Bleach characters argue about who gets first dibs on Aizen
As requested by anon. :)
And no, not in a shippy way. I mean in a “who gets to stab him first” sort of way. A-and I don’t mean that in a shippy way. Sword and death way. *cough* Anyway, let’s let some Bleach characters argue!
Hitsugaya: Of everyone who came to fake Karakura Town, I was the only one who explicitly stated that I wanted to “violently kill” Aizen.
Hitsugaya: Which means I have dibs!
Gin: Excuse me, Captain Hitsugaya, but I had already developed a long and detailed plan to kill Aizen back when you were just a baby with suspiciously turquoise eyes.
Gin: I believe that if anyone has dibs, it is me.
Aizen: Yes, but you both blew your ‘dibs’ by utterly failing to kill me.
Aizen: I think, therefore, you lost your precedence.
Hitsugaya: AND YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME WANT TO STAB YOU LESS??
Gin: What kind of man would I be if I gave up after only one shot, Aizen-taicho?
Aizen: I’m just saying you both had your chance.
Shinji: Whoa, whoa! “Having had your chance” does not mean you can’t have dibs! I mean, sure, Aizen and I fought once already. But does that mean I don’t have dibs? Hell, no!
Shinji: Aizen was my lieutenant. He betrayed me. Hurt all of my friends specifically to hurt me. Plus he and I are the two guys with perception swords.
Shinji: If anyone gets to kill him, it’s me!
Aizen: Yes but you can’t even kill Quincy. So it seems kinda pointless to give you a crack at me. What are you going to do? Lose dramatically?
Shinji: I COULD WIN A FIGHT
Hiyori: Speaking as the visored who was hollowfied first, AND as the woman who got CUT IN HALF in fake Karakura Town, I believe *I* get the first crack at Aizen!
Hiyori: Nobody hates him more than I do!
Komamura: He killed my best friend in front of me.
Komamura: Also I am a wolf that thirsts for vengeance.
Komamura: I believe my capacity for hatred is greater than yours!
Aizen: But you are both so much weaker than me. What would having 'dibs’ even mean for someone like you?
Hiyori: HATRED FINDS A WAY
Aizen: How inspiring.
Barragan: All of your stories bore me with their unimportance.
Barragan: I was a god. The king of Hueco Mundo. Then Aizen deposed me. I want nothing more than to slay him.
Barragan: Which of you thinks you should get to take away 'dibs’ from a god?
Kenpachi: How 'bout me? I want to fight him because he’s so fucking strong.
Barragan: WHAT KIND OF REASON IS THAT?!
Kenpachi: The only reason you need!
Byakuya: Wrong, barbarian. There are reasons deeper than that. Like the fact that Aizen tried to kill my pride. For that, I wish to kill him.
Rukia: Speaking as the “pride” that was nearly killed, I wouldn’t mind trying out my new bankai on him myself!
Aizen: Oh please. If you Kuchiki siblings cared about killing me, you wouldn’t have dallied in Hueco Mundo while I was in fake Karakura Town.
Byakuya: We were busy.
Aizen: With Yammy?
Kyoraku: Maybe 'hatred’ or 'wrongs suffered’ isn’t the rationale we should be using, guys. I’m the head captain now. If Aizen needs to be killed, I should do it.
Nanao: But Captain you couldn’t even kill an unconscious human.
Kyoraku: D-don’t argue against me, Nanao-chan!
Hinamori: Um….I don’t know if I’ve really been wronged more than the rest of you, but I think maybe I need to kill Aizen more than the rest of you.
Hinamori: I think it would finally end his hold on me!
Aizen: You wish.
Hinamori: S-shut up!
Ichigo: Or I could just handle it myself.
Ichigo: Just like always.
Aizen: You didn’t kill me, though.
Ichigo: I wasn’t really trying to kill you.
Urahara: Well, actually, Ichigo, I believe it was my kido bomb that finally stopped him!
Urahara: So if we’re calling dibs based on who could actually take him down, maybe I should take this one.
Aizen: What? You’d face me without your teenage meat shield?
Urahara: Who says I don’t get a meat shield?
Tosen: You are all incorrect. There is someone else more wronged than all of you.
Tosen: Because I believed in Aizen-sama’s justice, I went to Hueco Mundo with him. Because I believed in his hogyoku, I allowed myself to be hollowfied. Because of that, I lost myself and was killed.
Tosen: And now the Steves are all alone.
Tosen: They are the ones who deserve vengeance!!
Aizen: Tosen….they haven’t noticed that you’re gone.
Aizen: This is why I usually just stab everyone.