It’s been awhile since I was inspired to create an item. But during @dndwizards Stream of Annihilation a better “Dice Shaming” conversation came up, and I knew I had to make a Funtional Dice Stocks for shaming fail Dice.
I DM for a group of friends online, and last Sunday’s game was meant to open with a really short, two-enemy fight to boost everyone’s XP up a level before the boss battle.
The fighters and monk run up to attack… and roll a 2 and a 3, respectively. The rogue shoots at them, and also completely misses.
The sorceror decides to throw an improvised oil-based molotov cocktail at the enemies, which probably would have been fine except they rolled a 1 and hit the monk, who was also the only person in the group holding a torch. Which, of course, exploded in his face, set him and the fighters on fire, and brought him down to 2HP.
Next up was the bard, who ran up in the middle of the chaos and cast thunder wave- and every single person around her failed their Constitution saving throws. Preexisting fire damage + 2d8 thunder damage + a low-level group = Bad Things.
In the end, neither of the enemies dealt even a single point of damage to a single member of the party, but I’ve never come so close to a TPK. Needless to say, I decided to hold off on the boss battle for a bit.
Mercedes: Okay, one last shot at Bluff. You say that you are the greatest alchemist in the world, and I can see that’s true.
Mercedes: But there are others out there who claim to have turned lead to gold, and if you don’t show your proof as soon as possible they will go down in history as the first to do it.
Beholder: *gasp* I must publish my research!
Mercedes: Yes! *rolls* Fuck!
DM: Oh no, your dice really hate you tonight! Have you rolled anything higher than a 3?
Mercedes: I have rolled two 9s and literally everything else has been 3 or lower.
DM: You made an excellent point, and I feel sorry for you, so I’m going to give you a pass, finishing the skill challenge. The beholder snatches up
its gold, smashes some vials, and speeds down the corridor muttering wildly to itself.
I was DMing a party of 5.
Our Rouge fell into some poisoned spikes and scraped its knee.
DM: Well… You are poisoned…
Rouge:… F*** dude, Ailu (cleric) can u heal me???
Cleric:… Yeah sure. I roll to heal them… *rolls a 2* …
DM: ……….. Well our cleric, well-known of her great medicine knowledge, sees the wound, oozing green with poison aaaaaand..
Touches it with her hand and gets poisoned too…