends who played and convinced me to try again (I tried for about 5 minutes on the Xbox back in September and it gave me a huge headache) romanced Garrus and told me how great that romance was.

And then, right after Eden Prime in the medbay, Kaidan did that little smile. You know the one. :)

Originally posted by jupiterjames

The more I had Shepard talk to him, the more I loved him. He’s calm and compassionate and level-headed, all things that Raina is not. But he doesn’t lack a backbone either which she really respects. There’s so many little things, a lot of them more headcanon stuff since I tend to roleplay my characters, and I can only hope to do their story justice with Voiceless Whispers.

I love the development between them; of admiration evolving into mutual respect and then love. The heartbreak of loss and hurt and then finding their way back together. It feels real to me. Love in real life is often messy, never perfect and the hurdles they go through to make it work just…

THE GET TO KNOW A BLOGGER TAGGING GAME

Nickname(s): Mark, Rigo, Igo, Go // lol
Gender: Male
Star Sign: Libra
Height: 5′5
Favorite Color: Blue, Black and White
Time Right Now: 7:46PM
Average Hours of Sleep: 8 hours
Lucky Number(s): 14
Last thing I Googled: The Voice Kid’s Germany haha
Favorite fictional character(s): Wala
Favorite Band(s)/ Artist(s): The Vamps, Kodaline, KPop yung iba, Bruno Mars, Bamboo, basta
Dream Trip: United Kingdom
What I’m wearing right now: T-shirt and shorts
How many blogs do I follow: 800+
Posts: Pang 395 na to
What do I post about: Rants, Hugot, Personal, Selfie, Random
When did my blog reach its peak: Idk??
Do you get asks on the daily basis: Oo?
Why did you chose your url: Eto binigay sakin ng close friend ko so yep

Thank you, @heydrm, @kfroy, @mylostletterstoyou and @his-alter-ego for tagging

Hindi na ako mag tatag katamad mga bes haha salamat :)

anonymous asked:

It's interesting that when Lucas is explaining the jellybean weighing to Riley he says, he figured out what he "needed" to do. Not what he wanted but needed. I fully believe Lucas is in this for real. But the dialogue is the writers telling us, this is not the for real they think it is. He's so caught up in what the RIGHT (caps important) thing to do is, he can't see what he really might want. It's like painful to watch. When did the writers say we'd feel bad for him?Because this is just awful.

All of this. I guess we’ll feel bad for him when it all goes wrong. 

Not your average cheerleader - Part 13

“No”

I hit the send button and just held the phone in my hand, fiddling around with it between each hand before I just picked up my bag and started walking on to the field. No one was around at the moment which meant I could do whatever. I tossed my bag onto the grass and rummaged through it, searching for some earphones, I needed a distraction right now and the best way to do that was loud music and some dancing. I had earphones that wrapped around the ear so that when I did flips and things, they wouldn’t fall out. I went through my bag once more and pulled out the arm band that holds my phone. I put it round my arm and then strapped the phone in, hitting the play button which started up my playlist. I ripped the ribbon and hair tie out and let my hair fall back, I could care less for preppy cheerleader, I just needed clear thought and distraction.

The first song that started to play was “Faded”by Alan walker. I’d downloaded this a little while ago but I never really took the time to listen to it, but now was as good a time as any. I just let the music take me away. I placed my hands over my face and took a deep breath as I rotated my head around slowly. When I removed my hands, the sun was so bright and warm on my skin. My body just seemed to move naturally with the slow and steady start, The electronic sounds started to fall into place and the words “Where are you now?” started to echo through my mind. I closed my eyes and looked up into the sky, waiting for the next phase of the song to come in. I paid close attention to the lyrics as I moved, Everything just seemed to speak to me, metaphorically. The song rolls into the chorus and I just let loose. Dan had some how become my Atlantis and now I was drowning in a sea of emotion, I had to try and swim to the nearest Island away from emotions, but right now I just didn’t know which way to swim. 

I looked around and noticed that there were now people sitting on the bleachers, most of them wearing varsity jackets and my coach sitting with them. Why were they here? Maybe an unscheduled practice. Shit. That meant that he would be here soon. I decided to finish the song and then get out of there. More of the team arrived over time and my techniques were getting more amplified, I started working on back flips and handstands, I wasn’t the most flexible of girls but with a lot of practice I’ve managed to keep up with them. By the time I was finished, the whole football team had arrived and started to descend from the stairs of the bleachers, heading towards my direction. I quickly took out my earphones and took off my arm band, stuffing them into my bag. 

