devin-clark

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3. Cuddle Cabin

Just when you thought this show couldn’t get any campier, Tyra sends the models on a literal camping trip. Sitting around the campfire, Yu Tsai says he can “kinda” play the guitar; thankfully we are spared his attempts at singing in favor of a “true” ghost story. According to Yu Tsai, who used to camp in these woods “every weekend,” campers in the area would constantly go missing and the police would discover body parts around the forest.

Notice how they never identify the campground they’re at so you can’t verify this story. More importantly, though, if Yu Tsai really continued camping there every weekend while people around him were being murdered and dismembered, I think we just found our #1 suspect!

While some of the models are frightened by the story, Mikey is - surprised, surprised - aroused. He thinks camping will provide him with the perfect opportunity to “cuddle” with Mamé and make a move. Poor guy didn’t get his threesome before Hadassah left, but he’s keeping hope alive for a two-out-of-threesome.

Mikey knows that Mamé and Justin are an official couple, but he seems convinced that Justin would try to pull the same stunt in a reverse situation. Sorry, but no, not everyone is as scuzzy as you, Mikey. Pretty sure J Smooth can get ladies just fine without having to hound them either.

At about 3 in the morning, the models are sent to a freezing, unfurnished cabin where they must sleep on the ground. You can bet Erik Asla and “avid camper” Yu Tsai went home to sleep in real beds, so the only reason they’re having the models stay in these shitty accommodations is to mess with them… which I guess I can respect.

Nyle and Lacey immediately agree to cuddle together for warmth. Before Mikey can even make his move, Mamé suggests he sleep beside her. Mikey is ecstatic.

Meanwhile, Devin finds the best cuddle partner of all…

a bottle of wine.

Lacey reports that there’s a lot of movement under the covers going on between Mamé and Mikey. Self-appointed night watchman Devin hilariously checks on the potential hanky-panky with his flashlight.

Once dawn breaks, Devin sprints from the cold cabin as fast as he can. Mamé promises that she did not hook up with Mikey because Justin is “the one.” I’m not letting Mamé off the hook too easily on this one, though. I understand why the temperature may have necessitated cuddling, but why not join Devin or Nyle and Lacey or even the dismembering forest murderer… literally anyone before a creep who is actively trying to penetrate her. That’s not respectful to her boyfriend.

Still, I’m more frustrated with production on this show for continually inventing situations that force the models to share beds. The bed shortage during casting week, the bed shortage in Vegas, and now a freezing cabin… It may provide a cute moment for Lacey and Nyle, but it’s also extremely uncomfortable to watch a fairly predatory guy benefit from these circumstances. What’s next, providing him with roofies?

As the models depart the cabin, Mikey smirks while imagining Justin watching him cuddle his girl on TV. He adds with a chuckle that if Mamé is sitting next to him on the couch:

Yeah, she should run. It’s not Justin she needs to be running away from, though, you big creep.

5 Funniest Moments of ANTM Cycle 22 Ep. 13

ANTM rant happening here

I’m pretty sure that steam was blowing out of my ears for the last half of this episode. 

Now, I am not victimizing Nyle or anyone in the Deaf community, but when you blatantly put someone at a severe disadvantage in a challenge/photoshoot or any activity, they’re not going to perform very well. Simple as that. Cutting off his main channel of 

And don’t use “He did great in the music video and he couldn’t hear.” as an excuse to overlook the blatant discrimination that went on in this episode. That’s not the same thing. The difference between the music video shoot and the night shoot was that Nyle still had a way to communicate with everyone involved in the video shoot. Much respect to Yu Tsai for trying his best to give Nyle his cues and trying to lessen his disadvantage, but it shouldn’t have been necessary in the first place. The playing field should’ve been even from the start.

It pisses me off even more that when Nyle tried to explain himself in panel, Kelly just cut him off. I don’t care who you think you are, but when someone is trying to reach out and make you empathize even a little bit with his situation, you do NOT cut them off and disregard what they are saying. I don’t care if it’s a celebrity that’s talking to you or a hobo, you just don’t do that. Honestly, Kelly, it’s a wonder you even have a career with that attitude. There’s a difference between being honest and being just flat out disrespectful and rude.

There’s obviously more footage that they haven’t and won’t show us, but the fact that this shoot even happened still makes me angry.

