diane barrows

DON'T TRUST BABIES

THE MORRIGAN IS HAVING A BABY. FUCK YES? NO. FUCK NO. IT’S A REALLY FUCKING UGLY BABY. IT’S SO FUCKING UGLY THAT IT MAKES DIAN CECHT, THE GOD OF MEDICINE, FREAK THE FUCK OUT AND DECIDE TO DISPOSE OF IT BECAUSE IT’S CLEARLY A FUCKING EVIL BABY.

THE MORRIGAN TELLS HIM TO FUCK OFF BECAUSE IT’S JUST A BABY AND KILLING IT BECAUSE IT’S UGLY AS FUCK IS A SHIT IDEA. DIAN CECHT DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK, SO HE MURDERS THE BABY ANYWAY AND CUTS IT IN HALF. WHAT’S INSIDE IT? BITS OF DEAD BABY?

NO. IT’S FULL OF MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES. DIAN CECHT WAS RIGHT. THEY’RE FUCKING MASSIVE FOR BABY SNAKES THOUGH, SO HE BURNS THEM TO DEATH BEFORE THEY CAN GROW BIG ENOUGH TO EAT ANYONE. THEN HE THROWS THE ASHES INTO THE RIVER BARROW, BUT THEY’RE SO FUCKING POISONOUS THAT THE RIVER BOILS. IT’S FUCKING CRAZY.

NEXT TIME YOU SEE AN UGLY BABY, THINK REALLY FUCKING CAREFULLY ABOUT IT. DOES IT LOOK LIKE IT MIGHT BE FULL OF SNAKES? IF IT DOES THEN YOU SHOULD PROBABLY BURN THAT FUCKER BEFORE IT CAN HURT YOU. BABIES ARE NOT TO BE TRUSTED.

  • Diane Barrows: Besides, you don't want to be an orphan forever.
  • Amanda Lemmon: So adopt me, why don't you?
  • Diane Barrows: They won't let me adopt you on my salary. Besides, you deserve a mother and a father.
  • Amanda Lemmon: So, get a husband.
  • Diane Barrows: It's not like buying a car, you know.
  • Amanda Lemmon: I know. It's got to be that can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, World Series kind of thing, right?
  • Diane Barrows: Hey, a girl's got to have her standards