dice magazine

“I’ll never forget my first grade teacher, Miss Laraby. She was from WhateverShire, England. She looked like an old, pissed off 1960s go go dancer. She was strict. Bluntness was the showpiece in her arsenal of psychological weapons. One day while pacing the classroom she posed that ol’ classic kid question: "what do you want to be when you grow up?” I nearly shatnered myself, listening to her critique the job choices of the other 6 yr olds like a Nazi drill instructor. One kid got all “I’m only 6”  about it & said, “I wanna be a Super Hero”. To which she replied, “Christopher you’re neither super, nor heroic.” To a 6 yr old? Haha… That’ll teach you & your Shitty little dreams. Needless to say, when it was my turn I was petrified. There she was leaning over me, hands on her hips, waiting…Hold on, I left something out. First time I ever seen a biker type dude, was on the annual “it’s summer, so let’s drive the family to northern idaho to see your aunt Pam” trip. I remember staring at him as he passed us thinking, “How the fuck is this guy? where the fuck is he going? How come he gets to carry a big knife?”. I wanted to be him. He just seemed like the type of guy who didn’t have to drink his Goddamn milk if he thought milk was gross. milk. Eww. But I digress…Anyway, when Miss Laraby got to me I just blurted out, “I wanna ride around on a motorcycle”. She raised one eyebrow, straightened up, then turned & informed the class “Joshua wants to be free.” I was stunned. Joshua wants to be free?? Ha! crazy lady. So true. Nowadays, when I wanna get out the way of the world or listen to the music in my head or see the area I’m in, really see it or… shit, just hear myself think, I go for a ride. When I’ve a moment to spare & no time to lose. I get focused, relaxed, amped, stoked, clear headed. I’ve been hit, broke down, towed, rained on, froze, burnt, cramped, piston fire through the head & almost lost my nuts, flat front tire, sore, sleepy & faaahking pissed. But I don’t mind. why? Joshua wants to be free… If you don’t do it, you don’t get it. But to Miss Laraby & the rest of you who do, I say; Keep safe & Get Free.“

Josh Homme. Issue 47