I picked up my bag and started to walk back towards the school. My coach gave me a smile and a nod, so I gave him the same courtesy, see he filled in if the first coach couldn’t make it. I glanced towards the doors and saw someone walking towards me and suddenly my veins ran cold, my heart beginning to ache like before. He jogged in my direction but I had nothing to say to him now. I was faded, yet filled with feelings that wouldn’t disappear. I walked past him without acknowledgement, my hair flowing in the breeze, but his hand touched my shoulder, and like a reflex I turned around. I sighed and shook my head, turning back towards the door, I had to get inside.

“(Y/n), wait!”

I turned back to him, wiping the hair away from my face, I could feel the pain and sadness tearing me up inside, I could tell I was about to cry, I could feel it in the back of my throat. 

“No Dan. Where do you get off on telling me to wait after what you said to me earlier”

“(Y/n) I-”

“No. Stop talking.”

His mouth snapped shut and his eyes widened, he wasn’t expecting me to be so stern in my voice. 

“Do you understand how humiliating that was for me? Like. I can’t believe I let myself be fooled by someone like you”

“Fooled?”

“I said Stop. Talking. I just, what is it with you Dan. Do you enjoy roping people along. Just when I thought you were turning into this Decent guy you go and mortify me in front of your friends. I don’t need you to embarrass me Dan. I can do that myself plenty.”

“What? How?”

“Dan I’m a cheerleader that doesn’t fit in, I embarrass myself by misprinting something in an assignment, because, Consume me Dan, Consume me. Where most girls enjoy the likes of spa days and shopping sprees I would much rather sit at home with a book or play games all night. I shouldn’t be a cheerleader, People signed me up as a joke. I’m not even taken seriously in this place. I have Nicole breathing down my neck constantly and I let myself fall hostage to feelings that I don’t even want. So Dan. No. You’re not allowed to say you’re sorry or feel bad for what you did, because in reality, you’re just like them. You always have been and you always will be, so no Dan. I’m done, I don’t want to talk or be near you anymore. 

with that I shrugged his hand off my shoulder and walked inside, I didn’t realise the stream of tears I had until after I started to walk away. I used my thumb to wipe my tears and then I walked inside, making my way back to the art room for the rest of the lesson. 

anonymous asked:

I really don't want to come off as disrespectful or anything with this question, but why do you ship fontcest? I just personally can't understand why people ship them because they're brothers. To me it's just not right no matter how I look at it.

For me it’s more a detachment thing - when i read a cute/hot story, i enjoy it. When i see good art, i also enjoy it. As long as it’s not something me personally did, it doesn’t click in my head as really fontcest. And all the AUs and scenarios help, cause they provide further detachment…sorry X”D

anonymous asked:

Well obviously someone figured out that that was happening, otherwise we wouldn't have those laws. And about the cops, I did some research, and discovered you were right about the fact that there were more white deaths, but it seems the reasoning behind WHY they were killed/nearly killed IS very much a race thing. How else do you explain a cop firing 107 bullets into the back of a car belonging to an innocent black woman and her daughter?

Yeah there was a problem. That doesn’t mean there is one anymore. Also, I’ll explain it the same way I explain why the cops shot an unarmed white kid twice, waited over 14 seconds as he laid on the ground motionless, and then shot him two more times. Some cops are idiots. Some cops are unnecessarily violent. Some cops are poorly trained. That doesn’t mean that black people are being systematically oppressed by the police force.

Do people not realize that even if this stuff about the DNC rigging things to make Clinton the candidate instead of Sanders is 100% genuine, on the up and up and completely true….IT DOESNT MATTER?

Fixating on this now ONLY benefits Trump. Maybe Clinton did steal the election. Who the fuck cares, at this point it doesn’t matter because even with that she STILL is better than Donald Trump and going after her and the DNC for this right now is not magically going to make Bernie the candidate, its only going to split and divide the party further and Trump is literally the ONLY ONE WHO BENEFITS FROM THIS.

Anyone who turns this into a crusade right now is only helping Trump. I repeat. Nobody gunning for the DNC and Clinton right now is doing it because its the best thing for Bernie, because its the best thing for the party, because its the best thing for America, because its the best thing for the world. If they’re not doing it to sabotage shit and give Trump a leg up, then they are doing it for their own ego and because they’re pissed their preferred candidate lost and yeah that sucks, but again I ask WHO CARES.

