That’s what this whole operation was about, right? Giving people what they want. No, no, no. What they need. Everybody needs to get away. To slip out of their lives. The thing they couldn’t do. The pretty princess they never got to be.
“Everyone has their first date… and the object is to hide your flaws. And then you’re in a relationship and it’s all about hiding your disappointment. Then once you’re married it’s about hiding your sins.” (A Spy in the House of Love | 04.10.09)
top 6 non-canon ships and top 6 female characters? also, I'm curious, why do you resent The Proposal? :)
Disclaimer: THIS POST GOT HUGE.
Hahaha, I mostly just resent The Proposal because I think it’s a PERFECT premise, TAILOR MADE FOR ME, with the added bonus of being set in my home state where I have always wanted to see a romcom set, but a lot of the ways the portray Alaska really just didn’t work for me. Why is it so clearly somewhere in the east coast where rich people hang out? Why isn’t anybody wearing Xtratufs? Why are they making a joke of Alaska Native culture and, if I recall correctly, showing literally no Alaska Native people? And wtf is up with Oscar Nunez’s character? I cannot be asked to stomach that. wHY DID THEY DO THAT TO OSCAR NUNEZ????
And, like, SANDRA FALLS IN THE OCEAN AND STAYS THERE FOR, LIKE, A LONG TIME AND RYAN JUST PUTS A BLANKET AROUND HER AND THAT’S IT? Giiiiirl, you have hypothermia! Get ye to the DAMN HOSPITAL, ASAP.
Anyway: A++++ @ Sandy and Ryan’s delightful chemistry, NO THANKS to everything else. I hope for a better Alaska-set romcom one day.
Top 6 Non-Canon Ships (for this, I decided to go with stuff that is genuinely not canon, as opposed to stuff that was briefly or on some level intended canon before my dreams were dashed, a la Mindy/Jody, Betty/Kate, etc. Sidenote: sobbing for always.)
Rory/Paris (Gilmore Girls) - WIVES IN MY HEART. Equals. Soulmates. Keeping each other on their toes! Driving each other nuts but also being overachieving nerdy kindred spirits! Having the most perfect slow burn relationship development in seasons 1-4, to the point where if they had slipped into shippy town circa season five, it would have honestly felt perfectly natural. I love Rory/Paris with all my soul, and I am so glad that a lot of other people do too.
DeWitt/Dominic (Dollhouse) - Never have I known such exultation at two people technically just standing next to each other in a work setting. The perfect loyalty + tragic betrayal storyline! The intense repression! The stylish outfits! The greatest fandom in the god damned world, in the last glorious years of the livejournal era! It was my heart’s truest and purest fandom experience. I will always be incomplete as a person because they never angrily made out on Adelle’s desk. (But at least Dominic held her at unnecessarily sexy gunpoint on Adelle’s couch.)
Grace/Frankie (Grace and Frankie) - I mean, like, I don’t know, I DON’T KNOW, could season three’s life decisions really have been unwitting????? Was flying off embracing in a rainbow balloon that Grace literally stole from the guy trying to take her out on a date and regifted to Frankie while a song about having bittersweet feelings about your love played in the background something that happened in a platonic way? Only time will tell??? Anyway: season three of Grace and Frankie is literally the most exquisite portrayal of gradually realizing you are inconveniently in love with your best friend who has also been your lifelong nemesis that I have ever seen, and I am very, very glad that there is a fandom that is extremely enthusiastic about this solemn truth. I am kind of scared for season four to come along next year and crush all my dreams. (But what if it DOESN’T?)
Oscar/Andy (The Office) - A very wonderful fun time was had by all (or … by an enthusiastic few?) with this pairing back in ye olde The Office days, after season 5 episode 7 entitled “Business Trip” came along and blew all our minds as we realized that Oscar’s and Andy’s perfect soulmates had been EACH OTHER ALL ALONG. My heart to this day gets super overwhelmed any time they have a brief exchange in an episode, or are perhaps sitting next to each other in a conference room meeting. This show did more good than it did bad overall in my opinion, but perhaps the worst thing it ever did was not realize that Oscar and Andy needed to fall in love and live happily ever after. At least they both ended the series single, and are in my heart of hearts husbands by 2017, no question. Like, maybe they get roped into doing some sort of publicity event for the documentary – maybe Oscar writes his own version of The Audacity of Hope, or Andy writes his own version of Scrappy Little Nobody, and either way they wind up on a book tour! Maybe they make the bonkers decision to collaborate on a memoir about the documentary to boost their careers and then we can imagine the joyous process of Oscar Martinez and Andy Bernard collaborating on a written work! Imagine that Google doc. Imagine how frustrated Oscar would be with all Andy’s font choices. – and at some point they find themselves having another unexpected drunken hotel adventure, and this is the one that ends in the inevitable start of their romantic relationship. And lord, just think of the whole Dunder Mifflin crew coming back together because OSCAR? and ANDY? are GETTING MARRIED?!?!?!? It would frankly be worth making a, like, four episode mini-revival of The Office for. And if Greg Daniels is interested in this idea, he can totes email me any time. p.s. I think we all know that Andy would love the life of being a local politician’s husband.