4. Worst. Sob Stories. Ever

It’s a tradition for Tyra to parade out her semifinalists and make them share their darkest and most personal secrets in order to determine whether they have it what it takes to be a model. On ANTM, a subpar appearance can always be overlooked if the model has some rare disease or tragic accident in her past.

This year, though… it’s like ANTM wasn’t even trying to make us cry! Was this really the best they could find? Where is the Hurricane Katrina survivor? Where is the homeless person? Where is the burn victim? Where is the victim of female circumcision? Where is that one lesbian who was the sole survivor of a plane crash as a kid?  

I’m almost tempted to say that they are putting more focus on finding actual models this year, except they recruited a bunch of freaks and shorties, so that can’t be it. Anyway, you can read about some of their personal tragedies here… and no, don’t worry about grabbing the tissues.

Mame

Mame was the child of a diplomat and lived a privileged lifestyle in Switzerland with cooks and maids. Then she got in one little fight, and her mom got scared; she said, “You’re moving with your aunt and your uncle in Bel Air.” Okay, I might have mixed her story up a bit with the Fresh Prince, but anyway, she gets shipped to her aunt and uncle in America for “stability”’s sake. Apparently, Mame could not stop this because there’s NO arguing with African parents. Maybe, though, there’s just no arguing with her father because he’s a diplomat and therefore always diplomatic.

Just when you think Mame’s story can’t get any sadder, she cries about how she was “raised over the phone.” If only the Line App were around when she was a teenager, I’m sure she’d be much closer to her family.

Dustin

You’ll never guess what’s wrong with this guy. He’s suffering from a long…

… neck. The poor child! At least he’ll never be accused of being a no-neck monster.

His more substantial physical disability is “cauliflower ear.” I initially thought Tyra was babbling nonsense, but apparently that’s a real thing where the ear gets deformed after a wrestler gets bashed  in the head repeatedly. If I were Dustin, I’d be more considered about what those injuries have done to his intelligence than the cartilage in his ears.

Mikey

Believe it or not - and Tyra doesn’t apparently - this poor kid has to PAY HIS OWN BILLS. What has this world come to? Mikey says his childhood was difficult because the “late ‘80s/early 90s was a rough time in the world.” (Pretty sure he’s throwing shade at New Kids on the Block here.) He’s also one of the first males in his family not to go to prison. That’s an accomplishment, I guess, but why aren’t we seeing his formerly incarcerated relative on this show instead? Brother Ricky for ANTM 23! #MugshotRealness #23toLife

Devin

Despite being signed to six modeling agencies, clients never book Devin for actual jobs since he is “not the typical black guy.” He says the constant rejection has left him “messed up in the head.” Again, it is not his fault, it is the lack of modeling gigs that has driven him to his bizarre behavior. We’re praying for you, Devin.

Courtney

No one has ever taken a picture of Courtney in her life! No parents? No friends? The only logical explanation for this is that she was a feral child left alone in the woods until ANTM held a casting call in the forest and welcomed her to the rest of society. Will she be able to handle having OTHER people take her picture? Crossing my fingers for this girl because it is one hell of a story.

Bryant

Bryant is a successful underwear model, but he’s hoping to rebrand himself as more than that. “I’m here to show you that the clothes don’t wear you, you wear the clothes.” So far on this show, Bryant has worn like zero articles of clothing, so mission failed, I’d say.

Delanie

Delanie lost 40 pounds and found her transition from duckling to swan to be difficult. If only you knew what it was like to become really, really, really pretty over a short time span. She was just this ordinary girl and now she’s been forced to enter a modeling competition due to this cursed beauty.

Hadassah

Hadassah is also cursed with beauty - she’s so pretty that people just assume she’s dumb! “A lot of people think I’m not very smart just by looking at me…” she says. That doesn’t sound fair! “… or hearing me talk,” she continues. Wait - hold the phone. If people think you’re dumb after you talk to them, then you’re probably just dumb. But being legitimately dumb might be sadder than having your intelligence underestimated, so I’ll give you a sliver of sympathy, Hadassah.

Maleesa

Maleesa is the shortest person in the competition and that’s horrible because… I dunno, people keep accidentally stepping on her or something?

Justin

Justin’s immigrant parents want him to quit modeling and get a “real job.” You’d think they’d just be glad that he’s not a drug dealer like his sister (okay, technically she’s a pharmacist, but same difference). It’s hard, but he’s already trying to break expectations of what an Asian is supposed to be:

If you say so, Justin.

