SMH and Swimming

I was watching water polo during the olympics and was too lazy to write this then buy I got the idea that rans and holtzy absolutely make the boys play water polo on the really hot days when they have literally Nothing To Do

And then I was struck with a Thought: one of the guys on the team 100% does not know how to swim. So I began thinking who might this boy be who can glide across frozen water but cannot survive in it’s liquid form??

Is it Bitty? No, he grew up in the south where the heat is brutal and a nice cold pool is all thay keeps you from heat stroke. Johnson? The concept of whether or not he can swim is irrelevant. Dex? He works on a lobster boat and though life vests are a thing they just get in the way so lets just all be swimmers there.

And then I realized.

Derek Malik Nurse, the rich boy from NYC. City public pools are disgusting, that boy would not go near one because he is too High Class for that. bittyinthehaus pointed out to me that he could go to a private club so that’s a thing but no no he went to a fancy boarding school and then became a poetry nerd. Chlorine pools are not his Aesthetic and why would he want to soak it other people’s dirty water? Private pool or not he knows how many children pee in there or blow snot or lose bandaids.

So he never learned to swim

And I’m not saying that there’s a whole scenario waiting to happen with Dex teaching his fellow d-man how to swim or anything, but guys, there kinda is.

Also picture this: Nursey with floaties

okay so while i was mowing my lawn today i had a thought:

so the haus obviously has a lawn, and while smh team is generally disorganized and a disaster, they do at least sort of take care of their house sometimes? they at least mow the lawn. they’re not animals. 

so chores usually fall to boys looking to acquire dibs right?


and one william j poindexter is everyone’s fav handyman, and he’s def looking to get ransom or holster’s dibs for next year, so he totally volunteers to do yardwork.

and if dex is anything like me (in this case he is) mowing the lawn is actually kind of relaxing? like you shove in some earbuds and blast some music and you can ignore literally everything else? its dex’s favorite chore, okay?

but it also makes you really gross and sweaty cause cause its hot out and that can be kinda miserable. 

so imagine: dex outside the haus, mowing the lawn and getting really hot, so he takes off his shirt to wipe his forehead and then chucks it onto the porch and keeps going, music blasting so loud that he doesn’t notice nursey approaching. 

he also doesn’t notice nursey walking into a street light cause shirtless sweaty dex is VERY DISTRACTING and nursey is so, so gone on this boy.

and it’s a(n almost) birthday fic for @kentpurson, who, like me, is a total sucker for nurseydex

anyway, remember that tweet where nursey was like “would you sing for me” and dex was like “no” and nursey was like “you’d totally sing for me” because i do and that’s what this is based on. and yes, the song in question is “i will follow you into the dark” by death cab for cutie because it’s so soft and i LIVE for soft dex. enjoy!
“You’d totally sing to me.”

“No, I wouldn’t.”

Nursey is lying across the gross couch in the Haus living room, eyes closed, head in Dex’s lap. “Yes, you would.”

Dex’s left hand brushes absentmindedly through Nursey’s curly hair while his right scrolls through his phone. “Nope.”

“And why not?” asks Nursey, grinning lazily. Early afternoon sunlight streams in through the window. He can feel it warm on his face, turning the view behind his closed eyelids red.

“Because I don’t sing,” replies Dex, thumb rubbing gently against Nursey’s cheekbone. Nursey can smell the laundry-clean scent of his flannel.

“You’ll sing for me one day, Poindexter,” Nursey says sleepily, reaching his hand up to lock his fingers with Dex’s. He can feel the shift of Dex’s stomach as he laughs.

“Cold day in hell, Nurse.”

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When is Dex's Birthday?

There’s nothing on his wiki, but I think I remember seeing somewhere it was in October.

So what I’m saying is: Our angry pumpkin could be born on Hallowe'en.

And he hasn’t said anything, because he knows he’ll get chirped for it, so there’s no mention of it at the Hallowe'en party.

And he used to get teased for it as a child - about his red hair looking like a pumpkin, about how his ears made him look like a jack-o’-lantern, etc.

And when he finds out about Nursey’s birthday being Valentine’s day, he’s annoyed, jealous, and shocked.

(Side note: Nursey’s used to people thinking he should be romantic 24/7 because he’s a Valentine’s day baby)

And then, when he and Nursey get together, and the team find out their birthdays, they’re chirped for being Lovely&Scary, Cupid&Ghoul (etc. etc.)


Dex likes to take care of the boys. He used to be the go to guy back home for everything. If anything was broken, if something needed to go get bought or someone needed a ride or a pick up. His little brothers and sisters would run to him. His older sister would pout and plead and parents would ask favors.He didn’t mind. In such a big family he liked to feel useful.

