did he even have time to register what was going on

He had been turned in the turn of the 1800’s.

A handsome man had taken him by the arm, lead him on a magical evening of dancing, dining and wining. Then on the stroke of midnight leaned down for a kiss on the neck and had gone for a bit instead. However, the creature had not realized that he was a soldier and part time dancer and he beat the life out of the creature. The bite, infected with the curse of the living undead, changed him and he found himself among the ranks of the undead soon after.

For some time, he adjusted to the best that he could. He learned, he made mistakes, he picked himself up and he ran like hell from hunters when they found him. Through the years he got good at hunting, carefully pacing himself so he would not end up like those that drowned themselves in the stuff and practically begged to be slaughtered like squealing pigs.

When he found himself comfortable with how he was operating he found himself bored. Sure he could become a brilliant business man who could charm his way into fabulous and ludicrous wealth, he could live out his days as the nightmare of humanity, he could work to the fulfillment of humanity and perhaps learn the skills of doctors and cure ailments that could kill.

Then the War of 1812 happened.

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I still don't know if he ever got his coffee.

I’m not 100% sure this even belongs here and I’ve posted this story elsewhere so some of you might have read it already.

Some background: I work in a rather specialized area of Forensics. Officially I’m employed by Police Scotland but they tend to let other law enforcement agencies, universities, etc borrow us from time to time. A lot of the time it’s for consulting work or guest lecturing but sometimes we’re sent to teach training courses.

About 18 months ago I was asked to lecture at a training course for some of the CID higher-ups in an English Police force. It was the first time I’d done anything like it and I was crapping myself.

I met with the conveners and other officials for dinner the night before my first day, and after dinner and drinks, I was dropped back at my hotel.

So to set the scene; it’s about 10pm, I’m all dressed up in my evening wear and I’m sitting at the bar in the hotel lounge. The place is dead, it’s just me and the barman so I’ve taken off my heels and am unraveling my hair having just ordered a hot chocolate. The barman asks if I want mini marshmallows on my hot chocolate. Yes, of course I want mini marshmallows on my hot chocolate. No I don’t mind waiting while you run to the kitchen.

So I’m sit there trying to trick my phone into connecting to the hotels WiFi when Angry Man walks in.

He stomped into the room and slammed his fist down on the bar about 3 ft from me and barked out one word:

“COFFEE”

I didn’t know it but apparently that attempt at communication was aimed at me; a fact I learned a moment later when Angry Man moved right up next to me, bent over me so his face was practically in mine and barked out again;

“COFFEE”.

In an attempt to get away from the screaming coffee man I slipped off the bar stool, putting it between the two of us. Extremely confused and more than a little terrified, it didn’t immediately occur to me that he thought I worked there, hell it wasn’t even registering that he wanted a coffee. He was just repeating it the same way a toddler does when they learn a new word but don’t entirely know what it means.

I’m going to blame the confusion, fear and tiredness for my completely moronic response, which was to parrot the word back at him.

Me: “Coffee?”

Angry Man: “COFFEE”

Then he slammed his fist down on the bar again. This time I noticed that he was actually throwing down money.

My brain suddenly came back online.

Me: “Oh. Eh, the barman should be back in a sec. H-”

Angry Man: “Get me a coffee. Now.”

Ooooh four new words. Progress.

Me: “I’m sorry, mate, I don’t work here.”

Angry man (shouting now) “You fucking lazy liar!! Do you think I’m fucking stupid?”

Yes, actually, but I’ll be keeping that to myself.

Angry Man: “Get off your fucking phone and get me a shitting coffee”

Me: “I really don’t-”

Cue rant about me being the only person in the lounge so of course I must work there and I was just being lazy and did I take him for an idiot. All while I’m slowly backing away from the bar so he can’t pin me between it and the bar stools. Then he throws in this:

Angry Man: “Do you have any idea who I am? Do you have any idea how important I am?”

I never got to find out how important this guy thought he was. Instead Angry Man’s Friend came wandering in.

He took one look at me; pretty much cornered by Angry Man who is now screaming about how he’ll make sure I never work again while I’m trying to calmly tell him to back off and he tries to intervene.