You can think Clinton is Satan right now, and hell, maybe you’re right. But Satan’s still better than that racist Lovecraftian elder god monstrosity Trump who’s not even interested in buying our souls so much as he wants to drag the entire fucking world down with him into a primordial festering ooze of chaos and total fucking anarchy.

Does Clinton have an agenda? Abso-fucking-lutely. Is she power hungry? Probably. Will she cheat to get ahead? Wouldn’t shock me. Should we still be focusing on attacking her for all these things instead of trying to put her in White House instead of Trump? FUCK NO.

Trump’s only agenda is chaos, his currency in all of this so far has been turning HATE into power, he won’t just cheat to get ahead he’ll ignite fucking race wars if that’s what it takes to drive people to the polls to vote for him.

Shut this shit down. Do not enable it. Save your criticisms of Clinton until Trump’s been safely defeated. She’ll still deserve them six months from now, but obsessing about everything she’s doing wrong now, at this moment, trying to hold her accountable NOW?

It ONLY HELPS TRUMP.

Nobody’s saying this isn’t a lesser of two evils situation. We’re just saying DONT HELP THE GREATER FUCKING EVIL GET CONTROL OF NUCLEAR FUCKING WARHEADS.

anonymous asked:

Hi! My boyfriend of 3 months broke up with me because I wouldn't go further than kissing. He said by 20 years old he already waited longer than most guys would. I have an eating disorder past and I am recovered but there are still lingering body image issues that make any kind of touching hard. Kissing was a huge thing for me and he was my first kiss. He just made me feel really weird, and like I every guy would want this from me and I just can't right now. Do you have any advice? Thanks!

What a prick. Screw him. You know what anon? You are SOOOO much better off without someone like this anyway. You deserve someone who would wait until you’re comfortable to go further. Please don’t feel like you did anything wrong– he is SO out of line. SO out of line. I am baffled. The right guy will be patient and want you to feel comfortable and ready and happy. I felt the same way when meeting Victor, coming from a past of an eating disorder and many body image issues– it takes time…but again, the right guy will make sure you always feel comfortable and respected. <3

So I did a thing I’ve been working on if for the past few days trying to develop my art and mess with colors for a bit (which was very difficult) and I made this. this is the best I can do for now but I can only get better right???

you’re mod @glaciermaniac 

also this- my patreon if you want to support me I’ll be working on the side comic soon well as soon as I get better at colors and art. :P

septiceyespeed  asked:

Yeah someone was being rude to me at the stream cause I said in the chat, "please stop asking for Signe. She can come on the stream if she wants to." And then some random person told me that I can't tell them what to do and they can demand anything they want

Omg that’s ridiculous! Not being funny right but the only person I see being rude in that situation is THEM I mean… It’s Jacks stream. If Signe wanted to come on then she would have. But we all know she likes to have her own privacy in that sense and that’s 100% understandable.

Whoever yelled at you for sticking up for Signe and the stream in general, fuck them. (Not literally pls)
You did a good thing, don’t let them take that away from you!

To those wondering about Hilarie Burton’s comment about Grey’s I feel certain she was talking about her original casting.

A) Why would she spoil something new and invite the wrath of Shonda?

B) The show knows she and her husband do not live in LA and casting probably asked her that when Shonda decided to write the show into the point of no return in season 9.

C) If the character comes back who contributed to the destruction of Calzona and Arizona takes up with her again then I hope Callie never steps foot near that again. RIP Calzona.

D) Arizona was in a different mind set. She wouldn’t take up with someone like Lauren now. Hopefully.

E) HB is not coming back. She is too busy doing Hallmark movies of the week.

Edited to add: it would be proof that Callie did the right thing and that Arizona fell out of love with her. Shonda seems to claim that’s not the story she wanted to tell…
BTS as Rich Fuckboys  [Jimin]

(Picture is not mine) Just a little series type thing I’ve been inspired to do because of the epilogue pictures and some pals. 

All of Bts

Jimin

Park Jimin, the touchy feely heartbreaker. He can’t keep his hands to himself. Always letting his hands wander down the beautiful and unique curves of each woman. He was definitely not shy. Far from it, in fact.

And boy, did he love to flirt. He would do anything to see a woman become a stuttering mess right before his eyes. Anything to see their shakey hands as they speak, unable to maintain eye contact. 

He didn’t get the name “heartbreaker” for no reason. He loved to give them hope. Loved seeing their eyes drop to the floor in disappointment. Though he felt bad at times, it was his way of enjoying life and proving to no one in particular that he could have anyone he wanted without struggle. 

