I remember… When I was first diagnosed. In fact before I was even diagnosed and I was sitting in my living room at 3 am with ice packs under my arms, my breathing was horrible and I felt freezing. It was the only thing to soothe the pain.
Every breath in felt like that moment you were under the water too long and your ribs were screaming to let your lungs have oxygen? Like that, every time I breathed in, and my breathing rate was quick, too quick. I remember every breath in I had to scream to deal with the pain, and I couldn’t stop no matter how much I was told to ‘cut it out’.
I remember my throat being so sore from having to try and bring in as much air as possible and the screams that just would not stop coming.
That was diabetes, before I had even become acquainted with it.
They all said it is manageable, which is very true, they told me I would be on injections for the rest of my life. They told me I would have to check my blood sugar up to ten times a day every day. They told me I can still do everything I used to, and can still have a future…
They did not tell me I would be up until god knows when crying because my bg wouldn’t come down or up.
They did not tell me I would become too weak to even string a sentence when my blood sugars fell low.
They did not tell me that every prick and needle would leave an ugly scar or bruise in its wake.
They did not tell me that I would be left in the state I was, in so much pain, if it went too high.
They did not tell me that insulin burns on the tip of a needle when it enters your skin, and it will be worse if you take the needle out to redo it.
They did not tell me that I would be left in the early hours of the morning wishing none of us had to deal with this or anything else.
Sometimes, I wish I could make it go away. I want it to go away for everyone. It makes me so angry towards myself when I feel down knowing that I need to just keep going. There is no giving up