I have to say, I’ve been having a very distinct feeling the last few days and have been trying to make sense if it. The pain from my surgery is almost completely gone… and not only is it nice to not be in pain, anymore, but I feel stronger in a way that I haven’t felt in a long time. Like since before I got pregnant, perhaps.
In that last month of pregnancy in particular, things just went really haywire. I had finally stopped throwing up all over the place. :-p But, something was going on that I couldn’t quite comprehend at the time. Turns out it was the TTTS (Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome) that almost killed all three of us.
It just caused a whole host of problems, and luckily we all survived of course! But, I don’t think I’ve ever fully realized what it did to my core.
It just kind of split me in two is what it did, though. And, I’ve been fighting through it all this time… raising the girls and everything else… but it wasn’t until I took my first regular job outside of the house that things kind of came to a head.
I was only working 2-3 hours a day at the school, but again it was a regular, every school day, job… and a very physical one that called for me to be on my feet and moving and bending over constantly for various reasons. I would come home just absolutely wiped out physically…
And finally one day, I bent over to break up an argument between these two kids and I just felt something sort of pop or tear or something. I wasn’t even sure what I was feeling… except for immediately nauseous, which caused me to first run for the bathroom and then to the office to tell them I was so sorry but I had to leave right now.
As it turns out, it was a hernia I had been walking around with that suddenly got much worse. I don’t think I’d had the hernia all along but, I had suspected for some time that the pregnancy had caused something called diastasis recti, which is basically a separation of the abdominal muscles. And over time, it just kept getting worse… and worse… and worse…. until finally, pop. :-p
And, then of course it took like another few months to get into surgery… and now another month to get to a point I’m not in excruciating pain from the damaged caused by them basically going in there and sewing me back together.
Now… I’m still overweight, out of shape… but the pain from the surgery has pretty much healed and I feel, I don’t know, whole again. In a way I realize now I haven’t all these years.
I mean, I still feel in a weird place where I’m feeling stronger but still kind of shaky and scared of pushing things too far, but… there’s definitely been some significant healing that’s gone on in my core.
Anyway, just wanted to share where I’m at, now. :) Today, I woke up and realized that I think the next step in my recovery is just to stay out of bed during the day. It was necessary after the surgery but it’s just so easy to get sucked into laying down… and objects at rest, tend to stay at rest. :-p But, it’s definitely time I get moving again….