Reminders for myself:

I am allowed to occupy space. If someone has a problem with me merely existing, that is their problem not mine. That person is the one who needs to work out their emotions. I do not have to make myself small for the comfort of someone else.

I am allowed to recover. Anyone who tears me down for recovering is not someone I want around me. The people I want around me will celebrate my recovery with me.

I am allowed to be comfortable. I do not have to put someone else’s comfort before mine, especially when it comes to my health. I do not have to stay silent when someone makes me feel uncomfortable.

I am allowed to put myself first.

I think one of the biggest things I’ve grown to hate, is how non-traumatized people think traumatized folks are all timid little “fuck ups” who can’t defend ourselves. That we’re just whining, and only use our triggers and trauma as “excuses” to why we act the way we do.

Yes, some trauma and abuse survivors fit that stereotype of being very oversensitive, very timid and quiet, who cry a lot, and are easy to trigger because of all they’ve been through. And they’re just as strong and beautiful as the rest of us. They deserve so much needed respect.

But don’t dare fucking infantilitize us. Timid or not.

- Multiple survivors of abuse and near death can be like this:


• Cry often
• Have a need to justify emotions without anyone asking or demanding
• Shake 24/7
• Use a very soft voice and little mannerisms
• Act “"feminine”“ (this is blatant misogyny as well, since it codes nervous or “small” behavior as girly)
• Apologize CONSTANTLY
• Never talk about feelings in fear of opposite person becoming upset
• Always denying their wants and needs because they’ll “feel like a burden” or “will bother you”
• Need to rely on reassurance of friends that they don’t hate them, don’t want to hurt them, don’t want to leave them
• Have multiple panic attacks daily or weekly
• Are very “clingy” or “attached” to those who treat them with decency (this is because decency feels foreign, to be treated nicely is euphorically new every time)
• Have HORRIBLE self esteem or body image etc
• Have multiple triggers
• Are very stay-at-home/“hermits”
• Anti social as fuck
• Are scared to voice opinions or even facts in fear of being called wrong and being insulted
• Repress emotion and blow up as a result
• Try to be as nice as possible at own expenses to the point of mental breakdown
• Frequent need for sleep or breaks
• Feel very invalid no matter the efforts of reassurance from others

- But never look past those of us who also are like this as well:


• Act defensive at even the slightest “threat” (even at just being questioned because we think you’re trying to gaslight or degrade us)
• are often angry and jumpy
• Have chronic angry face/angry mood
• Panic at the slightest loud sound or certain words and get upset openly or loudly
• Have VERY FREQUENT “mood swings” (this especially applies to those of us who developed DID/dissociative disorders and alters, and those with BPD from abuse)
• Are very reserved or “rude”
• Have a need to be “right” or be valid
• Aggressively emotional
• Very straightforward with no hesitation since many of us feel sick of being in fear of talking and being expressive
• Quiet and judgmental
• Very snippy, very demanding, very easy to upset or anger
• Feel like they’re festering inside themselves
• Seem unable to get over trauma in a way that sounds like an elder unable to stop reliving old tales
• Are VERY pessimistic and “expect failure”
• Feel anger and intense self hatred at being incorrect or messing up
• Beating selves up constantly (talking badly to oneself, self harm)
• Very attached to certain things and will lash out if they’re disturbed or insulted
• Lash out often


And there’s always those who are mixtures of each side (myself included)! Its not simple! Know this.

We’re all hurt, angry, reliving memories and have many underlying issues within us due to trauma. Don’t think we can’t use this. Don’t underestimate survivors, for fuck sake. Its rude, its fucked up.

PTSD and C-PTSD are something so much more than “I have mood swings and I’m triggered wahhh”. Its so much more than what NTs say about it.

Don’t baby survivors. We’ve seen and felt enough. Please respect and try to understand us. Its all we ask.

Depersonalisation and Derealisation Information

We get a lot of questions on DPDR, so I thought I’d pull a little information together on the topic. 

Hope this helps someone and everyone is OK.

Depersonalisation and derealisation are often difficult for people who experience these states to describe.

In general people experience a sense of detachment from reality and a detachment form their sense of self. In most cases these two symptoms co-occur.

Symptoms are often triggered by stressors in life, severe anxiety and commonly also drug use. Symptoms can be transient and last only a few weeks, if this is the case generally no treatment is required. If symptoms are persistent or have a large impact on functioning, then it is the best course of action to seek some professional guidance from a psychiatrist or psychologist who has experience with dissociative disorders.

Depersonalisation is not just detachment from the body “That isn’t my leg” but it can further into thoughts as well such as “That thought isn’t my own” or “My head is filled with cotton wool” etc. Also a person may detach form their basic needs such as hunger, thirst etc.

Derealisation means a person may feel like they are in a bubble, or a dream or like they are detached from what is going on around them in some way. Some people may experience viewing things in 2D or they may lose colour or seem flatter than they otherwise would be.

WHY DID CONNOR COMMIT SUICIDE?

OK, so, here’s my theory.

In the song ‘Sincerely, me’, at the musical, Jared says ‘There´s nothing unrealistic in the love that one man feels for another’, and in the official song he says, ‘I’m just trying to tell the truth’ when Connor says ‘I rub my nipples and start moaning with delight’ AND NO ONE HAS CONFIRMED NOR DENIED THAT JARED KNEW CONNOR LIKE FRIENDS. So maybe, Connor told Jared that he liked Evan, but when Connor read Evan´s letter his heart shattered into a million pieces because he discovered that Evan liked his sister.

THIS IS JUST MY THEORY BUT I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW YOURS SO BE FREE TO COMMENT WHAT YOU THINK! <3

🌸 No obvious symptoms does not mean no mental illness. If you’re a high functioning ND and you feel like you’re faking because you’re not that cookie cutter image that society has stigmatized the mentally ill to look like, don’t convince yourself you’re faking. Don’t doubt your trauma and abuse. You are not faking. Your illness is valid and so is your level of expressing you have it 🌸

not knowing you had dissociative identity disorder is

  • “Man it’s so embarrassing i’ve had this imaginary friend for so long.”
  • getting scared because you ‘woke up’ in a place you had no recollection of getting to
  • “I think i’m straight” “No wait i’m bi” “No i’m gay” “Maybe I’m transgender?”
  • “I hope today is the day I act more social!” / “I hope today I’m magically smarter like other times!”
  • “haha wow I’ve been daydreaming a lot about me interacting with my OC’s”
  • feeling The Switch™ happening and being like “What the fuck”
  • headaches 
  • so many headaches
  • to-do lists ranging from grocery shopping to brushing your teeth

feel free to add more

This is probably selfish as fuck of me to be complaining about so I apologise but when youtubers and big name people spread awareness about mental illness, they always spread awareness to illnesses that people are already aware of. Where’s the schizophrenia awareness, borderline, personality disorders in general, psychosis of all forms, OCD of all forms, DID, you know?? It’s not all depression and anxiety yo