did courtney really mean that much to her

a book review

so i  did break down and buy Virginia Grohl’s book.  “from cradle to stage”

excellent read by the way.  however,  I know she’s friends with wendy cobain O’connor.   I realize everyone expected a huge story.    not here.

pretty , skimpy chapter.  not even an interview.   Virginia just states that Wendy thought that “this documentary”    (I guess MOH) would mean closure.  instead it really “messed her up”.  as it painted her as a “uncaring distant mother”.


I just blew up.   threw that book across the living room,  and ranted.

no wendy,   MOH didn’t show that.  you did.  by your actions.  by YOUR words.

you broke the marriage up. YOU threw kurt out.  YOU chose your boyfriends over your son.

MOH was an excellent documentary.  It helped frances immensely, and I believe It helped courtney.  as to you and don,  I hope you feel guilty every day.

damn, even turning a documentary about YOUR SON, into something about YOU.

(big sigh)

feel much better now.   the book is a good read.   except for that drivel about Wendy.

I just finished watching Montage of Heck.

I’m coming away from it with many emotions. I feel sorry for him, because, although he succeeded career-wise, he didn’t succeed in many other ways; he didn’t get to raise his baby, and he was unable to recover from his personal issues. That makes me feel really, really sad.

I enjoyed the film in the sense that it was filled with amazingly intimate footage, and that footage really humanized him for me. There was still a lot of footage that was already available to be seen, which kind of annoyed me. Same with the music. Like, there were like two unheard songs, the rest were just demos of already released ones, which is great and all, but I just don’t understand why we can’t hear what is available that we haven’t heard. 

I liked seeing him acting silly and I loved seeing him interact with Frances Bean. This film made me realize how ambitious he was, and it also made me realize how naive he was. I don’t think he knew about the pressures that would go along with his career choice. That’s not his fault, and no one should begrudge him for that. He was a human who took on a lot and really just bit off more than he could chew. That makes me really sad.

I don’t think that there was enough positivity about his life featured in this film, though. No real mention of his accomplishments in childhood, and just all around not enough happy stuff about his life in general. I’m sure that happy stuff exists, but it was left out.

It’s pretty clear that although this was authorized by his family, Courtney still had control of what would and wouldn’t go into the film. I don’t really like that, because I don’t really like Courtney and I think she’s a liar and a manipulator. In the past six months I’ve really changed my thoughts on Kurt’s death; I think that he did kill himself, now, but my opinions on Courtney haven’t changed. This film really didn’t make me think much about that, except that I think people need to understand that just because someone thinks that they’re in a good relationship doesn’t mean that they are in a good relationship. Kurt didn’t need the drama that Courtney brought, even though he did choose to be with her. Kurt didn’t need to date and marry a heroin addict, while he himself was prone to drug use. Kurt could have picked a better mate, and no matter how happy he was for the first couple of years with her, he would have lived longer without her bad influence, and that makes me really sad. I know there are two sides to every story, and that Courtney is a human too, who has issues too, and no one chooses to have mental health issues, but there’s a difference between understanding and condoning. Two people who have mental health issues and drug issues do not mix well, and I think that out to be the take away message of “Kurtney”.

Overall this film made me really sad. It’s amazing to see rare footage, yes, and if you’ve been following me for the past three years, I’m sure you’ve noticed that I go crazy for rare Kurt pictures, and I love finding them and sharing what I find. However, this film was more than some rare pictures and some rare footage. It was almost too intimate, and although I’m glad I watched it, I’m feeling such an odd mixture of emotions right now. 

Another take away message from a film is that it’s not good to get this emotionally invested in a celebrity.