dhyb

anonymous asked:

Hi. So I've struggled with expressing emotions for a couple years now due to emotional abuse from my family. Well I've been in a relationship with this guy I really like for a while now and he always says stuff about how he never knows what I'm feeling and if I'm actually happy, when i really am very happy with him. How can I try to get over that? Because I want him to know that he does make me happy because I feel like it'll just push him away if I can't express anything. Sorry. DHYB

Hi there! You don’t need to be sorry. It’s a really good thing that at least you’re able to admit your happiness with him, even if you can’t express it yet.

I’ve had a similar experience, and wondered many times if my partner even knew what I was feeling because I knew I never told him anything with words. But I’ve been learning that other types of languages are also huge in a relationship! So you could start with some gestures maybe.

I think you can start easy, with making more eye contact. Focus on doing that for a while, because I believe our eyes really are “a window to the soul” sometimes. A smile, a tight hug, a grab of hands, (a slow dance in a club/party?), can also be things you do more often, while keeping eye contact, when you’re having difficulty talking. After seeing someone for a while, some of us forget that we can still use that kind of body language.

Also, when he does say something again about not knowing what you’re feeling, you can be ready for it and use that as an opportunity to tell him that it’s hard for you to express your feelings sometimes, but you’re still happy with him. I think that we have more trouble expressing when we’re caught off guard and become nervous, than if we actually prepare for a situation beforehand. So I think you can try focusing on giving him that answer, whenever the subject of expressing feelings emerges.

It’s important to tell people we care about that we have a difficulty expressing feelings, because it helps them understand who we are. When my best friend finally told me about that, I was relieved! I could finally understand her, and I wasn’t mad that she couldn’t express any feelings like the others. And I think that whoever hears this, will from now on try to help you through it. So I definitely encourage you to tell your partner that you’re trying, you want to get better at this, and you’d like him to know that you’re happy now. Not only will it let him know that you’re not pushing him away on purpose, but in time I believe you can also work through it and get over this! Just remember to use your gestures, your eyes and your face as much as you can in the meantime.

Much love,

Lois