I believe that our unspoken mantra is that we as Starkids refuse to grow up. We refuse to throw away our dreams of the fantastical, the mystical, and the weird and we instead make the consicous decision to create magic in the everyday.
I have a very distinct memory of taking my entrance French exam with Brian at this orientation. He told me about his love for musicals and whatnot. I thought he was cocky. Apparently, when we first came to school, the boys in my class where making fun of me because I hooked up with this guy at a party, and Brian apparently stood up, declared that it wasn’t funny and that I was a lady and stormed away. I liked him after that.
My advice is going to sound preachy, so bear with me.
I don’t know about you, but I like to feel like I’m in control of my life. I like to know exactly how much money I’m making, who I’m impressing, how much I weigh, where I get gas, etc etc etc. I do a pretty good job of keeping all my ducks in a row. I get shit done. I control my temper. I manage my days effectively. However, I know that I’m never truly hold the reigns of my life in my hands. I could become a self made millionaire by sending out an email tomorrow and live 40 years this way, and then lose it all in the bat of an eye. We’ve seen it happen to others - we know it can happen. To think about it this way is daunting…so let me steer you elsewhere…
I believe everything happens for a reason. You might be the captain of the most powerful fleet of ships the world has ever seen, but you’re still riding the ocean. That ocean is gonna take you wherever you’re meant to be. These moments of absence, or lack of inspiration, or dull neutrality are there for a reason. Is it because you’re supposed to realize something about your choices or habits while sitting in this void? Is someone going to enter life and change it all around for you? Will an opportunity present itself? Or will all three things occur?! Who knows…Just breathe. Breathe. Relax. Its okay to not be happy. Breathe through whatever pain you’re experiencing right now..it will pass.
I recently went through a terrible heartbreak. I won’t really get into it, but I felt oh so very depressed and I didn’t know if it was going to end. I thought I was going to live the rest of my days with this gaping hole-like feeling of shame in my chest. My friends were there for me. They bought me drinks, helped me imagine situations wrought with revenge, and pushed me to pick up new hobbies to distract my mind. It was helpful, but it didn’t cure my heartsickness. I tell you what did…the morning. Seriously. One morning I woke up and that hole feeling was gone. It wasn’t a special morning or anything…just a typical new day. I couldn’t tell you the date of that morning, I just knew that that was the day I was going to being climbing uphill.
I’m still climbing uphill to be honest. But everyday I get a little bit closer to even ground. I’ll see you up there, friend.