Lacey

This girl’s parents divorced when she turned 15, and she’s more distraught about the situation than the model who got molested. You know who else’s parents were divorced by the time they were teenagers? Half of America. Don’t waste our time with this shit, Lacey, unless YOU’RE the one who got divorced. If you want to be the next Jourdan, start practicing the line  “I got married at 15 and divorced at 15.”

8 Funniest Moments of ANTM Cycle 22 Ep. 1

3. Tyra Stands Up for Men’s Rights

Oh hey, look at Tyra’s getup this week:

She’s definitely trying harder than when she wore baggy football jerseys two weeks in a row last cycle. At least she can wear this dress and feel pretty confident that no one else will be wearing the same thing. You can’t say the same of Kelly Cutrone, since Devin came to panel copying her supposedly “witch/goth” wardrobe.

Kelly invented the all-black look and she will eliminate anyone who tries to imitate.
Also, whatever you do, do not clap for Cutrone.

She does not like having her ass kissed. Just ask Louise and Chlea.

Okay, okay, but this isn’t about Cutrone. This is about the differences between male models and female models. Specifically, female models have to always follow the light. “We’re unfortunate as ladies,” Tyra says. “We have to, like, chase the light.” It’s just one of the many ways that women are like moths. So much for playing hard to get!

Case in point: Tyra is facing away from the light in that screen cap. Meanwhile, guys can look wherever they want regardless of the light - talk about male privilege!  Damn, they must have it soooo easy in the modeling industry, right?

Wrong!

Tyra uses this episode to get serious about gender inequality in the modeling industry. Do you know why Tyra invited males to join the competition in the first place?

In my book, “the show needed a fresh twist,” “to better appeal to the show’s young girl/gay boy fanbase,” and “Tyra wants the D” are all acceptable answers. Her actual reason, she claims, is that men are treated as accessories by the fashion world and that’s unfair.

Finally, someone is standing up against gender inequality and saying, “Give these men a chance!” Shame on a society that refuses to treat males as equals! Let there be one booch for every tooch on the pages of magazines.

Tyra elaborates on the inequality by discussing the wage gap. Not those statistics you hear about in the news where women on average get paid 20% less than men for similar work. This is a more serious issue: male models get paid 10% of what females make. Just wait ’til the Republicans in Congress feast their eyes on that stat!

Tyra hopes that pointing out this inequality will inspire Stefano to try harder. In his photo with Ava, he looks more like Ava’s prop (I’d say he’s more of a tool, though) than a model in his own right. Tyra wants to prove that male models can be stars! Perhaps that’s why she gave Nigel Barker so many chances. 

Don’t discount Tyra’s words as fluff; she’s committed to her activism. She says she added boys to ANTM to make sure men will finally get their due and that the fashion industry won’t treat them like second-class citizens anymore.

Let’s all take a moment to think of a time when ANTM inspired any sort of change within the fashion industry…


Never mind, let’s not waste too much time on that.  

The reason that women are supermodels and men aren’t is because of centuries of female objectification. It’s cool that a handful of female supermodels get paid a lot to look attractive, but what about all the non-model women who are constantly judged based on their appearance anyway? Even classically beautiful women are deemed not good enough for the most ridiculous reasons, like Delanie. Did you know someone can be very pretty, but still not the right amount of pretty?

As with the “look into the light” screen cap, Tyra must be illustrating to Delanie how to look less pretty.

The thing is that, on the whole, men are rarely judged solely on their looks. They can look into the light, they can look away from the light… it doesn’t matter. Forgive me for not shedding any tears for the male gender if a life free of objectification also means not getting paid as much money to stand in front of a camera. Try one of those other 95% of jobs that men are more likely to get hired for and get paid more to do. 

Look, I think it’s nice that Tyra’s concerned about the contestants’ future paychecks. However, before she worries about how much they’re getting paid, it’d be more helpful for her to focus on getting them paid modeling gigs after the show period. As it stands, these models leave the show with little real world modeling experience and education. No one in the fashion industry is going to pay a model - male OR female - top dollar if their background in modeling involves being tied up in Christmas lights and having different kinds of animal necks shouted at them.