He took Angry Man by the shoulders and moved him back away from me while asking him what was going on.

Angry Man: “This stupid little whore is refusing to serve me”

Me: “I really don’t work here”

Angry Man’s Friend: “She doesn’t work here. Let’s just all try to calm down”

There was a few moments of Angry Man’s Friend trying to calm Angry Man while he ranted about getting me fired until two barman arrived, one of them with my hot chocolate. The presence of the three men distracted Angry Man enough for me to grab my shoes and escape with my chocolatey goodness.

As I left I could hear him demanding to speak to a manager.

The next day, after being introduced to a lecture theater full of high ranking CID Officers, I stood and walked to the podium only to be greeted by one guy in the audience laughing hysterically.

I just sort of froze trying to figure out the joke. Did I have food on my face? Was my shirt on inside out?

A quick check confirmed that, no. I’d managed to adult that morning.

A few other people began to chuckle as this guy struggled to get a hold of himself. As he regained control he pointed to his left.

Where a very red looking Angry Man was sitting.

I think it was the sheer relief that he wasn’t actually laughing at me that caused me to open my mouth and say to Angry Man;

“Oh did you get your coffee in the end?”

He walked out and I didn’t see him for the rest of the course.

Aisles  [M]

Aisle One

Summary: Jungkook was your best friend. You held onto his secrets. And he knew all of yours. Except for one. One that would change your friendship forever. You were in love with him.

Pairing: Reader x Jungkook

Genre: bestfriend!au, college!au, angst, smut

Word Count: 7,458

Originally posted by sugutie

Aisle One Aisle Two

“What toothpaste brand do you like?” you asked as you walked down the aisle. You were  too busy staring at the different brands of toothpaste in your hands to notice the person you were talking to wasn’t Hoseok.

“I like the one in your left hand” a strange voice responded.


Your head snapped up to look at the owner of the voice that didn’t belong Hoseok. As you took in his frame, he was definitely the complete opposite of the person you had mistaken him for.The boy in front of you was tall, muscular. His messy dark hair hidden beneath a beanie. He smiled at you and for a second you forgot how words worked, incapable of processing anything else that he was saying.


“I’m sorry, I thought you were my roommate” you nervously spat out as soon as you regained the ability to speak.


He laughed as the two of you stood awkwardly across from each other, “Don’t worry about it”


“Marco!” you heard Hoseok’s voice ring out through the otherwise quiet pharmacy.


“Polo” you responded as your cheeks flushed a million different shades of red as the boy’s face lit up even more. But you couldn’t get the nerve to look at him, avoiding eye contact by returning one of the tubes of toothpaste back onto the shelf you had taken it from. The sound of your rescue, Hoseok’s footsteps, got louder and louder as they filled the growing awkward silence between the two of you.


“Y/N, where have you been? I thought you got swallowed by a toothpaste monster or something” Hoseok teased as he walked up to the two of you.

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Nine Months - Harry Styles Imagine

No piece of mine has never had as much interest surrounding it as this one has, so thank you for expressing your excitement to me. I hope you’ll find it was worth the wait. (Protip: if you’re reading on mobile, ditch the app and read on Safari or Chrome instead, as the app is prone to close on longer pieces of text).

This one is dedicated to @permanentcross, simply because she’s the best. E has listened to me ramble on and on about this story for longer than anyone should have to. She’s the inspiration behind many things beneath the cut, all of which I will leave up to your own interpretation. 

Without further adieu, I present you with Nine Months…

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Vanilla (M) || Dom!Jimin Smut

gif is not mine

Genre: SmUuUuuT || Fluff (?) at the end || Dominant!Jimin
Word Count: 5.6k of pure fiLTH
Warnings: Hair pulling, light spanking, light choking, overstimulation, fingering, a lot of dirty shit okok prepare yo self

Description: Jimin is a busy guy. The idol life is not an easy one.
With you missing him for three months due to his schedule, all you wanted was to spend his first night back with him. When that doesn’t go to plan, you end up spewing shit about your sex life with Jimin – or better yet, your lack of one.

