Look, I know I’m not funny, okay?

Anyways, my friend was telling me about how she went to this party and everyone tried to greet her, but she just got really serious and said “I’m motherfuckin’ starboy” before turning around and leaving immediately and I was like “wow that’s the most Derek Malik Nurse thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life” so I present to you:

Nursey literally does this for two weeks straight after the song comes out because he thinks he’s funny or something and everyone is so fed up w him but lowkey, Dex thinks it’s dumb and funny and cute and will like snicker every time Nursey does it so uhhhh he continues doing it just to make Dex laugh. Okay now fastforward a few months, they’re dating, Dex does not find it funny anymore.  

I’m Wearing a Nail Polish Color Called Bite Me

Otherwise known as, Poems written by William Poindexter and then performed by him at Annie’s on Slam Poetry Night, Number Ten.

[one] [two] [three] [four] [five] [six] [seven] [eight] [nine]

         A soft cough.

         “Uh, hi. This is I’m Wearing a Nail Polish Color Called Bite Me

Sometimes I stay up too late

And think about things that shouldn’t be thought about too long

Like how colors didn’t name themselves

How I don’t know if the Earth is spinning right or left

Why nail polish makes me feel pretty and badass at the same time

I like when you paint my nails

With funny colors you picked for the names

Or dark colors to reflect my soul

I like the way you laugh when you’re high

I like the way you kiss when you’re high, too

Getting high never was something to do, when I was young

But an escape, a way to calm down for a while

When I took my SATs, I smoked all day after

My sister complained that I had smoked all of her stash

With you, you are the calm

My oasis, safe place to be for a while

I could do anything when I’m with you

Paint my nails

Be pretty and badass at the same time

Fall in love.”

  • Nursey: Love conquers all. Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them?
  • Dex: Didn’t they start the Trojan War and get thousands of people killed?
  • Nursey: Pfft. That’s not the point. Follow your heart.
Let Them Have This

It’s almost midnight when Dex takes his last load of laundry out of the dryer.

He needed to run it three times and sat in a folding chair in the cold basement to make sure it didn’t start to smoke.

His sweatshirt is still a little damp but his socks and t-shirts are dry and that’s really all he can ask for.

He pats the top of the dryer in thanks for not catching fire and then gives it the finger for all the hell it’s caused him and hoists the laundry basket up on his hip.

They’re only a couple hundred dollars shy from getting a new one and at the rate Jack and Bitty are going….

“Sweetheart, honey.”

Bitty’s voice floats down the stairs and Dex takes them two at a time to get to the top.

Keep reading

Things Derek Nurse has done that has caused him to be blocked and/or removed from the SMH group chat
  • gone into Lowes or some fucking where that has deck displays and taken a picture of himself standing on it and then sent it to Dex with the caption “Still wanna deck me?” along with several winking emojis
    • Dex blocked him for a week
  • taken a video of himself turning off the lights somewhere and going “guess you can’t punch my lights out when they’re already off”
    • He was immediately removed from the group chat
  • sent a picture of the night sky filled with stars from fucking Utah or somewhere with the caption “no need to hit me until I see stars, I just had to travel”
    • he was removed from the group chat and Dex blocked him for a week
    • He then sent another similar snap to Dex that said “fuck me until I see these all night long” and Dex deleted himself from existence
  • opened an actual can of gummy worms and sent the picture to the group chat whenever someone brings up something unpleasant with the caption “don’t”
    • He gets removed and then added right back because “no no he’s right”
  • He didn’t get removed or blocked for this but one time he got in a fight with someone (coughoneofhisroommatescough) and he sent a picture of himself to the group chat meaning to send it to just Dex with the caption “Should’ve rolled with the punches” and he has a blackeye in it and the entirety of the Smh was in an uproar
    • It took less than ten minutes for them to track down the person that beat him up
    • He’s sitting in the kitchen at the Haus with Dex bandaging him up and Bitty stress baking and then laughs and says to Dex “when did we get married? I didn’t know you were a Nurse”
    • Dex said, verbally, “I’m blocking you”
    • Bitty nearly choked on the word “Fine”
  • Farmer: I'm cold.
  • Chowder: Here, take my jacket.
  • Nursey: I'm cold, too.
  • Dex: Well damn, Nursey, I can't control the weather!