dex had a nice quiet birthday he called his mom in the morning and she made his dad and his older brother sing him happy birthday over the phone and the boys sang it all monotone and his mom sang it all sincerely with the obnoxious ending harmony and dex chuckled at that. and ransom and holster let him pick the songs for practice and nursey held his hand all day and gave him 20 kisses on the cheek and then flicked him in the nose “to grow an inch” and dex was like “it’s a /pinch/ to grow an inch nurse” and nursey grinned back at him “i improvised” and the frogs and cait all got lunch together just the four of them and all the boys went out to dinner at jerry’s and bitty baked him a blueberry pie for dessert and the haus lifted the “no board games” rule for one night cause dex wanted to play settlers sksjsjdj and it ended in disaster but dex had fun and he laughed a lot and he held nursey’s hand like the entire time all in all a Good day
listen it’s dex’s bday but my kid’s in the middle of a big round of tests and he’s TIRED so he officially postponed his bday,,,, so nursey gave him a birthday bj before class and then got him, like, 20 chicken nuggets and a large diet coke from mcdonalds for dinner while dex studied and later tonight they’re gonna eat that carrot cake nursey bought and dex will open his present (5 flannels, a new comforter, ‘tangled’ on dvd, and a couple books dex wanted) and they’re gonna have some nice simple bday sex and then go to bed on time bc dex has an 8am and the team is throwing a party on friday night, anyway
prompt: for his birthday the team throws a kegster and dex wears gold short shorts and a crop top that says Birthday Boy and nursey is overwhelmed (and jealous bc people keep hitting on him)
I don’t think i have it in me to do a full on fic for these dex’s brithday prompts so I’m bulletpointing it!! ~1.5k so it’s under a cut!! Warning for non-explicit nsfw
Ok first of all? How Dex Gets In This Outfit
Part of Shitty’s birthday present to Dex is getting him high and keeping him high because “you need a day to relax brah, it’s your birthday put your feet up and let go”
They weren’t even expecting Shitty to show up, but once he heard there was gonna be a kegster he scooted over from Boston
But like even high Dex wouldn’t agree to that outfit, if we’re being honest. He’d giggle but resist all the same
Enter Ransom and Holster handing Dex beer after beer because “It’s your birthday dude you HAVE to pregame for your party otherwise it doesn’t count”
who even fucking knows what they’re talking about honestly
So now we have a crossfaded Dex, still lucid enough to still y’know, actually be there, but gone enough to be convinced to wear the outfit
Shitty almost got him in his red shorts that say “ARE YOU NASTY?” on the ass but Ransom and Holster vetoed it for the gold because “Shitty think of how well it will go with his skin and hair. The red will clash. God Shitty I thought you got some fashion sense when you went to harvard” “you take that back this instant”
Oh my I love Farmer & Dex being friends but I totally think they would be!! Of course Farmer is friends with Dex & Nursey!! Anyway, I hope that in that fic world they make out soon ;) Chowder & Farmer will probably lock them in a closet if not.
the making out is coming… at some point… probably with ridiculous costumes.
Also - here are some “fun” things that Farmer& Dex do together (loosely based on the friendship I have with my best friends’ signif others)
Drinking Buddies. Dex isn’t a big drinker but for some reason he gets around Cait and like an hour later they’re each six beers deep and things are bad. Don’t even talk about the number of shots of random types of alcohol he’s taken just because Cait keep pouring them.
Chowder is Not Amused. He spend a lot of time yelling “LIQUOR BEFORE BEER IN THE CLEAR, BEER BEFORE LIQUOR NEVER BEEN SICKER!”, and “NEITHER OF YOU GOT OUT OF BED FOR TWO DAYS AFTER THE LAST TIME WHY IS THIS HAPPENING AGAIN???”
Nursey thinks it’s funny… if he’s ever sober. So generally he witnesses The Start, but then he gets distracted and by the time Cait and Dex are at the Messy Stage, he’s already into the Danger Zone.
one time drunk Cait and Dex thought it would be a Great Idea to make macaroni and cheese in the Haus kitchen during a party… They were oddly successful (of course they were, it’s Dex and Farmer), but then they just… stood at the stove and ate it out of the pan and dropped a whole lot on the floor. Needless to say their hungover asses were Very Busy cleaning the next day.
Work Out Buddies. This is mostly in the off season, but if the hockey team and the volleyball team are ever in the gym together it happens too. This is for 2 reasons
Both Dex and Cait are competitive AF, and they have found that being near their signif others (NURSEY IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND - yeah dex we get it hush) while working out only ends in misery and potential injuries. But they don’t ever push too hard against each other… mostly because they need to go easy enough that they can bitch about people while working out
Dex’s younger sister plays hockey too, so he spent a lot of high school working out with her, and Cait reminds him of his older sister, a bit, so it’s kind of comforting? (Dex reminds Cait of her cousin from home but she’s not about to admit that she misses him, because Kevin is annoying. and an asshole. but whatever).