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archie-thecookiemonster  asked:

do you have any thoughts or head canons about adhd lance?

All I Do Is Think About ADHD Lance 24/7, 7 Days A Week, All Year Long. Anyway here goes.

  • Lance: [mockingly] “We need to focus.”
    • That’s a canon line like… ADHD Lance is real lmao
  • He tries his best to follow verbal directions, he really does, but it’s.. His short-term memory is honestly so fucked to hell lmao. Things just get switched around the moment someone says them.
    • Blue takes to recording things sort of?? Like Shiro and Allura will divvy out tasks at the beginning of a mission, and once Lance is in the cockpit Blue will pull up a miniscreen that has all his duties typed out for him. So he can read them and then know what he needs to do, all in the correct order.
    • When he completes an objective, he gets a checkmark!
  • Lance: I know I’m supposed to take my meds on a strict schedule but what if I… did Not do that… lol
    Hunk: Lance, that sounds like a really bad idea
    Lance: Nah it’ll be fine
    • Lance, thirty minutes later: Hunk, if you have ever loved me, you will kill me.
      Hunk: (rubbing Lance’s back) I know it’s bad, but it’ll pass
  • During his downtime, Lance can usually be found wearing Pidge’s headphones. He doesn’t even have any music playing, he just likes how they muffle out most sound. 
    • Noise-cancelling headphones kind of freak him out, he needs a pair that strikes that perfect balance of Blocking Out Most Noise while simultaneously allowing him to register stimuli.
  • Pidge eventually makes him a pair of blue headphones and Lance spends the rest of the day like :’)
  • He zones out very easily, so he tends to keep a timer on his person, just so he can be aware of.. himself, I guess. He hates losing track of time, because Lance is a very big ‘live in the moment’ kind of guy, so it’s frustrating when he misses out on life because of his ADHD.
  • Lance always needs some kind of background noise, just to keep him from being anxious. When he’s stressed but really needs to focus, he literally just listens to static/white background noise. It’s super helpful actually, I really recommend it.
  • Allura: Paladins, your training session for the day will be spent meditating (Lance gets up) on the bond between you and your- Lance?
    • Lance: (halfway out the door) lmao have fun guys!
  • Sometimes his brain just goes into hyperdrive so Lance will go to the training room and either run around until he gets tired or go on the Altean equivalent of a treadmill and pound out a few miles.
  • His ADHD ties into a lot of his insecurities. Lance has a big family, which means that everyone kind of has to be loud in order to be heard. So his hyperactiveness didn’t really stand out until he hit middle school, which was when he was finally diagnosed.
    • Lance is a smart kid, but he always feels like he’s two steps behind everyone else because of his ADHD. It slows him down, almost, even as it sends his mind into overtime. And that niggles away at him. 
    • A big problem is that Lance doesn’t really know his own limits… or he does, but he refuses to acknowledge them. He’s constantly comparing himself and his abilities against other people (Keith) and becomes frustrated when he can’t ‘keep up’ when in reality… They’re racing on two completely different tracks. He just refuses to accept that.
Peanut Butter Cookies

*throws allergic!Lance at you and runs away*

Summary: When Pidge’s birthday rolls around, Allura remembers her offhand comment about liking peanut butter. Little did she know that Lance is actually very, very allergic. (angst and fluff, and a bit of established klance because I have no self control and I ship it leave me alone)

I hardly ever post anything because I have no confidence ha so if you like it, let me know! This is very short compared to lots of other stuff I’ve written.

@taylor-tut I don’t think this is that good or even if it counts as langst/whump but I’ll tag you anyway and @voltronpaella thanks for actually getting me to post this my dude


When Allura called the Paladins into the kitchen, Lance expected some sort of emergency.

Why they’d be meeting in the kitchen, he had no idea, but he slid out of bed regardless. After removing his face mask he padded out into the hall, slightly resentful that he didn’t have time to straighten his hair.

Lance nearly bumped into Hunk in the hallway, who was also still in pajamas. The two were the last to arrive in the kitchen. He surveyed the others and found Shiro in full armor, Keith with an activated bayard, and Pidge rubbing the sleep out of her eyes with a laptop tucked under her arm.