The sinful words that dripped from his plump lips was enough to drive any woman mad.

first chapter of an untitled jamilton fic


this is not a very good beginning i know i should have some sort of introduction instead of diving right into the Angst but whatever here we are

also: not edited, and i doubt i will ever edit it, so any typos/spelling errors… just ignore them

also also: i tried to do a read more so im not clogging up your dashes with a rly long post but idk if it worked bc im an old lady who doesnt know how to do things

also also also: it’s not very jamiltony yet. did i mention it’s slow burn?? yes.

also also also also: tell me if you want more bc otherwise i’ll freak out and never post the rest ever

without further ado, enjoy my excessive use of commas and semicolons!


one

There are hundreds of thousands of words churning through Alexander’s brain, but they’re all just out of his reach. He sits with his laptop, curled up in a chair in the utterly silent library, attempting to will the words onto the page.


He’s been all messed up since the year started. His anxiety had been worsening over the summer, but it wasn’t bad enough to be worthy of mentioning. Now, though, it’s getting in the way of his work, the work which usually provided him solace from his anxiety. He taps out a few words and erases them, clenching his fists in frustration.

His thoughts wander back to when it all started. It was early August when they received their rooms and roommates. Alex had been with Lafayette for every year previous, so he hadn’t been worried. Imagine his surprise when he saw Thomas Jefferson’s name written on the manila paper. It was almost funny, at first. Mortal enemies, Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson forced to room together. It seemed like something that happens in sitcoms but never real life.

Alexander put off thinking about it for as long as he could, didn’t answer when Thomas tried to contact him. He told himself and his friends it was because he didn’t want to speak to Jefferson more than he had to, but in reality he was terrified. Thomas Jefferson was an arrogant asshole, and while Alex most certainly didn’t care what he thought, what if he insults him for how he painted his nails, what if he judges Alexander’s strange habits, what if he finds Alexander’s anxiety medication? A hundred thousand scenarios unfold in his mind all at once and it’s so, so hard to stay in the present.

<><><><><><>

Alexander’s phone chimes. It’s a text on the group chat from Lafayette:

america’s favorite fighting frenchman: did any of you get your room mate assignments also?

johnny:  i’m with burr, which is alright, i guess

eliiiiiiza: I got with Angie again

pegs: maria and i are together

angie:  well at least i didn’t get stuck with anyone too bad

eliiiiiiza: :(((((((((((

america’s favorite fighting frenchman: well I am with herc this year

america’s favorite fighting frenchman: alex?

Alexander rushes to the door to check the mail, finding a letter from his university. He skims over the boring parts until he finally locates the name of his room mate: Thomas Jefferson. He  freezes for a moment, before a tidal wave of emotion crashes over him. Some part of him wants to laugh and another wants to cry. The thin black lettering stares back at him on the thick white paper, until he’s been looking at it so long the script begins to swim across his vision. After an indeterminate amount of time, it occurs to him to inform his friends.

Me: i got stuck with jefferson

Immediately, there’s a flurry of responses.

johnny: HOLY SHIT ARE YOU OKAY

america’s favorite fighting frenchman: how do you feel about this alexander ?

eliiiiiiza: oh my god

miss maria: are you gonna be okay with that??????????

Alex is touched by his friends’ responses, but he’s not sure if he should tell the truth or not. After a moment he decides not to worry them with his worrying.

Me: ill deal with it if i dont murder him first

His friends keep texting, but he turns his phone off. What will he do now? All of his thoughts have boiled down to I’m going to have to live with Thomas Jefferson I can’t do this. It seems an impossible task: they argue at every given opportunity and more. How are they going to make it through the first week, let alone the whole year? He decides to consult his father (George Washington, and the fact that everyone’s favourite teacher is Alex’s father is a fact he likes to keep to himself).

“Are you sure this is a problem, Alexander? It might be good to finally become friends with him.” He says thoughtfully, placing a hand on Alex’s shoulder. Oh, so he was pulling the Alexander card. His father only called him Alexander when he was having a Serious Talk (™).

“I can’t get along with him, dad, he’s an awful person.” Alex retorted indignantly, glaring. Why wasn’t his dad on his side? He was there for many, many of Thomas and Alex’s arguments, couldn’t he see that they had too many difference to put aside?

“He’s as bad as you seem to think. Just try to get along with him. If it’s as bad as you say it is when the year starts, I’ll talk to the staff. Just-”

“No, you can’t talk to the staff.” That would be giving up, that would be… the college equivalent of tattling.

