the first few weeks of the justice league actually being a team are probably a fucking nightmare. superman keeps using midwestern expressions. you’re not going to need paper towels to clean this up, you’re gonna need an irrigation system, he says. nobody is entirely sure what that means. aquaman keeps leaving in the middle of fights to go save lobsters from restaurants, because he can’t just let them get eaten, y'know? wonder woman quickly figures out that there’s maybe three people here with any serious combat experience. the flash is just a police officer, man. that’s all he knows. she’s in despair. speaking of the flash, someone made the mistake of giving him caffienated coffee, and now the power’s out. someone tell green lantern that he can’t wear the same gross jacket to every meeting. shouldn’t his space cop uniform keep him warm. who keeps playing ‘mmm whatcha say’ over the speakers. batman keeps disappearing during after battles, and it turns out he’s at the daycare down the street hanging out with the babies. he got bored
city of bones:
what the fuck??? hot guy with tattoos??? my best friend is a rat??? mOm
city of ashes:
family problems. umbridge 2.0 turns out to not be so bad. it's almost like the universe has something against simon lewis being human
city of glass:
if you thought family problems were bad in the last book, oh boy you have another thing coming. actual incest happens compared to the previous incest-that-wasn't-incest. everyone is an asshole at some point except maybe baby max and yknow what happens to him
city of fallen angels:
guESS WHOS BACK BACK BACK BACK AGAIN
city of lost souls:
we can't even focus on the fact that clace is now happily incest-free because of what the shit going down. alec is insecure but we love him. poor amatis. alec becomes a hero yay
city of heavenly fire:
a lot of people die. we get vague tid references and we meet mini emma and jules before the parabaDRAMA goes down. people walk in on other people doing things. we visit hell for a family vacation.
"i would literally rather be reading than doing any of this"
more family problems also im crying and wow these parabatai are both gorgeous
ducks and demon pox. lots of feels. tessa kicks ass.
i swear that these kids were like 12 what happened why did they grow up and why are they so much cooler than me?? cristina is awesome and malcolm is not. we meet the angel that is kit. this is the book where people still thought Diana was irrelevant lmao joke's on them
lord of shadows:
HI I DIDNT SIGN UP FOR THIS??? WHY IS MY HEART BEING RIPPPPED OUT OF MY CHEST IM CRYING LIKE EVERY OTHER PAGE except kitty that's cute. asH (morgenstern)? it's a really big damn book
not even out yet but we're all probably going to die. but is clary?
hi im Simon Lewis and im cool but i don't remember being cool anyways let's hear about waywood that shit is sad
the bane chronicles:
glitter 💫 and a long line of people who aren't as cool as alec up till we meet alec. shadowhunters suck
we are all going to die wtf is happening with the family trEE?
dictionary that you actually enjoy reading
(chant this) KITTY KITTY KITTY (sing this) aaaaand a plus sized drusilla blackthorn with her own!! friend group!! yeS!!!
mentioning his height is probably like a taboo in the house
yeah if you haven’t noticed before, the age differences in this au are slightly different from canon. I wanted the kids to be closer in age so I made the gap smaller (I mean Wendy is like, what, 6,7 years younger than Natsu and Gajeel? Yeah, I just didn’t want to make them teenagers here I guess)
alternative title for this post: everyone bullies Sting