“Princess, we’ve talked about this,” Lance grumbled. “You have got to stop interrupting my beauty sleep.”

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Babe, where’s my razor?

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: None (fluff)

Word count: 979

Summary: The reader can’t stand Dean shaving all the time so she takes action!

A/N: Have you guys ever fantasized about Dean’s facial hair? If your answer is yes, this is the perfect fic for you!

It all started on a hunt a while back when you and Dean were stuck in a motel in the middle of nowhere. Dean had forgotten to pack his razor and since there was no drugstore in sight, he didn’t care which resulted in the sexy scruff that was starting to show itself on his cheeks.

Of course you didn’t mind. The opposite was the case actually. Watching him sit at the coffee table with his left elbow propped up, his heavenly scruffy face resting on his hand, was a view you thoroughly enjoyed.

Sadly, the morning after you guys returned to the bunker your new favorite thing about Dean was gone. You could have simply told him to keep it but you couldn’t stand seeing that self-satisfied smirk you were sure would play across his full lips once you admitted your weakness.

The next time you went on a hunt Dean did not forget to pack his razor, much to your disappointment.

But you came up with something that would hopefully work. Now it was your turn to smirk.

“I’m going to grab us something to eat. I’ll be back in half an hour,” your gorgeous, green-eyed boyfriend told you before he left the room.

Time to get to work.

You made your way to Dean’s duffel bag and after searching through it for a few seconds you found the evil object which kept that amazing scruff away from you.

Discarding it quickly you stood in the middle of the room but your victory was short lived. You knew Dean would go to the drugstore next to the motel to get a new one when he wouldn’t be able to find it, so you needed a backup plan.

Some may think that you were crazy for doing this but you didn’t care. You were firmly determined to go to all extents in order to accomplish your mission.

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What measure is a non-humanoid?


I’ve written before about how omnics are treated in-universe, and without meaning to Blizzard brought up a good question, which is the difference between humanoid omnics like Zenyatta and the Shambali monks and the decidedly more alien omnics like those affiliated with Null Sector. 

On one hand we have the human-omnic audience during Mondatta’s speech about unity, all omnics which have some semblance of a face.

Whenever the focus is on the omnics’ fight for their rights, they’re at the forefront, the sympathetic metal-humans who just want to live their lives. 
Compare them to Null Sector.

No faces, different legs, non-human proportions. They’re the evil ones, the extremists, the terrorists who’d rather blow all King’s Row to hell than enter in a civilised dialogue about their rights. 

They hold several humans hostage but they also have Mondatta, who you’d think should be on their side if not approving of their methods. But to them he and the mayor of London are one and the same. What did Mondatta do to earn their ire?
Why aren’t there non-humanoid omnics in the audience at his speech? Why is the first time we see a significant non-humanoid omnic presence when they’re threatening to blow up the city?

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Why People Fall In Love

Muses: Jeon Jungkook.
Words: 4.7k words of cringe worthy fluff.
Type: fwb!au + fake dating!au
Note: This is another my ‘to be posted’ scenarios, posted.  Yay. :D

+ An agreement to become Jungkook’s fake girlfriend and a trip back to his hometown lets you see more of the Jeon Jungkook who you think is only made of Friday hookups and boyish charms.

Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin


“So let me get this straight, your brother’s bringing his girlfriend home for dinner this weekend and you ‘sorta’ blurted out that you have a girlfriend too just because you want to prove that he’s wrong about you not being able to keep a girl?”

Sheepishly, Jungkook smiles and rubs the back of his neck. “Yeah, sorta.”

At his nonchalance, you lightly smack his chest; it’s not like he’s going to feel anything if you straight out punch him anyway. “He’s totally right!”

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Was bored at work, so got a guy fired and possibly sent to prison for fraud.

(long story)

I work the night shift as a receptionist at a hotel in Norway, and most nights are spent watching Netflix/playing games. Last summer was really slow and I also worked a lot extra, so I ran out of stuff to watch and games to play. One night I got a mail from “Scooter”. He wanted to book a room for almost 20 days. I just had to send him the price and confirmation that we had rooms available, and he would then send me his credit card info for me to pre-charge. Normally we just delete these kinds of mail, but I was bored out of my mind, so I responded with an offer for around 2k$ for the entire stay. Also made sure to inform him that he could cancel for free up until the day of arrival.