5 Funniest Moments of ANTM Cycle 22 Ep. 3

As you might have gathered by now, Comedy Central did not renew us for a 3rd season. The reason this notice is coming so late is that, in spite of lukewarm ratings, the network did everything in their power to keep the show alive by trying to find outside financing. We came very close but unfortunately some legal technicalities kept any deals from going through.

We are exploring our options, even ones that don’t include traditional TV episodes, such as original web shorts or even a graphic novel. We love this universe and the characters and we want to keep them alive (or undead) for you in any way we can. We the producers would continue to make the show without a paycheck to ourselves, but unfortunately animation and all the aspects of TV production are rather expensive.

We appreciate your steadfast loyalty to our little show. We will continue to update this page with any news we have about Ugly Americans, along with new projects of interest from the writers, producers, animators, and cast.

Yours in Ugliness,
The Producers of Ugly Americans

Yes. Sadly. It’s official. Ugly Americans is not coming back any time soon. I’m sorry we can’t make more episodes for you guys. I want to thank all the Ugly fans for their support and for all the awesome fan art. Keep it up! Who knows? Maybe we can Kickstart something Ugly in the future. A movie? A graphic novel? The other show producers and I are working hard to find a new home for Mark, Randall, Callie, Twayne, Leonard, and Grimes (and Koala Man of course).


- Devin Clark (Creator of Ugly Americans)

1. #DontTellJustin

It’s the final episode and love is in the air. Lacey talks about her own blossoming attraction with Nyle and how they like to keep it between the two of them — as opposed to Mikey who has gone through Ashley, Hadassah, and Mamé and Mamé who “cuddles” with Mikey while having a relationship with Justin. The comment’s a little shady, but nothing that we weren’t already thinking, so I welcome it.

About this time, Mikey and Mamé realize that Justin will be coming back soon for the final runway show and they worry about what his reaction to their cuddle session in the cabin will be. It’s still not entirely clear what happened, but it’s looking increasingly likely that some making out did occur. Mamé’s sticking with the “nothing happened” excuse, but maybe making out is “nothing” to her? (Cuz if you think that’s something, you don’t want to know how she became Miss Maryland.)

Both models are worried about Devin gossiping about the situation to Justin wherever they’re being held behind-the-scenes and attempt to portray Devin as the bad guy. First of all, nice job trying to pass the blame off to an innocent party rather than accepting guilt for their own actions. Second, they’re on reality tv. Whatever they did, Justin is going to see regardless of what Devin says, so what’s the point in getting so angry? None of this is going to remain a secret regardless of how big Devin’s mouth is.

Mikey’s not inclined to feel bad for any trouble he might have caused. He explains that he’s had one real relationship - a six-year one - but has been single for the past few years and intends to keep it that way. “I need to make myself happy before I can worry about trying to make someone else happy,” he says. I hear that. He’s trying to make himself happy inside as many women as he can sucker- they just better not expect to walk away feeling happy (or satisfied) afterwards.

While flirting in the hot tub with Mamé, Mikey makes up the hashtag #DontTellJustin and together they cackle. Yeah, you can tell Mamé is just torn up about this mess.

Mikey probably should have focused more on #DontTellAshley because before the runway show, Ashley greets Mikey coldly. She’s heard some of the rumors of Mikey’s philandering and admits she wants to “shoot” Mikey. Ultimately, though, she admits she “can’t really say [she] expected more from him.” None of us did, Ashley, none of us did.

Mikey acknowledges that this is how women typically treat him. Again, no surprise there, but it’s also a reflection of how he treats women.

Meanwhile, Justin gives Mikey the cold shoulder and is also slow to approach Mamé. Upset, Mamé blames the situation entirely on Devin, as if he were the one snuggling in the cabin. Devin defends himself thusly:

It wasn’t his place to say something, so he said something - got it? Hahaha, I really came around on Devin once the DMA phase was over. He’s too ridiculous not to enjoy.

Finally, Justin tells Mamé he’s disappointed she risked their relationship with a shit like Mikey. Trust has been broken and he’s angry at her for making him look like a fool. Hey, remember this?

Clearly he’s been made to feel a fool enough already!

I’m not sure if they’re going to wrap up any of this relationship drama because of that whole TO BE CONTINUED thing, but I can tell you what should happen: Justin should kick Mamé to the curb, Ashley should go get tested and never speak to Mikey again, and Devin should spill as much tea as possible from his wine bottle in the show’s final 40-something minutes.

6 Funniest Moments of ANTM Cycle 22 Episode 15