Now at the Haus he just took place in his usual spot. When bitty was running low on sugar, Dex grabbed a few bucks from the jar picked some up before Bitty even noticed. When Ransom and Holster were on their way back from a family visit (together obv) he let them know when he’d be there to pick them up without even being asked. he never complained when Chowder asked for rides to go visit Farmer or to the library. He only complained when it was Nursey because he loved to see him exasperated and pouting. he couldn’t help it. And it’s not like he was gonna ever say no to driving Nursey home during break. He felt better knowing he would get there safe, and besides it was only a couple hours out of the way anyway. It was nothing really.

Dex liked to take care of the boys and he didn’t even really notice. Neither did they tbh, but that was okay. He wouldn’t be able to stand it if they did. Dex was comfortable here. He found his place.

let me just say that Dex has no sense of style. at all. he likes what he likes and he wears it. lets be real here, the only things that remotely look good in that boys closet is the stuff he stole from Nursey.

  • Nursey always has a pen. Usually both pen and paper but definitely always a pen. It’ll be in his bag or his back pocket or front shirt pocket or ear or literally his sock because it was convenient. 
  • He pulls those suckers out of nowhere.
  • He writes on his arms
  • Dex always tells him he’s going to get ink poisoning. Nursey rolls his eyes and writes a verse on how much of a mamas boy Dex is for believing that crap. He reads it aloud which makes Dex blush.
  • For the next three days Dex sends him articles on ink poisoning.

chowder and dex

headcanon that nursey gets one of his poems published in some pretty prestigious paper or something and everyone gathers in the haus to read it and it’s just full of autumn metaphors and anger and longing for someone unattainable. it’s a really fantastic piece of poetry and everyone says so, dex even compliments it and says “wow, you must really like this person”

and you know as soon as nursey and dex leave holster kinda sits there blankly and is like “everyone knows that poem was about dex, right?” and everyone responds like “oh, yeah duh”

  • nursey, nudging dex at 3am:listen. achilles loved patroclus so much. he went to war because they killed his one love patroclus... dex... william... he was So Gay for patroclus
  • dex:nursey i only went to sleep three hours ago. also i never read the iliad in ap lit i just used sparknotes you dingdong
  • nursey, pulling out a copy of the iliad:in book 24, lines 4-8, he states that he LONGED FOR PATROCLUS' MANHOOD and
at the haus, playing spin the bottle
  • Holster:okay nursey your turn to spin
  • Nursey, drunk off his ass:haha okay okay fine, i'll kiss dex
  • Holster:....nursey, you're supposed to spin the bottle first
  • Nursey:i can't believe it's dex again, fourth time tonight...
  • Holster:...nursey, the bottle
  • Nursey:haha me and dex
  • Holster:....nursey....
  • Nursey:*moves bottle and points it at dex*
  • Holster:
  • Nursey:
  • Holster:
  • Nursey:dex
  • Bonus...
  • Dex:...are you fucking kidding me...
  • Also Dex:*has three hickeys, is already halfway into nursey's lap, plans on using tongue*
William J. Poindexter
  • hates that stupid hipster “thrift shopping” fad
  • can cook pretty much anything BUT he need to see a recipe and he will follow it to a T
    • gets so mad when bitty just eyeballs shit jfc Eric how do you KNOW that’s a cup of milk u just poured it right in
  • somehow manages to hoard all of the snapbacks that get left behind at kegsters
  • deep down that kid is such a softie omg like 
    • it shows itself as anger but that is just how he knows how to express himself ya boy is sensitive af
  • he loves his freckles
    • not in a poetic nursey-comparing-them-to-the-stars kind of way but like
    • they’re a part of him and his whole family has them so why not just accept it
  • such sensitive skin omg
    • he didn’t know how to rlly take care of it properly for a long time but then he met bitty and ransom and u bet ur ass he picked up a tub of coconut oil within the first month
    • now he practically glows
  • an endless supply of lifehacks
    • like he knows how to make speakers out of solo cups 
    • and a lighter out of a battery and a gum wrapper 
  • has the highest alcohol tolerance out of the entire smh 
    • like that boy has been drinking whiskey since he was a wee one 
    • he can take a shot of it with a straight face 
    • and it terrifies most of the other boys (who stick to light beer and sticky sweet tub juice) 
  • constant dark circles under his eyes 
    • when he does sleep, he is the deepest sleeper ever 
    • (trust me when u grow up in a house full of people you learn to sleep through pretty much everything) 
  • he can whittle 
    • he’s p good at it
  • he remembers the smallest details about people
    • “oh this is your cousin celeste? the one who went to prom with that football player before taking a gap year to backpack through Asia and is now applying to schools for biology?”
    • “how did your quiz in (some random required course) go?”
    • “I convinced the barista to make you a pumpkin spice latte even though they’re out of season bc I know you love them”
  • so. touchy.
    • like when him and nursey finally get their shit together and date
    • u just know dex will constantly have his arm over nurseys shoulders 
    • or slung around his waist when they’re walking 
    • his legs stretched across nurseys lap when they’re sitting on the couch 
    • his head on nurseys chest while they watch movies in bed
  • he’s the little spoon