This is probably the most common fraud attempt in the Hotel/travel industry. Unlike most businesses, we are able to charge credit/debit cards with only the card number and exp date. No need for a pin code, cvc or other auth methods. Our software also allow us deposit money directly to local and international bank accounts by using the card number. Because of this, shitheads like Scooter will try to prepay with stolen/skimmed cards, but then cancel the booking and asking us to refund the amount to a different card.

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Obey (Jimin/Reader)

Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin

Prompt: OH GOD WEREWOLF JIMIN AU SMUTSMUTSMUT I’m trash for dominant werewolf Jimin + Can you please write a smut (werewolf! jimin and reader) where he goes into heat, and gets really horny/possessive with the reader? Thank you very much~

Genre: Smut - Werewolf!AU (In Heat)

Words: 2.1K+

Author: Admin Kaycie

Summary: Everyone has a bit of sadistic nature buried deep within the confines of their most intimate desires, a dark sensation that consumes the mind, body, and soul when the time is right. For Park Jimin, that animalistic desire was something that had cursed him since the day he first turned eighteen years old, a spark reigniting with each full moon. It devoured him whole, taking complete control of his body until he could quench the nearly insatiable thirst for dominance. 

Tags: Dom!Jimin, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Sub!Reader, Orgasm Denial, Dirty Talk, etc. 


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rule breakers. (m)

based on the prompt, “best friend’s sibling au”

pairing:
kim taehyung | reader
genre: fluff, light smut
warnings: slight voyeurism
word count: 20,453
description: there’s some unresolved history involving your best friend’s brother… but hey, maybe some rules are meant to be broken.
author’s note: i get inspired by the oddest little tidbits, and i swear the word count was supposed to be half the amount you see up there. also, say hello to the longest one-shot i’ve done so far.

Originally posted by kths

You have one of the greatest fortunes to be acquainted with the Kims in your first year of primary education, and perhaps it’s what has led you to one of your greatest downfalls (but we’ll get into that later on).

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Bygones of the Sun | 01 (M)

Originally posted by hobismole

Genre: Angst/fluff/(future)smut || dance captain!hoseok, bad boy!au, uni!au

Pairing: Reader x Hoseok

Length: 10.4k

Summary: Jung Hoseok was once the sweetheart of the school, the dance captain whom every girl, including you, can’t help but fall head over heels for. But like the force of the ever-glowing sun, everything that rises must also set. A year of inactivity later and he’s now the school’s resident bad boy. You’re a firm believer of allowing the past be the past, and yet you can’t help but wonder where the risen sun has gone into hiding—because perhaps its shadows have out-shined its own radiance.

01 | 02  

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Ignore This Text

Summary: Sam somehow gets a favor out of Bucky, resulting in a very awkward confrontation with a local barista.
Pairing: Bucky x reader
Characters: Female Reader, Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson, Steve Rogers
Word Count: 1,980

| Feedback is very much appreciated | Masterlist |

Every Sunday morning, at precisely 8:45, Bucky finds himself at a quaint, little cafe just a block away from the Brooklyn apartment himself, Steve, and Sam, who he finds utterly unbearable, live together. Like clockwork, he’ll wake up, argue with Sam about him eating the rest of whatever food Bucky was attempting to have for breakfast, Steve offering to go grocery shopping the umpteenth time that week, and with Bucky frustratingly storming out of the apartment subconsciously heading towards the cafe with the best muffins and no with Sam Wilson in sight.

Just like all the weeks before, Bucky’s feet hurriedly carry himself down the empty morning sidewalk as he groans in annoyance. This Sunday Sam had decided to finish off the carton of egg whites, that clearly had a bright blue sticky-note with Bucky’s name on it, and to use up all the hot water in the apartment. It seemed as if this man’s purpose on Earth was to make Bucky Barnes’ life more difficult than it had to be.

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