His father sighed. “Don’t let your pride get the better of you, Alexander.” Alex glares but doesn’t respond. He finally makes his way back to his room and doesn’t slam the door because he is an adult. (He really wanted to, though.)

After much deliberation, he files away his thoughts of Jefferson for a later date. It’s best not to ruin his summer, right?

<><><><><><>

In hindsight, he thinks, it may have been better to talk to his friends about his issues about this. Now, though, if he brought it up, they’d yell at him for not speaking up about it sooner. (They’d still help him, of course, but he didn’t like it when his friends scolded him. What if they were finally realizing he wasn’t worth their time?)

If he cared enough to concentrate on his surroundings, Alexander thinks that everything might be a little blurry, but he doesn’t. All that matters is the empty, blank page before him. He thought it would be better in the library, where it’s quiet and spacious, but it’s not. He’s completely alone, but still his mind is going in circles.

He had to leave his own room because Jefferson was taking up too much room. Not literally, of course, but when Jefferson is in the same room as him, it feels like there’s no room for anything or anyone else; it’s just the way he is. He walks like he’s the sun and everyone near him is the planets orbiting around him. If he walked into a party, you’d assume it was being thrown for him simply because of his arrogant, swaggering gait. Him, and his big hair and inane suits and overconfidence. Him. He did nothing but make Alexander’s life harder, and even when they’re apart, he’s making it impossible for Alex to write.

Suddenly, the door bursts open. He blinks owlishly and looks up to see Maria striding in with concern knit in her brows. “Alexander, it’s late. Are you okay?”

He struggles for a short second before replying, “I’m fine, I just didn’t sleep much last night.” He keeps his voice perfectly even and his expression passive. Everything is fine.

Maria narrows her eyes. “Are you sure? You don’t look so good.” She glances at his laptop and the blank page on the display. “You’ve been out here for a while.” Of course she’d have known. Maria works for the campus radio in AV room, across from the library, and their school has an affinity for big windows in the place of walls.

“I’m just getting ahead on my work.” He flashes her a grin and shuts his laptop. “I’ll go try to sleep now, if it’ll make you feel better.”

Maria gives him an uneasy smile in return. “You better sleep.” She says after a pregnant pause.

Alex knows she’ll tell everyone about his strange behaviour no matter what he does, so he bids Maria adieu and makes his way back to his room. (The room where Jefferson sleeps, not five feet from his own bed. Sometimes he worries that Jefferson’ll kill him in his sleep.)

He crawls under his thin blankets without bothering with pajamas; he knows this will be yet another sleepless night, why should he bother?

<><><><><><>

The next morning, there’s exhaustion set in his limbs, but his mind is surprisingly clear. He pretends Jefferson didn’t stare a half second too long at the dark purple circles under his eyes and makes his way to class, wondering briefly if his father will go easy on him today once he sees Alexander’s fatigue.

He doesn’t.

It’s the second week of the year, and Washington has kept up his class’s reputation as most difficult, while at the same time maintaining his status as nicest teacher. Sometimes, though, Alexander wonders if his father tries to start arguments between him and Jefferson. Like today, for example, they had been talking about the nation’s banking system and ways it might be improved. Jefferson decided to be a complete asshole about it, barely offering any new information.

“You don’t have anything to say, you just shoot down everything I come up with!” He finally bursts out, throwing his arms up in resignation. His voice must’ve been louder than he realized, because Washington narrows his eyes and says, “Hamilton, Jefferson, take a walk.” Everyone knows that when Washington says to take a walk, he means don’t come back. Alex storms out of the room, fuming. He only becomes more angry when he remembers that he can’t be alone in his room, not when Jefferson lives there with him.

When he finally arrives back in his room, he throws down his bag and attempts to leave again, laptop in hand, when Jefferson all but barges in. “Don’t go.” His voice is stiff and serious, which makes Alex slightly nervous. Jefferson has a carefree, flippant demeanor he wears constantly; to see him without it is a surprise, to say the least.

After a long moment, Alexander narrows his eyes and replies, “Why?”

“We need to be at least civil with each other if we have to live together.” Jefferson replies, speaking slowly as if choosing his words very carefully. His brows are narrowed, as if he’s thinking too hard about something. It’s not a good look on him.

Because he’s in an instigative mood, Alex says, “Are you sure that won’t be a problem for you?”

The thoughtful look is erased from Jefferson’s face, replaced by an expression of distaste and irritation. “I’m making an effort, Hamilton. Can you please stop being such an asshole for five minutes and listen to me?”

