Never Know What You're Gonna Get

Today, was perfectly uneventful.

The lowest I went today, was 89, and the highest was 202. I played basketball, I drank TWO frozen drinks from Dunkin donuts. I had a good day! No crippling lows, and no devastating highs.

Yesterday, my blood sugar got the highest it’s been in a very long time. I think I saw a 380 reading at one point. The culprit was pizza, and probably the most frustrating part? I tried my best to avoid going high. I’m not a fool, or someone who’s careless, I bloused and I was happy to do so. I mean, anything for pizza! Alas…the ratios, the units, the calculation, something didn’t add up and the ol’ pizza pie had me laying in bed face down feeling like a sloth who has a fever.

Some days, I don’t think about the emotional toll this disease has taken on me, and then sometimes it’s all I can think about. Some days are completely uneventful and normal, and some days I feel like I’m out of control or basically and unstable human being. Sometimes I even feel unstoppable.

A lot of the times I write on this blog I’m doing so because I need to vent. Not in a “bitch moan, bitch moan” way, but a way where everything is just out on the table. Instead of holding my breathe, or being trapped inside the cage of my own mind, I just exhale and cut the lock. I like to write about the good and bad, I hate sugar coated articles that try and save the image of what really isn’t real.

Of course my girlfriend is always there for me. In fact, she asked me repeatedly last night what she could do, but sometimes there is nothing you can do. You just take the insulin and wait.

Today though, everything was fine.

Which makes me wonder…what will tomorrow be like?

Starting Type1 Tuesday laaate in the day with this Metagross. *u* I noticed they have similar colours to the type 1 diabetes ribbon, so I wanted to dress ‘em up and draw a positive picture!

I am just really done with arrogant, rude people who know NOTHING about being a type 1 diabetic and how hard it really is. I was told by sisters friend that I should “stop complaining because there are people out there have cancer, at least you’re not dying” I realize that cancer is a fast acting, terrible disease and I am not denying that, but unlike cancer diabetes is a disease that kills us slowly, everyday. With every bad blood sugar or high A1C, another physical piece of us deteriorates, and the worst part is, is that we only start to notice over a long amount of time. Diabetics risk losing their limbs, eye sight, organ failure, strokes and much more. I’m tired of this disease. I’m tired of trying to compete. I’m tired of fighting for my own life everyday. I’m just tired with dealing with it. The appointments, the blood work, the site changes, the scars spread across my stomach. Diabetes makes me feel disgusted with my body, yet I can’t do anything about the site scars or I will literally die. I don’t want to explain myself and my disease anymore. I don’t want to distinguish the difference between type 1 and type 2 anymore because all people ever see me is that chubby girl who has diabetes. Im tired of explaining that having diabetes is not my fucking fault. Not by a long run. I tired of watching people living their merry lives when I am stuck in the box that is my disease.

New pictures of my soon-to-be service dog Ava! 

She was practicing her “sit” and “down” commands on a busy sidewalk as a part of her public access training this morning!

More good new is that I’m getting really close to my fundraising goal since I’ve raised about $5,400 of the roughly $7,000 I still need!

If you want to help me bring Ava home in October so she can help keep me safe and healthy visit my fundraiser here or use the donation link on my blog. Even just a few dollars helps out a lot!

Stop telling me there’s going to be a cure. Look at the facts. How many chronic illnesses have been cured? Much more likely is some sort of vaccine. Great for the world and the undiagnosed, but not going to solve our daily suffering. Telling me to wait for a cure is telling me there’s a light at the end of the tunnel when the tunnel has no end.