They both like running, so a lot of times they just ditch the weight room and run around campus. One time Dex thought it would be fun to have a squat contest and Cait whooped his ass big time. The do not have squat contests any more. (He beat her at pull-ups though and holds that over her head for eternity).
Bitching Buddies. More of a full Frogs + Farmer activity, but Dex and Cait like, really have a connection. They don’t even have to say their rude comments out loud, they just have to kind of give each other a look. It drives Chowder and Nursey crazy, because this look is different from the silent communication Dex and Cait have with either of them, and they don’t know what it means.
most of the time they are making faces about the obnoxious LAX bro in the library or the person with like a mountain of used tissues surrounding them who should really not be here
sometimes they make faces because their boyfriends (NURSEY IS NOT - yeah, yeah Dex we get it) are super adorable and/or annoying. Actually… this is most of what the looks mean. All of the looks.
Anyways, Farmer and Dex are totally bros, thank you for your time!
“October 26th? October 26th?” Nursey muttered to himself as he walked “What was I supposed to remember about October 26th?”
“Are you talking to yourself?” Dex asked from behind him. Nursey jumped at his voice. “I mean, surely someone would listen to you, even if you are boring.” he chirped, before pressing a quick kiss to Nursey’s cheek.
“I’m not talking to myself,” Nursey protested as Dex fell in step with him, “I’m just thinking aloud. Its different.”
“If you say so Nursey.” Dex laughed. Nursey smiled at Dex’s laugh - he loved it so much. “So what are you thinking about?” Dex asked.
“Today.” Nursey said, as he went back to trying to remember why today was important.
“What about it?” Dex asked, a blush coloring his cheeks.
“I have no idea!” Nursey exclaimed in frustration. “I know its important, but I don’t know why!” he explained.
“What” Dex said, staring at him like he’d lost his mind.
“Today is October 26th, right?” Nursey asked. Dex nodded.
“Do you have any idea why today might be special?” Nursey asked hopefully. Dex was good at this kind of thing.
“No Derek.” Dex said flatly. Something like hurt spread over his face, but was gone before Nursey realized it was there. “I have no idea at all why today might be special, or important.”
“No? Me neither.” Nursey said, annoyed. “But I’m sure there’s something! Do you feel like that? Like there’s something important about today we were supposed to remember?”
“No.” Dex said quietly “Its just another Wednesday.”
“Are you sure?” Nursey asked. He can’t shake the feeling, despite Dex’s words.
“Later babe!” Nursey said. He leaned in for a kiss, but Dex just walked away.
“Must be in a rush.” Nursey said to himself, before heading to the Haus. Maybe there’ll be some pie.
“Hey Bitty! Hi Holster!” Nursey greeted as he enters the kitchen. Holster waved without looking up from his work, and Bitty looked over at Nursey.
“Nursey! Good! What’s Dex’s favorite kind of cake?” Bitty asked as he mixes something in a bowl.
“Victoria Sponge.” Nursey told him confidently. After a moment, he asked: “Why?”
“Well for his birthday cake of course. I’m runnin’ a little behind today, or he’d have had it for breakfast, but lunch works too. Like my mama always says-” Bitty cut himself off as Nursey froze.
“Its October 26th.” Nursey said.
“Yep. All day” Bitty joked, trying to lighten the mood.
“Its his birthday.” Nursey said. “Its Dex’s birthday.”
“I forgot his birthday. I’m the worst boyfriend ever.” Nursey explained, hiding his face in his hands.
“I’m sure that’s not true, Nursey.” Bitty said, trying to reassure him.
“Bitty, I ASKED him what was special about today. I asked my own boyfriend if his birthday is important.” Nursey explained quietly. Bitty’s gasp let him know he’d REALLY messed up.
“What am I gonna do?” Nursey asked.
“Well I’m sure if you explai-” Bitty started, but was cut off by Holster.
“We are going to throw him a kegster” Holster declared
“A surprise kegster.” Holster continued. “We’ll have it tonight to celebrate his birthday. Me and Rans and Chowder will organize it while you go birthday present shopping.” he said to Nursey.
“Is a kegster really necessary? What about a team thing?” Bitty asked.
“No, a kegster would be better.” Holster said.
“And this has nothing to do with avoiding your theses work, right?” Nursey asked, raising an eyebrow at his teammate.
“Its just so much,” Holster said tiredly. “So much.”
“A team thing would be better.” Nursey said, as Bitty comforted Holster over his college workload. “Dex hates fuss.”
“Okay then,” Bitty announced. “I’ll bake for this, Holster will do his coursework-” Holster groaned, but Bitty ignored him, “Ransom will invite everyone, and you and Chowder go shopping for a present for him. Okay?”