Alexander scoffs. “So I’m the asshole here. Great.” He’s feeling a little detached from himself in the way he does when he hasn’t slept for a few days. Maybe he would take this situation better if he were less tired and less anxious, but those two feelings had been a staple in his life as of late.

Jefferson glares at the wall behind him for a few minutes, arms crossed. Finally, he speaks up: “You know you can’t ignore me for nine months. I don’t want to hate you, but you’re making it pretty damn hard.”

Alexander sneers. “As if you don’t hate me already, you facetious ass.”

Jefferson lets out a huff of frustration. “God damn it, Hamilton, will you just listen to me for five goddamn seconds. Living here’s gonna be hell if we argue every waking moment, so can you just try?”

Jefferson has a point, Alexander knows. He knows it all too well; he’d not been looking forward to being at war with his roommate all year, but he doesn’t have the strength in him to give in, to do as Jefferson suggested, not now. Finally, Alexander says, “Sorry, Jefferson, no can do.” And he pushes past the other man, wondering what exactly went wrong. Whether it’s him or Jefferson he doesn’t know, but what he does know is this: he can’t stay in that room any longer, not for now. Jefferson is suffocating, stifling and Alexander can’t get him out of his head.

He finds himself en route to the library, a decision he didn’t consciously make. Before he pushes open the wide glass doors, he spots Hercules reading, curled up in one of the old, shabby but comfortable arm chairs. He bolts before he can be spotted. Hercules would notice something’s up and tell Lafayette, and Lafayette would hold an Anxiety Intervention, as Alex calls them. He’s fine, though, he just… well, he’s not exactly fine, but he can deal with this on his own. If he can just get his words back, if he can get writing again, he’ll feel better. He finds solace in the empty AV building, holing up in a dark room riddled with dust and equipment older than him. He figures no one will bother him here; he opens his empty google doc once again. He’s not ahead on his work, and he’ll be behind soon if this keeps up. The thought sends anxiety coursing through his veins, possessing his hands to shake and his mind to short out. It feels like bolts of electricity fraying his nerves and debilitating him, or like waves washing over him in his own personal tsunami, filling his lungs with toxic water and making it impossible to breath.

If he could just breath, for one minute, one moment, he might be able to get himself back on track. He might be able to get his words back.

<><><><><><>

Alexander leaves once he hears Maria’s voice from the other room; he sneaks away, unseen. He retreats back to his room, where Jefferson waits. Alex slips on his headphones and pretends he doesn’t know Jefferson is staring at him, it’s easier that way.

I’m still binge eating. I can’t stop. 
I’m so mentally beat. I’m God damn shattered. My heart hurts. My head hurts. My eyes burn. Some smart people unfollowed me and they did the right thing. 

I don’t see myself bouncing back. I my ruined progress. These binges were HUGE - the ‘I can’t breathe I ate almost an entire box of new cereal’ type of binge. Well it was more than an entire box of cereal just to clarify.

I’m losing hope that things will get better. If it is bad now, it is going to get worse this coming winter. I don’t know what to do. I have no options. I can’t wait to get to my apartment tomorrow, collapse on the floor, and just cry to my fate.

medium.com
Why Every Progressive Should Vote For Hillary Clinton
When people tell me they love me, I tend to believe them.
By Sara Benincasa

“Hate Hillary if you want. Say she’s a bitch; she’s a liar; she’s not charming enough for you; she doesn’t embody a particular example of womanhood or intersectionality or sweetness or light in the way that you particularly envision those things. But do not lie to me and tell me you love me or any woman or person of color or immigrant or queer individual in this country and then throw away your vote. It’s a vote for Trump. And when the dust settles, if Trump wins, no one will pat you on the back when you stand up and shout, “I did the right thing! I voted for Jill Stein!” We’ll all be too busy trying to find a way to see a doctor, or marry somebody we love, or protect a friend. Or protect ourselves. Or protect you.”

anonymous asked:

Can you tell me how did you start drawing anatomy/anime? I am a beginner and it's so hard for me to draw any character from anime or just a body :(

oh man when i started drawing i had an style Completely different from the one i have right now….mostly bc the things i drew were….animal like cartoons… click at your own risk then i started drawing more cartoonish like (almost never like anime) that improved into this  and then i finally started doing more Actual Anatomy  which has improved into….what it is today. My advice is look up for references! from tv shows, anime, even real people! and don’t give up! it has literally taken YEARS for me to draw how i do currently, we all start somewhere!