Remus/Sirius (Harry Potter) - I will always remember so vividly how I felt when I had the Remus/Sirius epiphany as a middle school aged youngin’ (thanks internet!), and the iNTENSE EPIC TRAGEDY OF THEIR LOVE STORY OVERWHELMED ME. Remember that essay on livejournal that intricately broke down every single bit of Remus and Sirius’s interaction to prove that they were in love and Harry just didn’t realize it? That stuff was my god damned Da Vinci Code! (Er, or something. I don’t really remember what actually happens in the Da Vinci Code.) Oh my God, how ardently I shipped it; how weary I was when Sirius died and then Remus/Tonks happened. I somehow didn’t quite grasp that bisexuality existed yet, so I was very disheartened. Now, though?? You can pry my belief that Remus/Sirius was straight up canon from my COLD DEAD HANDS.
Buffy/Faith (BtVS) - Another early pairing in my shipping life that got me to really broaden my shippy horizons beyond mere heterosexuality. Their chemistry was SO INTENSE, and I just had so much fun analyzing the anguish and electricity of their dynamic. I have no idea what happened in the Buffy comics, so I’m just going to envision a post-series Buffy world where they eventually get together and have some peace.
Bonus mention: Christopher Hayden/Jason Stiles (Gilmore Girls) - The happily ever after that I really wish Amy Sherman Palladino could have somehow magically let me throw into the revival. DIGSTOPHER FOR LIFE. They are married in my own personal understanding of Gilmore Girls as a universe. Emily is flabbergasted.
One more bonus mention - Gwen/Morgana (Merlin) - THIS SHOW DID NOT DESERVE THEM OR THEIR LOVE, GOD DAMN IT.
Top 6 Female Characters (without quite as much rambling because this post has become a giant monster)
Anne Shirley (Anne of Green Gables) - Anne Shirley was, I’m pretty sure, my first hero. I just loved everything and imitated everything about her when I was young, as a little wildly imaginative and romantic weirdo myself. I went back to the series as a young adult and found even more value in it, and have I mentioned how thrilled I am that we have a new incarnation of this girl in Anne with an E???
Jane Eyre (Jane Eyre) - I didn’t really get into Jane Eyre until college, but once I did, it ate my whole life. I just love how fiercely Jane values herself and won’t compromise her principles even though she’s not objectively an extraordinary person and even though she still wrestles with a lot of self doubt and insecurity. I think that is truly a radical message for women even now.
Belle (Beauty and the Beast) - This movie was my childhood everything, and I spent more time pretending to be Belle as a little kid than probably anyone else. MY HERO, for always. I still think “I want adventure in the great wide somewhere / I want it more than I can tell / and for once it might be grand / to have someone understand / I want so much more than they’ve got planned” might be the most poignant words ever (melodically) uttered onscreen.
Hermione Granger (Harry Potter) - The true love and most beloved heroine of all my teen years. This has totally become a theme in this post, but having a nerdy bookish unpretty girl right at the center of the action and so essential to Harry’s life was just awesome to me. (And shipping Ron/Hermione was basically the center of my soul as a youth, haha.) I miss her, and really need to do a series reread soon, gosh darnit!
Rory Gilmore (Gilmore Girls) - My most beloved kiddo; the teenage girl character who super cared about her schoolwork and looked forward to staying home alone and doing laundry. Rory was a quiet old soul and that meant a lot to me when I was younger as a quiet old soul when clearly that just was not a cool thing to be. As I get older I also feel super, super protective of her and all the criticism she gets, so I will always be willing to die on a hill for Rory Leigh Gilmore, by golly. One thing I’ve really come to realize that I value about her as I get older is how hard she is on herself and how much she struggles with wanting to be perfect in everything. I don’t think that’s portrayed super commonly in stories in the way that it is in GG, and it is so achingly relatable to me. YOU’RE GOOD ENOUGH JUST THE WAY YOU ARE, RORY.
Xena (XWP) - I actually prefer Gabrielle a little more in terms of favorite characters from the series itself (because of course I do, she’s a nerdy plucky aspiring writer!), but I just think Xena is such an important character for us to have as a … species? Her role in her own narrative is one that had usually just been reserved for male characters–like, having wielded terrible destructive power and yearning to atone for that somehow is such a traditionally male character type (Angel much?)–and it really moves me to see a woman character wrestle with that. She was fully realized in an unusual way, particularly at the time when the show aired but sorta even now.
Through The Ages: A DeWitt/Dominic AU: We are born. We grow up. We die. So it is for most people, but it’s not that simple for Adelle DeWitt and Laurence Dominic. Moments last the length of a breath, and then they’re gone. It’s funny how time can move so quickly, even when it’s endless. DeWitt and Dominic navigate their way through their lives, unable to explain why they’re drawn to each other over and over again. We make mistakes, we make choices, and we live with them, but for Adelle and Dominic, each new life is a new beginning. Another chance to correct the mistakes of the past. Maybe one of these days, they’ll finally get it right.