Nursey nodded, and went to find Chowder to see if he was free to help him find the perfect present for Dex.
“Why did you want me to come to the Haus?” Dex asked annoyed, as he followed Nursey in. “Couldn’t we talk at my dorm?”
“Nope.” Nursey said excitedly, “Cos the party is here!” he said, as they entered the kitchen.
“Oh,” Dex said in surprise. He blushed as the team started singing to him.
“Happy birthday babe.” Nursey said, afterwards.
“That was a nice surprise.” Dex admitted happily, as they headed back to his dorm. “I didn’t expect it.”
“Really?” Nursey asked, pretending to be shocked. Dex nodded.
“I thought you’d forgotten.” he admitted. “I’m sorry for thinking that Derek.”
“I gotta tell you something.” Nursey said. There was no way he could lie to Dex about this, and make him feel guilty about doubting Nursey when he’d been right. “I did forget. I’m so sorry, I don’t even know how I did. It just slipped my mind that it was today. And then Bitty told me, so we organized the party and-”
“You organized a party for me in a few hours?”. Dex asked.
“With some help.” Nursey admitted.
“And went and bought me a present?”
“Thank you.” Dex said, before kissing Nursey. “I didn’t know you care that much” he admitted.
“Of course I do babe!” Nursey said before kissing him again. He smiled at Dex’s blush, and his smile.
“Happy birthday babe” he whispered, as they reached Dex’s dorm, and he gave him a final goodnight kiss.
*softly* what does my boy nursey do for his super special xfiles boy dex on his birthday
oh man i also got another one related from an anon which is:
OMfg what about Nursey planning a birthday for his beautiful cryptid babe Dex and he takes them to like a really nice beach and they just spend the whole day there even though its October and cold its still sunny and fun
SO HERE WE GO
Dex doesn’t make it back up to Maine very often during the school year. It’s just too long a drive. He’s able to make it to the Cape to visit his uncle and the ocean but like??
It’s not quite the same as Maine water, and thats where Dex grew up
He misses the ocean temp that makes human limbs feel numb if they stay in long enough, how it feels against his face as he rushes through it chasing a fish to eat
Dex doesn’t really talk about it too much, but he mentions it here and there when Nursey accompanies him to the Cape.
so what does Nursey do for Dex’s birthday?
He takes him to Maine
They visit Dex’s family and have a birthday party
But the rest of the days they’re up there is spent at the beach
Nursey brings a chair, a notebook, a book and his phone and sets up on shore because “Dex, I love you, and I love swimming with you, but I’m pretty sure my balls will literally fall off if I get in that October water”
Dex visits all his favorite places and eats a bunch of fish and just feels better
Nursey absolutely knows this and it’s exactly why he brought him up
Plus he gets to kiss his oceany salty boyfriend when dusk comes around and they have to head home
And Dex is so much more relaxed and satisfied and happy because of the trip
Which is all Nursey ever wants to give Dex: peace of mind
I love all the Witch Bitty headcanons I’m seeing all over the place. I raise:
Bitty and his mama working their magic into the Haus when they move him in, installing it in the new curtains (to shed some light inside and keep the secrets safe), the entrance mat (welcome is so much more than a word), cleaning the kitchen (it’s just good sense, people EAT there).
Too many bottles of Sriracha created an imbalance in the kitchen energy waves. The couch is a nest of nasty vibes (and Bitty could swear he saw a mouse in there).
Betsy lasted so long because it was loved, and used to make food laced with caring. A lot of spells had to be used to keep it working, and Dex insisted to fix it manually too because he’s just a realist (”Why would you use magic when a screwdriver works just fine??”)
But when the new oven comes, it needs no spells or sigils, because it was chosen with love, and given in friendship, and installed with care, and everything baked in it for the remaining of the oven’s long, long life, will have some of that warm magic sewn into it, long after Bitty, and the others, graduate.
(Also Chowder’s room being blessed by True Love’s First Kiss and Chowder basically sleeping under the best protection spells ever, that will last all his life and bless everything and everyone he loves.)
Nursey and Dex were in the attic. It was late, or early,
depending who you asked, and Dex had just climbed into bed. He’d tried his best
not to wake Nursey, asleep on the bottom bunk, but the bed was rickety. It was
dark. He couldn’t help a little noise. When he got situated, however, Nursey’s
breathing was still soft and slow. Dex rolled onto his side and closed his
eyes, let out a long breath, and finally allowed his mind to wander to
something that wasn’t the genetics exam he had in the morning.
Dex thought of ice, cold wafting off it, the sharp sound of
skates scraping over it. He thought of the exhaustion and sweat and happiness
that came after skating suicides. Sunlight just barely beginning to shine
through the windows of Faber. Broad shoulders and curly hair and a weary,
contented smile to match his own. The laugh that bubbled out of him as the
chirps flew back and forth. Happiness and belonging, at long last.
Dex was on the cusp of sleep, walking the knife’s edge
between wakefulness and slumber, when he heard it; the soft, far away tones of the
Dex’s eyes snapped open. He stared at the cracked paint of
the wall in front of him, straining to hear the music.
“All you people can’t you see, can’t you see,” he heard float up from the direction of the bathroom
at the base of the stairs. There was a rustling in the closet. Sweat broke out
across his brow. Dex struggled to calm his breathing.
There was no reason to be reacting like something was wrong.
Nothing was wrong. Everyone was asleep. The room was dark. There was a gentle October
drizzle pattering softly on the window, and Nursey was snoring quietly below him,
but other than that it was silent, still.
Because there was no music. Dex was imagining it. He’d
listened to that song this morning. It was just his brain remembering. It was a
good song. Dopamine and all that.
Dex had managed to roll his eyes at himself and calm the
fuck down when there was a breath and a giggle right next to his ear.
Dex yelped and jerked away, rocking the bed and making it
hit the wall with a thud.
Nursey’s snores cut off. He was quiet a moment, then
he said, “Are you alright up there?”
“Yes,” Dex said, as obnoxiously as he could. He turned on
his other side and closed his eyes.
There were a few minutes where everything was normal. Dex
drifted off again.
Then something squeezed his butt cheek.
“What the fuck,” he yelled. He threw off his sheets and
jumped off the bed, foregoing the ladder. He felt the impact of his heels
hitting the wooden floor in his teeth.
“Dex?” Nursey asked, alarmed. When Dex turned around, Nursey
was sitting up in bed, rubbing his eyes.
“I need to ask you something, and I need you to not chirp
“I can’t make any promises…” Nursey trailed off. It was a
chirp in itself, but Dex went on.
“SomethingjustgrabbedmybuttcanIsleepwithyoutonight,” he said
in a rush, cheeks dark, eyes cast to the side.
Nursey was stunned. He took a moment to regain his bearings,
then said, “You want to sleep with me because…” His eyebrows were raised. One
corner of his mouth was turned up. Dex was making this way too easy for him.
“Something just touched my butt,” Dex said, enunciating,
training his gaze on the ceiling. He huffed a breath, making his bangs float up
from his forehead and back down again. He needed a haircut.
“What touched your butt?” Nursey asked, eyebrows raised. Dex
didn’t really care, because he also scooched over and lifted the covers as he
did it so.
Dex dove under the blankets and pulled them quickly over
himself. Nursey extended an arm across the bed, and Dex laid his head on it.
They faced each other, a few inches separating their noses. “I don’t fucking
know,” Dex whispered.
“The ghosts?” Nursey asked with faux seriousness. Dex almost
believed it, but his eyes weren’t as somber as the rest of him; they were tight
around the edges, as though he were laughing.
“There’s no such thing as ghosts,” Dex said indignantly. He
tried his best to look down his nose at Nursey, but it was kind of hard while
laying horizontal, with so little space between them.
“Then what was it?”
“I don’t know. The wind.”
“Yeah, the wind.”
“The wind touched your butt.”
“… grabbed your butt.”
“… your butt.”
They looked at each other a moment. Nursey’s eyes danced.
“Stop talking about my butt,” Dex said gravely.
Nursey leaned forward and whispered, “The wind grabbed your
Dex heaved a sigh, rolled his eyes, and launched himself on
top of Nursey. He forced an arm under his neck to get him in a headlock. Nursey
shoved a knee in his stomach and flipped them over, straddling his legs and
holding an arm down with his knee. He had Dex’s other arm in his hands. He
looked down at Dex, breathing heavily.
“Fucking – “ Dex said, wiggling under Nursey. “Shit, I – Don’t
you – Nurse, don’t you fucking dare.”
Nursey raised Dex’s hand, grinning madly.
“Fuck you, Nurse.”
Nursey slapped Dex’s cheek with his own hand. He did it again.
And again. “Looks like you should fuck yourself, Poindexter. I’m not the one
“Come on, Nurse. It’s fucking 3:00 in the morning.”
“So you should stop hitting yourself.”
“Jesus Christ, get off me!” Dex roared, rocking his entire
body and throwing Nursey off balance. Nursey fell to the side, and Dex took the
opportunity to climb back on top of him.
“The Son and I do share an uncanny resemblance, but alas, –
“Shut the fuck up,” Dex said. He dropped down and kissed
Nursey, shoved his tongue in his mouth so the only sound he could make was a
surprised “hmm” in the back of his throat.
Nursey kissed back and Dex eased up. They went on, soft,
warm mouths meeting and falling apart like the tide. Dex felt crackly in his
shoulders and knees. Strong hands ran down his spine and grabbed his ass.
Nursey pulled back to say, “Calm down, Poindexter. It’s just